Chapter 18: Insecurity

"You can do it, Ryoma-kun. Ten more laps around the court," Coach Rui commanded in a loud voice.

Ryoma grunted. His tired legs continued to run at a consistent speed to complete his warmup for the morning. He didn't know why but he was feeling constantly exhausted at irregular times of the day. He wasn't like this when he was younger, though. He would go on days for days without a rest day if it's for tennis. His motivation was rock solid, that's why his effort never faltered. It was mind boggling to think that he was not as enthusiastic as he was back then.

When he realized that he had made ten laps, Ryoma tiredly sat on the bench where his towel and water was placed. He tried to look unaffected in order to keep his usual persona, especially since there were paparazzi around. He can't afford to waver from his dream.

"Ryoma-kun, are you okay?" Honoka approached him from behind and handed his towel to him.

"I'm fine…" he found it hard to catch his breath. He was actually beginning to think that maybe it's because he's growing older. He rotated his shoulders to try to lessen the aching sensation, but it didn't go away. Now his head throbbed, and he didn't know how he would go on with his day.

"Let me help you," Honoka grabbed Ryoma's tensed shoulders and gave it a gentle massage. The boy flinched at the squeeze that Honoka was doing but it ironically felt good. He decided to let her continue. Nothing's wrong with that, right? They're teammates, after all.

He sighed. The stress is catching up to him physically.

Completely forgetting about the paparazzi, Ryoma appreciated the girl's help. Coach Rui didn't care to interrupt since he's also concerned for his team's well-being. He even gave them a fifteen-minute break since Brian is running late again for God knows how many times now.

Sakuno was in a dilemma. She's in front of a huge sports stadium in the middle of an unknown city. She didn't know what came over her and suddenly boarded the bus going to where Ryoma is. Since the Rio Open is only a month away, Ryoma has been doubling his effort with training and would sometimes stay overnight in the athlete's quarters. She just needed to show her support for him, like how she used to do it when they were kids. She clutched her bag, inside it was a homemade bento box that she plans to give to Ryoma.

"Sakuno-chan?" a tall guy stood behind her. Sakuno spun around and met Brian's gaze.

"M-Mister Brian!" she exclaimed. She actually didn't think about how she would find Ryoma in a big vicinity, that's why she felt relief when she saw him. She remembered Brian well. He's quite similar to Momo-senpai but a little older than him. But in terms of attitude, they're pretty much the same.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. Sweat trickled down his face, evidence that he was running on the way there.

"I-I'm looking for Ryoma-kun…"

"Oh, of course, of course! Shall we go together?" Brian smiled and he guided her towards the building.

"Thank you so much, Mister Brian. I just came to give something to him," she explained. Sakuno smiled softly as she felt happy with how things turned out. She was worried that all of her effort might go to waste if she didn't get to see Ryoma.

"You're so thoughtful, Sakuno-chan. He's so lucky to have someone like you," Brian led the way to the hallway towards the indoor tennis courts. On the way, they passed by the canteen, the sleeping quarters, and the lounge. Sakuno marveled at how luxurious everything about the place was.

"I bet they're already starting without me. You see, I could never wake up that early," the man made small talk, much to Sakuno's delight. She was beginning to feel nervous about meeting the prince in his natural habitat without his knowledge and she wasn't sure how he's going to react. She hoped that Ryoma would be a little glad.

Brian opened the big door and revealed the spacious set of tennis courts inside a big dome. They were actually on the balcony of the stadium. Sakuno immediately spotted Ryoma.

She would have been easily glad to see him. However, she felt all the hair in her body stand up when she saw how Honoka, her new friend, touched the prince's shoulders, his back, and his neck. Sakuno's eyes widened at the sight of them. Brian was, of course, oblivious of her growing anger and he left her to join the team downstairs. Sakuno didn't bother to say her thanks to the man, her gaze not leaving Ryoma.

How could he let her touch him like that?

Sakuno looked around and counted the paparazzi. She concluded that Ryoma was aware that everyone who reads the news would definitely see this. Sakuno wondered why he didn't care at all. She gripped the metal handles tightly, her knuckles almost turning white.

Her mind was a mess. On one hand, she felt jealousy and anger towards them for being too touchy feely with each other. She didn't know she was able to glare at all, but she finally did. On the other hand, she knew that her relationship with Ryoma was not yet clear, and she felt guilty for feeling that way. She can't help but despise how Honoka would touch him just like that. Does it give her a pass just because they're teammates? Sakuno couldn't wrap her head around the issue.

She wanted to yell at them, to pull him away from her. But she knew that she's not that type of person. She turned her gaze at Honoka, the wall that stood tall between her and Ryoma. Her face looked relaxed and satisfied, which made Sakuno's face burn with anger.

Unable to contain her emotions, Sakuno closed her eyes and exhaled, hoping to let out the negative aura that's been building up within her. She swallowed the lump in her throat, trying to let the anger pass. After all, she trusts that it was just some platonic gesture that Honoka had done to the rest of the team.

Sakuno could not believe how she just gaslighted herself.

Stupid Sakuno.

She flinched when Ryoma turned his head towards her direction. She waved a hand to let him know that she's there, but her gaze remained on Honoka's hands, still laying on the boy's shoulders. She carefully descended the stairs and made her way to him. She donned her usual demeanor in front of them.

"Good morning," she bowed politely. The rest of the team greeted back. They were as friendly to her as ever, it made Sakuno feel a little lighter. Coach Rui gave Ryoma a few more minutes to talk with Sakuno, while the rest of them reprimanded Brian for coming in late every day.

"What are you doing here?" Ryoma and Sakuno sat on the bench. She uncomfortably looked down on her shoes.

"Um, I just wanted to… give this to you," she handed him the neatly- packaged bento. Ryoma's eyes widened. After years and years of Sakuno doing this for him, Ryoma still couldn't get used to it, but he still felt glad.

Suddenly, all the muscle pain and headache disappeared the moment he saw Sakuno.

"Thanks. You didn't have to," he muttered. Sakuno was not fully satisfied by his reaction, but she didn't mind it. She always does these kinds of things for him even if he doesn't say thanks. It's the least she could do to support him.

"I like… doing it," she smiled shyly. "Um, Ryoma-kun, I should get going now."

"Oh, let me walk you out," he stood up and gestured to Coach Rui for permission. Then they made their way out. Sakuno found it hard to lift her head and look at him, and she knew it was bad of her to feel upset about what she saw. It may not be a big deal to Ryoma and the rest, but Honoka has made it clear to her that she likes Ryoma. So, that negates the thought that she only did it out of friendship.

The thought of another woman touching Ryoma, her Ryoma…

No, he's not mine.

"Ryuzaki," she heard him say beside her. "Thanks for coming."

"No problem," she clenched her jaw to keep herself from crying. She's the kind of person who cries easily, after all.

When they reached the front door, Sakuno knew that she would feel worse. Who knows what more Honoka will do after she leaves? It was driving her crazy, and her legs refused to move. She looked up at him. He obviously looked exhausted, his dark eyebags, and he appeared to have lost weight these days.

She realized that she might be interrupting their training for too long, so she shook her head and prepared to leave.

"R-Ryoma-kun. I'll get going. Please do your best," she offered her warmest smile to him, hoping to make him feel better from the intense training he goes through. Ryoma smiled back at her which made her blush. Ryoma's rare smile never fails to put her in a better mood.

Ryoma looked around the hallway before he leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. Sakuno's eyes widened in surprise. All of the jealousy and anger was melted by a single kiss from him. Her cheeks turned red as she felt Ryoma's hand slid onto hers before he smiled.

"Be careful on your way back."

He gave her hand a squeeze before he let go, and as he turned around to leave, Sakuno waved her hand.

Sakuno knew that her love for him was even greater than anything else. She chose to push the doubts and uncertainty at the back of her mind and focused on the kinder things.

"I will…" the smile she offered was now more sincere and true.

Sakuno returned to the restaurant for her shift. It was only morning, but Sakuno was already tired from all the emotions she experienced. She would check her phone to see the time and if Ryoma had messaged her. Not that he would do it routinely, but there were times that he would text her when he felt like it. But now, Sakuno hoped that he would. She was still worried about Honoka and the schemes that she would pull on him, she felt unsettled in her seat at the cashier.

Sakuno turned her head to the side and saw Atsushi mindlessly frying tempura. He seemed to be in deep thought, and she saw Tomoka on the farthest table rather than at the bar. She was busy flipping the pages of a magazine and Sakuno noticed that her best friend was troubled, too. She wondered if something happened between Atsushi and Tomoka.

"Hey, Ryuzaki. Can I have one Tempura set meal?" A boy entered the restaurant and made his way to Sakuno. He flashed a warm smile to her.

"Horio-kun. Of course," she pressed on some buttons and queued Horio's order.

"Thanks, I'll be waiting there–" He mistakenly points to the table where Tomoka was at. It has been his and Ryoma's table whenever they hang around at the restaurant, and finding Tomoka suddenly sitting there instead of the bar where Atsushi is visible, Horio was dumbfounded.

Horio leaned over to Sakuno and whispered.

"Hey, Ryuzaki. What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know… Maybe they had a fight."

Tomoka sighed as she flipped from one article to another. She leaned her cheek on her hand, eyes bored, and fingers tired. She resisted the urge to look at Atsushi even though she wanted to. It's just going to be painful to say goodbye. They haven't got the time to talk to each other and it was making her restless. It's only the middle of the day, which means that she would have to wait for nighttime until she gets to talk to him.

"Osakada. Have you eaten yet?" Horio stood beside her, holding a tray of food and soda. Tomoka eyed him, and as if on cue, her stomach grumbled.

"Ahh…" she groaned. How embarrassing it was to let Horio hear that.

"Here," he placed the tray in front of Tomoka, swiping the magazine away, and he propped himself on the seat beside her. He opened the magazine and began to read. Tomoka stared at him, unsure of what to say. For starters, how did he even know that she was hungry? He didn't even talk to her when he came in.

"Don't mind me," he continued to read an article about tennis. Tomoka shrugged before she grabbed the chopsticks.

"Thank you for the food," she muttered and ate quietly.

Horio would glance at her, observing her sunken face as she slowly chewed on her food. He wanted to ask why she was like that, and why she was sitting so far from Atsushi, but he couldn't risk being yelled at.

Back in the kitchen, Atsushi watched Horio keep Tomoka occupied by sharing a few stories from the magazine he was reading. He felt relieved when he finally saw Tomoka smile. It was just a shame that it wasn't because of him.

When night came, Sakuno got ready to go home. She checked her phone for a message and sure enough, Ryoma had texted her. She hastily opened it and read.

I'm sleeping here again. Horio knows what to do. Be careful on your way home, Sakuno.

She smiled. Ryoma got used to calling her by her first name in his texts and even though he still called her Ryuzaki in person, it was more than enough for Sakuno. Her day only got better with a single text from him. She sighed and replied to him.

Please rest well, Ryoma-kun.

She wondered if she should add an emoji or something before, she hit send… to make her message sound happier. She was going to add a smiley face when another message appeared.

I miss you.

"O-Oh!"

Sakuno almost dropped her phone on the floor. She didn't know what to do next. Spinning around to find Tomoka for support, she found no one. They were already outside the restaurant. Sakuno spent an entire five minutes before she could settle on a reply.

I miss you, too.

There, simple. She felt her muscles shudder on the thought that they were already at that stage where they exchange sweet nothings to each other even though they don't have a label. None of that mattered to Sakuno right now for she was too high from the effects of Ryoma's messages.

"Sakuno-chan?" Mr. Arata tapped her shoulders. He was watching her act weird from the giddiness the whole time.

"S-Sorry, Mr. Arata! I'll get going now!" She ran outside and shut the door. It was embarrassing but she didn't care at all. She was on cloud nine.

"Eh? Horio-kun, where are Tomo-chan and Atsushi?" she approached the boy who was sitting by the bench. He clutched on his jacket to shield himself from the cold breeze.

"They went ahead. He said they're going to talk. I bet he's going to break up with her now," he muttered. Sakuno gasped. Atsushi never talked to her about his plan. She worried that Tomoka might not handle the breakup too well. After all, he was her first boyfriend and breaking an inexperienced woman's heart is too cruel.

"I see…" she sighed. They can't do anything about it, after all. It's up to Tomoka on how she will react. They just have to make sure that they're going to be there for her.

"Let's go," they walked towards the Echizen household.

"By the way, how are you and Echizen?"

"J-Just the same, why?"

"Nothing. I thought you'd be troubled, 'cause I saw the article in the magazine."

Sakuno turned her head to him. What article is he talking about? She hadn't had the time to read the sports magazine to know the recent issue.

"What is it?" she watched Horio pull out a magazine from his bag and flipped through it. He was searching for a certain page and Sakuno patiently waited for it.

"Aha! This one," he watched as the girl's eyes grew wider as she scanned through the article.

I knew it. He thought. There's no way she would not flip out if she knew about this. Horio knew that they were kind of dating casually now, but they haven't made it official yet. But Ryoma should've at least told Sakuno about his plans for the future.

She opened her mouth to say something, but she didn't seem to know how. She bore her eyes to the photo of Ryoma sitting by the bench, drinking his favorite drink. A couple of texts were printed beside his head.

Ryoma Echizen is set to participate in the upcoming Rio Open. He, together with Coach Rui's group, will fly to Brazil on the sixth of January and will stay there for a practice match with the top Brazilian tennis players. Until the fateful match against Jason Baker comes, the Japanese tennis prodigy will stay in Brazil for presscon and other official commitments.

She was dumbfounded by the new information she just read. Ryoma is leaving soon. She didn't know that, he never mentioned anything to her. Sakuno closed the magazine slowly and passed it to Horio.

"So, Echizen is leaving, huh?" He spoke.

"I didn't know…" she frowned. Her mood suddenly turned sour. She didn't even know what to look forward to anymore. With her birthday coming soon and with how things are going with Ryoma, she expected to spend her birthday with him. But now, he's leaving in three days!

Okay, maybe her reason for being upset was too shallow. It's only her birthday, it's nothing special compared to his dream. She should be happy for him, right? However, she has the right to feel whatever she feels, even if she needs to hide it from him. After all, isn't supporting him her first priority? For six years, it has been. She's not about to waver now.

"Ryuzaki, we're here."

She looked up and saw the all too familiar Echizen house. Sakuno muttered her thanks to Horio and watched him leave. She was just going to talk to Ryoma about it. He must have a pretty good reason to not tell her, right? Maybe he got too busy or tired.

Sakuno just has to understand him.

After she was done with her toilet routine, Sakuno got ready to go to bed. She laid down and viewed her message thread with Ryoma. Her eyes settled on the words that he sent earlier.

I miss you.

She tried to make herself feel better with his words, so she could forget about his impending departure. She hasn't even got the chance to properly confess to him and now this. She was going crazy.

Ryoma-kun, I didn't know that you're leaving in three days. Why didn't you tell me?

She typed it for fun. She just wanted to check how it looked like if she actually spoke what was in her mind. Suddenly, her hands slipped and dropped the phone in her face. She winced in pain, but it wasn't that painful. When she raised her phone, the message that she typed was accidentally sent.

She sat up and hastily deleted it. She just hoped that he's asleep now and won't be able to read it.

"I'm such an idiot," she whispered. When five minutes passed and there were no replies, she sighed in relief. It was a good thing that the prince has the habit of setting his phone to silent mode and would only ever check his phone when he needs to. Satisfied with how she saved her own ass from the embarrassing confrontation, Sakuno turned off the lights and got under the covers. Maybe she's being too carried away with meddling into Ryoma's business.

Tomoka woke up that morning and chose to spend the rest of her day being happy. She decided not to dwell too much on Atsushi's departure.

It's not the end of the world. She thought.

There are other kinder things to focus on. For example, she found out that she has been accepted at the university she wanted, and Sakuno's relationship with Ryoma has been improving, and… she's been enjoying the company of Horio recently. She realized how less of an annoyance he has grown up to be.

Although Atsushi broke up with her last night, Tomoka knew that he meant well. She's not much of a child that she would fret over the breakup. SHe's mature like that.

"So, what do you plan to do now?" Sakuno asked while she ate her bento.

"Hm… I told him that I'd wait for him. Although he said that there's no guarantee that he's ever come back. Still, I'd like to believe, I want to wait until my feelings for him fade away, until I fall in love with someone else," Tomoka closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She strangely felt refreshed and relaxed. She didn't know why, but this is certainly not the normal reaction when breaking up with someone.

"So, you accept that he's leaving?"

"Yes. I can't do anything about that. I just want to focus on myself from now on. After all, he's going to focus on his own future, why not do the same?" she smiled warmly at Sakuno. It makes sense. They're still young, and there's still more to life than loving one person, right? The world doesn't end just because of one heartbreak. Tomoka's words resonated within Sakuno. She figured she should do the same and focus on herself.

"Tomo-chan. You're so mature," she commented. "I hope you'll find happiness regardless of if Atsushi comes back or not. I really hope you do. I'll always be your best friend."

"Sakuno, stop that. You're going to make me cry!" the girl wiped imaginary tears from her eyes and exhaled. "Anyway, are you still leaving?" she asked.

"Y-Yes…" Sakuno trailed off. Right now, she can't remember the reason why she's determined to leave. Everytime she would wonder, all she could think about was Ryoma, and him alone. Has her reason changed and suddenly she found a reason to stay? A few months ago, she was ready to drop everything and move away. With her grandmother gone, she's left alone without anyone.

But now, Ryoma is there. He's there whenever she gets off from work. He's there when she falls on the ground. He's there when she's sad. It's safe to say that Sakuno found her new dream.

To be there for Ryoma forever.

"So, is Ryoma-sama your boyfriend now?" Tomoka asked as she finished her own lunchbox.

Sakuno looked up at the sky and wondered. Is it necessary to label one's relationship? If so, why haven't they talked about it? If so, why hasn't she confessed yet? Is there something stopping her from doing it?

"I don't know, Tomo-chan… I think if we make it official, his career would be ruined. I'm scared…" she answered truthfully. Ryoma's fanbase is made up of about eighty-percent females, the other twenty percent is fellow athletes. She knew that if the prince was ever seen with someone rumored to be his girlfriend, his popularity would decrease. Though, she doubts that he even cared about that.

But she does. If she's the one who will ruin his dream, Sakuno couldn't live with that.

"If you don't, that Honoka will beat you to it, Sakuno."

Oh yeah, Tomoka knew about Honoka. Even if she doesn't tell her, the articles were enough to know that the blonde girl harbored feelings for the prince. Everyone does!

"I don't know how to deal with it, Tomo-chan. The fact that she gets more time with him just makes me feel like I've already lost," she looked down on her lap, looking dejected. All the jealousy had found its way back to her mind and it made her restless.

Sakuno kept on wondering what they're doing now, if she's massaging him again today, if they're always talking to each other, if they're getting closer as time passes by that Sakuno doesn't confess.

Noticing her best friend's pitiful expression, Tomoka quickly thought of things to say.

"B-But you know. A real man can never be snatched away if he really loves you. I know Ryoma-sama's kind. I'm sure he's faithful to you," she said reassuringly. Sakuno looked up at her, eyes full of hope. Tomoka smiled in relief, glad that she's easy to cheer up.

"So, you have to give it your all, okay? No matter where you two end up, whether with each other or apart, make sure that you convey your feelings to each other. As for me, I will wait for Atsushi, because I know that we still love each other."

"But Tomo-chan. Promise me that you will let go of him when it hurts too much, okay? I want you to prioritize your own well-being before him," Sakuno admired Tomoka's optimistic nature, but she worries that she might be pushing herself too hard for Atsushi.

"Thanks, Sakuno. The same goes for you. Don't hold on to Ryoma if ever the time comes when he hurts you deeply. Don't make him your world."

"Thanks…" she knew that she couldn't possibly let go of him now, because even before Tomoka warned her, it was too late.

Ryoma has been her world ever since they met.

The whole school has been whispering to one another ever since edited videos of the prince and Honoka started spreading on the internet like wildfire. These were clips from their countless interviews that were stitched into one video. The video features the prince looking bored as usual, with Honoka beside him. Being the natural jolly person she is, she would try to catch Ryoma's attention in the background while Coach Rui was being interviewed. Of course, the prince would ignore her presence, but sometimes the tickling on his waist and the poking on his cheeks were too much that he just needed to slap her hand away.

Those irritating moments in Ryoma's mind were entertaining to the netizens. The fans have even started to ship them with each other like how celebrities would be coupled by other co-stars. Fans that had long accepted that they had no chance for his heart had resorted to Honoka as the best candidate to be Ryoma's girlfriend. They were content that a beautiful girl would catch the prince's heart.

Everyone is happy except Sakuno.

She gripped her phone so tightly that she almost broke the screen. She stared at how Honoka would giggle at Ryoma's face whenever he threw a glare in her direction.

It was official, Sakuno hates Honoka.

It may be the first time she has ever hated someone so much. Due to her shy nature, Sakuno never interacted with anyone more than enough to be her enemy. She was too passive and timid to be anyone's rival. She's also not attractive, as she noted to herself. But right now, she considered Honoka as her biggest rival and enemy.

However, Sakuno reminded herself of Ryoma and how he would ignore Honoka. It wasn't because of her, Sakuno was sure. Ryoma was just that uninterested in her. But, given her beautiful face, golden hair, and perfect body, not to mention her expertise in tennis, how much could Ryoma resist? He's still a man, after all.

Sakuno stared at herself at the mirror inside the girl's toilet. She ran a hand through her long hair. She undid her pigtails and tried to admire her own reflection. She wondered how she looks without her trademark pigtailed hair.

"Still ugly…" she mumbled.

Sakuno suddenly felt undeserving of Ryoma's confession. He's supposed to leave in two days to defeat a foreign opponent, that's one of the steps he needed to take to reach his dream. He's always been out of her reach. He's supposed to be famous and the most incredible tennis player in the world. He deserves someone who is everything good in this world.

He deserves someone as perfect as him. And unfortunately for Sakuno, she's barely even at the first step on his path.

Her mind entered a whirlpool of emotions. She began to feel dizzy, almost dropping her phone on the sink. After a moment of self-soothing, she managed to calm herself down.

"Sakuno… stop doubting Ryoma-kun. He likes you, that's what matters."

She continued to feed her mind with Ryoma's comforting words and text messages. She needed to trust him completely if she wanted to stay in his life, no matter how chaotic it would be.

To be continued.