To the common observer it would have simply looked like two men talking to one another, no heat or anger, nothing more and nothing less. It would have seemed a little odd, but nothing unusual, maybe even a commander giving his teammate a well wishing before the teammate took off.

However Zelenka was no common observer, he had found out about Rodney and John's relationship shortly after the nanovirus incident, he had heard the two talking, and heard them talking about family. That was the first time Zelenka realized they were brothers.

John stood a few inches taller than his younger brother, and looked at the younger man intently, he couldn't hear the conversation, but he could easily guess that John was indeed wishing him well.

"Listen…try and bring yourself back in one piece, we kinda need ya around here," John whispered as he looked at his brother.

"I'll do my best…" he said smiling.

"Rod…"

"I know John…believe me I really do know…listen…take care of Elizabeth for me," he whispered.

"She can take care of hers…"

"I know…but it helps to have someone to talk to…you know that…"

"Yeah I do, I'll watch out for her I promise."

"Thanks…"

"Take care bro," John said shaking his best friend and brother's hand.

The words rang through his ears "so long Rodney." That was his screwed up way of saying goodbye and that it had been one hell of a year…one hell of nearly eleven years of knowing each other, being brothers.

"There must be a…" Rodney watched him run out of the room. Rodney ran all the way to the gate room, his legs carrying me as fast as he could go. At some point Carson caught up with him, he even beat Rodney up the stairs. Rodney knew what John was planning. He knew and he also knew it was his fault John felt he had to go do this. It ceased to amaze Rodney how he could continue to fail his friends and family.

"You let Sheppard fly that Jumper?" Rodney murmured, his heart dropped at the look of fear and pain in Elizabeth's face.. Rodney wanted to scream and yell. It shouldn't have been John in that jumper. 'It should be me' thought Rodney 'I'm expendable, there are dozens of scientists who could replace me here, no one…no one could ever replace John.'

Rodney didn't realize how much he cared for his annoying older brother, but he was helpless without John. John was the best friend he had aside from Elizabeth and Carson, maybe even Zelenka, but…to lose John would hurt more than anything.

Rodney had been so careful, he would let people in and then shut them out as soon as he felt they were getting too close. He had been in control, then John and his family came, and Carson, Elizabeth, Zelenka, Peter even Gaul and Abrams. Rodney let them all get too close, and now they were all going to die because of him and his stupid inability to see and prevent things.

Rodney looked at Elizabeth then Carson, pushing back his struggling desire to apologize, to say goodbye and to hold Elizabeth's hand. Was that all our friendship was all our childhood was, "so long Rodney." Rodney felt his stomach churn and his eyes burn with fresh tears.

"Help me arm the self destruct, in case this fails." Elizabeth spoke, Rodney simply nodded and moved over to the controls. He felt hopeless, he was at a complete loss for words. 'Was there something so wrong with me that I kept loosing those I cared about?' Thought Rodney. He want to speak, but there's nothing to say. Those words said it all, "so long Rodney." No goodbye, no pain, he would die to save them and Rodney wouldn't stop him. he couldn't. Just like John wouldn't stop Rodney if he was trying to do the same thing. John knew it was a suicide mission and he wouldn't let anyone else take the job.

Rodney had failed him, after all the sleepless hours, all the adrenalin rushes and little to no food he had failed him. Rodney had failed all of them. He stood here waiting, just listening with his other friends and kept hoping the Daedalus would show up to rescue all of them before John killed himself in what end as a futile attempt.

There was silence, as Rodney looked at John, as though they were waiting for the bombs to start dropping, waiting for the Wraith to realize they were still here. Sheppard looked at the gate in defeat, he had let him get away.

"Rodney?" questioned Elizabeth.

"They're breaking for hyperspace," he replied confidently.

"Good work Rodney, now get some sleep," she said softly clapping him on the shoulder.

Rodney sighed, and lowered himself into the nearest chair, he felt sick; tired, his hands were shaking, whether from sheer exhaustion, withdraw from his bomb building pills, or from his hypoglycemia he didn't know. He didn't care, he buried his face in his hands, his mind running over the hundreds of things left to do, running over those they had lost in the battle. And they had indeed lost so many.

"Rod…" Carson's voice caused him to jump. He looked up, how long had he been sitting here, how long since the attacks, at least long enough to have John, Weir and Carson standing around him with worried looks in their eyes.

"I'm okay…sorry," he whispered.

"No, you're not, come here lad," Carson whispered as he gently helped Rodney to his feet. Rodney stood for a moment, waiting for the rest of his world to stop spinning. "You too Major, you're both dead on your feet. And as for you lass, go get some sleep, I'm serious," he stated simply.

"Will do Carson, as soon…"

"Nye, now Doctor, before I put you in a bed," stated Carson.

"All right," she whispered.

"Good, come on boys," Carson said smiling as he led his two friends from the gate room.

"You're really okay?" Rodney whispered some twenty or thirty minutes later with a tray of food in front of him.

John looked over from his bed and smiled softly, "Yeah…I'm really okay…it's a little hard for me to believe too…Rod, I'm really proud of you…"

"I'm sorry John…"

"Why now?"

"You shouldn't had to have gotten into that jumper."

"I'd do it again in a heart beat Rodney, and it wasn't your fault. You did everything you could…"

"No…"

"Yes Rodney, you save our asses…again, we're alive today because you saved us."

"You really believe that?"

"Yes…" murmured John.

"It wasn't your fault either…"

"Huh?"

"Aiden…he chose to leave on his own John, we tried to help him. You couldn't have stopped him, the Wraith side took over, the need for a drug. We've both seen what drugs can do to people, trust me, there was nothing you could have done."

"I'd love to believe that right now…"

"John, it wasn't your fault."

"Tell you what, I'll stop blaming myself if you stop blaming yourself," whispered John.

Both men knew they would never keep the promise, it wasn't possible, they had both lost people that they blamed themselves for their deaths, that wouldn't change.

"Yeah…right."