TFP: Youngling
Ch.38~ Pain and Hope
"Stargazer I need to do some scans on you," I stated, kneeling before my daughter. "I need to find the cause of your processor aches."
"I have to go into shutdown mode, don't I?" she asked, I nodded and she let out a whine.
"I know you don't like it but you don't like these processor aches either, right?" I questioned, she nodded seeming to relent.
"No… Fine…" she relented, I kissed her helm crest soothingly.
"Good feme." I praised.
I led her into the chamber and adjusted it for her small frame and set her into shutdown mode so I could perform a more in-depth scan. Her processor aches refused to relent and my fears of her having development issues grew. I hoped that I would be able to track the process of her development via the chambers scans.
I went back to my monitors and began to set up a full array of scans, immune systems, motor and cognitive functions and mineral reserves. It would take some time for the scans to complete, but hopefully, soon I would have some answers to her ailment.
(Orion's POV)
I returned from patrol to a silent base, Stargazer would normally be calling for me. She was so eager to see me when I was able to return to base. It was odd to not hear her calling for me. Pulling into the main room I saw my love standing before his monitors. He was staring at the screens with tears flowing down his cheekplates.
Transforming I went to his side, he didn't turn to me as I approached, and jumped when my servo went to his shoulderplate. He turned to me and he tried to speak but words seemed to fail him. Looking at the screen I saw it was medical scans. I looked to the chamber and I saw Stargazer inside still in shutdown mode. I felt my spark ache at the implications.
"Love what did you discover?" I quizzed, cupping his cheekplates pulling him to meet my gaze.
"Her systems can't keep up with her." He stated I tried to hide the pain those words caused. "Her mineral deposits are drained, leading to her systems cannibalizing themselves. Her firewalls are that of a young sparkling… She won't survive long like this."
"What can we do?" I pushed; he took a deep vent trying to calm himself.
"There is only one option that is even possible in our current state. But even then, it's risky." He began, I nodded urging him to continue. "A surrogate, refuelling off a surrogate would replenish her mineral deposits and boost her firewalls."
"And this is risky?" I quizzed genuinely confused.
"To be a successful surrogate one needs to keep their systems constantly at eighty percent fueled. We barely have resources to spare as is." He explained.
"We can work on finding the resources, how much more do we need?" I quizzed, he looked nervous now. "Love?"
"Orion you know how low our resources are." He argued, I felt myself begin to worry
"But we are all fairly well-fueled now, aren't we?" I quizzed, he tried to turn away. It can't be. "What are your levels?"
"Not important." He argued, I felt my spark sink as a realization sank in.
"Love, have you been under fueling?" I questioned; he kept his gaze averted. "Show me."
"I'm fine." He argued, I pulled him to look at me.
"Show me," I ordered.
He slumped but moved to show me his diagnostic screen and it realized my fear. His levels were low, so low it was clear he had been under-fueling for a while. How long had he been practically starving himself? Looking up I saw him looking away guilt radiating from him, he had been doing this intentionally for a while, hadn't he?
How could I have not noticed this?! If our reserves were low even with him starving himself… We needed to get more energon, as soon as possible. But first I needed to know why he had done this. What made him deprive himself of adequate fuel?
"Why?" I questioned my voice wavering a bit as I processed the situation.
"We need to conserve energon for possible combat injuries or future battles." He explained, I grabbed his servos pulling them to me.
"Please," I begged, he looked to me tearing up again.
"I'm not a front-line combatant." He began, I tightened my hold on his servos. "I don't require to be fueled to optimal levels; I can do my work on a low level just as well. All of you need the fuel more."
"Your work is just as vital as ours." I insisted, he nodded. "I will work on getting more energon. Our daughter needs you; I need you. If she needs you to be a surrogate for her, then I will do everything in my power to make sure you can do that."
"The Decepticons have all the mines in their grasp." He argued.
"We will find a way," I assured; he shook his helm.
"Orion you know it's not that simple." He stated.
He was right. As much as I wished that I could simply get us the energon we need. It wouldn't be that easy. No, I couldn't let myself think like that. If I did, he would continue to starve himself and our daughter will only get sicker. No, I must find us more energon.
"I will make it so," I assured; he went to argue but I hushed him. "I understand your fears but I assure you that I will get us more fuel."
"Don't do anything reckless." He pleaded, I nodded and kissed his forehelm.
"I won't love." I soothed; I will make this right. I swear it.
(Ratchet's POV)
I held Stargazer close to my frame as she whimpered in her sleep, her helm aches came much more lately. Her underdeveloped systems and lack of mineral deposits were slowly making her sicker each passing day. Orion was gone more than he was before patrolling as much as he could. He was determined to bring back enough fuel so that I could become Stargazer's surrogate. As it stands my systems wouldn't accept a manual activation of Carrier protocols.
So that left many nights like this where I stood in the dimly light command center cradling our daughter as I tried to find energon deposits. As her processor aches increased her mood dropped and she clung to me for comfort. Anytime she had to spend away from me she fussed and cried. She seemed to be regressing in her development, she now barely spoke.
I heard her whimper more, I tried to hush her but she fussed more before jolting awake. She fought my hold for a moment till she realized where she was. She instantly pressed herself into my plating seeking comfort. She clicked in pain, her most common form of communication now.
"It's alright Star." I hushed, leaning down to kiss her helm comfortingly.
She clicked in pain more as I tried to comfort her, seems her helm was hurting more. I gently grabbed the medical plug I kept at my desk and plugged it into her dulling her pain receptors. She relaxed and I unplugged the cord. Soon she was back into recharge, she must be exhausted from the pain. Still, I was hesitant to keep her pain receptors dulled for more than a few Earth hours at a time. I was worried what malady would present itself next.
"Ratch?" a voice called, I turned to see Sideswipe entering the room. "You're still up?"
"Yes, go back to recharge you have first patrol." I urged, he strode over and looked to Stargazer with concern.
"Is she getting worse again?" he asked, I nodded grimly. "Can't we do anything?"
"Not now," I admitted, he looked away.
"What do we need?" he questioned, if I told him I know he would do something reckless. "Why won't you tell me?"
"Because you will do something reckless," I stated, he grits his denta tightly. "Sideswipe we don't need you and Sunstreaker doing anything reckless right now. We can't afford to lose anyone."
"I don't want to just sit here and watch her get sicker." He argued, I shot him a glare.
"We are doing everything we can." I hissed; he averted his gaze.
"Please Ratch, just tell us what she needs. Sunny and I can handle ourselves." He pleaded; I shook my helm. "Please, we want to do everything we can too."
"Just help Optimus, he is working hard to get what we need to help Stargazer," I stated, he slumped realizing his pleading was futile.
"Fine, but you're going to recharge." He huffed striding over and turning off my monitor. "You can do this in the morning."
I let out a vent, I wanted to keep working, but I could tell Sideswipe wouldn't stop. I won't be able to get work done with him here. Guess I can just wake up early.
"You win, but you better get recharge too." I lectured, he smiled.
"Once I know you went to recharge." He chimed.
"I will." I huffed and headed toward my room.
As I walked, I could feel Stargazer begin to stir a bit, I gently began to rock her which seemed to settle her again. Seems even with her pain sensors dampened she was still unable to recharge well…
Reaching our room, I stepped in as I did, I felt myself begin to tear up. No, I can't cry. I turned my gaze up as I forced back the tears. I grit my denta as I forced the tears back. Not now, if I cry now… I felt lubricant begin to build in my optics and my vision blurred a bit.
I was failing. I can't do anything for my daughter, I can't make her feel better. I can't do anything but watch her suffer. Why? If we just had the resources. If this fragging war would finally end. If… If Orion would just… No! Primus no… Orion was doing his best. He doesn't deserve my frustration. Perhaps I am more tired than I realized…
(Stargazer's POV)
It hurts, no matter what time of day or night it hurts. Every part of me hurts, it makes it hard to move, hard to speak. At least it felt a bit better when I was with Carrier. He made me more at ease despite the pain. But he couldn't hold me all the time, he had work to do. Sometimes I laid curled up on the crates covered in my thermal blanket, sometimes someone else held me.
Bee would hold me close and gently rock and sway, it helped a bit. Sides would hold me close and hum and dance with me. Sunny would sit down and hold me humming and rub my backstruts soothingly. Bulk held me securely and would gently pat my backstruts. Arcee would let me lay my helm in her lap as she rubbed my helm soothingly. Sometimes Sire would have the time and he would hold me close, rubbing my backstruts or helm and tell me stories.
Now I was laying on the crates with my thermal blanket, something was going on. A fight, Carrier had looked worried. I wanted to know what was going on. But I didn't even have the energy to sit up, it was so frustrating. I heard the groundbridge activate and I tried to push myself up but I couldn't. I let my servos slide to my sides as tears of frustration built up.
I turned my face into the crate as I heard the others come back. I could hear Carrier lecturing. Seems Bulkhead was arguing with him about needing a scan. They keep mentioning the cylinder, Sire seemed to be looking for it so it must be important. I want to help; I want to be a part of this. Why won't this pain go away? Why am I not getting any better?
(Ratchet's POV)
I watched Bulkhead begin to prattle out complex formulas, finally a way for us to synthetically create energon. If Bulkhead can write out this whole formula that could mean I could finally help Stargazer. Still, it was a living data inhabiting Bulkheads mind, it could very well be rewriting his neural netting. Effectively killing his mind.
I grabbed my medical plug and hooked it up to his helm, he seemed undeterred simply going on with his ramblings. I went to my monitor and began to perform a new scan of his processor. As the scan completed, I looked to see that my fear was confirmed. It was slowly but surely rewriting his neural netting. I had hoped he was purging the data but it seems he was transcribing it as it purged his mind…
"Ratchet?" Orion asked, I turned to him with a grim expression.
"Look." I offered he walked over and looked at the monitor.
"Can we stop this?" he asked, I sighed.
"I do presume to have the wisdom of the ancients that created this. But if the data transmitted itself from the cylinder perhaps, we could coax it back inside. But that is not currently possible considering we don't have the cylinder." I explained, he seemed to think.
"Megatron will bring it to us." He stated, I looked at him with concern.
"How do you intend to do that?" I questioned.
"I will have him relinquish the cylinder by offering to return it fully charged." He stated.
"You want to give that mech the formula to synthetic energon, are you insane?!" I hissed.
"If it means saving Bulkhead then I shall." he insisted.
"If he did agree you know you don't have to keep your word, don't you?" I quizzed, he sighed.
"If I intend to do that from the start, he will not believe me." He explained.
"I.. understand, it is hard to lie to a liar. While you work on that I will get him to transcribe as much of the formula as we can. At least there is a possibility that I could finish the formula."
He nodded and walked away, I sighed as I watched Bulkhead writing out the equations on slabs. I wanted that formula so desperately; it could very well save Stargazer's life. But I couldn't do that at the cost of someone else. As much as I want to argue with Optimus, it seems we had no other option. But he doesn't need to know that I will make sure at the very least the Decepticons will not gain the formula. I'm sorry Orion, but I cannot sacrifice such information to the Decepticons.
I heard a whimper over Bulkhead's rambling, I went to crates where Stargazer lay recharging. Kneeling down I rubbed her helm, her optics onlined and she weakly reached for me. I gently scooped her up and held her close to my chassis, her helm resting over my spark.
Don't worry Stargazer, I will finish this formula. I'll save you; I promise.
(Orion's POV)
I smiled as I saw Bulkhead holding Miko as she cried out her woes. She had been through a lot these past few days. I'm glad Bulkhead was able to come back to us. It made me happy to see how close they were, Bulkhead seemed to adore the small girl. Perhaps the twins' description of the pair as Sire and creation was rather spot on.
I heard a whimper, turning away from the happy scene my spark ached as I saw Stargazer writhing in pain. Starwatcher was trying his best to comfort her but seems it was not enough. He sighed and grabbed the cable he now kept out and hooked it up to Stargazer. He must be dulling her pain receptors again.
It was painful to watch her suffer like this, but we've had no luck finding energon and now… Now we were merely teased with a way to have unlimited energon. Starwatcher was smart, while I'm sure he could very well finish this formula that would take time. Time, I was worried we may not have.
"I'm heading out for patrol," I announced.
I transformed and drove out of our base; I can't sit still and do nothing. Even if it's futile I need to be looking, I need to try. I can't sit and watch her suffer, watch both of them suffer. I know seeing Stargazer like this was painful for Starwatcher. Primus, please let me find energon, I don't care if I must fight for it. Just please, let me find enough to save her. I can't let her die.
(Ratchet's POV)
I watched as Orion drove off, he barely spent more time them necessary at base. As soon he was rested and fueled enough, he was out again. I doubt he had taken his full rations either, just taking enough to fuel his patrols and possibly fights that could happen. For all the scrap he gave me about my fueling. Primus forsaken hypocrite.
I felt Stargazer push her faceplate into the plating over my spark. It seems that she was gaining some comfort being close to my spark. I pulled up the partial formula on my monitor. If I can finish this, I can make her better. I will finish it by any means necessary.