Boop! New Friday, new update! Enjoy!

Sidenote: I've started posting a Baldur's Gate 3 fic as well, for those interested! It's an Astarion X OC based story, and I'm planning on it being a weekly upload schedule. I'll pop the summary in as well ^-^

Summary:

Amaya wakes by a crashed Nautiloid with no memory of her dark urge past, or the time she spent with Astarion. Now woken, can she trust this pale elf? Can he find the courage to confess all he knows about her, their romantic past, and his sickening orders from the night they were taken? Can she recall her true self before they reach Baldurs Gate, and her Slaughter Kin comes calling?

A branch snapped a few metres away.

I had put on my gear when getting out of the wagon, just in case, and I stood, holding the hilt of a blade. Shit. Had we been found? Or was that just nature playing tricks on us?

Another snap.

Keza also stood, us both eying the tents opening…

"Blood of the father! Blood of the Mother–"

I clamped my hands over my ears and yelled out in defiance of Zeke's voice and those words, all the while my head filled with a want, a need, a desperation to listen, to obey, to belong. Little Bird. We are not doing this, we have come too far to be taken down by those shitty words now. Little Bird. Last time I managed to claw control back, this time I had to stop it taking hold at all. I couldn't be forced to shift again, not so soon, and not with the Source still ahead of us. No.

"Are you incapable of just talking to people? Is it all smash, grab, kill or control?" I bellowed back at him, Keza still looking from me to the tent opening with wide eyes. But she seemed calmer once she realised I had avoided his control. The worst part being I knew she didn't fear me, she feared me being taken away – not considering what Zeke might force me to do before I left. Why would he leave loose ends? I had to keep her safe, just like everyone else.

They were out there, fighting the pure titans right now, desperately trying to get through so they could get back here and we could finish our plan. To break the cycle. And no doubt they were all getting more and more anxious as they failed to see the Ape Titan arrive. Just don't get distracted guys. Please. We've lost enough already.

"Come on Zeke, enough of this shit. Come in here and talk to me at least, instead of just trying to use me like some White Cloak shithead."

It took a couple more seconds, no doubt him weighing up his options, many I wouldn't hope to know about until they were revealed. But then he stepped into view. He looked tired in all honesty, worn weary by his sick mission. Good. Even so, I dipped my head, hands still in place over my ears, my eyes checking and finding one blade strapped to his side at least. I had no doubt he would have other weapons though.

He held up his hands and I slowly lowered mine. Little Bird. I would keep hold of that lifeline as hard as I could. My hands were down, but my guard remained up. There would be no red flash in the sky. There would be no great clash of thunder as our hopes were scattered by my own weakness. Not this time. I refused.

The tent was filled with silence, but also expectation, no doubt both sides expected the other to fuck them over. Though in all honesty, we had only ever defended ourselves against his actions, so really we had the upper hand morally. Not that I expected that to matter to him.

I cleared my throat. "And you came to control me, why?"

"To end this." He sighed, sounding so wearied of me, of the world. He shook his head and wore an expression of such pleading I almost pitied him for a moment. Almost. "You can be the key to all of this Robyn Sanshi. You can end this awful cycle."

"I know. I plan to."

He gritted his teeth. "Not in the way you're talking. It doesn't make the Eldians stop, it doesn't halt that inherent need to control, it doesn't–"

"Don't go blaming the entire Eldian people for your Father's character flaws, or indeed your own." I snapped and stood firm when he suddenly looked enraged. "The people of Paradis, of the walls, didn't even know of Marlean land until very recently. We had been lied to, controlled and used just as much as anyone else. Those in power took it upon themselves to remove memories, to turn their people into pawns, to use them as human shields. And now those shields have fucking woken up, and we deserve to be allowed to live. To be free."

"Ignorance is no excus–"

"Fuck you."

"Excuse me?" He snarled, pointing behind himself. "All this bloodshed, all this madness, it comes back to the Eldians, all the way back to that selfish little girl making a deal with the devil. Literal or not, she tapped into an ancient magic for her own gains. For her own power. And the world has paid dearly since."

"So you blame us for the crimes of one girl, or one father, be it decades ago, or indeed hundreds of years ago. I agree with you, Zeke, for fuck's sake. Ymir may have had the intention of simply breaking free of slavers, but she has grown cold and angry. She is hateful now. I've seen her, met her even, though briefly."

He stared at me, and at first I thought he was looking at me like I was mad. But no. He looked afraid. As if I was being swayed by the little girl or something. He was so frightened he hadn't even registered that I was talking of her with disdain, had he?

I continued. "I fully intend to fight her to the last if I have to, as she doesn't want the cycle ended either. In fact, on that front, you're aligned with her."

He gritted his teeth. "How dare you. I do not wish the cycle to be broken because then we can at least help serve this world a little before we finally die out. To make amends!"

"And to pay that penance, for crimes unattached to anyone currently living, you'll commit genocide. And then there will only be Marley. Don't you think maybe you've had things a little twisted by Marley? Or your hatred for your own father?"

"I see clearly."

"Mm," I glanced at Keza, her own eyes zoned on our deranged guest.

It was infuriating. I knew what it was to be under the thumb of a controlling parent, I knew what it was to feel hatred for them and a want to burn the world if it meant hurting them. But that was always only in theory. In the end I only hurt him. I took down the man that did the deed. Fair enough Zeke does not have that luxury, Grisha took that from him when he took so much choice away from Eren, but that isn't my fault, it isn't the Eldian people's fault either.

"I am of royal blood." He spoke evenly, but somehow sounded even angrier. "You will obey the commands laid into your blood by your filthy father. You will do as bid. You will sterilise the rest of Eldia as you have been and finally the poison of our bloods will be taken from this world. And once we are gone? Peace. Beautiful and eternal peace."

Keza laughed. "You really think the Marleans won't start bickering amongst themselves? Because they will. People will always find a way to have a bicker. Rain falls, wind blows, and men squabble. Spilling blood is not going to cleanse the world you bloody idiot, it's only going to make it all the filthier when you fall over yourself later on."

His nose wrinkled. "Why am I being addressed by a common whore?"

"Oh darling, I'm a very uncommon whore actually." She winked and stepped closer to me. "I can't believe this slimy little shit killed Erwin. Sheer dumb luck has to count sometimes then."

"Erwin Smith was in my way. And now, so are you."

"Oh fuck off Hairy." Keza clicked her tongue. "I dunno that you're getting through to this moron, honey."

"Agreed." I readied myself. The need for a fight was clear enough, even if I knew I had to reserve as much of my strength as possible. Still, I had to defend myself, and Keza. "This is your last chance, Zeke. Leave, recall your Pure Titans and allow us to break the cycle, without the need for more suffering."

His eyes popped wider and he stalked forward a couple of steps. "You will doom the world with your childish notions. I will not allow it. Blood of the fath–"

Little bird.

"Blood of the mother!" He bellowed, my hands not blocking it out.

Little Bird.

"Red burning blood!" He roared in the small space and my body shivered all over before I leaned back and kicked out hard. He stumbled away and I panted, focusing on the shape of the words, the feel of them. Little Bird. My words of escape, the sweet name my mother used to calm my fears, to ease my pain. The words I held onto so damn tightly as a child they stopped my need to scream. Now they could keep me free. I did not need to obey, no. Ignore the strings. Ignore the itch at the back of my mind. Stop. No.

Keza tried to launch herself at him, to drag him down and immobilise him, but against his strength she was so slight. He threw her aside, sending her tumbling against the trunk of the tree we had set the tent up beside. The signal bag. I made a dash for it, knowing that someone on the team would notice the colour rising from the trees – it was part of the back up plan after all.

Something clicked. He suddenly thwacked the butt of the gun against the side of my head. CRACK. Shit! My knees gave out, spots invading my vision. Ringing filled my mind. But the gun was on the floor, he must have dropped it after hitting me. He reached for it. I slapped it away from his reach, he kicked me in the ribs. I choked. I tried to crawl, to get to my signal bag. Another kick, this time another strike to the head. Blood spurted from my nose and my mouth and he grabbed my hair.

"Listen here you fucking beast." He snarled into my ear. "You were born for this purpose, same as I. Tools of our parents, slaves to our destiny, pawns to a greater design. So stop your stupid struggling and play the part your bastard father carved you into."

"Fuck you." I spat in his face. Little bird. Little bird.

"Blood of the mother. Blood of the fath– ghn!" He suddenly released my hair and stumbled away a couple of steps, his pained cry drawing my eyes up to where a dagger stuck out of his back.

"Civilian or not, I ain't sitting by while this shit happens." Keza was at my side, picking me up, giving me that much needed space to breathe. "C'mon love, y'ain't dying here. You had other plans for that, remember?"

I got to my feet and kicked him away when he made another lunge for us. My hands were shaking, whole body feeling like it was going into shock as I scrambled for the signals. "Flail all you like Zeke, this is happening, and not how you're intending." The damn buckle was jammed. "I am after the same goal as you, I just don't fancy committing genocide to do it."

"You mean you're an idealistic fool." He ripped the knife out of his back with a grunt as his blood slashed across the pale tent fabric. "Half measures. Diplomacy. We're beyond that. Let me fix what you fucking Sanshi's broke."

"He'd have gotten along with that White Cloak fella, huh?" Keza was still angling herself in front of me. "Pure Titans or not, you can't stay in here."

Zeke bared his teeth, the blade still dripping in his own blood. "I am nothing like those pathetic White Cloaks. All their sneaking around, clinging to the cycle like a child to its mother's skirts. Disgusting."

I wiped the blood from my nose, giving up on the signals, pulling on Keza's sleeve towards the tent's opening. "And yet you're talking just like them."

"So you drive us all to madness, is that what you're saying?" He laughed, shaking his head. "So why not stop being the problem that you are, then?"

Keza snorted. "Says the man trying to fuck it all up."

"Silence, whore."

"Shut it, windbag."

"Both of you stop." I panted, moving Keza behind me again, putting my hand out to Zeke like he was some kind of rabid animal that I was trying to console. Which really, I guess he was. He eyed me and Keza alike, looking as spooked as one might expect, but that only made him more dangerous. This wasn't some thug, he was the pride of the Marlean forces. "Please. We need to work through this together. Humanity is on the brink, don't you get that, Zeke? I don't care what the Marleans have done in the past, I don't care what the Eldians are guilty of either, or Ymir, or your father, or whoever. I care about moving forward. And that's not going to be possible if we're just snarling at each other."

Keza tried to pull me back. "We need to run, love."

"I know." I backed up with her. "I just wish he'd fucking listen."

"I do too, love. C'mon."

And we made to flee.

"Like I said," he growled as we turned, and I glanced back to see a second blade, longer with a serrated edge. "Idealistic fools."

And he lunged. It might make me shift too soon, but I could handle that, I'd have to. So I readied for the strike, I braced.

But I didn't brace for the right thing.

Everything went still as I was pushed aside, landing on my knees, looking back over my shoulder to my waking nightmare.

No. Please, no.

I could only stare as blood ran down her back, pattering against the tent floor.

We just have to get you to that damned source, love. That was what she had said when she joined us. And she meant it. By any means possible. She hadn't shoved me far, barely an inch so she could try and disarm him, to do something and prevent me from harm. But that meant I was close enough to feel her leg against me, trembling as she stared into Zeke's hateful face. It can only have been a second, but as time started up again, the tears welled in Keza's bright eyes, before spilling over, and restarting the world. A gasp left her, and she snatched the blade from Zeke's grip, holding it in the wound as she fell to her knees.

The blade.

It had gone right through her slight body, pointed end emerging out her back. Keza gasped and I lunged to stop her hitting the ground fully, cradling her as the blood bubbled from her lips. No. No, this wasn't right. I pushed the hair out of her eyes, looking at the blade sticking out of her, and knowing the worst thing would be removing it.

I wanted to scream, to shriek, but all I can do is stammer her name. "K-Keza…"

"Sorry love." She winced, pain in her eyes as she tried to breathe right, but barely took shaken gasps. She spat up more blood. Oh god, it was everywhere. "Gonna have t-to figure the rest out without me. Looks like I'm seein' Erwin sooner than I thought."

"Don't you go giving up on me now." I laughed weakly, tears rolling down my nose. "I'll go get help–gah!" My hair was grabbed and I was dragged away from her, towards the tent entrance. "NO!"

"Damn civilians getting in the way." Zeke snarled, hauling me away as the light faded in Keza's eyes. "We have work to do, Sanshi."

"Keza!"

All those golden afternoons running through crops, our fingers trailing along the wheat, or us scrambling to sneak up the walls, and watch a real sunset. Our laughter bubbling past the water gurgling in the gutter where we lived, boxes on our backs as we pretend to be turtles, the vague smell of nearby bakeries preparing their daily bread. And the cold biting our bones as we huddled in one alley or another. But always together. Always fighting to survive, because screw the world for making us think we shouldn't. And now she lay there dying, every step Zeke took me away from her, the duller her eyes got. She had reached for me, looking with guilt of all things. No. This wasn't right. She had the orphanage, she had her beautiful home, she had a life!

Adrenaline surged through me and I reached up, clawed at Zeke's hand and wrist and wriggled free as he cried out in pain. Bastard. I got to my feet and just let instinct take over. Smack. Swipe. Claw. Snarl. I was like an animal with the leash untethered, his blood joining hers against the tent's pale fabric.

He grabbed my wrist and used his other arm to put me in a chokehold, hissing into my ear. "Blood of the Father. Blood of the Mother. Red burning blood."

Little Bird. Little Bird. I screamed both out loud and in my head, shaking it as I tried to refuse those strings, tried to hold onto myself. Do not let him do it again. Do not let him take away my autonomy. Please. The panic of Keza dying, the pain of losing her, the vulnerability of it all sunk into me, turning me cold. But no. I couldn't let him take control now, there was no telling when I would resurface. He held tighter, my air thinning, black spots appearing in my vision as thin lines laced along my spine, threading into my mind. Control. Yes. Control and obey. The image of Keza faded as her eyes closed with the final long sleep. Gone. D-Dead.

Shit. NO.

"Now then." Zeke hauled me towards the tent opening. "Time for you to use that power of yours. Shift."

Fire. Obey. Yes. Do it. No! NO FUCK YOU. It flooded my system, every nerve aching to unleash that power and realise the form of my bastardised version of the Eldian gift. Shift. Change. Do it, go on. But I bit it back. Not this time you bastard, I will no risk it, and I will not fucking submit. Not to the sick likes of you. It was like trying to swallow molten steel, my breaths gusting out white in the chilled air as heat flooded my system. Yes. Oh wouldn't it be wonderful to shift right now? To feel all that strength and potential? Yes. Yes. But then I saw Keza again, I looked to my hand bearing a wedding ring, I listened to the sounds of my family fighting the Pure Titans beyond the tent. No. I would not be a puppet right now, and I would not be used to destroy them.

Blood ran along my top lip, it trickled down my neck from my ears, but still I held that wall back, screaming at myself to not give in. It was time to take it all back. To make this day count. The last good part of my past had died, she had died defending me, so it was time for forging a bright new future ahead. And I wasn't doing that at the end of a leash…

My mind ached, my heart hammered and my lungs burned as I was taken out into the light and shoved to the ground, landing on my knees, body still shuddering with the need to shift. To change. To obey. No. I wasn't going to. I couldn't. I wouldn't. Little Bird just hold on. Please. Little Bird.

The blood ran thicker, puddling at my fingertips as I pushed them into the cold dirt.

No…

Please…

Little. BIRD.

It boiled within me; the anger, pain, regret, hatred, grief. It sloshed like wine in a barrel and boiled like stew on the stove, seeking release, seeking to rush out of me and scald everything in its path. I panted harder. No. I will not do this. I will not have her blood spilled and for it to have all been for nothing, so many deaths would be made to be for nothing. Not this time. Not because of me. No. They had helped me, guided me, healed me. And I would repay that dammit.

I… I had to…

"I said, Shift!" Zeke roared into my ear.

And I allowed myself an outlet…

I twisted in his grip, grasped his throat, took advantage of his surprise and toppled him backwards into the dirt with me. My grip was sure, nails digging into his flesh. His eyes popped wide. Alarm. Fear. Confusion. That's right, feel all of it, know all of it, drown in it you piece of shit. The fire in my veins swelled, my hands shaking, suddenly rushing hot for a moment like I had a fever. Within my free hand I struck out. Once. Twice. Thrice. His cheekbone buckled, his flesh puckering and bruising under the force, splitting, coating my knuckles in his blood. I slammed him down against the dirt, the grip on my neck slipping, my nails raking into his flesh, dragging back great lines of skin. This took all of three seconds at most. Then I stood over him. I kicked. I stomped. I screamed at him and clawed, my tears flowed, the want to shift bubbled under my skin like a kettle being left on the stove to screech into an empty room. This world and all its sickness had made us both into these barrels of hate and violence, these powder kegs ready to be lit at any moment, but I had been trying to do good. I still would. And yet I had to do so now, walking away from Keza's dulled eyes, with blood on my boots. With her death over my shoulder, a new haunting.

He rolled away, he crawled, he was saying something to me, pleading with me to listen. Like he had? I stomped on his leg. I hoped I hadn't imagined the sickening crunch. He screamed. He crawled faster, looking over his shoulder and once again bellowing at me.

"Shift!"

And the fever pitched higher, robbing me of breath, dizzying me. My knees hit the dirt, and I held onto control desperately. No. I will no obey this, no I don't care how good it'll feel to do so, I don't want his royal shit, I will not follow those golden strings. Damn you. Damn it all. Every last bit of it, the pain that led me here, the torture it took to turn me into this thing. No. I will decide when I shift, I will not let my body be destroyed by this man. Or anyone else. If I have to die for this cycle to end, so be it, but I will not let that resource be spent elsewhere. Another wave of pressure. I choked. My body convulsed with the need to do as bid. I sunk my hands into the cold dirt and gritted my teeth.

All the while the rat scurried off.

He ran away, limping, bloodied but still having gotten off far too lightly.

I would make him pay… Even if it had to be him watching his plans be reduced to nothing.

My body ached, that want and need to shift still churning in my gut, but as I curled over on myself, a new pain formed. No, not new. Simply rising back to the surface after a momentary distraction. I could still hear her breathing, but not really, only a gargled memory. She was gone. As the wind shifted the tent, she stared back blankly. She had watched after me, seeing me dragged off like some common mutt. I'll never be able to make it right Keza, but I can try and make him pay at least. Pay… Like any price would be high enough.

My body wanted to shift.

My heart wanted to implode.

My mind wanted to escape.

And so I simply sat back, let the pain in… And screamed.

Aaand there we go... Sorry? Cya next time!