Author's Note: Another one for you!
Jake was a zombie, staring at the wall in Quaritch's office the following morning when the older man finally perched up against Jake's desk, arms crossed. It takes Jake an embarrassing amount of time to realize that the man is staring at him before he blinks back into himself and looks over at Quaritch, then at Wainfleet, who was also staring back at him expectantly. Jake blinks rapidly, trying to clear his head.
"I'm sorry, sir," Jake says, not sure what else to say.
"Are you alright, Jake?" Quaritch asks, staring down at him.
Jake rubs at his eyes, then the back of his neck, nodding. "Yeah." He doesn't know what he's rubbing at and what for, he doesn't feel any of it. He hesitates, knowing that the older man wasn't just going to let him get away with that lukewarm answer. Quietly, he says, "I couldn't sleep last night." Or most nights, really, but at least he didn't word-vomit that unnecessary bit of information.
Quaritch stares at him for a long moment, waiting for him to add more, but when the teen just stares down at his lap, not meeting the older man's eyes, the Colonel finally asks, "Something bothering you, son?"
No, was on Jake's lips but when he opens his mouth, nothing comes out. He closes his mouth again, trying to figure out what was fighting in the pit of his stomach to be said. Slowly, carefully, Jake glances over at Quaritch and says, softly, "I'm trying to find a way to say goodbye to someone."
Lyle shifts in his peripheral and Quaritch glances over at him, and they share a glance before Quaritch asks, carefully, "And who are we saying goodbye to?" There is something about his expression that Jake can only sort of see in the corner of his gaze. Something that looked worried, tense, even. He's not sure. They exchange a look like they're worried about him, which is silly. He's fine.
For a moment, Jake didn't want to tell him. He's not sure why the man was asking, what that had to do with anything. It was his problem; he would find a way to fix it. But then there was something about what Quaritch said that suddenly registered in Jake's mind. "Who are we saying goodbye to?" That's what he said. We? Who are we..?
There's a 'we'?
Jake's eyes find Quaritch's. Two blues meeting for a long moment as Jake tries to find the words, not sure what to think of what the older man said. So many people these last few days seem to be trying to get him to believe that... well, that they were with him. But that sounds so... strange. Why would that be? He hasn't done anything to encourage people to feel this way. To what to go beyond themselves - for him? It's so strange. He can barely wrap his mind around it.
Jake blinks, realizing that he's staring, and looks down to his lap, pinching a loose thread from his pants, trying to occupy himself while his mind whirls. Realizing that the other man wasn't going to say anything if he doesn't, Jake finally, quietly says, "Tsu'tey."
"Pardon?" Quaritch says, evenly. "What did you say?"
"Tsu'tey," Jake says again, this time slightly louder.
"Tsu'tey...?" Quaritch echoes, the teen Na'vi's name sounding strange on Quaritch's lips, like he wasn't wrapping his mouth around it right. But who is Jake to say it sounds strange? He probably isn't saying it right, either. Tsu'tey puts a strange inflection on his name, so they are all on the same boat. Yet it still feels weird to hear someone else talking about him. It weirdly makes Jake feel a little uncomfortable and he's not sure why.
"Why are you trying to say goodbye to him?" Lyle asks, quirking an eyebrow.
Jake doesn't pull his eyes from the thread of his pants, fighting the urge to chew on his lower lip. Quietly, he says, "Because he won't leave me alone otherwise."
"This boy bothering you, Jake?" Quaritch asks, voice low.
Jake shakes his head, because really, he wasn't. Jake just knows that he has to in order to set Tsu'tey free from this self-imposed... problem? Tsu'tey no doubt could just walk away but is probably feeling compelled to help Jake out and it's not right.
"Then... why?"
Jake pulls at the thread, yanking it a bit further than he would have liked and so he forces himself to leave the thread alone. He smooths out his hands on his thighs and softly says, "He was a boy that I met at the school while I was there. I'm not going to be going back to my avatar after... well, I'm going back one more time, then I'm done. But he's... well... I don't know," Jake says, sighing. He rubs at the back of his neck, pointlessly.
"He's...?" Quaritch probes.
"He's... I don't know. I... he's... he's not like Connor, so he's... almost a friend, I guess? I don't know." Jake shrugs again. "I just... never said goodbye to someone before, so I don't know how."
Quaritch rubs at his face, perplexed. He seems to struggle with his thoughts for a moment before finally deciding to ask, "And who is Connor?"
"A friend of Tommy's, I guess. He's also a crutch," Jake says. After a moment of silence, he peaks at the older man's confused expression and elaborates, "He's someone put in place to serve a purpose. I wanted him to teach me something about myself, but that was it." In his haste to cover up this swelling emotion - like an ache in his chest - he's back to word vomiting again.
"Teach you what?" Lyle asks, looking so confused.
Jake doesn't respond right away, letting out a little sigh. Finally, he mumbles, "Something I didn't know about myself, but it never really got that far, not like it matters. But I don't want to talk about Connor." He shouldn't have brought him up. It doesn't matter, it's all in the past. Even if the flare of pain streaks across his torso and face, despite knowing that he can't actually feel it anymore. He catches sight of his hand touching his cheek and lip before dropping it back to his lap.
He had hoped that both men would just drop the subject of Connor, and while the look of concern on their faces made him think that they didn't want to, he was surprised that they did, simply because he asked. Or more so just told them that he didn't want to talk about it. But their shoulders slump, their shared looks of worry passing between them, before Quaritch nods slowly.
"Okay, but if you want to talk..." Jake doesn't respond, definitely not interested in talking about Connor, at least not at the moment. In his opinion, there wasn't anything to talk about. He probably was never going to see Connor ever again anyway, so what did it matter? Quaritch sighs, rubbing at his face before looking back over at him. "So, you want to... know how to say goodbye to your friend?"
He said that Tsu'tey was almost a friend. Or kind of. Whatever. He was the closest that Jake ever had as a friend. He wasn't going to correct Quaritch, though, because, well, it was nice to hear that someone else might have thought the same as he had hoped. Even though Quaritch was really only going off of what he had said, but still. Well, actually, it doesn't make him happy. It just reinforces why he doesn't want to say goodbye.
Stupid. He has to. He has to say goodbye. He'll just keep hurting Tsu'tey otherwise.
"I can't go back," Jake says. Well, aside from the one time he's going back in a few days, which is seems neither of them caught, thankfully. "He keeps waiting for me and this is the only way I know how to make him stop. Most people usually leave on their own, so I don't know how to get him to just go on without me." The look on Quaritch's face is incredibly sad. So much so, that Jake has to look away.
"Sorry, kid," Lyle says slowly. "Sounds like you really like him."
Jake doesn't respond. He does, though. He does like Tsu'tey. The other teen makes him incredibly uncomfortable, but there is just something so... endearing about him. Something about the way he is that Jake likes. He would have thought that maybe Tsu'tey reminded him of Tommy, but that wasn't the case. They really weren't alike at all. There is just something about Tsu'tey... like a magnet connecting them.
Maybe that's why Jake doesn't want to let him go. Tsu'tey is somehow different from other people. Because the only two people he can think of that he had any connection to is Tommy, his brother, and Connor.
But Tsu'tey isn't like Tommy. The complex feelings for Tsu'tey can't be imposed on Tommy. Jake knows his feelings for his brother. He loves Tommy. He will live for Tommy for as long as he can. Then, he'll leave when Tommy is done with him.
And Connor... was a crutch, as he said. He was there to fulfill a purpose in Jake's mind. Jake didn't know anything about himself, but there was a point in which he dreamed of having sex. Tommy had slept with his first girlfriend - someone that he only dated for a minute - and told Jake all about it. And while Jake was able to look past the part where his brother was involved... he was hyper fixated on the girl. Not just what her body was like - he never asked about that, in fact, he didn't ask really any questions, too shell shocked - but how she felt. How it felt to hold her.
And it wasn't just her, it was the intimacy behind simply being together, not completely the act of sex itself. Jake didn't know how he felt about sex itself, but there was something about the intimacy that follows that attracted him. Men and boys scared him, but Jake was at least smart enough to realize when someone was paying too much attention to Tommy. Someone who might want to have sex with him but would settle for Jake.
Jake didn't want it to be a girl because he was afraid of getting her pregnant. He couldn't risk it. The thought of being a father horrified him. It made him so ill that he almost just talked himself out of this whole thing. The thought of there being something out there that came from him? That looked to him? He couldn't do it. He could barely think about it without this gut wrenching, sickening terror gripping at his chest and stomach. He couldn't have kids. He couldn't bare it. It terrified him.
So, while girls were definitely out of the question, he still couldn't help the nagging desire to know burrowing in his gut. Even though he already felt like a dirt bag for wanting the intimacy anyway, even though he did nothing to deserve it. It almost worked, he almost talked himself out of his desire, figuring there was never going to be a snowball's chance in hell for him - until Connor. Connor was infatuated with Tommy. But Tommy was too big, too bright to see someone like Connor. Connor was too small, too plain. Too much like Jake. Too... not enough, which is ironic coming from him.
But Connor agreed to sleep with him. He had been shocked when Jake bluntly asked him, but readily agreed because, well, he wouldn't ever get Tommy. But he got the closest thing to him - an identical twin.
A few days later, when Jake knew Tommy would be doing stuff for the young Avatar program for both of them - as, how else was Jake supposed to get in without Tommy doing the leg work? - Connor came over to his house. Kissing was... strange. And very brief. Like one or two in the very beginning before no others followed. But that was sort of okay as Connor's lips were dry and chapped. He accidentally licked Jake's nose - at least he thinks it was by accident - and when he ran his hand down Jake's bare chest, he accidentally tickled his ribs, which made Jake knee him in the stomach.
Thankfully, it hadn't been hard, but it sure could have been really bad if he accidentally hit him lower.
But once they found their groove - sort of - Jake's mind was buzzing too loudly for him to focus on how scared he was. Connor wasn't likely to hurt him. He was just still grossly uneasy about men in general, even teenage boys like him. Realistically he knew how this was supposed to go, and him and Connor - well, Connor did most of the talking, honestly - briefly spoke about their roles in it, but they were both too bashful and too nervous to make a decision other than to just feel the moment. Jake had no preference, not sure if he would be triggered by Connor or not when the time came.
So, he just went with the flow as best he could, trying to focus on the feeling of Connor's hands on his chest and thighs, his groin pressed against his own. Until it was all he could focus on. Until his mind was almost completely out of his own body and all there was, was the feeling. The heat that burned like fire in his veins. The coiling of pleasure in his stomach. He barely realized he was on his stomach in only his boxers with Connor grinding against him when the friction was pulled away from him. Connor was pulled from him.
And for some reason, that day, that man decided to come to his room - after coming home really early from work.
That man told Connor to get dressed and practically threw him from the house. Thankfully, Jake had enough wherewithal to get dressed as well, getting his pants back on in time for that man to come back. The pleasure and warmth of his body was replaced with an ice-cold terror that filled his entire being. Jake knew, right as he was turning around, that he should have protected his face. He knew that was always the first place that the man struck. Always to disorient him. Especially after Jake got old enough to where he could defend himself had he wanted to. But no, Jake only fought for Tommy. Not for himself.
Jake honestly thought that he was going to die. It could get bad over the years, but this was the first time he felt so sure of it.
That first strike to the face did just as was intended. He flew back into the wall by his window. He barely felt the impact on his shoulder, or how he crumbled over his dresser onto the floor. But he hardly felt it, he was so disoriented by the initial hit. He felt the second blow to his head and the first, second, and third hard kick to his ribs. Then his mind cleared.
His mind traveled to the safe place it went to whenever he was in pain. But even there, at the edge of feeling, he knew his body was in screaming agony. It had been a miracle that he survived; he feels. While he was there, keenly aware of the destruction being done to his body, he felt her. She coiled around him, numbing him even more, and it was like sobbing in his ear, begging him to hold on. To not slip away like he wanted to. To not give up like his agony stricken wanted so badly for him to do, even in this place that should numb him from the pain. But she begged him to stay. To not give up. To just hold on a little longer, until he could return home.
Home? How strange. Jake didn't have a home. Jake had Tommy.
How Jake survived in the state that he was left in, he has no idea. He just remembered coming to with Tommy sobbing, his face streaked with tears of rage while holding him and rocking back and forth. He kept swearing that they were getting out of there. They were leaving and they were never coming back.
Jake pulls back, the memory burning the agony across his flesh in a ghastly reminder. He had been so certain. He had given up, he knows. And even when he came back, he almost... just let go. Had Tommy not held him tightly as he sobbed, he might have just let the agony take him. But he wouldn't leave Tommy. Not while Tommy still wanted him. So, he held up for Tommy. And maybe for her too.
"I'm fine," Jake mumbles, rubbing his hands onto his thighs. "How do I tell Tsu'tey goodbye?"
"Tell him the truth, I suppose," Quaritch says, crossing his arms over his chest and nodding. "Tell him that for your health you can't see him anymore. And if he's really your friend, he'll understand."
But how can that be when it's not really the truth? Jake felt fine - ish - when he came back last night. But he always doesn't feel good. He recognizes that it still feels like he's leaving parts of himself behind, but the reality is that he doesn't really know. He doesn't really have a good track record with his feelings. So, who's to say what the truth is, he supposes.
"Okay," Jake says, not wanting to say that it felt like that didn't really help him. But... Quaritch had said, "we" and it felt... strange. Not necessarily bad. Just... strange.
The second day was much the same, but his exhausted body let him sleep for a bit the night before. He stayed awake just long enough to make sure that Tsu'tey didn't sneak out of Hometree and come all the way to Hell's Gate when he should be relaxing. Thankfully the atokirina didn't appear to alert him of Tsu'tey being there. So, he was able to go to sleep with some peace of mind. For a few hours, at least. He spoke briefly with Wainfleet and Quaritch, them just checking in to make sure that he was okay, which he supposed he was.
Quaritch had put a hand on his shoulder and gently reminded him that he could come to him if he needed to talk.
"In fact," Quaritch said slowly. "If you ever need anything at all, Jacob. I'm here."
It still left this unexplainable feeling in his gut, but he nodded, eyes diverted to the ground until the man finally went back to his desk to gather up everything that he would need for his meeting before giving Jake permission to finish up his work and head off when he was done. Jake mutely nodded, gazing after him after he left before carefully going back to work, not sure what to think.
On the morning of the third day, Jake decided that he was just going to get it over with. Since it was his day off, he was just going to go to the Science Wing and wait for Grace - unless she was there at the ungodly hour that Jake was up. Before sunrise. He... might be too wound up to wait. He said he would come back today, he didn't say when in the day. Best to just get it over with. He really didn't know what he was going to say, but he just had Quaritch's advice to go off of so that was just going to have to work.
After showering and changing into his only pair of pants that aren't fatigues, and a simple t-shirt that hung off him more than he remembered, he heads off to the science wing, actually surprised to walk into the lab to see someone there. No one else, just one. And it wasn't Grace, surprisingly. A young man, probably around Norm's age so college grad, maybe, was sitting at the computer that he usually sat at to give his video logs. He had headphones on and was staring intently at the computer.
Given that the sun had just crested over the horizon, so the base was about to switch from third shift into first shift once more, Jake wasn't surprised that no one was actually in the Avatar wing. There wasn't a whole lot for them to do other than study samples throughout the night seeing as Quaritch forbade night ops.
But someone being here that early still surprised him. Jake hadn't meant to scare the other that was hunched over the computer, but the young man must have seen him shift in his peripheral because he glances over at him and almost threw himself out of the chair, standing up quickly.
"Shit, Tom! You scared - " He stops, blinking. Then his head tilts slightly. Then, surprisingly, he asks, quietly, "Jake?"
Momentary surprise flickers across his face. People usually can't tell right away. Especially a complete stranger. "Uh... yeah."
His face morphs into a smile. "Hey, uh, sorry. You scared me."
Jake carefully descends the stairs to the main level, nodding slowly. He doesn't respond, catching the tech click on the screen a few times while laying down his headphones before stepping away from the computer, walking around it to come over to him. Jake casts a weary look at him but doesn't protest as he stops next to him. "Hey, I thought that you weren't... well coming back. Not that I'm not happy to see you..."
Jake casts him another look, wondering why this stranger was acting so familiar with him. Did he think he was Tommy? No, he realized that he was Jake.
The young man's friendly smile faulters slightly. "You... don't remember me? I'm Trevor. I've helped you with most of your jumps?"
No, Jake has absolutely no memory of this person. But then again, he's not usually looking at faces. He glances down at Trevor's shoes, but those are unremarkable. Just tennis shoes, like most of the science department wears.
Jake's uncomfortable because the other obviously knew him, and who's to say he's lying? Jake just... never paid him any mind. For weeks.
Instead of saying any of that, but feeling like he has to say something, he quietly says, "Right. Thanks."
Trevor smiles in Jake's peripheral. "You're welcome." They stand in awkward silence for a few unbearable moments before Trevor finally asks, "So... what can I do for you? Can I help you with something?"
"I'm just waiting for Grace..." Jake says slowly, looking over to his unit on the other side of the room.
Trevor steps closer, but thankfully didn't touch him. "You're going into your Avatar?" Jake nods, mutely, pressing back against the table behind him, suddenly feeling tapped. "I mean... I could help you, if you want?" Trevor smiles again, dark eyes scanning Jake's face.
Just wanting to get out of this situation, Jake nods slowly and quietly says, "Thank you."
Trevor turns into a buzz of activity, powering up everything and doing a quick systems check of his pod to ensure that it powered up correctly. Jake just stands there, wearily watching the young man bounce back and forth, chattering away so fast that Jake couldn't even absorb a single word he said before he moved on. Thankfully, he didn't seem to mind that Jake didn't uphold his side of the conversation until he finally turned to Jake, hands on his hips, and exclaiming proudly, "Well, she's all ready for you, Jake."
Jake nods, carefully moving over to the machine and quickly climbing in. He pulls the strange... wire thing down to his chest and reaches up to grab the lid, just wanting to get away, but Trevor stops him.
"Are you okay? You hit your leg." He blinks down at Jake worriedly.
Jake nods, mumbling, "Fine." He doesn't remember hitting it, but even if he did, it's not like he felt it anyway.
"Oh," Trevor says, as if realizing too. "Sorry. Okay. You ready?"
Jake nods again, relaxing back against the gel and closing his eyes to clear his mind. It took a beat too long for the lid to close, but when he cracked his eyes to see what the problem was, Trevor was closing it. Jake doesn't bother to give it another thought and closes his eyes once more and forces himself to relax. That familiar feeling of falling up into starlight follows him into the starburst of colors, all the way to his Avatar body.
Jake opens his eyes back in his Avatar and is once again paralyzed with the feeling of it being too much. He lets out a simpering gasp, carefully bringing his hand up to his chest and letting out a little cough. He looks around the little medical hut to see that it's empty. It takes a moment for him to turn his head to the side to see the space that Tsu'tey had occupied earlier was empty. A small part of him is disappointed, as he just... wanted to see him. So that they could talk, of course. But it was, hopefully, a good thing that Tsu'tey wasn't still held up on the medical bedding next to him.
It takes way too long for Jake to push to his feet, his body aching, lethargic, and extremely weak. He's thankfully still in his pants, but he feels... disgusting. Like he felt crummy a few days before, but now he's been sitting in a few more days of his filth and while he hasn't been moving around, his body still just... feels gross. He's lucky that he didn't fall flat on his face with how loose his pants are either. They were already a little big on him to begin with, but now he's not even wearing his belt anymore. He doesn't remember having it a few days ago. He shakes out his limbs, forcing himself to push back the aching and weakness. He stretches a bit, trying to work blood flow back into the muscles.
Anything to make what he's got to do next somewhat bearable.
Slowly, painfully, he makes his way out of the hut, flinching at the intense light filtering in through the large opening to Hometree ahead. He glances back into the darkness of the little hut, positioned in such a way to be more forgiving from the raising sunlight.
Jake frowns, bring his too sensitive hands up to his too sensitive eyes, and rubs at them roughly. He works the crusties out and glances around. He can see Na'vi walking around outside the opening and hear them talking off to his right. He turns to see a large cluster heading for a large firepit in the center. For breakfast, maybe? Or communal meeting of some sort. He has no idea.
Straight ahead of him, a group of three male Na'vi are walking for the pit when an atokirina that descended from higher up in Hometree floats over their heads toward Jake. One of them turns, face bright, following it with his eyes before his face morphs in shock at the sight of Jake standing there. Off to the side, Jake sees a cluster of a few more Na'vi descending from the spiral that leads up into the complex space above in Hometree to see them stop too, staring at him from across the way.
The male closest to him asks something, blinking wildly. Both of the other males turn, reaching for the knives strapped to their loincloth but pause at the sight of him, perplexed. Then one of them says something else before the other one nods and races off.
Jake opens his mouth to ask for Tsu'tey. Or Mo'at. But the atokirina floats over to him, hovering right in front of his face, spinning and twirling happily. Carefully, Jake holds up his cupped hands, staring into the sparkling light inside of the atokirina. One male says something before cutting off when the atokirina settles gently on his palm, spreading out its tendrils, encompassing his cupped hands. It's weightless, and the tendrils are so gentle that for the first time, his skin isn't set aflame at the touch of... well, literally anything.
Jake stares into twinkling lights within the atokirina, feeling his heart jump in his chest and it's like his ears start ringing. Then his hearing sharpens more and more and more until he can hear a steady thumping. Something so far away, at the edge of hearing. Powerful, thunderous, all-consuming. Something... mighty.
"What is she saying to you?"
Jake blinks, pulling his eyes away from the atokirina and it almost feels like he's falling for a moment to see Mo'at standing there, her hands gently wrapped around his wrists as if to keep him steady. And just like before, it just... feels like a touch. Not too much. Not... unbearable. But... but how? A second ago -
"What is she saying to you, JakeSuli?" Mo'at asks, her voice soft, but her golden eyes are blown wide.
It takes a second for Jake to realize that more Na'vi were encircling him, looking down at the atokirina in his hands, then to him. Their eyes are wide, and they whisper to one another. He can't do this again. He should have just waited inside the hut. What was he thinking?
Intimidated, Jake's tail coils around his leg and his ears press back. If Mo'at's hands weren't holding his own in place, he might have dropped the atokirina. Or, let it go? It can float, right? It would just float away.
"Do not be afraid," Mo'at says softly. Her posture shifts and her expression turns from curious to compassionate. "They want to see. They want to know. What does she say to you?"
"Who?" Jake rasps, throat raw from dehydration and disuse. Despite her words, his hands go cold in fear.
"The Great Mother," Mo'at says softly, her golden eyes scanning his face. The Great Mother? Isn't that their goddess or something? Why would he be hearing their goddess?
It's then that Tsu'tey breaks through the crowd and Jake took a shuttering breath, knees shaking as he walks right over to them. Strong and sure, like every day that Jake had seen him. There was a band of leaves across his chest, but they don't appear to hinder him, or if they do, he doesn't show it.
"Tsu'tey..." Jake rasps, ears pressing flatter. The man in red appears behind Tsu'tey, that tense frown on his lips that makes Jake's legs quake a bit in fear.
Tsu'tey comes right up to his side, looking at Mo'at, then the atokirina before his eyes land on Jake and soften so sweetly Jake forgets about the man almost immediately. He sucks in a deep breath before looking down at Jake's posture, frowning.
"Jake, you... are... here," Tsu'tey says in his familiar rasp, expression twisted into something so... sweet. Something that makes the pit in Jake's stomach grow because he has to say goodbye, he knows that he does, but... he really doesn't want to and Tsu'tey isn't making it any easier. "Please. No scare. No bad."
Jake stares up into his eyes for a split second before lowering his gaze down to the dirt beneath their feet. Tsu'tey rasps something softly in Na'vi as Jake stares at long strands of black hair slide across his chest in the gentle breeze flowing through Hometree.
Tsu'tey's hand lightly touches his shoulder and unlike Mo'at touch, his entire body seizes up at the intense sensation shooting up his shoulder and down his side. Jake flinches, hissing unexpectedly. Tsu'tey yanks his hand back, frowning.
"Jake hurt?" He asks, peering down at the shoulder, looking for injuries. His frowns deeper as his eyes trace the bones from the top of his shoulder, down each individual rib and knob of his spin, to the edge of his pants that are barely hanging onto his jutting hip bones. His Avatar is in a horrendous state. It really won't last all that much longer at this rate. He's surprised it's lasted this long.
Jake shakes his head. "No, Tsu'tey..." This isn't right. They need to talk. He needs to tell him goodbye. They should... they should go somewhere private. He shouldn't be here. He needs... he needs...
"JakeSuli." Jake turns his eyes to Mo'at, seeing her eyes staring intensely at him. Softly, she asks, "What is the Great Mother saying to you?"
Tsu'tey seems surprised, looking down at the atokirina in Jake's hand, his tail twirling around behind him. But then he looks at Mo'at's hand son Jake's wrists and frowns. A flicker of hurt passing over his face but he looks away when Jake glances at him.
Jake waits a beat for Tsu'tey to say something, but when he doesn't, Jake looks over at Mo'at wearily. "Nothing. No one is saying anything to me..."
Mo'at's face crumbles a bit in disappointment and Jake immediately feels like garbage. He looks away when she asks, "Then you see something?" Her voice is tinged with hope.
Jake shakes his head, staring down at the atokirina, feeling that edging sensation of falling into it and the sparkling universe within it. "No one is saying anything to me... I don't see anything other than the lights..."
Mo'at perks, glancing at the atokirina before her shoulders slump a bit again, then seems to realize something and carefully works out, "Not words, then? But hear?"
Jake blinks, looking at her and his expression must have revealed the truth because Mo'at's expression brightens, her grip on his wrists squeezing but it's fine. It doesn't hurt like Tsu'tey's hand had. What? Why is that?
"What do you hear, JakeSuli?" Mo'at asks softly, golden eyes studying his expression closely. Tsu'tey looks at him again, expression confused but open. His eyes flicker to their hands and back, full lips pressed together tightly, but his expression is still soft and open.
Not sure what is going on, he softly says, "I don't know. It's... like a thumping, I guess. Like a drum."
Mo'at looks down at the atokirina as the tendrils lovingly caress Jake's fingers and the back of his hand from where they curve around it. She considers for a long moment before looking at Jake. "A tune?"
Jake shrugs his shoulders a bit, cringing at the motion causing a sharp sensation down his arm, growing fainter the closer to his hands it got. Strange.
"Steady thumping..." Jake says softly, staring down at the atokirina. His ears whine as it sharpens and once more, he can so faintly hear the thumping. Steady, strong. So powerful... it's almost like he can feel the pulsations from all around him. Like it's carried through the ground and in the air. "It's almost like..." Jake says softly, Mo'at's eyes trained intently on his face as a memory surfaces in his mind.
More than one, actually. A collage of instances in the dead of night back on Earth when Jake would sit awake and listen to the sound of Tommy breathing beside him. Or, when he would reach out to place his hand on Tommy's back because he's a stomach sleeper and sometimes Jake just needs more reassurance that his brother was alive and well. Sometimes he just needed to feel his heart beating to be able to relax after a particularly bad nightmare. Just to feel the steady pounding beneath his fingertips.
"I hear... a heartbeat..." Jake says softly, realizing that it's true. A strong heartbeat. Something so powerful he could feel the vibrations through the ground and in the air. Something he could hear just on the edge of hearing. The realization making the hair stand at the back of his neck. He wasn't sure about it being the Na'vi Goddess's heartbeat, but it was something's, and that's overwhelming enough for him.
Mo'at's face is twisted into awe, and happiness as she softly asks, "And how does the Great Mother's heart sound?"
How did it sound?
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
Steady. Strong. Powerful. Good words, but somehow... not enough.
His lips part and he takes a moment, warring with himself on what to say. They weren't quite right, but they were close. Somehow, they didn't feel like quite enough. But everyone was waiting, staring at him. Even the scary man in the bright red adornments, his eyes wide and focused, waiting to hear what he says. But Jake can't look at him, can't focus on anyone other than Mo'at. How her hands seem to be the only thing keeping him from both falling over and floating away. How her eyes are staring at him, not through him.
Like somehow... they are connected.
"What does her heart sound like?" Mo'at asks softly.
Jake's lips part and he whispers the only thing that he can think of that even gets close to even put the sound into a word, "Mighty."