A/N: Sorry guys, I'm really sucking at regular updates :/ Hope you enjoy this chapter anyway, has some kataang softness which you guys prob think is log overdue XD thank you again for all your comments, it really does help me write.
Katara's POV:
As soon as the bathroom door clicks shut, I wilt instantly. The tightness in the muscles of my back and shoulders have stayed with me ever since I heard Aang's jarring confession. 'As tempting as it was to talk to either Zuko or Toph about it, they both already have a lot on their plate to deal with.' I massage my forehead as I re-live his words.
"I don't want to keep tying you down."
"When I'm not around anymore."
"It's better if I'm not around anymore."
An icy cold shiver runs down the base of my spine and the same feelings of nausea and dread curls up inside me. 'He's never been like this before. Sure, he had some minor setbacks with his cutting, but that's all it was - a minor setback. This...this is too much. I wonder if being alone for that long with no personal anchor had more of a negative impact than I initially realised. Throughout every hardship he faced, he always had someone to lean on. Gyatso, Roku, me. But for the last five years he had basically no one other than sporadic contacts with my Dad and Sokka. Sokka…'
My stomach churns at remembering his fragile state. 'I said I was going to go with him. To give him more healing sessions and yet I'm here instead.' I bite the inside of my cheek hard as my eyes mist in anxiety for my brother.
When the bathroom door clicks open once more, I find myself turning my head away from the man's line of sight to hide the expression of worry and churning concern.
"Katara?" Aang probes and I find myself rising to my feet and making my way to the loo.
"I'm just going to use the bathroom." I excuse as I walk past him, but a hand encircles my wrist, stopping me in my tracks.
"Hey what's wrong?" The Airbender queries as he tries to peer into my eyes. 'For the love of spirits, why does he still know me so well?' I silently complain. I plaster a smile on my face and shake my head.
"It's nothing." I reassure, but he quirks an eyebrow up as he gazes at me doubtfully.
"It doesn't look like nothing." My former husband points out dubiously as he continues to hold my wrist. I swallow. 'Why...why do I still love him?' The question has been grating on my innermost being for a while now. The admission has long since been made regardless of how hard I tried to ignore it. 'It's just he stirs so many feelings inside me and I don't know what he feels or what he's thinking half of the time. I used to be able to read him so well. Or I thought I did. But now he's just a huge mystery.'
"There's been a lot going on in the last 24 hours. I feel like I need time to process it." I admit as I move my other hand to lightly touch his where it remains encircled around my wrist.
He seems to finally realise he's still touching me and immediately his grip slackens as he starts to withdraw, but I grasp his fingers before he pulls away completely.
"Aang, I..." The words 'I love you' get stuck in my throat. 'I haven't said them for so long, it almost feels foreign. And yet I know the words would have little impact on the Airbender. He's determined to be alone and sort through things by himself.' I sigh and drop his hand. "...I just need the loo and I'll be back so we can discuss what we're going to do." I opt to say instead. Aang scrutinises me carefully, as if he knows there's more to what I was going to say. His lips part before he flickers his eyes away.
"Yeah ok." He mumbles as his other hand subconsciously goes to rub the hand I was holding. As if trying to erase the feel of my touch. I swallow again and step away from him and into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
Once closed, I press my forehead against the door and release a shaky breath. 'What am I doing? I've dug myself a hole too deep and I'm not sure I can get myself out. A couple of months ago I wanted nothing more to do with the man and now...' I close my eyes. '...now I'm terrified for him. And angry. How could he think of doing something so foolish?! So selfish.'
My fingers curl into a fist. 'I can't decide whether I should be sympathetic or livid with him. And I can't decide whether I should be by his side or Sokka's. I just don't know anything anymore.' I feel a tear slide down my cheek as I take in a shuddering breath. 'Snap out of it Katara. You can sort this out. Of course you can.' I try to reassure myself, but the words feel hollow and hopeless.
I exhale heavily and push myself away from the door. 'We need to do something about Yon Rha. We need evidence to link him to his crimes otherwise he'll just escape free again. We need to know what link Zuko's company has in all this mess. The only scrap of information we have is a user of blue fire. The only person we know that can use that is Azula who claims she knows nothing. There was no one in all those files that had the same ability who still worked at the company. So what? Who...wait. Ozai is able to use it too, but he's still locked up for the time being.'
I massage my forehead in an attempt to squeeze my brain for answers. 'Maybe...maybe the blue fire is just a red herring and it doesn't actually mean anything. If that's the case we're back to having no clues.' I scratch my head hard. 'What did Ozai want again? A war. He wanted to start a war. If he's meant to get out soon, maybe Yon Rha has been preparing for a war in secret for Ozai's return. Last time all those weapons were confiscated or destroyed. It's been 10 years since then and Yon Rha has largely been left to his own devices. There's nothing stopping him from making weapons again. Maybe the people in the company who recently quit were still Ozai loyalists. If that's the case...'
My eyes widen. 'We're in trouble.' I flicker my gaze to the door. 'The last time we were put in this situation, Roku died and it took a long while for Aang to come to terms to it. That's if he really has. But...this time he's older and experienced and yet... I'm not sure if he has the mental strength to face the man responsible for the deaths of all his loved ones. I mean, I still boil up at the thought of Yon Rha. If I met the man again, I don't think I'll be able to restrain myself.'
I shake my head. 'But Aang's not me. He doesn't believe in violence. At least not on others.' A sigh escapes past my lips. 'Either way, I need to talk to him. I need to break down all those walls he built up.' My hand clenches briefly as I go to re-open the door. But upon re-entering the bedroom, a certain Airbender is strangely absent.
I frown as my eyes sweep across the room, but I find no sight of him as a sickening dread begins to trickle in. 'Did he leave...?' I start panicking. That is, until I hear the sounds of pans downstairs. I release an immediate sigh of relief as I wilt against the wall.
"This man is making me more and more paranoid." I grumble to myself before pushing myself off the wall and moving to clear the last of my belongings from the suitcase.
When I reach the black box, I pause. Thoughts of the explosion run through my mind and how close I was to losing it if Aang hadn't found my bag. I flick open the box and stare at the pendant. I hesitate for a moment before pulling it out. Clasping it around my neck feels wrong in a way, especially considering how fractured our relationship is. But if there's one thing I'm sure of, it's the fact that I don't want to lose it. It was the first gift the Airbender ever gave me. I finger the golden chain and finally decide to pocket it to deliberate on later.
I tuck the suitcase under the bed before exiting the room and making my way back downstairs. I navigate towards the sounds of plates to find the Airbender squatting down in front of a cupboard. Aang glances up at the sound of my feet before returning his attention to searching the cupboard.
"I think Zuko threw some stuff in here half hazardously." Aang grumbles as he takes out a box of crackers. The corner of my lips twitch upwards as I move to stand behind him and peer into the half-empty cupboard.
"I think there's a can of soup there." I point out as I reach past him to pick it up. I'm unaware that I've rested a hand on his shoulder as I lean forward until I catch sight of his red cheeks. I immediately remove my hand and move back. "Sorry." I mumble. I hear him swallow as he shakes his head.
"No, no. I just... wasn't expecting it." He mutters in turn and I can't tell if he's relieved or disappointed that I moved away. My smile is strained as I go to change the topic.
"Do we have any vegetables? I could probably throw some type of stew together." I suggest.
"Yeah, there's some carrots, leek and potatoes here." Aang replies without meeting my eyes.
"Great. I'll get started on that." I say as I dig for a peeler. The Airbender pops the list of ingredients on the table top and steps back as I start washing them. After a minute of his watchful gaze, I rest my hands on the edge of the sink and turn my head to face him. "You can go and relax while I do this." I suggest, but the man makes no move to leave.
"I can help." He answers simply as he picks up a potato and starts peeling it. I blink twice before turning my attention back to the sink.
"Ok sure." I voice as I finish rinsing the last of the vegetables. I move to the cooker and ignite the first hob after filling a pan with water.
"Here." Aang utters as he passes me the peeled vegetables. A sense of deep-seated nostalgia runs through me at the action. 'We used to often cook like this before a wedge came in between us.'
"Katara?" Aang probes when I don't take the last vegetable from his hand. I give myself an internal shake and take the carrot from his hand and pop it into the stew. I feel Aang's eyes on me as I throw in a bunch of other bits and bobs in the pan before sealing it with the lid and turning down the dial to simmer.
"Come on, let's go take a seat. It will probably be an hour before it's done." I say as I wipe my hands with a cloth and exit the room with the Airbender close on my heels. What once used to be the living room is now just an empty room with a sole wooden chair. I sigh. "I suppose we could go upstairs." I suggest as the Airbender shrugs.
"I mean, we could stand and talk." Aang offers. I purse my lips and lean my back against the wall behind me.
"If that's what you prefer." I say lightly as I cross my arms over my chest. My former husband tilts his head to one side, but says nothing else.
Now that it's just the two of us with no nurses or anyone that can interrupt us, I'm at a loss on what to say, despite there being so many things left unsaid. 'Are we really done? How long has he been feeling so down? Is he serious about acting on his suicidal thoughts? How...how do I help him? And... shouldn't I be with Sokka right now?' My stomach seems to twist in a hundred different directions and all of which are making me increasingly nauseous.
"Katara?" Aang prompts again for the third time in the last hour. I sigh and run a hand through my hair.
"How long have you been feeling like this?" I say outright. Aang's shoulders slump as he rests his left hip against the wall.
"A while, I guess." He mumbles as his eyes drop to the ground. 'A while. Maybe it's more thoughts than actual intent then.'
"How long is a while?" I probe. He doesn't answer for a few beats.
"They were...always thoughts that I had played with ever since the orphanage, but I shoved them away whenever they appeared. And after we met, they kind of disappeared. They came back probably a year after our fight." The Airbender explains without meeting my eyes.
I feel my heart jerk up in my chest at the confession. I don't know whether it's from the fact that he's had these thoughts before we've even met and never mentioned it or whether it's from the implication that I was the one to put a stop to them. Either way, the knot in my gut just seems to tighten.
"Have you ever acted on them?" I ask. The clinical side of me is taking over. I know it probably shouldn't, but if I took the doctor out of me, then I'll probably turn into a crumbling mess which wouldn't help either of us. The silence this time is more pronounced.
"Once." His voice is small when he replies. Doctor or not, my heart clenches so painfully that I almost start wheezing. An onslaught of questions are on the tip of my tongue, but I know I need to be considerate.
"When?" Is the question I decide to ask.
"Last year." His reply has me silently cursing. 'Too recent.'
"How?" This question makes the man pause as he rolls his lip between his teeth.
"I saw a blow coming from someone I was fighting and didn't try to dodge it. I knew it could be a fatal hit, but I just... didn't care." Aang murmurs. It sounds less worse than physically acting on them, but something about his words has my mind automatically flashing to the gory scar across his chest.
"The scar on your chest?" The words slip past without me realising. He gives the barest of nods.
"I thought you said that was from a couple of years ago?" I reply numbly.
"I thought you'd worry more if you knew it was more recent than that." Aang admits. My lips part wordlessly as what feels like a band wraps itself around my chest.
"You let yourself get hit by lightning?" I clarify as I struggle not to show how appalled I am at the notion. Aang's silence is my answer. My mind races at that revelation. "So, if that healer wasn't there at the right time and place, you would've let yourself die?" Even as I ask, I don't know why I keep trying to clarify this fact. 'It's obvious by now, isn't it?' The Airbender blows out a small puff of air, but it's strong enough to stir the old curtains beside him.
"Well, I guess that healer has good timing." Aang voices wryly, but the joke falls flat. Before I say something else, a sharp headache cuts across the front of my head as a snippet of a conversation flashes in my mind before disappearing.
"You'll probably forget this by the time you wake up again, but I know for a fact that you used your healing at least one other time during the past 5 years."
I blink twice and reach for my head at the unbidden memory. 'What was...' I pause and glance up at the man who's gazing at me in concern.
"Are you ok?" He queries as he pushes himself off the wall behind him. My lips part as I run through that snippet of conversation in my mind.
"Did...did you tell me something just before I passed out?" I ask with a frown. The question takes the Airbender by surprise as he sucks in his teeth.
"Why'd you ask?" He asks wearily. His response leaves me scrutinising him for a moment.
"I just had a weird flash of something you said that I don't recall hearing before now. If I passed out from blood loss, it's likely I was a bit delirious and forgot some of the stuff you said." I explain with a raised eyebrow.
"What do you remember me saying?" Aang asks as he leans back against the wall behind him. I re-cross my arms.
"You said you knew for a fact that I've used my healing one other time in the past five years. Funny, you said healing and not bending, as if...you were there that day." I say slowly as a feeling starts gnawing within me.
"Well, you were pretty delirious before you lost consciousness." Aang recalls, but his eyes don't meet mine. Those words seem to be the key as pieces of the puzzle suddenly clicks into place.
"Because it was me who you used it on. The stumbling masked man in the alleyway was me."
"If I forget all this, remind me."
My lips part subconsciously as I stare at him.
"It was me?" I squeak in disbelief. Grey orbs seem to snap back towards me. He's waiting, almost as if he's gauging how much I remember. I can feel my lips moving wordlessly, but I don't know how I should react to this. "That was you?" I croak back as I find myself leaning more heavily against the wall.
My former husband doesn't seem to know where to look as his eyes flicker all across the room. I don't know why my chest tightens in the way that it does, but it's almost a crushing sensation. I run a hand over my hair as I try to distract myself from the pounding against my ribcage.
"You...you weren't going to remind me, were you?" I say after several beats of silence. The man sighs as his eyes finally cease their darting around and settles on my face.
"You didn't seem to take it very well when I told you last time." Aang grumbles in defence.
I bite the inside of my cheek in thought as I try to recall how I reacted when he told me, but it's all hazy. Outside those snippets of random sentences, I can't remember anything. I hide my face with a hand, pretending to massage my forehead when all I really want to do is cross the room and either hug the man or hoist his shirt up to stare at the scar. Heck even slapping him feels tempting. I bite my lip hard.
"Why didn't you say anything that day? You just ran away from me. Y-you...nearly died." The words feel like sandpaper on my mouth.
"If I said anything, it would've ruined the whole point of keeping away from you." The Airbender admits as his eyes dance away from mine.
"Aang." I mutter his name under my breath in frustration as I comb through my hair hazardously. "Did you let something like that happen again after that?" I ask as I drop my hand to my side and pierce my eyes into his. Aang shakes his head.
"The council took me off Avatar duty for a bit to recuperate. Your Dad thought it would do me good to take a break, so I did for a couple of months, but a lot of stuff was backed up so when I came back I was running around like a headless chicken trying to get back on top of everything. I was so busy I didn't even have time to think of...well, anything really." The Airbender explains. I bite my tongue, resisting the urge to audibly rebuke my father for hiding something yet again from me.
"Right. But...now? After what you said back at the hospital, it seems it's still on your mind." I prompt. Aang chews his lip.
"Ignore that, I was just spewing stuff because I felt stressed again. I'm fine now." The Airbender reassures and I almost call him a liar right then and there, but I somehow hold my tongue at the last minute.
"Aang, those thoughts aren't something to brush off. They're serious. I'm worried." I voice as my eyebrows furrow together in obvious concern. I hear him exhale.
"You don't need to be. I just say stuff sometimes, you know that." He insists, but I'm nowhere near convinced.
"Like how you said that it would be easier if Yon Rha just dealt with me?" The words fly out of my mouth of their own accord and I immediately slap a hand over my mouth in disbelief. 'This is so not what he needs to hear right now.' Aang blinks twice in surprise before cringing.
"So, you remember that." My former husband utters flatly. I wince.
"There's nothing I don't remember from that fight." I mumble as I clutch the crook of my elbow. The man's lips move wordlessly before dropping his gaze to the floor.
"Right. Well then, that's a good example of me saying something that I didn't mean." Aang mutters. I glance away.
"Of course." I say, but it lacks any real conviction. I see Aang flinching from the corner of my eyes and I flicker my gaze back.
"Ka-" He starts, but I cut him off before he can continue.
"Listen, there's always some truth in something that someone says and if you were able to voice those thoughts of hurting yourself then I don't think they were said on the spur of the moment sort of thing, especially since you've said that they've been going on for a while. I think it's worth bringing it up with your therapist. I don't care who it is, but you can't sweep it under the rug like this." I say firmly. I watch as he opens his mouth to argue, before he bites his lip.
"Katara, talking doesn't help." His voice is quiet when he says it, but it somehow feels like I was struck hard by them. This time it's my turn to be rendered speechless. "I spent all those years with a therapist, but it never did any good. Honestly, l continued because it made you happy. I promise I did try, but it just wasn't going to fix things. It's like trying to put a broken vase back together again." Aang explains and I don't know whether the reference was on purpose or not, but I wince in remembrance of that flower vase that smashed after I tumbled into that shelf during our fight. The Airbender seems to catch on a few seconds later as he sucks in a breath. "Spirits, I didn't mean..." He starts, but I shake my head.
"No worries." I promptly wave off as I bite my lip. "I wish you told me it wasn't helping, we could've figured something else out instead." I mumble, but the man simply shakes his head.
"I wasn't going to try pills if that's what you're suggesting." Aang retorts. I suck in my lips as I go over the other options, but other than trying ECT, there really aren't any other options. The treatment for PTSD only really works if people were exposed to a single traumatic event, but Aang has experienced multiple by this point. 'Oh jeez, how can I help him? There has to be something else he can try.'
"I'll quickly check on the stew; it's probably done by now." Aang suddenly says as he pushes himself off the wall and walks past me to enter the kitchen.
My knees shake and I find myself grabbing onto the frame of that wooden chair. 'I...I don't know how can I help him.' That single thought scares me more than anything else possibly could. 'All my training, all my learning and all my experience is utterly useless in trying to help someone that really matters.' My stomach twists again and so when a bowl is pushed under my nostrils, I find that my appetite is gone.
"Since we don't have a dining table, I guess we'll have to eat standing, but you can take the chair if you want." Aang offers, oblivious to my inner torment. I take the bowl from his hands and lean against the wall.
"No, it's ok." I say quietly as I bring a half spoonful of stew to my lips. Instead of returning to his place on the other side of the room, the Airbender rests his back against the wall beside me and starts eating.
"You know, you were always my best remedy when it came to all this traumatic stuff." Aang voices offhandedly between spoonfuls. My hand stills momentarily before I bring the unwanted food to my lips once more.
"Does...does that still hold true?" I query lowly. I sense the man shrugging beside me.
"Hard to say, we've been apart for so long and haven't talked much since I've come back." Aang answers honestly, perhaps a little too honestly. I bite the inside of my cheek and lower my spoon.
"Makes sense." I mutter, but my grip around the handle tightens until I feel the metal digging into my palm. 'Maybe if I wasn't so uptight back then and kept pushing him all the time, he never would've had it in him to leave. I drove him away.' The backs of my eyes sting with moisture, but I blink them back.
"Change of topic, but I still think you should be with your brother instead of here with me." Aang murmurs quietly. My body seizes at the ugly reminder.
"Sokka would probably call me an idiot if I left you alone, especially after he went through all the hassle of getting us both here. I... he'll be ok. I know he will. He wouldn't let a dumb rock put him out of commission like that." My attempt at humour is dry and wobbly, but it's all I can manage as my mind keeps flashing to the words: vegetive state.
Aang stiffens up and turns his head to gaze at me. I blink in surprise and turn to meet his gaze.
"What?" I voice subconsciously. That seems to break him out of his stupor as he shakes his head and continues eating.
"It's funny, Sokka said something similar about you when you were unconscious that one time." My former husband discloses, his demeanour becomes drastically subdued. I furrow my eyebrows. 'Unconscious when?'
"Are you talking about after we got kidnapped back in uni?" I question with a raised eyebrow. Aang sucks in his cheeks and nods slowly.
"Yeah, when you shielded me from those rocks after I lost it." Aang mutters as he takes another spoonful of his soup. "I watched you being unconscious for days, but somehow Sokka knew you'd wake up." He adds. I purse my lips.
"You watched me, huh?" I tease with a wry half smile, making the man flush as he stutters over his next words.
"I-I mean...I..." At his stammering, I wave my hand.
"I'm teasing." I say before sighing. "I guess Sokka and I believe in each other that much." I murmur as I my hold on the bowl tightens. "I hope he'll be ok." I whisper, more to myself than for anyone else.
"Me too." Aang mumbles back, sounding equally as subdued. I blink twice before shaking my head.
"I'm sure he'll be fine." I reassure with a small smile, but it's more for him than for myself. After all, he wasn't the one who sensed Sokka's minimal brain activity. My stomach turns and I'm forced to lower my bowl. Aang notices and frowns.
"Katara?" He prompts. I try to give him a reassuring smile, but whether I succeed or not I'm unsure.
"I think some of the painkillers they dosed me with is making me a bit nauseous, so I think that's enough for dinner." I explain, pinching myself for lying. The Airbender gazes at me dubiously, but chooses not to pry.
"Sure, I can put it in the...oh…no fridge." Aang recalls with a mutter. I shrug.
"You can just bend an ice vault and we'll store it in there until morning." I suggest as I make my way to the kitchen.
"Don't you mean, you can bend an ice vault?" My former husband points out as he follows me to the stove. My fingers twitch by my side.
"I'm a little rusty." I give as byway of an explanation. I catch the wrinkle on the man's face.
"I don't believe that. You were the one who taught me how to waterbend." Aang reminds as he puts his bowl on the counter. I rest my hand on the edge of the table top as I stare into the pot of brew.
"You didn't need much teaching to start with. You were already gifted at the art, you just needed a little push is all." I recall lightly, but the man furrows his eyebrows.
"You spent months training me." At Aang's words, I find my hand curling into a fist.
"Months Aang. I spent years trying to master it. Most people do. You were..." I stall, trying to search for the correct word, until Aang fills in my silence.
"Different." He provides as he crosses his arms.
My eyes flicker up, towards his terse face and I resist the urge to blow out my cheeks. This was just another one of the pitfalls that fractured our relationship. My stinging jealousy and Aang's disdain for being a genius did cause us to butt heads occasionally, more so in the months leading up to his disappearance. But I had thought it was in the past. 'Maybe not.'
"Gifted was the word I was going to use." I correct as I loosen my grip on the work top. The Airbender doesn't respond. I sigh. "If you want me to be the one to waterbend, then fine." I add as I place the lid over the pan and move to turn on the tap. My fingers twitch again, but I try not to stall as I bend the water from the tap and freeze it into a large open cube on the work top. I pop the pan inside and seal the front closed.
"I still can't believe you didn't bend in all this time." I hear the man mutter. I release a quiet breath and turn to face him.
"It's not like I could forget how to bend. I've been practicing since I was little." I point out, but the airbender's frown remains.
"Your fingers twitch each time you're about to bend. I'd say you're still reluctant to waterbend." Aang notes as he crosses his arms. I still momentarily before rolling my eyes.
"So, what if I am?" I fire back. Aang blinks, not expecting my admission.
"I... don't want you to be. Waterbending has always been a big part of you, I don't want to be the one to ruin that." My ex-husband admits as he drops his arms to his sides. I sigh again and rest my hip against the counter.
"You didn't. I ruined it for myself. I'm just getting used to bending again, you don't need to worry." I reassure while watching the Avatar carefully. His eyebrows twitch slightly.
"If you say so." He utters, sounding anything but convinced. I bite my tongue, choosing not to respond as I solidify the ice cube so it doesn't melt until the morning.
"It's getting late, so I think we should call it a day for now." I say, changing the topic. I note the way the man's shoulders instantly tense as he looks away.
"I think I'm going to stay up for a bit, but go ahead." Aang answers statically. It's my turn to frown as I rest a hand on my hip, confused about his sudden change in behaviour.
"No way, I know you're just going to stay up for the entire night if you don't sleep now." I state stubbornly. The Airbender wrinkles his nose.
"Katara, there's only one bed. There isn't even a sofa. You're tired, then you can sleep." Aang voices firmly. 'Ah, so that's why.' I bite the inside of my cheek.
"We've already shared a bed. This isn't something new." I point out as Aang's lips thins.
"We're meant to be divorcing, this hardly feels right." I flinch at Aang's words.
"I thought we were putting a hold on that?" I mutter. "Besides, it's just sleeping, you're making it out to be such a big deal. We used to do it all the time after we got married." I add stiffly. Aang's jaws tighten as he watches me.
"I'm putting a hold on it because of Yon Rha's threat and because you ripped up the papers, but that doesn't mean it's off the table. And that's exactly my point. It's something married couples do, it's not..." The iced storage that I created cracks loudly, halting the man in his tirade. His stormy eyes slide between me and the ice.
"I suppose it doesn't matter to you that we're still technically married." I voice sharply. More crackles from the ice sound from beside me and I have to take a deep breath in to still it. The Airbender's lips part. "I'm going to bed. If I'm too much of a poison for you to sleep beside then I'll take the floor." I utter with an edge as I walk briskly past him.
"That's not what I meant and you know it!" Aang calls out. I grit my teeth.
"You could've had me fooled with how much you keep me at a pole's length." I spit before ascending up the stairs.
I reach the bedroom and pluck out the first set of pyjamas I see and stalk towards the bathroom to change. The door slams loudly behind me and I have to mentally calm myself down. "10, 9, 8.." I start muttering a countdown as I change, but it does little to ease my nerves.
By the time I'm changed and reaching for the door handle, I'm a little less ruffled. But when I open the door to find ex-husband perching on the edge of the King's bed, my prior irritation returns. I don't meet his eyes and move to place my folded clothes on top of a desk.
"Katara." Aang voices. I still, but don't turn to face him. "I'm sorry." He apologizes, but I find myself fixed to my spot, unable to respond. "I was being..." He sighs. "I don't want you to sleep on the floor." The Airbender states, changing whatever he was going to say. "We'll just... share." He adds when I don't reply. I sigh as some of my anger ebbs away.
"I don't want you to force yourself to do something you don't want. I just don't want you to pretend like the 6 years we spent together meant nothing to you." I explain as I turn to face him with tightly knit eyebrows. Aang pushes himself off the bed and closes the distance between us.
"You don't understand. I'm forcing myself not to do something I want. I..." The Airbender looks away. "... I could never forget the time we shared. They're precious to me. You're precious to me. But the distance is important for both our mental well-being. Having said that, I don't want you to get the wrong idea, so sharing the bed is fine by me." Aang reveals as his eyes flicker back to me with a certain level of resoluteness in them. I part my lips in surprise before dropping my gaze to the floor.
"Only if you're sure." I mumble as the sudden realisation of my stubbornness hits me. 'Spirits, I was too mad at him for treating me like a disease that I forgot what a terrible idea it is to share a bed.'
"I'm only sure, if you're sure." The Avatar returns in kind. 'Shoot. Totally trapped.' I swallow.
"Why wouldn't it be?" I say with a strained smile. Aang quirks an eyebrow.
"Having second thoughts?" He queries as the corner of his lips tug upwards. I clench my jaws.
"No, I'm just tired is all. Well, I'm calling it a night." I declare as I move around him to pull back the duvet before climbing onto the bed. I click off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness.
It's a full minute later when I hear rustling of clothes and I have to screw my eyes shut to stop myself from lifting my head off the pillow to tell the man that there's a bathroom to change in for a reason. Five minutes later, I feel the duvet lifting to my far right and then the mattress sinks slightly beneath me.
This bed is definitely larger than the one we shared in the hotel, so other than a slight increase in temperature, I wouldn't be able to tell if someone else is sleeping beside me. I crack my eyes open to find Aang lying with his back towards me. Fortunately, he isn't positioned precariously near the edge of the bed as he had done during that first night at the hotel, but I suppose having a king-sized bed meant that there's enough room for him to be far enough away from me without having to be hovering dangerously near the edge.
I should probably roll over to my other side and give him my back as well, but something stops me from doing so. Last time, I was too angry and indifferent to really consider us sleeping beside one another. But now it really hits me that we're actually sharing a bed together, especially in a room that once was called ours. I swallow and shift to lie on my back. 'Me and my big mouth.' I silently groan just as Aang releases a soft snore.
My eyes shift once more towards him as I watch the silhouette of his body sink with each breath he exhales. 'He always was quick to fall asleep.' I recall with a nostalgic pang. I give myself a mental shake and promptly close my eyes. 'I'm meant to be sleeping, but...so much has happened.' A small sigh escapes my lips as I feel myself slowly drifting off.
Dream:
I'm running. I don't know why, but I am. Trying to reach someone, but who? It's too dark to see anything. Then a bang and a loud crash makes me pause. A building appears before me. The hotel. I spot my brother falling.
"Sokka!" I yell as I try to race towards him, but he hits the ground before I reach him. His eyes are screwed up in pain as he gasps for air.
"I just wanted you to be happy." He mutters as his body goes limp. I reach down to shake him and when he doesn't respond, I whip out some water, but before I can touch him my brother suddenly morphs into someone else. It's less than a second later when I recognise that it's Aang. His eyes are screwed up in pain and his mouth agape.
"What's going on..." I wonder until I look down at my hands to find the water that I was holding has disappeared. Instead, my fingers and knees are bent in a stance that I recognise a little too well. Blood bending. When I snap my head back up, the airbender is propped up on his knees with his head bent low in a strikingly familiar fashion of when I had used the technique on him. My eyes widen and I immediately stumble back. Only for a sharp pain to pierce my abdomen. I gasp and drop to one knee. Aang suddenly hovers over me.
"Spirits Katara, why didn't you tell me you still felt unwell?" His words have me frowning, they sound out of place in this situation, but somehow familiar at the same time.
"Can't a wife give her husband a peck on the forehead?" The words fire out of my mouth before I even understand what I'm saying. 'Why did I say that?!' I panic as I slap a hand over my mouth. Suddenly, it feels like I'm thrust into another time, replaying parts from a play that I don't quite remember.
"Is it selfish...that I want to forget everything and just go back to how it was too?" Aang whispers.
"No." I whispered back.
"You'll probably forget this by the time you wake up again, but I know you used your healing at least one other time during the past 5 years." Aang murmurs.
"How...how do you know that?" I echoed back.
"Because it was me who you used it on. The stumbling masked man in the alleyway was me." The Airbender clarifies as he raises a hand to rest it against his sternum. "Who'd have thought you'd be right where I needed you to be to save my life, huh?" Aang continues. I feel dizzy and vomit. Hands run down my back and through my hair. 'What if I had hesitated in using my bending? What if he hadn't made it and it would've been all my fault? What if...I just took his mask down and saw who he was?' My head spins. I grab the Airbender's collar.
"If I forget all this, remind me." I wheeze.
"Wait, what..." He starts as my head starts pounding. I slip my hand off him and clutch my head. 'Too much blood loss.' I think numbly as my vision blurs. "Katara!" I hear Aang calling, but his voice is faint. I feel myself being shaken and then a tight hand on my hip as I'm hoisted up. Then something warm and moist presses against my cheek. And then again at the corner of my lips. 'Was...was that a kiss?' And then everything goes black.
(End of dream sequence)
I jerk up with a start as my heart pounds erratically against my chest. I blink twice as I try to get my bearings in the darkness. 'Where am I?' I wonder as I squint. It's a few seconds later when I realise I'm in Zuko's holiday home, in the bedroom I used to share with Aang, who's...I turn to my right to find the Airbender still sleeping soundly. At some point during the night, he's must've turned to lie on his back as he continues snoring quietly.
My breathing catches as I rest a palm against my racing heart. 'Was that what happened when we were trapped down there?' I wonder in disbelief as I move my hand to grasp some stray strands of hair in anxiety. 'This explains why Aang couldn't meet my eyes when I questioned him, I was seriously delirious. I... I can't believe I actually pecked his forehead and...' I swallow and bring my fingertips to my lips. 'Did he actually...' My pulse spikes at the thought.
"Katara?" Aang's sleepy voice penetrates through my fog of emotions and I jump in surprise. I hear him shift as he props his head up on one hand to squint up at me. My eyes flicker over him before dropping back to the duvet.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I whisper. He furrows his eyebrows.
"What's wrong? Did I do something weird while I was asleep?" He asks as panic enters his eyes. I shake my head vigorously.
"No, no. Nothing like that. Just a dream is all. Go back to sleep." I say, but I suppose the correct term would've been a memory. I can't be sure, but it does feel like that's what happened when we got trapped down there. I cringe at just thinking of my behaviour.
"Are you sure?" My former husband queries as his eyes remain fixed on me. To prove my point, I lie back down.
"I'm sure." I say, all too aware that I laid down a little close to the Airbender by accident. He doesn't say anything, but from his breathing I can tell that he's still awake.
"Ok." He finally says, but he doesn't roll away from me onto his side, he opts to remain in his position on his back. I swallow.
"Aang?" I voice, my tone dropping in volume.
"Hmm?" He hums to indicate he's listening.
"Did you...when we were trapped underneath the building, did I kiss you?" I amend on the last minute.
"Ah..." Aang splutters as he glances at me in surprise. "Your dream... didn't happen to be a memory, did it?" The man asks as he turns his eyes back to the ceiling.
"Some of it." I say as I watch his face.
"On the forehead, yes. But as I said, you were delirious." The Airbender explains smoothly.
"So why did you kiss me?" This time the man stiffens completely as a weak croak escapes him. My chest tightens. 'So, it did happen?!' I judge by his reaction. After an age, his gaze flickers to me, but dances away before we can maintain eye contact.
"I thought you were..." He trails off as he pushes himself up to a sitting position. His hands bundle into fists around where he's clutching the duvet. I eye him wearily as I slowly rise to a sitting position also. In the darkness, I can just make out his jaw clenching. "It was a mistake."
Those words shouldn't have surprised me, but it still feels like a sucker punch to the gut.
"When you passed out, I started panicking and something came over me and I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that." Aang rambles as he finally turns to face me with those wide eyes. Eyes that I had always described as genuine and pure, although tainted by a level of darkness. I swallow.
"I'm not mad." I mutter, stopping the man's ramblings as he stares at me, looking slightly taken aback. I bite my lip. "It's...good to know that you still feel...that way about me." I falter as I roll my bottom lip between my teeth.
Aang's lips parts, speechless. His mouth moves as if trying to say something but the words get stuck in his throat and only a croak comes out. He coughs before turning his head away from me. It's hard to make out, but what looks like the pinks of his ears betrays his embarrassment.
"It's not that." He mutters. "It was just a crazy thing in a moment of panic." He amends after a beat of silence. My heart twists and I have to close my eyes to compose myself. 'He seems to be battling with himself on whether he feels something for me or not.' I think to myself as I swallow thickly.
"Of course, silly me thinking it was something else." I mumble as I return my head onto the pillow. I keep my eyes closed, not wanting to see the man.
"Ah..." The Airbender starts, but trails off. Something presses against my side, but I can't make out what it is without opening my eyes. When I feel the mattress sink underneath me, I finally flicker my eyes open to find my former husband hovering over me with tightly furrowed eyebrows. My breathing catches at him being so close.
"What are you..." I pause when he leans ever so slightly forward. His knee, which I figured was the thing that was resting against me, presses deeper into my side with his movement. My lips part. He leans forward again until his face is inches away from mine. I can feel my stomach twisting at the action. "A-Aang." I croak which is what finally snaps the Airbender out of his haze as he blinks and pulls back immediately.
"S-Sorry." He stutters as his knee disappears from my side, but my heart continues to pound loudly against my chest. The duvet lifts ever so slightly and my hand immediately snaps out to grab the man by the wrist, stopping him from leaving the bed. "I should sleep on the floor." He mumbles. I sigh and tug him back until he's beside me again, just not quite as close.
"You're fine. You just...took me by surprise is all." I explain as he bites his lip. His eyes flicker up to my face and it's almost as if he's drawn in as his eyes soften.
"I...do still love you Katara. That...hasn't changed, no matter how much it scares me. But I don't think we can do this." Aang states, his voice a tortured whisper. I furrow my eyebrows.
"Coming from the person who was ten seconds away from..." I trail off when the man hunches his shoulders.
"I didn't want you thinking that my feelings for you have changed. But...I don't want you thinking we can do something about it either." My former husband utters, as his gaze on me falters. I bite my tongue, refraining from telling him how ridiculous that sounds, partly because I know what he means. I release a loud exhale.
"Honestly Aang, I don't even know where we are anymore. You jump from being distant and saying we should get a divorce to saying stuff like you love me and initiating physical contact." I breathe out as I massage my forehead with my free hand. The Airbender dips his head in shame.
"I'm sorry, I'm being more confusing than I realised. I'll step ba..." I interrupt him by tugging him forward. Aang wasn't expecting it and loses his balance as he topples forward onto me. My arms snake around his back as I lock him into a fierce hug. "K-Katara..." Aang stutters in protest. I swallow.
"Just for tonight until we work out what's going on between us." I whisper as I lean my chin against the crown of his head.
"But..." He argues. I close my eyes.
"For tonight, do it for me." I murmur softly as I feel his pulse quickening above me. He deflates.
"Tonight only." Aang mutters. I feel a tug at the corner of my lips as I reminisce on the effect that those words always used to have on him.
"Goodnight Aang." I say quietly as I hear the man swallow.
"Good...night." The Airbender replies haltingly. I don't blame him, my heart is already beating a hundred miles per hour. 'We haven't been this close in a long long time. Despite my stubbornness, I didn't realise how jarring it would be to be close again.' I realise with a pang. "Katara?" Aang whispers.
"Mmm?" I hum back with my eyes still closed. "Mind if I shift a little?" He queries hesitantly.
"Sure." I say as I loosen my hold around him, expecting him to move slightly off me, but when his head rests just below my collarbone, I freeze. I open my mouth to say something, but no words come out.
"Is this Ok?" The Airbender queries after a moment of silence. I bite the inside of my cheek.
"It's fine." I answer, my voice sounding hoarse and unused.
"You sure? Your heart is pounding pretty fast." Aang points out, making me curse silently.
"I just wasn't expecting it. I thought you were going to move away." I admit as I feel heat rising up to my cheeks. The Airbender lets out an awkward chuckle.
"I mean, I can if you like?" Aang offers as he lifts his head off my chest. I shake my head.
"No, no. You're good." I refute as I allow my stiffened body to relax. But I end up stiffening once more as soon as the Airbender returns his head onto my chest. 'Oh jeez, what's wrong with me? I was never this shy around him. In fact, I was usually the dominant one in our relationship.' I berate myself.
"It just reminds me of when we used to do this all the time before..." He trails off, sounding subdued.
"Before you left." I finish for him, sounding equally as subdued. I hear him swallow and I find myself breathing in deeply. "It's in the past now." I say after a while.
"Is it?" The challenge in Aang's voice takes me by surprise and I finally open my eyes to look down at him. The sight of him just resting there leaves my throat catching.
"I guess not." I mumble. At this, Aang releases a quiet breath, the warm air tickles against my skin, making my heart beat faster once again.
"Yeah, I didn't think so." My former husband says with a sigh. I bite my lip and rest my arms along his back.
"I still think we can fix things." I whisper as sleep starts to edge in.
"You've always been optimistic like that." Aang comments with a touch of fondness. I smile lightly as a yawn escapes past my lips.
"I try to..." I murmur as I feel myself dipping into sleep.
"I know you do." I hear Aang say before I'm finally lulled to sleep.
A/N: There we go, kataang fluffiness, prob the first proper display in this story XD hope you liked it. I'm clueless about relationships, but I thought this would be sweet XD Next chapter has a bit more fluffiness and then the angst will come back as it usually does XD
I'm not gonna make any promises about when I'll update bc it seems I've been terrible at that thus far. I'm starting to run out of back up chapters too, writing chapter 18 at the moment, so I might push back updates to fortnightly or so just to spread it out so you guys wont be waiting ages for the next chapter. Anyway, pls leave your thoughts, they're always appreciated and I hope you guys have a great rest of the week!
12/4/24