John was walking down the corridor, heading some place where he could be far away from his brother as possible. He was furious, Rodney had just put him in one hell of a spot. Rodney had done many dumb things in his life. However, Rodney had been right about one thing.

Never before had Rodney asked John to trust him, the trust had always just been there, an automatic stick up for his younger brother thing. John wasn't sure when that had suddenly changed. But today his brother had sounded so lost, so desperate for help. John was just as guilty for the accident as Rodney was, and that's why he was so damned angry at Rodney. John had known it was wrong and when begged by his own brother he had given into the plea and allowed himself to be conned into helping. He had stuck up for Rodney, and now his trust from Elizabeth was just as diminished if not a little more than Rodney's.

He felt his stomach turn at the sight of the very man he was trying to avoid. He quickly whirled around to head the other way, "John! Wait… I've been looking all over for you," Rodney said, seemingly oblivious to John's anger.

"I heard, what do you want Rodney," John said tersely as he crossed his arms over his chest in front of his brother.

"I suppose I deserve that. Look…I…I wanted to say I'm sorry, I was wrong…And I wanted to assure you….look I intend on not being right again…about everything anymore….effectively immediately….That was a joke," Rodney mumbled suddenly.

"Good one," he muttered as he headed towards the transporter.

"I've already apologized to Elizabeth ... and Radek ... and I thanked Colonel Caldwell for, uh, caring enough to spy on the experiment from orbit. I sent him a nice little email, actually. But I saved you 'til last 'cause, um, honestly, I would ... I would hate to think that recent events might have permanently dimmed your faith in my abilities, or your trust. At the very least, I hope I can earn that back….I would also hate to think that twenty years of friendship could be ruined…by this one event."

"That may take a while…let's face it McKay, you screwed up, and now I'm in just as much trouble for trusting your sorry ass as you are. Elizabeth trusted me enough to want me as her head military officer. You just blew up half a galaxy. I'd say right now you're going to be in deep trouble for a long time."

"I…" Rodney just shook his head.

"I have to go now, I've got people to speak to…you'd be smart to stay out of the way for awhile," mumbled John as he pressed the button and watched the doors close.

He felt his stomach roll, John had been silent the entire trip home, and Rodney knew exactly why, his brother was pissed, more than pissed: furious and no doubt trying to find ways of killing Rodney. Elizabeth would ream his ass, and Radek would no doubt hate him forever, and then that left John.

His brother, his best friend, Rodney had done many bad things in his life time, but for every bad thing he'd done, John had always been there to stand by his side. Until now, Rodney had done something unlike anything before, he'd gambled, gambled with trust, faith, assurance, and most of all his brother. He'd asked his brother to trust him, and naturally John had said yes. Rodney's ego had destroyed the relationship with possibly the only person left to trust him in the solar system.

Elizabeth's words had cut like a knife, hurt deeper than Rodney had ever expected. Radek's silence spoke volumes in its own, but it was John's words, his statement that it would take some time for Rodney to ever gain back his trust. It had been the most painful thing Rodney had ever heard.

He weakly made his way back to his room, closing the door behind him, Lauryn was with Carson for the time being; Rodney had no doubt the doctor would care for her fine.

Closing his door, he didn't both to turn on the lights as he slowly sank to the ground. Everything hitting him, every image, every man and woman he'd lost on this expedition, because of his own damned stupidity. The good people that had come and gone faster than the planet he'd just blown up.

He felt his eyes burning as the words his father had once said, ring more true today than they ever had before: "Failure! Stupid little stubborn bastard! What good are you for, you fuck everything up!" Twenty years ago, Lauren had made Rodney believe his father was a bad man who drank away his pain and blamed his problems on his only son.

Today, Rodney began to see the dawning in his father's words, the truths that really sat there. Knees pulled up to his chest he felt himself leaning over until he came to rest against the wall between the closed door and his dresser. His face began to crumple at the thoughts, memories of his father, pain he'd endured before and the pain he was enduring now. How could he have come so far to only take a million steps back?

John walked into the infirmary and smiled, there sat Carson; playing with Lauryn in his lap. "There's my favorite girl," John said grinning as he scooped the girl from Carson's arms and snuggled her close for a minute.

"Where's Rodney?" Carson questioned.

"I don't know," muttered John, leaving out the fact that at the moment he didn't care.

"I heard what happened…"

"So did the rest of Atlantis…"

"John…"

"Carson, spare me the words of wisdom okay, Rodney screwed up. And for the first time I have a real reason to be angry at him, furious would actually be better."

"Aye, ya may be right 'bout that, but he needs you now…"

"One thing Rodney has always made very clear, was that he didn't need anyone…"

"It's not true, John, I understand what he's done, and the trust he's violated, I'm not blind. But he's hurting just as much as you are, and Elizabeth…"

"Carson…"

"He needs to know someone still cares," Carson stated firmly.

"That's just it Carson, I don't," John finished quite clearly. Carson's blue eyes went cold.

"Well then you aren't the man I knew," Carson glared angrily, he lifted the infant from his friend's arms and stalked off. For every ounce of Carson that was pissed off at Rodney's mistake, he knew the man would still need someone there…someone to pick up the pieces when things finally fell apart, and Carson knew; things would fall apart.

"Rodney," Teyla called softly as she rapped on the door to his room. She didn't want to open it, but at the same time, she knew Carson was correct. The doctor had come to her earlier, mentioning that she might go check on him.

Teyla had heard about the mistake, and felt troubled, she did not feel angry at Rodney or his actions. He had desired something, a power, a weapon to defeat quite possibly the most evil creatures here. Part of her would have wanted it to work just as badly.

She almost felt like she understood the scientist, which led her to want to help him only that much more. Reaching out she pressed the console for the door, it opened with a hiss, and that's when she saw him.

He was lying on his side, curled in a fetal position; it amazed her how even a strong man such as he…could have such weak points. She closed the door, not wishing to embarrass him further and reached out, her hand gently touching his back.

"Leave me alone," came his muffled cry as he tried to scoot from the hands touching him.

"It is only me Rodney," she whispered gently, reaching out she stroked his stubble covered cheek.

"No," he mumbled as he tried to pull away again, only succeeding in banging his head against the wall.

"Shh, come here," she reached out with her other hand and gently pulled him close. She could not feel anger towards him, or mistrust, because at the moment she was unsure if she would have reacted any differently than he had.

She pulled his head into her lap, gently crooning and caressing him as she sang a soft lullaby to him. Allowing him the chance he truly needed to get this out of his system.

"You shouldn't be here," he mumbled as he finally pulled away from her, cursing himself for being so damn weak.

"Perhaps not…but I am your friend."

"I don't have any friends," he replied.

"That is not true Rodney, certainly you must know that. This will pass."

"I don't know Teyla, I've really screwed up…"

"I am not angry at you," she whispered.

"You're not?" he questioned.

"This device…could have helped us to defeat the Wraith, protect my people. While they wouldn't want to risk anyone's life, they certainly would have benefited from this…I would have desired to learn more as well."

"My arrogance…however, seems to be the issue at hand here."

"We are all arrogant at times, perhaps Colonel Sheppard more than any of us. You made a mistake Rodney, however, it was just that, you must learn from it, get past it and do better another day. Trust people, believe in those you are working with."

"I'm not sure I can…"

"I know you can, you are a good man Rodney, a very good man who just needs a little help."

"Thank you Teyla…"

"It was my pleasure Doctor McKay," she smiled and squeezed his hand with that she stood and headed out of his room, leaving Rodney to his thoughts, he had done something terrible, and it would truly be a miracle if he ever gained back the trust of his friends, but at the same time he knew somewhere John and Elizabeth still cared for him as a friend.