Thank you as ever to the fabulous Hollie for your reviews, they make my day! Enjoy this (or maybe not!) and you might need tissues handy...
The night became morning and Mr Chambers the consultant entered Luke's room.
"Good morning Mr and Mrs Waite. Jenny has updated me on what happened overnight. Mrs Waite, I know you've said that you've self discharged but the doctor in AE is still happy to see you, make sure you're ok?" Mr Chambers said, noting Jess' bloody clothes and the cannula still in her arm.
"No, I'm fine, thank you." Jess said quietly, although she was as far from fine as humanly possible. Her head was throbbing, she felt sick and weak.
"Will you at least let us take the cannula out? It can't be comfortable." he asked.
"Yeah sure, thanks." she replied with a nod. Mr Chambers moved forwards, putting on some gloves. He removed the cannula, placing gauze over where it had just been and taping it tight.
"Mr Chambers? We're ready to give consent to withdraw care." Dan said, glancing over at Jess who nodded slowly, her eyes moving to Luke's pale face.
"Right. Is there anything that you wanted me to explain again?" Mr Chambers asked, looking between Jess and Dan.
"No. I can't see him suffer anymore, knowing that he won't be coming back to us." Jess whispered, pressing a kiss to Luke's forehead, stroking his dark unruly hair.
"Ok then. When you're ready, let me know, and we'll remove all the monitors and machines." Mr Chambers said gently. "Once we've done that it probably wont take long for Luke to pass."
"Can I hold him please?" Jess asked, swallowing back the tears.
"Of course you can. You can get on the bed with him if you want." Mr Chambers said. Two nurses came in, unhooking Luke from most of the monitors and drips and clearing everything away so that it was just Luke, looking tiny in the big bed. Jess climbed up onto the hospital bed and picked Luke up, cuddling him against her like she did when he was a tiny baby. Dan sat beside Jess, one arm around her, one arm around his son.
"Hey baby. We're here, mummy and daddy are here. And you're going to be just fine. We'll be with you all the way, I promise. We will never leave you Luke, you'll be with us always. We'll never forget you Lukie, never. I love you to the moon and back." Jess cried, kissing Luke's forehead over and over her chest heaving with sobs. She turned and nodded to Mr Chambers who turned off the final machine and gently removed the tube from Luke's throat that was breathing for him. He nodded at the couple, before exiting the room with the nurses.
"Sleep tight Luke. We'll see you soon. I love you." Dan said, kissing his son's head.
"I don't want him to die! He's too little, he needs us!" Jess cried, pulling Luke to her as much as she could, as if she could protect him like when she was pregnant.
"I know Jess, I know." Dan said thickly, a tear trickling down his face and onto the pillow.
Jess rested her hand on Luke's chest, feeling the slow thumping of his heart. Not even a minute had passed when she felt it, or rather, she did not feel it. The thumping had stopped. His chest had stopped moving. He had stopped breathing. Luke Waite had died.
It was lunchtime when Gina returned to the hospital with Callum. Neither felt particularly rested after the events of the night before, and now the whole station knew what had happened. They arrived in PICU, being let in by Mr Chambers.
"Afternoon officers. Are you here for Mrs Waite?" he asked, guessing from how Jess looked that the police would be getting involved.
"We are, is she still here? Is her husband still here?" Callum asked, glancing over to Luke's room.
"Yes they're both still here. What happened to her?" Mr Chambers asked.
"DV. How has he been with her? Any concerns raised by the overnight team?" Gina asked.
"No, and in actual fact they were saying how loving and attentive he was being." Mr Chambers said.
"Guilt I would imagine. Have they left the room at all?" Callum asked.
"No they haven't. I should tell you that Luke Waite died this morning, at 0851. His parents withdrew care." Mr Chambers said.
The officers looked at each other with sadness. Gina took a deep breath. "No parent should ever have to make that decision, especially not for a little one as young as Luke."
"No, they should not. I think Mr and Mrs Waite were discussing going to their house to get a cuddly toy they wanted Luke to take with him. If you want to wait here?" Mr Chambers asked.
The officers nodded and sat on the chairs by the PICU reception, waiting.
Twenty minutes later Jess and Dan emerged from Luke's room, their eyes red. Jess' shoulders were hunched over, like she had been punched in the gut. Dan had an arm round her waist to support her, guiding her forward. He looked up and saw Gina and Callum sat there; his expression darkened.
"Officers, can I help you?" he asked quietly. Jess looked up; Gina and Callum were shocked at how pale she was. They stood up, approaching the couple.
"Jess, Dan, I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept our condolences, from us all at the station." Gina said, laying a gentle hand on Jess' shoulder. Jess just nodded.
"Thank you. Now if you'll excuse us, we're going home to get Luke's favourite cuddly toy for him." Dan said, his voice breaking on the last few words. He took a deep breath, Jess squeezing his hand in reassurance, her chin wobbling as she fought the tears.
Gina nodded. "Do you want us to drop you home? I imagine you haven't slept much."
Jess and Dan looked at each other before Dan nodded, "Yes, thank you. I don't think either of us are in the right state of mind to drive."
As they started to leave PICU, Jess approached the open door of Mr Chamber's office. "Mr Chamber's, I just want to thank you for everything you did for Luke, right from the start. Thank you for caring for him, and thank you for allowing us the time we needed."
"You're welcome. I'm so very sorry for your loss Mrs Waite." he said with a solemn nod.
Jess took one last look at the room where Luke laid, her eyes filling with tears again. Dan took her hand, rubbing his thumb gently along her knuckles. "Come on Jess, let's get home and get him his cuddly dinosaur."
Jess wiped the tears away and nodded, slowly following Callum and Gina out of PICU.
Callum and Gina pulled up to the Waite's house.
"Here you go. Please Jess, please call us if you need anything. I'm always available." Gina said sincerely, turning in her seat. She caught Jess' eye and nodded, conveying an unspoken conversation.
"Thank you Inspector for bringing us home. I'm going to get Jess in and get her settled before we go back to the hospital later." Dan said, getting out of the squad car and coming around to help Jess out. She stood slowly and painfully. "Come on sweetheart, let's get you some painkillers and a warm bath and bed."
The police officers watched Dan help Jess up the stairs to their house, catching her as she stumbled. The door shut behind them.
Callum scowled. "I don't understand how she can go back into that house with him!"
"She loves him Callum, and she's probably scared to lose him after just losing Luke. Luke was half Dan, and I'm sure she's going to find it very hard to be without him, especially now Luke has passed. Give her time, she might come round. Now come on, let's get back to the nick and start pulling a case together, just in case she does change her mind." Gina said authoritatively.
The day dawned sunny and warm with not a cloud in the sky, a beautiful August morning. Jess sat up in bed, staring out the window. The weather was completely at odds with how she felt and what was happening today. Because today was a week since her son's death; today was his funeral. She jumped as something cool pressed against her shoulder. She turned to see Dan kissing her shoulder gently.
"I don't know if I can do this." she said quietly. Dan didn't say anything, and she wasn't sure if he had heard her.
"Me either. But we've got each other, I'll be holding your hand the whole day, I won't let go. I'm going to run you a bath, ok?" Dan said, his lips brushing against her neck. She turned and kissed him tenderly.
"Yeah, thank you." she whispered. Dan left the room, and she looked at the picture on her bedside cabinet which was taken a few weeks before Luke's accident. They had gone to the fun fair for the day, Luke's first time, and he had absolutely loved it. The picture was of them sitting under a tree, Jess sat between Dan's legs and Luke on her lap. Luke had a stick of candyfloss in his hand almost as big as his head, and he was laughing so hard that he got hiccups. Jess smiled at the memory, before pressing her fingers to her lips, then pressing her fingers to the smiling face of Luke, tears sliding down her face.
Jess and Dan sat at the open grave of their son. Luke's tiny coffin had been carried into the church by Dan, who cradled it in his arms as if it was just Luke. It wasn't what normally happened, but Dan wouldn't let anyone else do it.
Jess and Dan had dressed Luke in the little suit that they had bought him to wear to one of Dan's cousins' weddings. They put in his favourite teddy, so that he wouldn't get scared, tucking it under his arm.
Jess hadn't heard anything that was said during the service, the crying and sobs filling the Church was the only thing she could hear. Her mother had sat beside her, grasping her hand tight. Her father had sat next to her mother, trying so hard not to cry but unable to quite hold back the tears for his grandson. Her brother had sat behind her, his hands gently squeezing her shoulders throughout the ceremony. Her whole family had come together to support her and Dan, to mourn the loss of a young family member; a son, a grandson, a nephew.
Sally and a few others from the station, including Gina, Smithy and Callum, had sat at the back to pay their respects. Callum had been watching how Dan was with Jess, checking Jess for any new visible injuries, and was slightly appeased when he didn't note any.
After the ceremony, Dan carried Luke's coffin out to the grave, placing it gently on the dry earth, lightly touching the place where Luke's head rested in the coffin. The grave looked like a giant cut in the Earth, all harsh edges and darkness. Jess couldn't bear the thought of her son being trapped down there with no way out. But she pushed those thoughts and the panic for Luke out of her head and tried to keep it together as the coffin was lowered down into the raw ground.
The priest sprinkled dirt on the coffin, and Jess dropped a forget me not on top. The scent around the grave was a heady floral scent; many people had sent bouquets and arrangements which were now arranged around the grave, along with teddies and other cuddly toys.
As the priest finished off the sermon and people began to drift away, Jess sank onto the cold ground. Her yellow dress billowed round her, Luke's favourite colour. A breeze blew through the trees, Jess' cries of pain echoed in the wailing of the wind. And then, as the tears fell fast down her cheeks, the rain started. The day had started beautifully, but now the sky was a dark grey, the heavens pulling apart as the rain fell, reflecting Jess' emotions.