Disclaimer: Don't own the og characters. Not a native speaker, so don't hesitated to correct me.

Author Note: Did anyone remember that this was all still a flashback? haha If not you might want to go back and reread the first chapter

End of Flashback

Fear is a natural instinct that has ensured the survival of the human species throughout evolution. After experiencing trauma fear can become chronic. Although the threat is over we still feel like we're in danger.

- Meredith Grey

"Derek I really don't want to have surgery again you know what happened last time. I don't want to relive that" Meredith says to Derek, while the pain is clearly visible in her eyes.

"I know but your episodes of paralysis have increased over the past months and they've become longer and more painful. I'm scared that if we don't do anything now that your episodes will only grow closer until you won't be able to walk anymore at all. I can't stand to see you in this much pain when I know there might be something we can do about it. Besides we'd only be taking scans for now. We can discuss surgery when we know if that is even an option but please let us take some scans." Derek begs, hoping to change Meredith's mind.

"Derek, I'm fine. I really don't want…" Meredith starts but then a wave of pain rips through her back and she groans in agony. Derek immediately runs over to her and starts pressing spots on her back in a try to ease the pain, while Alex grabs her back brace.

"Please Mer," Derek tries again, after the pain seems to have lightened a bit "just one scan."

"Not today, I just want to go home please." Meredith answers the pain still clearly visible in her eyes.

"Okay, but we'll discuss this tomorrow, promise?" Derek asks.

"Okay, let's just go home" Meredith says trying to muster a smile.

Meredith barley slept that night as pain ripped through her back every few minutes making it impossible to fall asleep.

Now she's laying in bed still staring at the sealing. Derek left for work at 5am because he'd been called in for an emergency. He later texted that he was pulled into surgery and probably wouldn't be home until the evening. Meredith is kind of glad about that. Because different from what she expected she still can't feel her legs at all and is in no mood to discuss that. She knows that Derek is right. She hates these episodes. The pain is so bad that it always feels like she's dying and she hates not being able to walk. They had made some adjustments to the house when she first became paralyzed but it still wasn't really accessible. The sinks where way to high and there was simply no way for her to reach the top shelves when she was using her wheelchair. Till now that hadn't really been a problem. Her episodes never really lasted longer than one day and in the beginning they only happened every three to four months but recently they have grown both in length and in number. Her last one happened only three weeks ago and lasted for three days and even with that one she had regained more mobility after the first night than she had this time, making her think that this one might last even longer. But she doesn't want to have surgery and she knows it's stupid she is a surgeon herself, but she remembers so vividly how those people where standing over her completely overwhelmed by the situation. Rationally she knows that it won't happen again. Since they now know that the anesthesia degrades faster in her body than is normal, but she is still scared. Therapy helped but it didn't erase the memory. It doesn't really help either that Derek doesn't accept her problem and that it's nothing she can just overlook.

It's now 6pm. Meredith is still dreading the conversation she'd have to have with Derek once he was home, so she is not to sad when he calls to tell her that he wouldn't be home for another few hours and that she shouldn't wait for him. This means she could continue to avoid talking to him about her episode and hopefully in the morning she'll have regained some function.

AN

This chapter is a bit short and it's been sitting around on my phone for weeks now because I wanted to make it a bit longer, but I just felt like publishing it right now so here you go. Hope you enjoyed.

Don't forget to at it to your favourites and review :)