TFP: Youngling

Ch.13~ Ratchet's Feelings

Something about the way I usually acted seemed to be changing, Stargazer was changing me. I felt more like I had back then with my hospital and the many children. I am getting soft in my old age I guess, she had curled up to my side when I told her a story. She had an effect on me more than other of the other younglings have over the years.

I walked away from the console it was late and I did need a little bit of recharge before returning to my duties. At this rate, I would only get two groons of recharge before I wake up again. I know I'll need my energy to care for Stargazer as she is quite the active one. At least Bumblebee and Optimus's training of her give me some respite.

"You are still up, old friend, I thought you were in recharge cycles ago," Optimus stated I turned to look at him.

"Ah you're back from your patrol, I seemed to lose the time as per usual I will be heading to recharge now," I replied he put a hand on my shoulder.

"I shall join you." He said I blushed and he grabbed my servo and lead me toward his own berth room.

"I thought we would keep this a secret from the others," I muttered, he squeezed my hand.

"I had nearly lost you and you nearly lost me I need this one night." He replied, I nodded and let him put an arm around me.

"You are always too soft Orion." I hushed.

"I know and you love it." He hummed, I nodded leaning into him.

"You will never change."

(Stargazer's POV)

I awoke weird usually I only awaken when Ratchet makes me rise, checking my internal chronometer I saw how late I had slept in. I can't believe that I slept in so late, hopping off my berth and I raced out to the main room. As I entered I saw both Optimus and Ratchet speaking together Optimus was joking and Ratchet was laughing.

I stopped and looked as they chatted back and forth, this was such an oddly happy sight. The two of them seemed to be in their own little world as they spoke. Chatting and talking they both had a mirth to them I had thought long gone. Looking down at my own servos I squeezed them into fists I would only taint this joy.

"Oh, Stargazer you are awake how did you recharge?" Optimus asked this veil of happiness bursts and I begin to walk forward smiling.

"Good I can't believe I slept in so late, I will get behind on my training at this rate," I answered.

"You are too far ahead for that Stargazer, now let's go get you some fuel." Ratchet chimed I was surprised as he scooped me up carrying me to the energon storage.

"Ah Rache?" I quipped.

"Yes, don't tell me you're still sleepy." He teased poking my chestplate.

"No, I mean you usually wake me up," I mumbled.

"Oh that, me and Optimus were caught up reminiscing I thought I'd let you sleep in." he stated.

"You two have known each other for a long time, haven't you?" I quizzed, he nodded as he poured me a cube of energon.

"Yes, we have, here drink up." He chimed, I nodded and drank my ration.

"Did you meet before the war?" I asked.

"We did, that was many eons ago." He mused.

"I am sorry I disturbed you too, you seemed so happy," I muttered.

"Don't apologize, you are very important don't you know, you bring hope and hope is a light we all need." He comforted as I set my cube aside. "Now come on let's get your lessons started since you are so eager to learn my little one."

(Ratchet's POV)

She worked on reading her lessons, her concentration was commendable for someone her age. It filled me with pride to see her so determined to learn. She was a hard worker and she was almost a prodigy for her age. I knew what she needed to do was to study hard and become a productive member.

I can't imagine a day when I may be sending her out into the field to fight, or to try to save a life and fail. That was the horrors of war, that is what they did to the younglings. I still fear that she will be corrupted by war like all the other younglings were. Will I ever get better at handling this extreme nature of war?

"Rache can I ask you something?" she quipped.

"Sure, go ahead," I replied turning to her to see her looking almost shy.

"Um, how long have you and Opmis known each other, you seemed so happy chatting this morning?" She stated I smiled at the fond moment this morning. "It kinda reminded me of the people on the ship, I remember Red always smiled when Ferno was around…"

"Yes, we are very close, we have known each other before the war as well, we are quite lucky to still be here. It is nice to talk about the old times, nice to forget about the here and now for a little bit." I replied.

"I'm sorry I ruined it."

"What, you didn't ruin anything."

"But I did, I broke it, that bubble of joy…"

"What are you talking about?"

"I always ruin everything…"

"Where is this coming from..?"

"If I didn't exist Prower and Ja would still be alive, I ruined everyone's lives…"

I walked to her and scooped her up and held her rocking her, "You ruined nothing, I can tell you with certainty your creators may not have even thought of getting on a ship without you being alive." I hushed.

"I did, if I wasn't born when I was they would have had lots of time to get on the ship… Then maybe Metron wouldn't have killed everyone one." She sobbed.

"You are too young to ever blame yourself for any of those things."

"But I was the reason they died…"

"No, you weren't, Megatron was, this war was, you are far too young to blame yourself for this war."

"Why did they have to die..?"

"War is a horrible thing, I've learned over the years that death is always far too close, tragedy is commonplace."

"Rache…."

"I know loss, and I know how you feel but you can not blame yourself, the dead would not want that."

"How could they not, I live yet they died."

"The dead do not want us to join them, they want us to put all our effort into ending this conflict that took them away."

"I guess so… I want to help end it."

"You are hope and hope can help us so much in dire times, we need you and we will need you as an extra medic in time. So, keep studying and keep smiling, soon this war will finally end."

"What will that do?!"

"Hope makes the bad days brighter and the good times better, you remind us why we fight, and soon you can help heal the wounded with a smile and kindness."

"How will a smile help?"

"It will help way more than you think."

"Okay, I will try to smile."

"That is all I can ask, now let's wipe away that lubricant and I'll sit and help you study a bit."

"Okay, thank you Rache I am glad I get to be with you."

"Me too little spark."

(Stargazer's POV)

I pushed up my visor whipping a bit of lubricant from my optics, why had I awoken this time. I could hear a commotion going on, the sound echoed through the base. Probably a mission or something, I hopped off my bed and walked toward the door. As I was about to open it I realized I would only get in the way. Heading back to my berth I laid down and shut off my optics.

Why do I do this? Am all I good for is hiding away? First from those terrible purple mechs than the Decepticons duo. I always hide away, trying to hide away from the world. I am hiding in fear, in the fact I will be helpless again. How long will I feel like this? When will I ever get over this fear? Will I continue to be a coward my who life? No, I won't let myself become that bad, this is simply not my time to toughen up yet…