TFP: Youngling

Ch.32~ Much to be said

I onlined my optics and turned to look up, I was on something warm. Looking I saw Carrier's sleeping face, I guess he took me into their room to sleep, but where was Sire? Slowly I slide off Carrier's chassis and onto the berth. He didn't stir, I carefully hopped off the berth and check on him again. He was still asleep.

Carefully I left the room, it must be early the lights were dim. Heading toward the main room I saw the lights were brighter in there. Peering in I saw Sire working at the console, his posture was stiff as he hunched to work at the console. Something didn't seem right, turning back I quietly raced back to their room. Racing to the berth side I tugged on Carrier's servo who groaned.

"Carrier?" I urged, his optics onlined and he turned to me confused.

"You're up early…" he stated, slowly he sat up and stretched his servos up high. "What's the matter?"

"Sire doesn't look right," I stated, he froze a moment before turning to me with a confused look.

"What does that mean?" he quizzed, I reached up and grabbed his servo.

"Come see," I stated, he got off the berth and let me lead him down the hall to the main room.

I stopped us in the entryway, I looked up Carrier as he glances at Sire, he looked upset now. I knew it, something wasn't right, Carrier scooped me up. He looked down at me and slowly put a finger to his lips to shush me. I nodded and he crept toward Sire who seemed unaware of our presence. Once we were right behind him Carrier held up a servo to count down, once he reached one, he tackled Sire in a hug. I followed suit hugging Sire as he let out a gasp of surprise.

"I did not hear you two come in." Sire stated his voice a bit lower than normal.

"Were you out here all night?" Carrier stated, he nodded his helm. "Come on, it's time for sleep."

"I am not tired," Sire replied, Carrier pulled us back and looked up at Sire sadly a moment.

"How about a dance?" Carrier quizzed, they danced?

Sire turned to us a bit surprised, Carrier reached on servo out to Sire who carefully took it. I smiled as Sire stepped close and drew Carrier's hand up and put another on his waist. I grabbed onto Sire's shoulder and he smiled before they began to dance. I couldn't help but smile as we danced, they both looked so happy right now.

"Sire you're good," I stated, he chuckled and lead us into a full turn.

"A skill I don't have many chances to use anymore." He replied I heard Carrier chuckle.

"I think we may have more reasons to use it now, don't you think?" Carrier posed; Sire chuckled.

"You have a point, my love," Sire replied, I smiled as he looked down at me. "What do you say Stargazer, want to learn the Iacon waltz?"

"Waltz? I've seen that in a movie Miko showed me." I stated Sire chuckled.

"Yes, humans have a dance with a similar style, every city-state of Cybertron had a unique dance. Each was similar to the other but slightly different." He informed I nodded as he led us into another full turn.

"I learned this dance back when I was still a medic in Iacon, the hospital I used to work at they had a gala once an ano-cycle to raise funds. The Hall of Records had similar galas right Orion?" Carrier added Sire nodded.

"Yes, but I think I have the two best dance partners right here." Sire hummed, I smiled brightly at that.

"You're such a sap." Carrier teased lightly.

"I cannot help it; I am fortunate to have the both of you in my life, and I shall thank Primus for every day I get to be with you two. My Stars." He hummed, I turned to see Carrier flushed looking up at Sire lovingly.

Carrier leaned his helm toward Sire's chestplates, I leaned my helm into his shoulderplate as the dance slowed. Soon Sire was just leading us into a soft sway back and forth. I giggled as I felt him lift Carrier and me and spin us around with a chuckle. I could hear Carrier let out a soft laugh as Sire continued to spin us around. Soon he stopped and set Carrier back down, they pulled apart and Sire held me as I still clung to his shoulderplate.

"Primus Orion, don't ever change." Carrier hummed, he pulled Sire down to press a kiss to his helm-crest. "Now you really should go to sleep love, you need your rest."

"Perhaps your right." Sire stated, I felt him slump a bit. "Think I can have the company of my two Star's for a bit longer?"

"Of course." Carrier soothed; I nodded my helm. "Now come on."

Sire took Carrier's servo and he began to lead us back to their room, I looked to see Sire had a soft look. He looked at Carrier and I saw his expression soften, a small smile gracing his lips. Leaning over I kissed his cheekplate and he turned to me with the same smile. I'm glad to see Sire smile like this. Hope he's feeling better now.

(Ratchet's POV)

It was about the time the others would be getting up, I turned to see Orion leaning his helm onto my shoulderplate. He had fallen asleep; Stargazer had her helm leaned against him her optics shut as she slept too. It was a rather sweet sight.

Orion needed his rest; he has changed a bit since he was given the matrix. Trying to get him to confide in me was a struggle, he tried to be strong but I knew things were bothering him. Not that I had made it easy for him for a long time…

I got a ping, it was from Sunstreaker. 'Did Optimus talk to you?' it read.

'No, why?' I pinged back.

'Found him gripping the console last night, he seemed upset. I told him to talk to you.' The next ping read, I looked to Orion as he slept.

'I'll talk to him.' I pinged, seems I needed to confront him about this…

'Do you need today?' he quizzed, he was the more mature of the twins but he was usually not this good with emotional issues, that was Sideswipes department. 'Pretty sure Arcee can handle things.'

'I'll be out in a bit; Optimus needs to sleep.' I replied, I gently reached down to poke Stargazer's cheek.

"Hmm, Carrier?" she mumbled sleepily, I put a finger to my mouth.

"He's sleeping, mind getting down," I whispered, she nodded and carefully got down standing back.

Slowly I wrapped an arm around Orion and got up a bit, slowly I turned and laid him down on the berth. Once his upper frame was on the berth, I let him go and grabbed his pedes pulling them up onto the berth. I chuckled; his pedes stuck out a bit over the edge of the berth. Someday we shall need a large berth.

"Sire's too big." Star giggled; I shushed her a bit. "Sorry."

"We should let him rest, come on." I urged, she nodded and took my servo.

I shall have to talk with him this evening…

(Later)

It was late now; it was just me and Orion left in the main room. Stargazer was in her berth; the others were either in their rooms or off base. I turned away from the small project I was working on and looked to Orion as he worked at the monitor. He seemed off, how long had something been bothering him…?

I felt guilty, I know I had been putting a lot on him over the eons of this war. My own grief and anger had clouded my mind for a long time and now I felt like I was seeing clearly for the first time… Before the war… when we had problems, we spoke about them together. I didn't hide things from him and nor did he… Now I feel like we haven't done that for one another in eons.

I want to make things right.

"Orion," I stated, he stopped typing and turned to me.

"Yes love?" he quizzed, I strode over to him and grabbed his servos. "Is something the matter?"

"No… I mean… Orion you know you can talk to me when something is troubling you." I stated, he gazed at me looking upset. "I'm sorry I haven't been here for you… I got so caught up in my own problems…"

"My love, you have nothing to apologize for." He replied I shook my helm holding his servos a bit tighter.

"I do… I've made you shoulder far more than you deserve… Orion, I know I haven't been there to shoulder the burdens with you, but I am now. You don't have to carry the world on your shoulders alone."

Looking up at him I saw tears forming in the corners of his optics, I carefully reached up with a servo to wipe at the tears. As I did his normally stoic faceplate shifted to a spark-breaking expression of pain and sadness. I cupped his cheekplate and he leaned into my palm fighting off his tears that threatened to spill over. How long had it been since I've seen him cry, truly cry…?

"I'm here." I hushed, he choked back a sob. "It's alright, you're allowed to cry."

"I wish I could be who I was…" he lamented; I gently swiped my thumb to catch a tear before it fell down his cheekplate. "When I could speak and act without this feeling… I feel like sometimes my actions are not my own… I wish nothing more than to stay here with you and our daughter and yet… I feel like that may not be a choice I will get to make…"

"Orion… I had no idea… How long have you felt like this?" I murmured, he looked away from me. "Orion, please."

"Since I've had the matrix…" he admitted, I felt a stab of guilt. "I know I was given this for a purpose but I feel like it took the one I had forged myself away… As time rolls on… I feel I am losing myself more…"

"Orion…" I began, what could I say to this…

"I'm sorry, I know this is something you will not be able to fix… I'm sorry…" he apologized; I cupped his other cheek.

"I may not, but I am here for you. When I look into your optics right now, I see my darling sweet Orion." I hushed; he smiled a bit.

"I feel more myself right now then I have in a long time…" he admitted, I leaned up and kissed his lips quickly.

"Does this help?" I quizzed, he nodded and leaned down to kiss me again.

"I feel more myself with you, and with our daughter. When we danced, I felt like I was back… I felt like me…" he explained, I rubbed at the tears at his optics. "It's as if you both your sparks call me back."

"I'll call you home…"

"Thank you, my love."

(Stargazer's POV)

I rubbed at my optic with my visor pushed up, it was late but I couldn't sleep. I walked down the hall towards Carrier and Sire's room, I woke up a bit ago. I couldn't stay in my room and Carrier did tell me I could come to their room whenever I needed to. Arriving at their room I stepped in, it was empty.

Leaving I headed to the main room, were they still working? I made my way down the halls then I began to hear something. I stopped, was something going on? Sire said not to get involved with anything to do with the war… Carefully I made my way to the room, peeking in I saw Sire and Carrier sitting down, they were talking in hushed voices. What were they talking about?

Maybe I should go back to my room and try to sleep… I internally cringed, I didn't want to be alone… I can't really recall what but when I woke up, I felt scared. Slowly I sat down on the ground and leaned my backstruts against the wall. I remember Ja used to sing a song to me and it always made me feel better.

"Sweet little spark; sleep soundly. Sweet little spark; don't cry for me." I began, I took a shaky vent. "Stars and planets dance by our window, and here we are again…"

I felt a tear streak down my cheekplate and I rubbed at it as I fought off a sob. I thought now that I had new creators, I wouldn't feel like this. I choked out a sob as I rubbed at the streams of tears that fell down my cheekplates. Why did it still hurt? I had creators, I had my brothers, why do I still want them?!

"Stargazer?" a voice called, I peered up to see Sire and Carrier looking down at me worriedly.

I couldn't help as a sob erupted; I reached my servos up to them. Carrier knelt down and scooped me up pulling me to his chestplates. I clung to his plating as more sobs escaped me. I buried my faceplate into his chestplates as he hushed me.

(Optimus' POV)

I gently rubbed Stargazer's helm as she clung to Ratchet's chestplates crying so hard her small frame shook. He was rubbing a servo up and down her backstruts soothingly. We had been talking but stopped when he heard something. He had gotten up and I followed him as we approached, we heard a choked sob. She was sat against the wall trying to hold off tears… What had happened to make her so upset?

"I've got you, sweetspark, don't worry." Ratchet hushed, she seemed only to sob harder.

"Star it's okay," I added, she whimpered a bit. "What's upsetting you? Did you have a nightmare?"

She nodded her helm, then shook it, "Ja…" she muttered.

"Do you miss him?" Ratchet quizzed, she slowly nodded. "It's okay to miss him, you know that, right?"

She shook her helm, I looked to Ratchet in shock, he only hushed our daughter. Had she thought she was not allowed to miss her creators? Why would she think that?

"It's okay my little Star…" I hushed, she whimpered again. "Of course you miss him, he was your creator."

"But I have you two…" she muttered.

"We're your creators now, but that doesn't mean that Jazz and Prowl aren't your creators too. They are and always will be. It's alright to miss them." Ratchet hushed.

She slowly turned to look up at him with her bright gold optics shining bright as her visor was pushed up to perch on her helm. He gently reached up and cupped one of her cheekplates and she leaned into the palm of his servo. With his thumb, he swiped a few of the tears as they trailed down her cheekplates.

"I really miss them…" she admitted, we nodded. "I woke up, and I just… I couldn't stay in my room…"

"So you came looking for us?" Ratchet quizzed, she nodded.

"I thought you two were busy so I was gonna wait… I sang Ja's song but… That made me really sad… Why; it always made me feel better then?" she explained, seems she still had trouble reaching out…

"You miss him singing it?" Ratchet offered, she nodded. "Knowing him it was a good song, wasn't it?"

"Uhuh, he sang it all the time and it always made me feel better… I wish I could hear him sing it one more time…"

"I know…"

"You miss him too, don't you?"

"I do..."

"Sweet little spark; sleep soundly. Sweet little spark; don't cry for me. Stars and planets pass by our window and here we are again… Sweet little spark; close your optics. Sweet little spark; don't cry. I see a light at the end of this warp, and I will take you home… Sweet little spark; don't you cry. Sweet little spark; shine so bright. My little light, sweet as can be, you know your creator loves you… Sweet little spark; don't cry. Sweet little spark; fall asleep tonight. Back home we shall go someday, just remember my sweet little spark…"

I saw a tear fall down Ratchet's cheekplate as Star finished singing. I could feel tiny pinpricks of tears at the corner of my own optics. I could practically picture Jazz singing that song. He had always had a passion for music and a cheerful spark. This was just the kind of thing he would write and sing… I just wish I could hear him sing it…

"You're a great singer just like him." Ratchet compliment rubbed his thumb to wipe tears from Star's optics.

"He really was." She replied, I stepped closer and rubbed her helm.

"Jazz and Prowl will always be with you, right here." I comforted pointing to her spark chamber. "Now and forever, till all are one."

She nodded, and I rubbed her helm, she was a strong feme. She is her own being but I can see so much of both Prowl and Jazz in her… I do hope they are seeing the wonderful feme she is becoming. I hope they will see her grow even more. I hope I will get that chance as well…