Jennie

The clock on the dashboard changed. 12:53 P.M.

Nayeon had been the perfect person to get us here—driving over the speed limit was her default. But we hadn't left the house early enough, and traffic had slowed us down. I had only seven minutes to find Dexter Grimes and tell him what I knew. I wasn't sure if it'd help or hurt, but at this point Lisa's lawyer was the only person who'd be able to help me.

Nayeon pulled into a parking spot, and I jumped out of the car.

"Slow down," she said, unbuckling her seatbelt. "I don't know where to go."

"Neither do I." I slammed the door shut and hurried across the courthouse's parking lot. It was smaller than I expected. During the drive, I'd built it up in my mind as some large, scary place.

"Jennie!" Nayeon caught up with me at the entrance since we had to go through security. "Don't ditch me," she said. "Dad'll kill me if I come home without you."

Maybe she was making a joke. I couldn't tell. My stomach hurt, and my mom's pumps kept slipping off, already rubbing against my heels. "It's almost one."

We went through the metal detector and retrieved our purses from the conveyor belt. "Maybe they'll be running behind," she said.

"Maybe they won't."

In the lobby, the line to talk to someone was too long. A large calendar on the wall displayed a list of names, so I went there instead.

Nayeon stood next to me, scanning it. "There she is," she said, pointing. "Manoban, L. Courtroom eight."

I turned to her. "But where would her lawyer be?"

"I have no idea."

I bit my bottom lip, looking around us. Men and women in suits hurried down the hall in both directions. The clock above reception ticked down . . . four minutes to go.

I took off for courtroom eight, our only shot, the click of my slippery heels echoing off the walls. A week ago, I'd been on a horse, hugging Lisa's middle while the sun warmed us, inhaling the scent of pine trees-and-Lisa with every breath. She'd helped me conquer my fear, but she'd also taught me something about myself. As I checked the numbers over each courtroom, I realized what she'd said was true. The sick feeling in my gut told me this was my Ferris wheel, my Betsy Junior. It was as bad as boarding an airplane. I had no control over Lisa and me, and I never really had. Whatever choices I'd made that night, they'd led us here, but that wasn't me being in control. That was my selfishness. I'd pushed and pushed, trying to get her to see me differently. To want me. To love me. This was my fault. I had to show up for Lisa, no matter what happened; it was the only thing I could control in this moment.

Nayeon and I arrived at the same time, pulling open the door to courtroom eight together, all brown wooden pews and worn carpeting inside.

Lisa stood before a judge in an orange jumpsuit, her back to us, a head taller than anyone in the room. The judge, elevated above the rest of us, looked down at Lisa and spoke words I barely registered. " . . . count of attempted robbery in the first degree . . . felony . . . do you understand the nature of the charges?"

The brown-haired, suit-wearing man next to Lisa looked over her shoulder at me. Dexter? I mouthed to him, but he just glanced at the ground and turned forward again.

Lisa nodded once. "I do."

The judge shuffled some papers. "Are you entering this plea freely and of your own will?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

"Do you understand that by pleading guilty, you're giving up your right to a trial?"

"Yes, Your Honor."

Guilty? I must've misheard. My ears rang. Not guilty—that's what she'd said. I took a few steps farther into the room, my heels sticking on the threadbare carpet. Nayeon grabbed my elbow to pull me back.

"I understand there's a plea bargain on the table," the judge continued. "The prosecutor will now state the terms of the agreement to the court."

A man at the table to Lisa's left stood. "Your honor, we're offering to reduce the charge from attempted robbery to burglary in the first degree with a low-term sentence of two years."

The judge looked at Lisa. "Do you understand the terms of the plea agreement?"

"I do."

"Two years?" I asked aloud. A few people looked over at me.

Nayeon tugged on my elbow while the judge asked questions I didn't understand. "Let's sit," she said.

I ripped my arm from her grip and walked toward the divider separating the gallery from the court. Nayeon hurried after me.

"Ms. Manoban, how do you plead to the charge?" the judge asked.

Lisa didn't even hesitate. "Guilty, Your Honor."

Nayeon and I looked at each other. No. She had no reason to plead guilty. It must've been a mistake. It had to be. I went for the gate, but Dexter turned, put his hand up to stop me, and shook his head.

"The court will accept your plea of guilty . . . sentenced to two years for a felony charge . . ."

I gripped the sides of my head, covering my ears. "Lisa," I said. "Please don't."

Lisa turned as quickly as she could, her hands cuffed in front of her. My vision blurred with tears, but our eyes met, hers imploring me.

"What are you doing?" Nayeon asked her. "You're not guilty."

"Ma'am," the judge said. "Please don't communicate with the inmate."

"It's okay," Lisa said immediately, her voice hushed. I didn't even think she understood what she was saying. She came to the wall. "Everything's okay. You shouldn't be here."

A man in uniform started toward us.

Dexter checked over his shoulder. "Time to go, Lisa."

"Not yet," I said, but my voice came out as a whisper. I had to undo this. All of this had started because I'd gone over to talk to her on the wall, because I'd forced her to let me in the truck, made her drive me around when we should've gone straight back. "I can help—"

"It's okay, Birdy. I've got this," Lisa said calmly, leaning in. "You did good."

"No I didn't." My voice and hands shook. We were so close. I wanted to feel her on my cheek, to have her whisper in my ear that this wasn't happening. She couldn't even touch me with her hands shackled. "This is my f—"

"I did this to myself," she said. "It was the only way. You have to trust me."

"But you're innocent."

"Be good, Birdy." She looked at Nayeon. "Thank you for—"

"Defense," the judge said. "That's enough. Communicating with the inmate is grounds for arrest."

"Come on, Lisa," Dexter said.

The man dressed like a security guard grabbed Lisa's arm. "Let's go, inmate," he said, leading her away.

Nayeon's chin wobbled. "Can I come see you?"

"Your sister needs you," She told Nayeon over her shoulder.

Nayeon's contorted expression eased, smoothing out. I looked from her to Lisa just as she disappeared into the back.

Dexter stayed with us. "It was the best-case scenario," he said. "The odds were stacked against her."

"But she's innocent," I said. "I was—"

"I know," Dexter cut me off sharply. He looked me in the eye. "It doesn't matter. It's over. If we do anything more, it can only hurt her."

My chest tightened. I had to steady myself on the divider. Lisa had told me to trust her. Dexter clearly knew about me already. The information I had could make things worse, I understood that—I'd only hoped the opposite was true.

Dexter handed Nayeon a business card and a clear plastic bag with hardly anything in it.

"What is this?" she asked.

"Lisa said to give it to you. Her apartment keys are in there." Dexter shook his head. "I don't think she has anyone else."

I took the bag from her. There was a pack of cigarettes, keys, some loose papers, a ring, and . . . the bracelet I'd made her. I swallowed back another wave of tears as I took it out. It was worthless, just a few intertwined wax strings, but they hadn't even let her keep that. This was all that'd been on her when they'd arrested her—which meant she'd also been carrying around the huge and chunky ring at the bottom of the bag. I wasn't sure what it was or if it meant anything to her. The other morning as we'd walked into Reflection, she'd said she'd wanted to give me something. Maybe this was it. I put both the bracelet and the ring in my pocket before Nayeon could take them.

Dexter had to go. Nayeon and I, out of options, walked back outside. The California sun felt angry, blinding. By the time we reached the curb, I was limping from the blisters the shoes were giving me.

Nayeon noticed. "Wait here," she said. "I'll get the car."

I took off the pumps. Away from Lisa, Dexter, and Nayeon, my nose tingled as tears leaked from my eyes. Guilt weighed on my shoulders. I never would've jumped in the lake if I'd known how her sister had died. I never would've gotten in the truck if I'd known an innocent person could end up in jail. I'd made some huge mistakes, and I didn't even have the luxury of reaping the punishment myself. The person I'd hurt, the person I loved, had to do it for me. If anyone deserved to be led away into that ominous back room, it was me.

Nayeon's BMW pulled up to the curb. When I didn't move, she rolled down the passenger's side window. "Get in."

Barefoot, I crossed the pavement and slid in next to her.

We sat in silence a few moments, her staring through the windshield, me out my window at nothing but the building's beige stucco walls and chipped brown roof.

Nayeon turned off the car.

I looked over at her. "What're you doing?" I asked.

She kept her gaze forward. "Did you have sex with her?"

My mouth went dry as the car shrunk around us. Sunlight harshened a film of dust on the dashboard. "What?"

She turned to me. My sister's eyes were as familiar as anything in my life, but I didn't remember them ever being the glacial shade of brown they were now. "I saw you get into her truck that night. So did you?"

"No." My voice shook. It never occurred to me someone might've seen, least of all her. That'd been over three days ago, and she hadn't said a word about it. "I swear, I didn't. All we did was go for a drive."

"Why should I believe you?" she asked.

"I wouldn't lie to you, Nayeon. We drove around and came back. She didn't burglarize any house. We didn't . . ."

"Say it."

"We didn't have sex."

She grabbed the baggie of Lisa's things from the console and threw it at my feet. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with her shit?"

I picked it up, the keys jangling. "I . . . I don't know. She has no one else. I guess we—"

She snatched it from me. "There is no we. Are you going to go to a landlord and explain this? You can't even drive." Her voice broke. "She wouldn't even talk to me in there. She only had a few seconds, but you took them. All she said to me was 'your sister needs you.'"

There was nothing else to say. How could I ever explain what the last five weeks had been for me and Lisa? That I'd felt justified in the decisions I'd made to try to keep her for myself? "I'm sorry."

"Sorry won't get her out of prison." She started the car. "Look what you've done, Jennie. You made a colossal mistake, and now my girlfriend has to pay the price."

We pulled away from the curb. I watched the courthouse in the side mirror until it disappeared—gone, just like summer. Just like Lisa.

I stared at nothing in the reflection long after we'd driven away, until I could no longer see through my tears.

Nayeon's words played over and over in my head.

Look what you've done, Jennie.