EIGHTH BLOOD

Chapter 120: Forgiveness

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An arctic wind gusted through the forest, dislodging any remaining leaves from the otherwise barren tree branches. Octavia pulled her fur-lined haori tighter around herself as she marched along the beaten path. Couldn't Cyril have chosen a more sheltered spot for their training session?

The note he'd slipped under her door looked like it had been penned in a hurry. Not only was the handwriting all over the place, but the parchment was covered in countless ink stains, indicating that it had still been wet when he'd folded it. For someone as meticulous as her uncle, it was strange, to say the least.

He must have had his reasons, she thought as the trees parted to reveal an open stretch of grassland. The morning frost shimmered in the half-light, reflecting the peachy glow from the rising sun. She walked towards the grassy verge separating the plains from a large body of water at the bottom of the slope. The surface of the lake was slightly choppy. Waves lapped against the edges of the bank, leaving ice crystals in their wake.

The Prophecy-Breaker was a comforting weight in her hand. She traced the curved seam of the locket with her fingers before moving onto the smooth outline of the gemstone, which was warm to the touch.

She stopped when she heard frost crunching underfoot some distance behind her.

"You're late, Uncle," she said without turning. "You were the one who suggested a change of scenery. Don't tell me you got lost?"

"Something like that."

Her breath caught in her throat. "You're not Cyril."

"How perceptive of you."

Swallowing, she looked over her shoulder and met Sesshoumaru's gaze. "What are you doing here?"

"Look in your pocket," he said.

She withdrew the roll of parchment with Cyril's name on it and gripped it tightly. "You tricked me."

"It was necessary."

"Why?"

"You've been avoiding me these past few days. If I'd asked you outright, you would have done everything in your power to get out of it."

"Duh. I'm leaving now."

His jaw tightened as she passed. "You're angry with me."

"How perceptive of you," she mocked.

"Why?" he asked.

Her feet slowed. "You know why."

"I wouldn't be asking if I did."

She sighed. "I don't have time for this—"

"Then make time."

She ignored him and carried on walking.

"I never took you for a coward," he called after her. "But then again, you are full of surprises lately."

She spun around to glare at him. "Are you for real? What do you want me to say? Yes, I'm angry with you. I'm angry because instead of trying to argue with me, you just fucking ran away."

"You were the one who ended things between us."

"You didn't give me a choice. If I hadn't, you would have turned down the Ether Clan's offer, and we'd all be screwed."

"We don't need their help."

"Yes, we do! If not for ourselves, then for all the innocent people that stand between me and my brother." Tears pricked her eyes. "I don't care what happens to me, but I will not let them become cannon fodder."

Sesshoumaru's expression softened. "That's what you're worried about? Civilian casualties?"

"I don't want anyone else to die because of me."

She tried to blink away her tears before he saw them, but Sesshoumaru was no fool. She averted her eyes as he moved closer and placed both of his hands on her shoulders.

"It wasn't your fault," he said.

"Try telling that to Hiroto," she muttered under her breath.

"Hiroto is grieving. He may say otherwise, but deep down, he knows that you are not to blame for the destruction of his homeland."

She found the courage to meet his gaze again. "You were right about my brother," she murmured. "We should have killed him when we had the chance."

A smile pulled at Sesshoumaru's lips. "There's still time."

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, then rubbed his hands up and down her back to generate extra warmth. Not that she needed any. He was already a walking radiator. It was a great source of comfort, though.

Exhaling slowly, she buried her face in his chest and let herself be soothed. Her arms crept around his waist and squeezed. She remembered being surprised by how slender he was at first. He was far from scrawny, but his loose-fitting clothes created the illusion of a bulky warrior's torso corded with muscle. Despite his incredible strength, Sesshoumaru was lithe and graceful. She liked that about him, though.

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"I'm sorry," she whispered. "What I said before, about your true form being disgusting . . . I didn't mean it."

"I know—"

"Let me finish."

He rested his chin on her head. "As you wish."

"I understand why you're reluctant to agree to their terms," she started. "I wouldn't want to marry a stranger, either. It was unfair of them to ask that of you."

"Did you mean what you said about her? Or was that another lie?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You insinuated that I would favour the clan leader's daughter over you."

You can blame your morals all you want, but it won't change the fact that you're afraid you'll prefer this woman over me like your father preferred Inuyasha's mother.

She laughed softly. "What does it matter? I won't be around forever. You're gonna need someone to keep you company when I'm gone."

He recoiled at the memory of Izayoi singing to her baby in the prison they both called home. Octavia must have felt him stiffen because she tipped her head back and searched his eyes for answers. You may outlive me yet, he thought with a sigh. A part of him hoped that she would. Because if he died first, then she would surely live forever.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked.

"Nothing important." He took a deep breath and said, "You were right, too. We are badly outnumbered, both offensively and defensively. In order to win this war – and protect the innocents caught up in it – we are in need of reinforcements. Therefore, I will extend an invitation to this demoness and, after meeting with her in person, announce my decision on the matter."

Her eyes widened. "You mean . . ."

He nodded.

She flashed him a dizzying smile. "Thank you, Sesshoumaru. Seriously, thank you—"

"Let me finish."

Her smile turned sheepish. "Sorry. Go on."

He cupped her face with his hands and stroked the soft skin of her cheeks. Her tan had faded during the autumn months, rendering her blushes more visible, and her hair had grown by several inches—the ends now resting beneath her collarbone. It seemed to become more and more vibrant each day, as if in response to the Radiant One's growing power.

"Regardless of the outcome," he said, still cradling her face. "No matter what happens, I will always put you first."

Her smile faded. "You won't always be able to."

"Then I shall strive to do so, anyway."

Before she could protest, he leaned down and captured her lips in a deep kiss. The wind howled triumphantly when she responded in kind, returning his frenzied kisses without holding back. Her mouth was scalding, but he refused to shy away from the heat, because where there was heat, there was life.

When he was confident that he'd gotten his point across, Sesshoumaru drew back and turned his head towards the lake, which was still dark and choppy. His eyes narrowed as he watched the waves thrash around like sea monsters. A storm was definitely brewing, and based on the trajectory of those waves, it was headed straight for them.

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Kohaku ambushed her on the bridge arching across the pond in the plum blossom district. In spite of its name, the trees weren't in bloom at this time of the year, so the only blossoms around were the ones on Rin's junihitoe.

She hadn't expected to run into anyone this early in the morning, least of all him.

"I thought that was you," he said. "Why are you awake so early?"

"Couldn't sleep," she yawned. "Why are you awake so early?"

"I couldn't sleep, either." His expression changed to one of concern. "Are you still having those nightmares?"

"Visions," she corrected. "And yes, I am. They're always worse at night."

"Have you tried taking a sleeping draught?"

"I've tried everything. Potions, charms, spells. Nothing works. It's just something I have to learn to live with."

"That doesn't seem fair."

"Life isn't fair."

He paused. "Have I done something to offend you?"

Her pulse quickened. "No, why?"

His throat bobbed. "You've been acting weird around me lately. We hardly talk anymore, and when we do, you get all passive-aggressive. I thought it was me being paranoid, but I'm not the only one who's noticed."

Rin swore internally. "I'm not angry with you."

"Then why—"

"The visions affect more than just me," she explained, peering down at his sleeve. "It's my fault you got hurt, Kohaku. Cyril-kun managed to remove most of the Shikonstone from your arm, but you'll bear those scars for the rest of your life."

"I'm no stranger to scars, Rin."

She frowned. "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"

He shrugged. "It's not like you maimed me on purpose. It was an accident."

"It wouldn't have happened at all if I'd been in control of myself—"

"I've tried to kill you multiple times whilst possessed," he interrupted angrily. "If Sesshoumaru-sama hadn't gotten there in time to stop me, I would have murdered you in your sleep. So don't act like I don't understand how it feels, because I do."

She opened her mouth to rebuke him, but no sound came out.

"I think about it all the time," he continued. "Not everyone was as lucky as you were, Rin. There wasn't always someone around to stop me. I'll never forgive myself for the atrocities I committed under Naraku's command. I accept that it was out of my control, but it was still my hands that did the killing . . . Which is why I can never marry or sire children of my own. Because one day, when I least expect it, the darkness will take over me again and they'll wind up dead."

Rin's throat burned as he stared down at his palms with a tortured expression.

"Only a demon could survive my love," he said with a bitter laugh. "It's only a matter of time until I lose control again. When that day comes, I'll need someone who can overpower me. Or kill me, if necessary."

"Don't talk like that."

He gave her a sad smile. "I'm just being realistic. There's no point deluding myself into thinking that I can have a life like yours."

I don't want it, she thought. But he did. The last thing she wanted was to get married and have baby after baby, whereas Kohaku wanted it more than anything. He wasn't simply mourning the past, but also the future—a future that would never come to fruition. Why hadn't she realised it sooner?

"Is that why you're with that girl you met at the plaza? Because she's a demoness?"

"Are you talking about Ino?" He sounded confused. "I haven't seen her in weeks."

Rin was speechless.

Kohaku rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "It's a long story, but we're not together anymore."

"Oh." She hoped her elation wasn't too obvious. "Do you miss her?"

Another shrug. "A little. I didn't really know her that well, to be honest. She wasn't much of a talker." Rin's eyes widened at the implication. Her reaction made him blush and stammer frantically, "That's not what I—I mean, what I meant was—"

Rin burst out laughing.

Kohaku seemed indecisive at first, but after a while, he started to laugh, as well. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him laugh so hard.

"Are we friends again, then?" he asked once he'd composed himself. With the sun on his face, his eyes looked more amber than brown, and his freckles reminded her of stars.

She smiled. "Don't be an ass, Kohaku. We were never not friends."

Beaming, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly. Her eyes widened in surprise. He wasn't usually a hugger. He must have been really torn up inside to warrant such a visceral reaction.

She waited for him to let go, but he showed no signs of doing so any time soon.

He rested his chin on her shoulder and sighed wistfully. "I missed you," he said. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I can't stand watching you suffer." There was a long pause before he added gently, "I wish there was something I could do to help."

"I missed you, too," she said, cheeks warming as she spoke.

The hug lasted for a few more seconds before he eventually pulled away. He seemed almost reluctant, but that was probably her imagination talking.

Rin hoped he wouldn't misinterpret why her face was so red. She didn't fully understand why herself. It was far from the most scandalous thing she'd done with a man, but it felt a thousand times more intimate than any of Koga's kisses had.

Kohaku smiled bashfully. "I have to go now, but I'm free around noon if you wanna eat lunch together?"

She returned the smile tenfold. "Sure. I'd like that."

They waved goodbye to each other before going their separate ways.

The winter wind cooled Rin's face as she trooped towards the edge of the stronghold. She then proceeded to climb the wall and walk along the elevated path, all whilst taking in the view of the horizon. The sky was mostly clear, but there was a large mass of clouds rolling in from the far west, casting a great shadow over the ocean.

Yawning, she decided to retire to her chambers for a few hours. Determined to get some shut-eye – or as much as the visions would allow – she made her way back towards the steps leading down the wall, before stopping dead in her tracks.

Lord Sesshoumaru was standing several yards away, gazing out to sea. He was dressed in all white and had forgone his enamel-coated armour. He looks like a ghost, Rin thought. Or a snow spirit. Neither was a particularly comforting image.

He didn't react when she hovered beside him, or when she whispered hello over the freezing gusts. She couldn't blame him for ignoring her. He had a right to be upset. She would be upset too if someone had spoken to her the way she'd spoken to him.

He wasn't entirely innocent, though.

"Looks like one hell of a storm," she remarked, gesturing to the amalgamation of clouds.

No response.

When are you going to stop treating me like a child?

When you stop behaving like one.

"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings," she said. "But you hurt mine, too. You were cruel and patronising. I know you weren't trying to be, but you made me feel so small. And stupid."

"You are neither of those things—"

"I don't need you to tell me that." She waited for him to turn and look at her before saying, "All I need is for you to support me. Even if you don't agree with my choices, the least you can do is respect them. That's all I ask. It's what I'm owed."

"As am I."

She narrowed her eyes. "I hope you're not implying what I think you're implying, Sesshoumaru-sama, because all I've ever done is support you."

"And yet you constantly defy me, question me, resent me for my actions—"

"I'm not your servant."

"I never said you were." He sounded frustrated. "You are my ward, Rin. It's my responsibility to take care of you . . . I did not mean to make you feel that way."

"I know," she mumbled.

"It hasn't been easy."

"What?"

"Watching you change and grow whilst I do not." His expression sobered. "It happens so quickly. Too quickly. Yesterday, you were a child, but today, you are a woman, and tomorrow, you will be old. There are days when I look at you and hardly recognise you. I find myself thinking of the girl in the woods and wondering where she went."

Rin didn't speak for some time after that. When she finally thought of a suitable response, her voice came out sounding tinny and fragile. "I might have changed a bit over the years, but I'm still me. I haven't gone anywhere."

"That may be so," sighed Sesshoumaru. "But you are growing up. Soon you'll be old enough to marry, or your ambitions will take you far away from here. Either way, you won't need me anymore."

Her eyes stung with tears. "Don't be silly. I will never stop needing you. And no matter where I end up, I'll always find my way back home again."

He stared at her in silence. The older she got, the younger he seemed.

Yesterday, you were a child, but today, you are a woman, and tomorrow, you will be old.

Rin decided to take a leaf out of Kohaku's book and let her actions do the talking instead. She shuffled closer and folded her arms around Lord Sesshoumaru's waist in a sideways hug. His shoulder felt like granite against her cheek, and the hand he placed on her back was dubious at best. The position didn't come naturally to either of them. She could count the total number of times she'd hugged him on one hand. That made her feel sad.

"Do me a favour," she said quietly. "Don't mourn me while I'm still alive. I understand that time passes differently for you, but I'm not dead yet."

He didn't reply, but the hand on her back curled into a fist, crumpling the fabric of her junihitoe within the cage of his fingers.

Rin's eyes shifted towards the south purely by chance, where she noticed a dark speck in the sky beyond the stronghold. It looked like a bird from a certain distance, but the closer it got, the less likely that seemed. For starters, it was much larger than any bird she'd ever seen, and its wings were completely devoid of feathers, the way a bat's were.

"Isn't that—"

"Kanetsugu," Lord Sesshoumaru said through gritted teeth.

She'd figured as much. "They're back early."

"Hiroto isn't with him."

Rin's heart missed a beat. "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

The urgency of Kanetsugu's flying did little to calm her nerves. "You don't think . . ."

Lord Sesshoumaru's eyes darkened. "We'll find out shortly." He stepped out of her embrace and hovered his hand over the Bakusaiga's hilt as Kanetsugu flew lower, coasting towards the wall they were currently standing on. "He's about to land."

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