TFP: Youngling
Ch.31~ Fools
"Stargazer?" I stated leaning into her room.
I saw her laying on her berth, she was still asleep it seems, I smiled at her fondly. Walking over I crouched down and gently shook her shoulderplate. She murmured something unintelligible before her visor slowly light up as her optics opened. Turning to me she smiled, slowly she pushed herself up.
"Morning Carrier." She greeted, I smiled at her as she pushed up her visor to rub her optic while yawning.
"Morning sweetspark," I replied, she reached up and I scooped her up and rose back to my feet. "Still sleepy?"
"Uhuh…" she murmured, I smiled as she leaned into my chassis. "Carrier, is everyone out patrolling?"
"Yes, though your brothers should be returning shortly," I answered, looking back down I saw her visor dimming again. "Sweetspark, try to stay awake, you need your Energon."
She whined as I headed back to our energon storage, grabbing a cube and began to fill it up. She has been getting sleepier lately, maybe she is going through a growth spurt. I grabbed the filled cube and looked down at Stargazer. I chuckled and nudged her cheekplate she woke up a bit and I helped her drink her cube.
"Love you." She murmured, I smiled down at her.
"I love you too, now try and wake up." I hummed, she nodded sleepily. "Think you can walk to the main room."
"Hold my hand?" she quizzed, I chuckled as I set her down on the ground.
"Of course."
She gently reached out and grabbed a few of my fingers and we began to walk down toward the main area. She was moving sluggishly still fighting off the sleepiness plaguing her this morning. I let her set our pace, it was slow but I didn't feel in a rush today. Everyone was out patrol and nothing was in need of my immediate attention.
I felt her servo loosen their grip, looking down I saw that she was hunching over more. She went to talk another step but almost fell over, I quickly scooped her up. Looking down at her worriedly I saw her helm lull a bit as she still fought to wake up. Scanning her over I saw her energon levels were still low.
"Carrier, so sleepy…" she whined, I hushed her heading back to our energon storage.
Pouring another cube, I gently bounced her to keep her from falling asleep. Once it was full, I offered her the cube and helped her drink it sleepily. Setting the empty cube aside I scanned her again and saw her level rise to an acceptable level. Something wasn't right here; this was beyond just a normal growth spurt.
"Sweetspark, did you sleep well last night?" I quizzed; she shook her helm.
"Kept waking up…" she muttered sleepily.
"Do you know why?" I asked, she nodded.
"Wings hurt." She answered, her wings?
"I'm gonna look at your wing nubs, okay?" I stated, I marched to the main area and laid her on the berth stomach down.
Gently I reached up to touch her small wing nubs, she whimpered at the touch. Was this phantom pain? No there must be a physical cause if touch worsens it. I moved one nub to the side to inspect the cable below. I saw something that looked odd, stepping back I grabbed a small light. Looking back in I saw an exposed nerve cluster, that was not good.
"How bad does it hurt?" I asked I didn't get a response.
I looked to see her visor dim, she had fallen back to sleep, had this kept her up that much. Gently I rubbed her helm and administered a mild pain dampener so I could work on her. Grabbing a pair of tweezers and went back to her wing nubs.
The covering for her nerve clusters seems to have ripped, gently pulling it back over the nerves I grabbed a torch. Carefully I welded the torn covering back. It must not have been properly welded when her doorwings were removed… Wait she had been a sparkling; they couldn't have welded… First-Aid must have had a plan to weld it when she was older…
I went to the other wing nub and saw it was the same deal there, I carefully performed the same repair to this wing nub. She had been a sparkling when she had her doorwings removed… It must have been a tough surgery, needing aftercare ano-cycles later. I wish I knew what happened to her on that ship… Had they done any other surgeries? Had she had any sparklinghood illnesses?
"Ratchet?" Sideswipe stated, I turned to see him and Sunstreaker looking to us concerned.
"She's fine." I soothed, he looked confused. "Do you two remember her doorwings being removed?"
"Yeah, Aid did it when she was a deca-cycle old, her first night she wouldn't stop crying… Carrier tried everything but she just kept crying, so he took her to Aid. He said something was wrong with her wings and the best option was to remove them." Sideswipe informed I nodded. "Was it her wings again?"
"First-Aid must have meant to weld her cabling back when she grew… His temporary solution just failed; did she move much when her wings were hurting her?" I quizzed; Sideswipe looked to Sunstreaker.
"Not really, she just whimpered a lot, when they were doing okay though she moved and sat up," Sunstreaker answered, I nodded.
"Did First-Aid treat her for anything else?" I pressed, they looked to each other and shook their helms.
"No, it was just her doorwings…" Sunstreaker affirmed, I nodded.
"Carrier blamed himself for it…" Sideswipe muttered that sounded like Jazz. "First-Aid said they were damaged when she was born…"
"Do either of you know who delivered her?" I quizzed.
"Chromia, I think," Sideswipe stated.
"I see…" I mumbled, Chromia had delivered sparkling before she knew what to do.
"Sire told us when they said they'd be late to the ship. She was born right as we were heading to the ships the leave. So, they had to deliver her in what remained of the medbay…" Sunstreaker added, she didn't have the tools then… This made more sense… "Sire told us to stay and make sure the ships were boarded…"
"If we had gone then maybe…" Sides started, I set aside my tools and pulled them into a hug.
"Both of you listen to me and listen good." I stated, they nodded into my shoulderplates. "There was nothing you could do… You think Prowl would have let you two stay in his place? No, he wouldn't. The few times that mech put aside logic was when it involved you two or Jazz. Don't think you could have stopped that fool."
"Carrier shoved us into a pod as soon as the alarm sounded and locked us out of the ship…" Sideswipe stated I nodded.
"Those two loved you two are their own. Both of them were self-sacrificing fools but no one would stop them. Don't think for one second that any of their choices were your fault." I soothed; I could hear muffled sobs. "You're allowed to cry."
I felt Sunstreaker reach up and grip my servo, he must be crying. I felt Sides push his helm toward my chassis as he struggled to hide his sobs. They were still young, they and Bumblebee were barely out of their youngling stages when Cybertron fell. Kids the lot of them. I gently rubbed their backstruts.
"Don't be fools," I ordered; I am sick of watching young fools die…
(Stargazer's POV)
I awoke, slowly onlining my optics I saw the bright lights of the main area. Why was I here? Oh, right Carrier was looking at my wings, they had been sore all night. Every time I drifted off; I'd wake up again to pain. Turning I saw Carrier was working at one of the monitors, slowly I sat up on the medical berth.
"What time is Carrier?" I asked he turned away from the monitors looking worried.
"How are you feeling? Wings feel better?" he quizzed walking over to look me over.
"They don't hurt, feel a little tired…" I answered he rubbed my helm.
"You must have had a rough night…" he hummed, I nodded. "Why didn't you come to me?"
"Hurt too much, hard to move…" I explained, he nodded and scooped me up.
"You wing nubs shouldn't bother you again, I fixed them right up." He comforted, I nodded leaned into him, my frame felt sluggish. "I gave you a bit of pain dampeners, so you might be feeling sluggish."
"Uhuh," I affirmed; he rubbed my backstruts.
"That should wear off by tonight, but you must be tired."
"Cuddles?"
"Of course, I think you deserve some cuddles."
I leaned into his chassis; I could feel his spark pulsing behind his plating. It was comforting, I offlined my optics cuddling closer to his spark. It was really comforting to be in her servos, ever since I first arrived. When I was in his arms like this, I felt safe…
(Ratchet's POV)
I smiled as she fell back asleep, turning back to my work I continued it with one servo. I remember I had done this when she first arrived. She needed naps and seemed to only want to be in my arms. So, I would hold her with one servo while I worked at the monitors. It was comforting to work with her in my hold.
I heard a familiar engine approaching, I smirked a bit as I continued my work at the console. I was currently doing my normal scans for energon deposits. Hopefully, we could find a new deposit soon, our supply was lower than I would like. I heard pedefalls approaching then I felt a pair of servos come to rest on my shoulderplates.
"Is she feeling better?" he quizzed.
"Yes, the fix did the trick. Now she's just a bit sleepy." I answered he leaned his chestplates into my backstruts.
"This is a familiar sight." He stated I nodded. "She's always been attached to your side. She loves you so much."
"She loves you too." I reminded; he kissed the side of my helm.
"Yes, but the bond you two have is something very special." He hummed. "She's always gone to you for comfort, I remember the others tried to get her to sleep but she would plead for you."
"She had been rather insistent for the first few weeks," I added, he chuckled.
"She adored you form the first day she was here."
"She's looked up to you since then too."
"She has grown quite a bit in such a short time."
"She really has…"
"I will make sure that she is still young when this is all over."
"Don't do anything foolish. I'm sick of watching fools die…"
"Did something else happen?"
"The twins had a small breakdown…"
"Oh…"
"Blaming themselves for their foolish creators' actions… Fools the lot of them…"
"I shall keep our fools in check."
"You better…"
"I shall, I still have a promise to keep, one I made a very long time ago."
"And don't you forget it."
We stood there in silence for a bit, his frame was warm against mine. Star was still in my arms, her warm frame resting against my chassis as she slept. Her soft vents gently tickled my plating, this was nice. Just us in a quiet moment, no one else, no war, just us. How I wish these moments could last forever…
"Did I ever tell you, you're as beautiful as the first day I met you?" He hummed, I chuckled.
"That was over four million stellar cycles ago you sap." I teased, he chuckled. "We've grown old."
"Older maybe, but I've only fallen more in love with you as time has passed."
"Primus you're still as sentimental as ever."
"Would you have me any other way?"
"Of course not, I fell in love with you sappiness and all."
"I hope time grants us many more days together."
"You're not allowed to die."
"Then I shall not."
"Orion… When do you think this will all end?"
"Soon."
"You sound so sure…"
"If it is not fated then I shall make it so."
"Orion, I'm tired…"
"I know my love…"
I turned around and looked at him I felt tears building up in my optics. He leaned over and cupped my cheekplates and leaned over to kiss at my forming tears. Pulling back a bit he smiled at me before pulling me into a gentle soothing kiss. He gently pulled me close, I leaned into him mindful of our sleeping daughter.
"Orion, come back to us."
"I have not gone anywhere."
"Orion…"
"My love…"
"I know you can't lie to me… But for once can you please, please give me a happy lie…"
"I-I… My love, I will always come back home to both of you. No matter what I have to do, I will come home…"
"We'll be waiting…"
"I know…"
(Optimus's POV)
I stood at the monitor, I told Ratchet I would take over monitor duty tonight. He seemed exhausted and Star would be able to sleep better in his company. Today had been a long day, clearly being rough on him and Stargazer. Both of them needed their rest.
Our chat we had earlier still plagued my mind, I did not like lying to Stargazer. Lying to Ratchet, even at his request, it was not something I never liked doing. Perhaps before the Matrix and the gain of knowledge I would have easily been able to give him the assurance he desired. But now, I was beginning to think knowledge may be a curse as much as a blessing.
I wanted to be able to assure him, tell him that at the end of this, I would still be here. Yet I couldn't hide away from the fact that I may not be able to fulfil that wish. I would never let this war take either of them, but myself… I wonder if that came from being a Prime? Willingness to sacrifice yourself for the greater good.
I didn't want to leave them; I didn't want to have to make a choice like that. Yet, looking at how this war seems to be playing out. Will I have to make such a choice to ensure their peaceful future? Would I have to be like the fools I have watched him curse out as he cried out his grief?
"Optimus?" a voice called, I turned to see Sunstreaker looking at me concerned.
"What is wrong Sunstreaker?" I quizzed, he looked me over worriedly.
"Um, you do realise you're squeezing the keypad like a vice." He stated I looked down to see me doing just that.
"Seems I was lost in thought," I stated letting go of the keypad to rub my tense servos. "What are you doing up? Arcee is taking the night patrol, is she not?"
"Couldn't sleep, you're doing monitor duty tonight?" he replied, I nodded and he carefully leaned against the human level. "Did you and Ratch have a fight? You seem, tense…"
"I assure there was no fight." I soothed, he nodded.
"Then something bothering you?" he quizzed, I turned back toward the monitor. "You know you don't have act so stoic all the time. You can loosen up some, and not just when Star's involved."
"Thank you for your concern, but I am fine," I replied, he laughed at that.
"I've known you since I was a youngling, I know when you're faking it. If you want, I can wake up Sides and we'll nag you together?" he retorted, I sighed and looked at him as he smirked knowing he had won.
"Some days being a Prime, it wears on me… I wish I could be a bit more… I don't how to put it…" I admitted, he seemed to be waiting for me to think of what to say. "I wish that I could be who I once was every once in a while… Not be Prime for a little bit…"
"Sire used to say the same thing, despite what others thought he couldn't just turn off his battle computer…" Sunny stated.
"I had not known that."
"I only learned not long after Carrier got sparked… He was happy, he really was… But he knew what could happen… I wouldn't be surprised he predicted his own death…"
"I see…"
"Stop trying to burden everything on your own, you and Ratchet have been together even longer than the war. Open up to him, don't be stubborn like Sire, it'll get you killed."
I watched as the yellow twin turned and left, I smiled at him, he has grown quite a lot. He was right, maybe I should try and talk to Ratchet more about these things. I remember back before the Matrix we talked about our worries together all the time. When Megatronous marched off after the Senate meeting. I had gone home broken sparked, he listened to me. We decided what to do next together, perhaps we could do that again…
We always were stronger together.