Chapter 10
I'm blinded by a light. It brings me back to consciousness. Takes me a few minutes to just be aware of my surroundings.
Where I am? A hospital room, in a bed.
Who's here? A doctor and two nurses.
Why I'm here? The baby inside me wanting to break free of my body.
Wait... Is she even still in there? Please God, don't let her be gone!
I start moving to feel my stomach to try and rouse her, but I'm pulled back by needles and tubes being attached to my left and hand. I must alert the nurses because they both turn to face me.
"Miss Everdeen, no. Please stay put." One nurse with ginger hair and sun-kissed freckled skin tells me gently She advances towards me and adjusts the tubes sticking out of my arm and hand.
"Is she still in there?" I ask frantically.
She nods.
"Yes."
I take a huge sigh of relief.
"What even happened?"
"You fainted. Overworked your body and put too much stress on her too quickly. Your baby is okay." She informs me caringly and calmly.
As I just start to calm as I stroke my stomach, then I realise...
"Peeta!"
Where is he? What happened? Why is he not here with me right now? He should be right next to me, holding my hand, stroking my hair back, telling me everything is okay. Reassuring me about our baby coming into the world being a good thing. Where is he? WHERE IS HE?!
"Where is Peeta?!" I demand, well trying to be. It's hard trying to be intimating and tough when your attached to a bed while a baby is slowing making its way through your body.
The nurses exchange looks, both wordlessly deciding on how to tell me. With the looks on their faces, I can already tell what has happened, why he isn't here, why he isn't now going to see the birth of his child.
"Miss Everdeen..." One of them starts. I can't even tell which one, my eyes are already filled with tears as I think to myself, I'm alone again. I'm going to have to do this by myself. I can't do it by myself. I hate this. God, Snow! Why did you ruin this life for me so badly? Kill my father in a mining 'accident'. Make me volunteer for my little sister for a slaughtering game which kills 23 out of 24 children each year. Make Peeta's and my lives a living hell just because we didn't want to live without each other. Then ruined Peeta, changing almost every single moment of mine and Peeta's lives together just as a way of punishing me for defying his insane rules. I hate him. I will kill him. I don't care if Coin wants to do it, I will be the one to kill him. He's done more to me than he ever has to her. I must kill him. For the other Victors, the dead children, the dead families of the Victors, for Panem. I cannot, will not, let him live so he can ruin my child's life too. This has to end. NOW!
"Sweetheart?"
Breaking my thoughts, I see Haymitch walking into the hospital room, coming and grabbing my hand.
"Peeta…"
"Katniss..."
"No! I need Peeta! I don't just want him here, I need him here, Haymitch! You know that! Please! Please..." I beg, tears of pain and heart-wrenching reality setting in. I will not be able to have this baby if Peeta is not here.
"Sweetheart..."
"No! Haymitch! Get him here! NOW! I will not be able to have his baby with him not here. Not just because I don't want him not seeing the birth of his child, but because I don't want to bring her into this world without Peeta assuring me that everything is going to be okay. I just can't Haymitch. I can't. Please, please, PLEASE get him here."
"What am I supposed to do to get him here? He went Mutt as soon as you were unconscious. Luckily he had already started screaming for people to come and help you, otherwise... we don't really want to know what else could have happened." Sadness and defeat crosses his features, I forget how much he really cares about us some times.
"What helped him get to the stage he was before, Haymitch? Come on, you know this." I push.
At that second, a very painful contraction hits, radiating through my whole body and making me cry out. I can feel myself gripping Haymitch's hand with a tight clutch.
"The baby." I hear him mutter as the contraction passes.
"Do you have a latest picture of the baby?" He asks the nurses, hurriedly.
"Mr Abernathy..."
"Picture!" He demands.
"We have been told that we are not allowed to have Mr Mellark in here with Miss Everdeen because of what could happen to the baby."
"Do NOT give me that crap! Coin doesn't know what good for anyone, especially these two kids and their kid. PICTURE!" Haymitch bellows, staring at them with unblinking eyes and a strained jaw.
The ginger haired one caves, turning around and fiddling around with the ultrasound machine.
"Elenore!" The other one scolds.
Elenore dismisses her, finally clicking on a button and hearing another machine come to life. She nods towards what must be a printer, Haymitch strides over to it, picking up the picture and coming back over to me.
"I'll get him back for you. Just try and keep her in there until you hear anything back from me or anyone else." He tells me, looking at me dead in the eye. I reach up and squeeze his arm a little.
"Thank you, Haymitch."
He gives a subtle smile and then back off, then he adds,
"Oh and your sister and mother are observing a surgery right now and it cannot be interrupted. So, they won't be able to get out for another hour or so."
I sigh, but understanding the reasoning. Haymitch is then running out of the door with the picture of my baby on that piece of paper. I sigh with somewhat relief knowing that Peeta will be here soon. He has to be…
"If I could ever have a baby, I would want the father to be here too. No matter what state he's in." Elenore mentions softly.
I look over at her, she's got a very small smile playing on her lips. I smile at her, grabbing onto my stomach to the best of my abilities.
"Thank you..." I sigh.
She nods and then turns away and starts playing around with some more equipment and paperwork.
Now, we wait.
For about twenty minutes, there's nothing. I've just had my last contraction a moment ago and still no sign that Haymitch has even seen Peeta yet. The contractions are getting worse and worse each time, from my grip on the bed I ripped the sheets with my fingernails. I'm praying that soon I will hear something, anything to give me just a sign as to whether Peeta is going to be coming. I asked Elenore a few minutes after Haymitch left if I could also see a picture of the baby. She gave it to me and she looked so big compared to when I saw her the first time. As she is getting even closer to arriving, these moments I'm having waiting around for anyone to come and be here for me, I'm becoming nostalgic about my time with her.
I remember when I realised that I was pregnant with her, when I told Peeta I was pregnant with her and announcing it to all of Panem. When I felt her move for the first time when Peeta kissed me on the beach. When I saw her for the first time once I first woke up here in Thirteen. When I realised that she would be the thing that would make Peeta come back to me. When I saw him cry over her for the first time, when I watched him tracing her little body with his finger, his face when he heard her heart beating for the first time, when Peeta and I talked about what we could call her with now still a battle to choose between names for her or him. Most of all, when Peeta would be sleeping with his arms subconsciously wrapped around my stomach and rubbing his fingers across the stretching skin while he was asleep. Such a small little thing he did every night which made me know that he was going to be the most incredible father to this baby. Peeta was instantly so in love with her when he learnt of her existence.
Just these little things which make me kind of happy it happened now. Because I don't know how it would have turned out if Peeta and I hadn't slept together all the way back almost nine months ago. She wouldn't be on the way now. Would I be dead? Would Peeta be dead? Would we have both died in the Quell? Would Snow have hijacked Peeta to torture me? Would I have been able to get Peeta back if she wasn't in the picture? Would I have known of his love for me again? Would he even love me at all if we didn't go down this path to help him get better? Would I have been the one to help bring him back to reality where I am the one who he's loved since the first day of school? Would he have even remembered me? So many questions and what if's regarding if things had been different and Peeta and I didn't make love that night the Quell was announced.
With all of these things in mind, I'm glad that this was the way that it went. I am excited to see our baby girl. I am excited to watch her grow and learn from myself, Peeta and all the amazing people we have supporting us and loving us during this war. I'm excited to see Prim holding out baby for the first time and watching her interact with her niece of nephew. I'm excited to watch Haymitch's reaction to the small bundle of joy which Peeta and I have brought into the world and see exactly what happens. I'm excited for Gale and the other Hawthorne's to teach her about Twelve and tell her about her parents when we were little. I'm excited to watch Peeta love her, feed her, clothe her, wash her, play with her, joke around with her, laugh with her, smile with her, just anything which he can do with her, I want to see that interaction. He is going to be the most amazing father. Oh please Peeta, come back to us!
Right that second, a phone rings. My trance is broken. Could that be Haymitch? Is he calling to say Peeta is now running through the halls coming to see the birth of his child? Is Haymitch ringing to tell me that Peeta can't come because he's completely gone? Please be the latter! Please!
"Nurse Elenore speaking."
I watch her like a deer I would prey on, watching her every movement, every single change in her expression, everything, what seems like minutes pass and she doesn't change her expression at all or move a muscle. She just listens intently. Then she moves, her head swiftly moving towards me, staring me up and down. Still not change in her expression. She stays watching me and we then have an unbreakable eye gaze. I can't blink. Because if I do, I may miss an important movement or change. She doesn't move either, she knows she will give something away if she does. She just stays listening and staring at me. Then, her lips move, "Okay."
She moves, coming towards me and passing me the phone, helping move around the cords so I can hold the phone to my ear. I do it as soon as I have the range to do so.
"Haymitch?"
"He wants to speak to you. I calmed him down and he's almost back, but he needs to hear your voice. Needs to know it's not fake."
"Pass him over."
Some muffling happens on the other end, then I hear his voice calling my name.
"Peeta…" I breathe.
"Katniss, is it true? Are you in labour? Is she coming?" He asks rushed.
By luck the baby answers him for me, pushing the hardest contraction onto me that I've ever had, I scream into the phone, writhing in pain and waiting for it to stop.
"Katniss! Katniss!" Peeta calls through the phone.
"Please Peeta! Get here now!" I yell as I pass the contraction.
"Real?" He questions, needing some reassurance.
"REAL!"
"I'm coming! I'm coming, baby girl! I'm coming Katniss!"
The phone must drop as the contraction dissipates and I hear Peeta running away through the phone. I hear his voice as he tells people to move and I hear Haymitch calling after him. Then Haymitch calls out to me,
"We are coming, Katniss! Keep that baby in there for a few more minutes."
I sigh in complete relief. He's coming. He's coming. He'll see her come into this world. It's gonna happen. I'm going to see her. He's gonna see her. It's all coming together and I can't wait until we are finally a family. Just Peeta and I and her. Or him. I still believe that it's gonna be a girl. I hope it is. If it isn't Peeta will be a little disappointed after imagining a little girl and getting a boy instead, but Peeta won't really care. As long as our child stays alive longer than us and is as healthy as can be, I don't mind what gender it is. I just can't wait to see the little face which is a combination of mine and Peeta's. I'm even more so excited to see Peeta's reaction to when he first meets the child he's been trying to get back to normal for. Just imagining his reaction almost brings me to tears, it actually does. Oh no, it's just another contraction.
The next one doesn't just make me cry, it feels like it rips me in half and I start to worry if I can even bring my child into this world. I know it's not even the worst part yet, but it's already agonisingly painful. I just want the baby in my arms already, but that isn't gonna happen without going through pain of childbirth. I know I can do I; I'm just scared. I'll feel better when Peeta is next to me holding my hand and kissing my fore head.
"Miss Everdeen..."
I'm drowned out of my thoughts by the ginger haired lady, fair face looking at me.
"It's almost time to push."
Not already. Please God no. I won't do it without Peeta. I need him here with me. It took two of us to make her. He should be here too. I need him here with me. It always hit me in a spot when I heard the story about how Gale's father passed before the birth of Posy. I could only feel terrible for Hazelle having to do that by herself. And Gale having to be her help when she was in labour as another local coal miner helped her coerce Posy out. I didn't ever want that to happen to me. Another reason for me never wanting kids. Only silenced behind the other reason being death. Peeta needs to be here. I need Peeta!
"No! I need to wait!"
"I know. But you are one more contraction away before you need to start pushing."
I sigh heavily, close to tears. Not now. Peeta…
"I want Mr Mellark here for you too, Miss Everdeen. Believe me, I do. I believe that the father deserves to see his child being born."
The tears spill over onto my flushed cheeks and I cannot help it when I let out a cry. I just need more time. I just want more time...
"I know, Miss Everdeen."
I must have said that last part out loud...
"But, with childbirth, that isn't an option. It can cause problems for the baby."
I want her healthy. Why can't this all work out? I need her healthy and happy and being the perfect representation of what Peeta was before Snow ruined him with the tracker-jacker venom.
At that moment, I feel the building up of another contraction, I cry out. This one the worst of all. I cannot stop myself anymore. As I scream, I have tears trickling down my cheeks, burning into steam before they reach my chin. As I'm baring down, I can see Nurse Elenore fiddling around with the machines and needles again.
"Just breathe, Katniss. Soon you'll have your baby-" I scream so loud I can't hear her say the next part. "-here soon." I hear her finish as the contraction passes.
"What did you say?" I ask.
From the look on her face, I can see she must have said what gender the baby was. And I missed it. Good, I think. I didn't want to know unless Peeta was here with me.
"Did you hear what I said?"
"No."
"Okay, good. I'm sorry! I've never tripped up like that! I'm so sorry. I didn't want to ruin the surprise for you!" She exclaims, her hands flying everywhere and her eyes wide and scared, more so just from herself ruining the surprise which I didn't hear.
"It's okay..."
She takes a few moments and composes herself. Then she takes a deep breath and asks me to put my legs up to check to see if I'm ready to push. Some poking and prodding later, I see her get up and look towards the door, then back to me with some longing in her eyes. The baby's ready to come out, and Peeta's not here. I sigh and feel more steaming tears come out. I don't know why I'm so emotional. I'm stronger than this. I can do this. I CAN do this! Peeta needs to be here, but if he's supposed to get here in time, he will. Nurse Elenore starts to prep me for when I start pushing in a few moments time. I take some last few breaths as just a girl, just a woman, before I become a mother. I hear a buzz and see that she has called for another nurse. Hopefully not to the horrible one. Within a minute, a different nurse comes in.
"She's about to start pushing and I need another person to help." She informs the new nurse.
She nods, walks over to the sinks, washes up her hands and quickly puts on some fresh scrubs.
"I notified the doctor as well but I'm pretty sure that he is with another patient right now." Elenore mentions.
"Make an exception for the Mockingjay!" I exclaim.
"If I'm doing this by myself, I may as well have a doctor delivering my baby!"
They stare at me, then they turn to face each other and they murmur something before Elenore faces me and the other one heads towards the phone.
"I'm sorry, Katniss." The graceful ginger symphyses.
I take another breath and nod my head.
"Okay. Let's do it."
It's almost time for me to start pushing and they've managed to get the doctor here and now the other nurse and him are waiting for me to push. Elenore is standing near my head sorting out some of the tubes. I feel it start to happen. Here it goes! Without even thinking, I grab onto Elenore's hand just for some kind of support. She takes my hand between both of hers and directs me into the pushing. Pain is all I feel. I hear them congratulating me on doing it so well, but I'm still waiting for Peeta. What is even taking him so long? The pain is almost unbearable and it was so bad, I couldn't even get a sound out of my mouth. I was just silently writhing in pain waiting for it to disappear again.
"Thank you." I say to Elenore who is still holding onto my hand, giving me that extra support and coercion into pushing out my baby.
"Of course."
"Miss Everdeen, a few more like that she your baby will be here in no time!" The doctor tells me somewhat cheerily.
I nod my head, gathering more breath before I have to do it again. Then, I hear it. So subtle, yet screaming in my ears.
"Katniss!"
"Katniss!"
"Peeta!" I yell.
"Katniss?"
"Peeta!"
He's here! He's gonna see his child being born! And I'm so happy he's finally here. He burst through the door the next second, running to my side. Peeta's eyes are wide and unblinking, hair dishevelled and worry filling his whole expression as he tries to catch his breath. His lips instantly connect with mine for a brief second before he pulls away and observes the scene.
"Is she here yet? Did I miss it? Are you okay?" He scrambles out breathlessly.
Another contraction erupts without warning and takes me off guard, answering his question before anyone else can. I start pushing, even more this time, Peeta grabs onto my hand and leg like he's done this a million times. He helps me and I can feel the baby almost pushing through. The contraction passes.
"Your baby is almost here. The head is right there." The nurse other nurse says.
Peeta and I exchange looks. I have never been more excited to see him. He looks perfect. I'm glad he's mine and this child I'm birthing is his. I'm so thankful I came to my senses.
"Yes, you can look." I answer before he could even ask.
Tentatively, he steps from me and goes to where the others all are at the end of the bed and I watch him turn into goo. I watch his eyes water over almost instantly.
"What is it?" I ask.
He chokes back a sob. I watch him have to tear his eyes away from looking at his child to come back up to me. He takes three large steps and is back up to me, placing his fore head against mine, looking into my eyes as he lets a tear fall onto his cheek.
"She's got your hair."
I can't help it when I smile like an idiot, another tear adding to the million I have released today. It's more real now. Our baby has my hair. Our baby is right there. Only a little bit longer and I'll be able to lay eyes on our beautiful creation. Hold her. Kiss him. And eventually, give our baby a name.
I start feeling the pains again. I let out a little wheeze and this brings Peeta to his senses, grabbing my hand again. I find myself holding onto his hand for dear life. I hear the doctor tell me to start pushing again and this time, I do it with all of my might. I'm pushing so hard that everything stops and I don't even make a sound. I hear Peeta helping me along by saying little things of encouragement. It's almost over, I'm so close. The doctors are telling me the same things as I'm thinking them. It's almost over. Our baby is almost here. I can't wait til she is in my arms. I want to know whether it's a girl or boy. Is it the girl we've been imagining or is it a boy that we would love to have as well but have been calling a girl this whole time. Still pushing, I hear Peeta say,
"Bring our baby into this world, Katniss. Make us a family."
Hearing that, I bare down with everything I have.
Then, my entire world stops.
Peeta's entire world stops.
-Flashback-
Staring down at the dark plus sign, I'm in complete disbelief what the package says it means. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. Me. Pregnant. With a baby. A child. Another life. I have life inside me. Me. Katniss. Katniss Everdeen, the Girl on Fire, she has a baby growing in her belly. I cannot stop all of the thoughts running around my head. I know I asked for this. From all the times Peeta and I made love that night, I would be kidding myself if I didn't think it was a possibility. But I wasn't thinking about that. I never thought about that. The entire time, I was in the moment, something I never thought I could do. I have always imagined what would happen next, to make sure I am prepared for any and all things that could happen to me and to my family. Peeta and I made a baby. I'm carrying Peeta's baby.
Peeta…
What is Peeta going to say? We made love and haven't even spoken about it since that night. We've had awkward silences and blushes, but never spoken about it. Peeta would make the most incredible father. Me on the other hand, a horrible mother. I never wanted to be a mother. One, I couldn't imagine someone would want to do that with me. Two, raising another child that isn't my sister, something that has never crossed my mind. I'm beginning to become overwhelmed with emotions. I'm pregnant. Peeta and I are having a baby. We are having a baby… But wait… the Quell...
We aren't having a baby. I may very well die in that arena, with Peeta's baby in my belly… If I tell Peeta about the baby, he'll kill himself or sacrifice himself in that arena just so our baby can live. Saving both me and this little mass inside me. Do I tell him? Or do I just die and then he finds out when he wins the Games that I died carrying his baby? Would that be fair on him? Absolutely not. I can't imagine the pain and guilt he would have on his shoulders if I didn't tell him about the baby. Maybe there's some Capitol science which could take out the baby from my belly and grow so Peeta can still have our child if I die in that Arena? This is all too much.
I wrap the double lined test back in its packaging, pushing it up my sleeve so I can take it into my room without anyone possibly seeing it and wondering what I am carrying. The train is speeding towards the Capitol and I think it was my motion sickness from being on this train which made me confused and sought me to take a test in the first place. I've been on this train so many times now, and I've never had a reaction of throwing up before while on here. And also feeling ill the last two months but blaming it on just worry about going back into the Games. As well as the hardcore training Peeta, Haymitch and I had been doing preparing. Most of it was for Haymitch, but it really did test me, which was worrying me. Now, I know why. Every morning when I woke up and threw up wasn't because of the worry about going into the Arena again and how hard I was training, it was a baby inside my belly. Peeta saw me lose my lunch a few times when we trained and he didn't ask about it, but I know he was thinking about asking. But Peeta knew better than to ask me about something like that, especially then when we were trying to focus on training to become strong like careers. That whole time I was pregnant… Over two months and I never thought to have double checked with my mother about how different I was feeling, it never crossed my mind at all.
I go back to my room and debate when I should tell Peeta. I know he is around here somewhere. His room isn't too far from mine. We still have the same rooms that we had the first night we were here on the train towards our first Games. The difference from now and then is one million different things. The main one, I'm now carrying the boy who threw me bread's baby. I need to tell him. I won't be able to keep it to myself at all. I can't hide anything from anyone. The open book of Katniss Everdeen. I need to find Peeta, now. Otherwise, I'll chicken out and talk myself out of it. I'm having his baby. I make sure I'm still holding the test up my sleeve, take a heavy sigh and then walk straight out again. He's usually in his room. I walk myself towards his door, stopping just before the sensor can detect me and open it. I run through and double check what I want to say. 'Oh hey Peeta, you know that night that we never mention? Yeah, you knocked me up and now we're going into the Games where we are all going to die, including your child?' I sigh and roll my eyes, there's no fun way I'm going to be able to say this. It's going to be very emotional and I don't wanna face that. I can't control my emotions at all and now I have to face them with one of the most controversial things I could ever say. With a heavy sigh escaping my lips, I swallow my pride and walk into the room.
The whirr from the electric door stops behind me as I now stand in Peeta's room. He's laying on his bed, arm locked around his head as he reads a book he holds in his spare hand resting on his leg. He turns his attention to me standing hopelessly at his literal doorstep on this train.
"I wasn't expecting to see you until later?" He's referencing our horrible sleeping patterns thanks to what the Games have scarred us with. Both of us struggling to sleep without each other to help beat away those shared nightmares.
"Yeah, I wasn't going to come til then." I answer honestly, because I'm still mad that he volunteered for Haymitch so he can protect me in those stupid Games.
"Are you okay? You're looking a little scattered."
Peeta puts down his book on his nightstand and leans up to a sitting position on the bed. His golden blonde locks are slowly becoming more dishevelled from the gel he had in his hair from the Reaping. He's put his hands through them a few times, I can tell. He always did that while we were at parties on the Tour after the Games when he was getting restless being there.
"Honestly, I'm freaking out." I start, heart thumping so loud in my chest I can barely hear myself.
He rises from the bed and walks towards me, instantly enveloping me into his arms which soothes me straight away. Even though his soft shirt feels heavenly against my cheek and smells like comfort, it doesn't soothe away the little thing inside me though, the soothing is what started it… I try and take a deep breath to blurt it out, but Peeta's voice interrupts me.
"I'm sorry that I volunteered. You knew I had too. I have to look after you in that Arena, Katniss. I know you're angry with me about it but we need each other in there."
Oh Peeta… He has no idea. He's going to be in shock, much like I was. We are still only kids as well. Kids having a kid. Like some sex crazed teens from the slag heap. But, I can see how it happens, sex is heaven. And with Peeta… I can't imagine it being any better than that. Now horny at the thought, I have to stop and think about what I came here to do.
Peeta's cheek is resting against the top of my head, breathing in the expensive soap which I used to shower off the Reaping stench earlier.
"It's not just me you're going to be looking out for in there." I say ever so softly, hoping he doesn't hear me.
Peeta pushes himself back from my body, looking down trying to look at my face. I don't wanna face those blue hues. I keep my eyes staring at a button on his shirt. Looking over how many times thread was sown to fasten it to the fabric.
"What do you mean, Katniss?"
I break my concentration of his button and close my eyes. I wish I didn't have to do this. But I have too. I have to tell him. I pull my head up and open my eyes to see his blue hues staring directly into mine, confusion behind them. I can't use the words, so I just reach for his hand and pull us towards the bed so we can sit and talk about this.
"Katniss, I don't think we'd be completely alone here…" Peeta hesitates, stopping before he can reach the bed.
I'm confused at first, what does he mean? I stare at him confused about what he means. Then I notice red creeping up his cheeks.
Oh… OH…
"Oh! That's not what I was doing…" I whisper shyly.
Peeta is now completely red from embarrassment, it's contagious and feel my own cheeks filling like his. See, we can't be parents to a baby, just thinking about sex makes us both look like a terrible sunburn. Even though I've thought about that night hundreds of times since we did it and always wondered if we would do it again… It would be nice for a final send away… Now shyer than I was before, I sit down on the bed and press my arm with the test in against my leg hoping it hadn't somehow disappeared.
Peeta takes a seat next to me and looks towards me, but I keep my eyes towards the ground.
"What's going on, Katniss?" He softly prods.
I bite my lip hard. I don't know how to say this, I really don't know. I never imagined that I would be here telling Peeta that I was pregnant. Or anyone ever that I was pregnant. I never imagined that I would ever be pregnant in the first place.
"Umm…" I murmur, trying to find my voice.
Peeta doesn't touch me, he knows it'll just make it harder for me because I'm such a closed shell of a person. It takes a few minutes of trailing through all different ways I can say to Peeta that we created a person. Finally, I just try and get out anything.
"Well, you know that night… the one we don't talk about… that we… umm…"
I can feel Peeta's cheeks getting red again without even looking at him.
"Yeah?"
Embarrassed enough, I just try and keep going.
"Something happened."
How cryptic of me. Trying to see if Peeta can put one and one together to see what happened.
"What Katniss? Did I do something?"
Peeta can't do the math. I'm going to have to tell him. I know he's getting confused because I can't talk like a normal person. "No, you didn't do something on purpose…"
I can't believe I just said something even more cryptic to him… What is wrong with me?
I suck down all of my feelings and turn to face him, his face says it all. He's completely confused, no idea what I'm getting at whatsoever. He's looking at me with worry about whatever I'm going to say. But, he doesn't even realise how bad it is yet. I bring my hands together and start writhing them together as a way of trying to relax myself, my heart is racing in my chest. I can't hold it in. I can't do it. All half an hour I've known and I can't keep it from him anymore. He needs to know.
"Peeta, I'm pregnant."
His eyes instantly widen, he stops breathing, and all the muscles in his body fall, including his face. The world around us stops, it's just us in this terrifying moment. It's in our reality now. This is it. We are having a baby. Peeta and I. We made a baby. Peeta is silent. Absolute shock is written across his face. He's shocked, worried and I can see the sadness being written into his eyes. Peeta, the man who was made to be a father, now a reality, which won't be able to happen thanks to our stupid decision to live in the last Games. Peeta is silent for what feels like hours. He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. He's worried and scared for us. We are going into the Games with another life. 25 are going into this Quarter Quell. And who knows how many are coming out…
Soon, Peeta moves, getting to his feet. He doesn't move in the same confident stride he usually has. His body isn't reacting the same way it usually is. He's just slowly pacing around. He brings his hands up to tousle through his hair, now ridding of all gel stuck parts. He sharply intakes, thinking it may possibly be the first breath he has taken since he's heard this bombshell. His hands come up and covers his mouth, then he crouches down to the ground, moving his slightly shaking hands to his eyes. I think about walking to him, but he needs his time to react himself. He stays like that crouched for a few minutes and then I hear a sniffle and look up to see him wiping his eyes. Peeta's crying. I can't stop myself when I get up and walk towards him and kneeling down next to him, wrapping my arms around him. His hands move from his face and then wrap completely around me, making sure that I am able to just breathe. His head nestles into the crook of my neck and lets out a loud sob. I feel my cheeks becoming wet and realise I'm crying as well. There we sit, in the middle of his room, holding each other and just crying over what could be, not saying anything. There's nothing to say. The boy with the golden tongue, with no words.
After what could be an hour, a knock on the door alerts us. It's Effie calling us for dinner. Peeta finally speaks and tells her we won't be joining them. Effie says some comment below her breath, but doesn't bother us further. It's then that we decide maybe those words we weren't going to say should possibly be talked about.
"I can't believe you're pregnant." He murmurs, soft as anything. This conversation isn't for listening ears, just ours.
"I didn't think about that for one second when we were doing it."
"Me neither."
"I should have." A crack in his voice pangs me into reality.
I pull my head away from his and try and look into eyes. They eventually look into mine and they are bright blue, a hue I haven't seen before, most likely from all the crying, along with being puffed up and bright red and strained. We cried together, hard crying for like a whole hour. We are so vulnerable right now.
"Peeta, we both did it, we both are to blame. I'm just so sorry I've put you in this situation…"
He has a big tear fall onto his cheek, which I reach up and wipe away.
"I just can't believe it… We made a baby. A baby." He plays with the words, tasting them on his tongue for the first time. We did make a baby. A little Everdeen-Mellark baby. How much Peeta's mom will be mad at him for procreating with a Seam slut.
"We made a baby." I confirm.
Peeta is silent for a second, thinking about all this information.
"If we were in any other circumstances, I would be jumping around the room so happy."
Peeta's eyes drop two tears onto his cheek, I push them away. And then notice I am also crying again.
"And now we have to go into the Games, with people who want me dead…" I say, breaking us into reality.
Peeta's eyes close and he leans his head against mine, our breath mingling in together. We soon breathe a hitched rhythm together, trying to contain ourselves.
"I am not letting anything happen to you. Before I was willing to give my life for yours in these Games, now, I won't even think twice. You are getting out of that Arena, without me, but also with a piece of me."
Peeta's hand comes between us and lays upon my belly, it startles me. But, in this moment, as much as I want to protest Peeta giving his life up for us, all I can think about is how his hand holding my belly feels. It feels comforting, in a way I never imagined. It calms me, but scares me all at once. I don't want to leave this room. I just want to stay here with Peeta until the end of time. This exact moment. Just us, crying over who is going to save who and then look after our child for the remainder of time. As a parent to what will be the biggest bombshell these Games have ever seen. We may have shocked them last year, but now, we are going in with a reason to live. A life we need to keep alive.
"We're having a baby, Peeta." I breathe, feeling it for the first time and meaning.
"We are having a baby. And I will die for this baby. For you and her."
He places his lips on mine and we share a kiss, filled with more than I can put into words.
We are having a baby. Peeta and I.
-End of Flashback-
Our baby is here.
We had a baby.
Peeta and I have a baby.