"Oh my god!", I let out some sort of cross between a scream and a moan. "I am never ever having sex again".
I'm holding onto the side of the hospital bed for dear life as another contraction rolls through me, wracking my pelvis and back with pain.
I feel Cappie's hand on my leg then, probably unsure what the hell to do to comfort me in this animalistic state I'm in.
"Hey you'll be able to get the epidural soon, I know it hurts. I think when she's out you're gonna regret the no sex thing though", Cappie snickers slightly, rubbing my leg.
I kick him away the best I can and let out another moan of pain.
"No I won't!", I cry out. "This is literally all your fault!"
"Okay… it can be my fault if it helps right now", Cappie offers.
"It does", I nod.
"Dammit, too bad Ashleigh wasn't still in town", Rusty says from the corner of the room, standing there awkwardly. "I don't really know how ready I am to see all of this".
"Oh shut up Rusty!", I complain. "Leave if you want. This isn't about you!"
I can see Cappie give him a glare.
"No… I…", Rusty sighs then. "Sorry Casey, I want to be here for you".
He comes over to me then so him and Cappie are on either side of my hospital bed.
We'd been here for a couple hours now. Luckily Dr. Goldsmith was on call tonight, so it was really amazing that she was here. It was just after 2:30am and my pains were worse than I could've ever imagined. When I got here they put me in a room, confirmed I was a centimetre dilated and then kept checking me every so often. But it seemed like each contraction was worse than the last. And to my annoyance, the last time Dr. Goldsmith came in about half an hour ago I was only a centimetre more dilated. I guess this whole thing was pretty slow.
"Oh here's Ash on my phone, can you answer it and hold it up to me Cap?", I ask him as I breathe out, panting.
"Yeah sure", He nods, I think just happy to do anything that would help me since he'd been feeling pretty helpless the entire night watching me in pain.
"Hi Ashleigh", Cappie answers my phone. "Yeah she's a little… incapacitated right now but she's 2 centimetres dilated so it's definitely happening. Here, I'll put you on speaker".
Cappie presses a button on my phone.
"Case? You okay?", I hear Ash's voice now as Cappie holds the phone up to me as I grip onto the side of the bed in agony.
"No Ash", I cry out. "This sucks, like so bad. I'm telling you Ash, whatever you do, do not have sex again. I'm serious. This is way too bad to risk it".
"Well don't tell her that", Rusty says in his chair at the side of my bed as he rolls his eyes.
"Okay Case", Ash laughs then.
"It's not funny… Ow!", I breathe out. "This baby is trying to kill me!"
"I'm sorry, I wish I was there", Ash whines. "But hey maybe you can get the drugs soon!"
"Yeah she's in line to get an epidural", Cappie says, explaining to her. "But she's not dilated enough yet".
"Which I think is complete bullshit!", I say, annoyed and resorting to swearing as let out another wince. "I just want the drugs".
"Okay well, I'll check in later, I've been texting Rusty for updates. At least Cap and Rusty are there with you!", Ash offers and I can tell she feels bad for me.
"Yeah", I nod my head up and down, my eyes clenched shut in pain. I open my eyes to see Cappie's blue ones set on me, looking worried. "You're right. Well… talk to you later Ash. Maybe by then I'll have gotten an epidural".
"Let's hope, I have my fingers crossed! Bye Casey!", Ash says, signing off.
I continue on trying to breathe through this, having the worst pain of my life, but still grateful that Ash was literally staying up all night to support me.
"Ughhh", I let out a slow wince of pain then.
"Here, why don't we think about some good memories so it'll distract you?", Cappie offers up.
"Like what?", I whine, trying not to cry.
"Well…", Cappie thinks to himself. "What about the first time we met? The Kappa Tau party that, thank god, you just happened to be at".
"Yeah", I nod up and down, every breath feeling like it hurts. "That was nice. But also… if I had skipped that party and never met you then I wouldn't be in this position right now".
I moan out again then, gripping the side of the hospital bed so hard I have to hope I don't break it.
"Okay, what about something to make you laugh? Like… hey, what about that time that Rusty got crabs his freshman year?", Cap looks over to Rusty with a laugh.
"You did?!", I let out a semblance of a laugh then. "How did I not know about this?"
Rusty shoots Cappie a look and then groans.
"It was from that USAG girl I slept with", Rusty explains.
"Even I haven't caught anything and I'm… well I'm me", Cappie laughs.
"Very funny Cap", Rusty shakes his head in annoyance.
"I wish mom knew about this!", I joke with Rusty then and he shakes his head.
I laugh then as the contraction seems to be waning a little bit.
"Cap what about that time in freshman year when you were a pledge and you had to spend the whole day walking around in your underwear?", I laugh. "You even came to class wearing your boxers and then got thrown out".
"God", Cappie laughs. "That feels like a million years ago".
"I know right", I giggle seeing the two of them laugh, feeling really happy that both of them were here. "Hey guys?"
"Yeah?", Cappie says, both of them at my attention.
"I'm really scared", I let a tear fall down my cheek then. "I don't feel prepared at all. I thought I had at least three more weeks. What if I can't do this?"
"Aw Case it'll be okay", Cappie comforts me. "We'll be here the whole time and you'll get the epidural soon. Dr. Goldsmith said that your cervix feels good…. whatever that means".
I laugh slightly then.
"Okay", I nod, still feeling uneasy.
"It'll be okay Casey. Think about all the people who have babies every day. And think about how soon you're gonna meet her", Rusty reminds me.
"I guess you're right", I nod. "I didn't think we'd meet her for a while so maybe… this is a good thing".
"Totally", Cappie squeezes my hand as I feel a contraction coming on again, my whole body tensing up in pain. "Another one?"
Cappie looks at me worriedly as I nod up and down, unable to really talk.
"It's okay", He caresses my head, hands running through my hair comfortingly.
"Hey Case at least mom and dad literally physically can't make it here to bother you while you give birth even if they wanted to", Rusty laughs.
"Yeah", I nod up and down, trying to breathe through the contraction. "You're right".
I look down at my stomach then, it having a band around it to monitor her heartbeat and to time my contractions.
"You picked a good day baby. Your grandparents can't come bother mommy because of the snowstorm", I say to her with a scoff and then look at Cappie's scared face to see it soften when I talk to her.
"She's trying to upstage Christmas", Cappie laughs.
Dr. Goldsmith comes in the room then and I perk up, hoping she'll have good news on the epidural.
"Well it looks like you've got a great support system here Casey", She smiles.
"Yeah I do", I nod, looking at the two most important people in my life, although they're about to become the second and third.
"Well I just came to check your cervix again and if you're dilated enough we're going to get that epidural going", She smiles.
"Okay", I nod up and down. Even though her checking my cervix hurt like a bitch, if it meant getting the epidural I would basically do anything right now.
Rusty and Cappie move away from me slightly so she can reach up my gown to check me as I scoot down the bed to her.
"Well", She smiles at me. "You'll be happy to know that you're 4 centimetres now which means we can take you down the hall to get your epidural".
"Oh thank god", I let out a sigh of relief, looking over to see Cappie looking just as relieved.
"You can bring one person with if you'd like, to hold your hand while we administer it into your back", She says.
"Okay the baby's father is gonna come with me", I nod looking at Cappie.
I knew Dr. Goldsmith thought that we were a couple, she'd said it once before how sweet she thought we were.
She'd probably never know that we weren't together.
Cappie and Rusty both lean in to help get me out of bed as I get the baby monitor band off my stomach until I come back.
"Rus, no", I wave him off. "I'm not wearing any underwear right now and this just feels way too weird".
Rusty gives me a grossed out look and lets Cappie single-handedly help me out of bed and into the wheelchair in my room.
Dr Goldsmith waits for us at the door and Cappie wheels me down the hallway into the room she directs us into.
"I'll see you two when I come by next", Dr. Goldsmith smiles and walks away down the hall, leaving us in the care of a male doctor who looked to be in his late 40s to early 50s.
"Hi there, I'm Dr. Burke", the man in the room greets us. "I'm the anesthesiologist who will be administering your epidural today".
"Hi", I let out in a strained voice, the pain making me barely able to think.
"Well this probably isn't how you anticipated spending Christmas is it?", he gives us a slight laugh but I'm too uncomfortable for niceties right now.
"Yeah not exactly", Cappie answers with a scoff.
"Well I'm Jewish so for me it's just any other day of work", Dr. Burke shrugs with a smile. "So... Ms. Cartwright, you ready?"
"Yes, so ready", I nod up and down frantically which elicits a laugh out of him.
"Perfect, so we're going to get you up on the table here and you can look towards your partner and just try not to think about it and before you know it, it'll be done and I think you'll be a lot more comfortable. Sound good?", He explains.
I nod up and down quickly. Not really wanting to hear his explanation, just wanting it in my back right this second.
Cappie and the doctor help me get onto the table and then I lean forward, instructed by Dr. Burke, and I hold onto both of Cappie's hands.
I feel the nerves arising in me slightly when I see the needle out of the corner of my eye.
"Oh wow…", my hands shake. "That's a huge needle".
"It's okay, here just look at me Case", Cappie squeezes my hands and my eyes come back to him, fear probably present in my face. "It's okay, I don't even think you're gonna notice it, why don't you just talk to me more about how this is all my fault".
He gives me a smirk then and I glare at him.
"I know it's not just your fault", I say. "I'm just under duress!"
I argue with a slight smile taking hold of my face.
"I just think that it was your idea in the first place once I was on birth control again after Thanksgiving to stop using you knows... and I went along with it of course because me and you were the most serious relationship I've had and I knew you'd never cheat on me so we were okay on the STD front, but I don't think you and I realized how easy it is to get preg-", I pause my rambling run on sentence as I feel the needle in my back and automatically feel like I want to arch my back in discomfort but I knew I had to stay really still.
"It's okay, it's in now Case", Cappie explains to me, giving me a smirk. "It'll be over in a sec".
"Okay it's done Ms. Cartwright", Dr. Burke says and I feel extreme relief run through me.
"Thank god", I sigh.
Cappie and Dr. Burke help me slowly try to get back in my wheelchair now, being mindful of the IV in my hand.
"You guys look pretty young, is this your first baby?", He asks us with a smile.
"Yeah it is", Cappie answers with a nod.
"And probably the last", I half joke which earns a laugh from Dr. Burke.
"Well I know a lot of people say that but when you meet your baby… all of this will be well worth it, I promise", He gives me a good natured squeeze on my shoulder which I knew he meant to be comforting, but right now, in this much pain, the only person's hands who I wanted on me were Cappie's.
"I'll take your word for it", I nod and Cappie thanks him and then wheels me back to my room where I am happy to get back to my comfortable bed.
"Oh great, you're back", Rusty jokes sarcastically to a death glare from me.
"Shut it", I hold my hand up as Cappie wheels me into the room.
"Don't worry Spitter, she'll be a lot nicer in about ten to fifteen minutes", Cappie says to him, referring to how long it's supposed to take for the epidural to kick in.
Cappie helps me get back into my bed and get the band around my belly again.
"I'm so hungry", I groan.
"I know but you can't eat", Cappie frowns at me.
"I know that but I just wish I had eaten more before we left", I whine.
"Eaten more? You had three slices of a frozen pizza we made, a muffin, some popcorn, and two popsicles", Rusty laughs.
If looks could kill Rusty would be dead right now.
"I want a hot dog", I cry.
"You don't even like hot dogs", Cappie laughs.
"I know but I don't care. I really want one right now. With fries", I sigh, thinking about food. "Really greasy fries".
"Okay, once she's out and you can eat again I'll go get you one", Cap smiles at me, I think finding me amusing right now.
"Thank you", I say, pulling the covers up around me more, trying to lay on my side but finding it virtually impossible with my large belly and the monitor on it.
"Did it work yet?", Cappie asks.
"Maybe a bit", I say. "Thank god, I think maybe it's starting to help".
"Okay good", Cappie sighs out, relieved.
2 hours later and I'm in incoherent bliss. I can't feel anything past my waist. I'm sipping water out of a big water bottle type thing with a straw, I have the occasional ice chips, and I'm warm and decently comfy in my bed. The only thing that's annoying me right now is that I haven't gone past 5 centimetres yet, which means this is gonna be pretty slow.
It's 4 o'clock in the morning and yet not one of the three of us is sleeping.
"Case you should really get some sleep", Cappie suggests to me from his chair to the left of my bed.
"No, too anxious", I shake my head.
"But you're gonna have to do all that pushing stuff which, if you remember that video from the class, is pretty rough", Cappie says.
"Fine I'll try to sleep in a bit", I say, dazed out, the drugs working their magic but still not making me any less nervous. "I think you should be the one sleeping".
"No way", He shakes his head like the notion is insane. "I have to stay awake to make sure nothing happens to you guys".
Cap gestures over to me and then down to my bump.
"Fine. Then Rusty you should sleep", I point over to the fold out cot in the corner of the room that they had for dads and other birthing partners.
"I'm still too traumatized from hearing your doctor talk about the consistency of your discharge", Rusty gives me a grimace.
"You're such a baby", I groan. "That's not even close to the grossest thing that's gonna happen today".
"Ugh god, really?", Rusty shakes his head.
"Just embrace it man", Cappie says to Rusty with a snicker. "It's the many wonders of the female body… the many weird and uncomfortable wonders".
"Both of you are under strict orders to stay up by my head when the baby actually starts coming out though. Got it?", I look at them seriously. "Especially you Rusty".
"Trust me Casey, I would rather die than go past your waist", Rusty assures me. "I'm already pretty sure I'm gonna faint regardless".
"Well you're in the perfect place to do it Spitter", Cappie gestures around the hospital room giving Rusty a joking grin.
"Man, I never thought that being bored was gonna be one of my biggest problems during labour. This is taking forever and there's nothing to do because we can't even have the TV on in the night", I sigh.
The hospital let you start watching the TV at 7am, anytime before that it wouldn't even turn on.
"Hey well why don't we play a game?", Cappie shrugs.
"Like… truth or dare?", I give them a look.
"I'm gonna feel like a twelve year old girl who just got her first period, but… sure", Cappie jokes.
"I'm in", Rusty shrugs casually. "I was so freaked out trying to make sure we could clear a way through the snow to get here that I didn't even bring my textbooks with me. So... since studying is out the window, I guess I'll play".
Rusty lets out an exasperated sigh then.
"That's the spirit!", I joke, being sarcastic. "Okay I'm going first. Rusty, truth or dare".
"Truth", Rusty shrugs, leaning back in his chair.
"How long have you been into Ash?", I give him a smile.
"Well…", He can't help his blush. "Actually… I shouldn't say anything, but it's definitely been long before this semester. I just never thought she'd ever see me that way... never thought we'd get out of the friendzone. Actually, I still can't believe we're out of the friendzone".
"Aw", I smile. "Well I can believe it. You two make each other really happy".
"Yeah... we do", Rusty gives me a genuine smile and then looks into his lap shyly before looking up again.
"Alright, Cappie, truth or dare", Rusty asks him, a glint in his eye.
"Dare", Cap smirks.
"I dare you to go past Casey's waist when she starts pushing, you have to look and try not to pass out", Rusty says with a laugh.
"No way", I shake my head.
"Challenge accepted", Cappie says like it's no big deal. "Except I'm not doing anything Case isn't comfortable with so… why don't I just pick truth instead?"
"Okay fine, truth, were you guys fighting before I came over tonight?", Rusty asks.
Me and Cappie immediately look at each other, both unsure what to say.
"Sorry I just noticed the vibe was weird but…I shouldn't be butting in on whatever's going on between you guys", Rusty shakes his head regretting asking about it.
"No I'll answer", Cappie shrugs. "We weren't fighting, we were just talking about our relationship".
"Or lack thereof?", Rusty asks. "Because I'm still confused".
"Rusty", I give him a look.
"Fine, fine", He shakes it off. "Your turn Cap".
"Okay. Case…", Cap looks to me. "Since I don't think you can really do a dare right now… truth?"
"Sure", I look at him, my heart beginning to pound in anticipation.
"Don't worry I'm not gonna make you answer some sort of question where you can profess whether or not you have feelings for me", He shakes his head then looks down. "My question is are you sure about this being a one and done situation?"
He looks back up at me jokingly as my eyebrow raises.
"What?", I laugh.
"You're one hundred percent sure no more babies for you in the future? This is it?"
"Oh…", I nod, taking in his question while I think about it. "No, I guess I'm not one hundred percent sure that you and me won't have more kids".
I shrug then.
"I didn't say you and me, I said you", Cappie looks at me mischievously. "But nice to know that you think you and I will have that option in the future".
He looks at me winningly then, grinning.
I roll my eyes at him.
Fine, he got me there. I didn't really picture having kids with any other person. Not even in the future. Because even if I didn't say it, in my mind it was going to be me and him and our baby living together for as long as humanly possible. And maybe that was just because my mind wouldn't let me think any further down the line than that or maybe it's because I knew that having a family with anyone but him wasn't what I wanted.
"Okay Cap, I have a question for you", I say then, not even bothering to give him an option to choose dare. "Are you really content if you never date anyone again? Never sleep with someone else again? You know, because you've said you wouldn't bring anyone back to the apartment but I know how you are when you're single".
That's been on my mind for awhile now. And maybe under the influence of the drugs coursing through my veins, and the sleep deprivation, I finally have the balls to bring it up.
"Yes I'm sure", is all he says, like it should be obvious, and then he decides to elaborate. "I have no room in my life to try to date anyone anyways, or hookup with anyone. Not to mention I don't want to and don't need to because I have you".
I take in his answer then and I can't help but like what I hear. Really like it.
His blue eyes look at me sternly, trying to tell me in any way he can how serious he is.
"Case, truth", Cappie looks at me then and it seems like we're both just at a mutual understanding that we're going to leave Rusty out of the game at this point. It had become something bigger than just truth or dare. "Why are you so scared to be in a real relationship with me again?"
I cross my arms across my chest, resting over my bump as I give him a half offended huff, even though I know he's right.
Of course, only me and Cappie would be arguing about our relationship while I'm in literal active labour in a hospital bed at 4 in the morning.
"I'm not scared", I defend myself. "I'm just being smart. I have to think about me and the baby now. And I just… know how these things go with you and me and… I can't let what happened last year happen again. If we got back together eventually you'd resent me, and maybe resent the baby too and a relationship between us would just implode and… I love you way too much to let that happen".
I end my piece off with a sigh, not even having realized I'd just unintentionally told him I loved him.
Not that I didn't think he probably already knew that I still did on some level.
"That's not gonna happen Case, I would never ever resent you or our baby", Cappie says simply, looking at me, surprised that I laid it all out.
"How do you know that?"
"Uh… this game is basically turning into you guys hashing out your relationship", Rusty interrupts us awkwardly. "So I'm gonna get some sleep. You guys… keep doing your thing though".
Rusty folds out the bed in the corner of the room while me and Cappie stare at each other and I can't help the instinct I have to lean over to where he's sat in his chair and kiss him hard. But alas, I can't move my legs right now because of the epidural.
"Case I really think you should get some sleep too. Please? I think you're gonna regret it if you don't", He looks at me, arms crossed like he's my father.
"Fine", I nod. "Wake me up if the doctor comes back though. We need to see if I'm dilating any more".
"I will I promise", he nods and I give him a quick nod and then cozy into my pillow and close my eyes.
I guess we'd resume this conversation later.
Hopefully after I had our baby in my arms.
"Casey", I awake then hearing my name, still feeling really tired and a little confused.
I make out the room around me and see Cappie beside me, touching my arm to wake me up, and Dr. Goldsmith waiting in front of me.
"Hi hun", She says. "Sorry we didn't want to wake you up, but we've gotta check your cervix again, see if you've dilated any more or if we've got to start you on pitocin".
"Oh okay", I nod, moving my body down to her as much as I can even though I didn't feel like I had much control over my legs right now.
My hands start to shake then, in fact my whole body does.
I look down at my hand with the IV in it seeing it shake uncontrollably.
"Hey she's really shaking a lot", Cappie looks worried. "Is that okay?"
"Oh yes, don't worry", Dr. Goldsmith smiles, easing my worry because she's so calm about it. "Dr. Burke probably didn't explain it, but the epidural, and labour in general, often causes things like bodily shakes, itching, twitching. It's just your body responding to the drugs and the adrenaline".
"Okay", I nod, not even feeling her when she starts poking around inside me.
"Oh good", Cappie sighs out in relief.
"Well Casey, I have some good news to report to you", She smiles at me. "You've dilated to a 7 which means this is going right on schedule. A little slow but it's coming".
"Really? I dilated two centimetres and I didn't even realize?"
"The epidurals working so you wouldn't even know", She confirms with me. "Once you get to ten we'll start having you push. It's 8 am now which means I'm betting your baby will most likely be born today".
"Okay", I nod nervously. "On Christmas".
I look over to Cappie and we laugh slightly.
"Yes. Now I do have to tell you that I am going off shift in half an hour", She looks at me sadly.
"Oh really?", I feel worry bubble up in me then.
"But my colleague Dr. Irons is a great OBGYN and she's working today and she's amazing. She'll help deliver your baby no problem. I already filled her in all about you", Dr. Goldsmith smiles.
"Oh okay", I nod, trying to be okay with this.
"I'm so excited for you two and wishing you all the best. I'll still be in touch by text, I'm having Dr. Irons send me updates. I've been with you all this way, I'll be happy to know when your sweet girl is born and here with us", She explains.
"Me too", I nod, nervousness adding to the shaking I'm already having.
"Alright you two. Good luck and Merry Christmas!", She waves to us and then leaves out the door.
"It's okay Case", Cappie takes my hand in his, already sensing my anxiety about her leaving. "You heard what she said, everything is progressing well and I'm sure this other doctor is great too."
"Yeah you're right", I nod up and down. "We just have to wait a little longer I guess".
"She's gonna be born on Christmas Case", Cappie says with a slight laugh, bringing my hand up to his mouth to kiss it softly, my hand shaking a bit still.
"Yeah", I smile. "Crazy".
I look down at my stomach then and at the baby's monitor, the screen showing her heartbeat. It was a noise that had been comforting me ever since we got here as it steadily boomed throughout the room.
"At least she's okay in here right now", I nod, touching my stomach.
"Yep, you've done such a good job already, you've just got a bit further to go", Cappie encourages me.
"Thanks Cap", I smile up at him.
"Why don't you get more sleep? I'll let you know if something happens".
"Okay", I yawn and close my eyes again, tired from all the pain I've had so far.
Even as scared as I was, Cappie's presence somehow managed to make me feel calm. And his hand still holding mine as I fall back into sleep certainly doesn't hurt either.