Chapter 5

Flashback

Callie looked down at her phone again, willing herself to call Arizona. It had been three days since she decided to talk to her wife, but she still hadn't done so. She didn't understand why she was hesitating. Before her father left for a business trip earlier this morning, she promised him she would finally call. It was already mid-afternoon in Miami, yet she still wasn't able fulfill her promise. Maybe I shouldn't be making any more promises…

Heaving a sigh, she picked up her phone and searched for Arizona's contact detail. She was about to press the dial button when her phone rang. It was Owen.

"Hey, Owen," Callie said by way of greeting.

"Callie, how are you? Are you still in Miami?" Owen asked.

"Yes, I'm staying at my parents' house at the moment. I'm doing – well, I'm okay." Callie stopped herself from saying more. She didn't want to burden Owen with what had been going on with her. He already heard enough from her before she left Seattle. Besides, her thoughts and emotions were just cycling around anyway, going in circles.

Owen breathed a sigh of relief. He was glad to hear that Callie's voice didn't sound as broken as she did the night of the fundraising gala. He didn't say this to anyone, but he still felt incredibly guilty about the plane crash. It wasn't entirely his fault, but he still felt that part of the blame fell on his shoulders. Derek certainly made his views on it abundantly clear. He didn't know if the other survivors feel the same, but he won't begrudge them if they did. Aside from them, he was also feeling guilty towards Callie. She wasn't on the plane, but the aftermath affected her too – lost her best friend in Mark, a good friend in Lexie. And now, she might have lost her wife too. So he decided that he would step up to be a great support system for Callie, just as he had helped Arizona with her phantom limb pain. "That's good to hear. What are your plans now?"

"I don't know yet, Owen," Callie said before correcting herself. "Actually, talking to my father convinced me to at least talk to Arizona, give her a chance to explain. I was planning to call her before you rang, actually." She hesitated for a bit before asking, "Do you know how she's doing?"

Owen got quiet on his end. He didn't know if he should answer that question, so he was purposely evasive, "Maybe it's better you ask her yourself. I'd let you go so you can call her."

Callie picked up on Owen's reluctance to answer, so she pressed further. "Owen, you're hiding something. Please tell me. You're one of the few remaining people I trust."

"Callie…"

"Please, Owen. Tell me what it is," Callie softly pleaded.

Owen let out a little cough on his end before answering, "Okay, okay. Arizona is… From what I have heard, she's seeing someone."

There was only silence from Callie's end.

"Callie, are you still there?"

After a beat, Callie gathered all her inner strength and asked, "Is it Boswell?"

Owen cursed himself. He shouldn't have opened this can of worms. But he owed Callie honesty. "No, no. It's – it's Leah Murphy, one of the interns."

"When?"

"What do you mean?" Owen asked.

Callie tried to tamp down the bile rising on her throat. "When did Arizona start seeing Murphy?"

"I first heard about it maybe a week ago," Owen said with regret. He didn't want Callie to hurt. But lying to her would hurt her more. She deserved the truth.

A week ago. She had been here in Miami for just about two weeks. Her wife had already started seeing someone else a week after she left. She tried to hold it in, but a whimper, the beginning of a sob, escaped from Callie.

Owen heard it, knew from experience what that sound was. He knew Callie was on the edge of a breakdown. "Callie, I'm sorry. Maybe you could talk to Arizona to clear things up." He didn't know what to do. He understood how this appeared to Callie. Her wife wasted no time bedding someone else.

Callie composed herself before answering, "No, no. There's no need for that now. I left her a letter. I told her to be free and she can do whatever she wanted. I won't bother her again."

"Callie…"

"Bye, Owen. Thank you for everything."

Owen was worried. Maybe he was overcompensating for his perceived part in the plane crash and its subsequent impact on the survivors and the people around them, but he would be damned before he just stood by and let Callie spiral.

He started to make some arrangements.

Depression

Lucia came home earlier than usual. With Carlos away on business, it would just be her at home. Oh, and Calliope. She didn't know what brought their daughter back at home, but she surmised it had something to do with the woman she married. Lucia scoffed internally. Maybe Callie would dump that abhorrent woman after all.

As Lucia walked past Callie's room, she heard something. Whimpers. Is that Callie? Is she hurt?

She stopped in front of Callie's door, debating with herself if she should do something. But when she heard Callie's whimper again sounding like a wounded animal, the side of her that was still a mother could not just walk away. She knocked on the door and opened it, "Calliope?" What Lucia saw started to thaw her otherwise cold demeanor.

Callie was curled into a ball, her hands futilely covering her mouth trying to hold in her whimpers. But as soon as she heard her mother's voice, Callie sat up hurriedly and looked over the door, "Mom?"

Lucia stood by the door, not knowing what to do. She had never seen her daughter this distraught. Not even when she walked away from that sham of a wedding did she see Callie this broken down. She knew she was breaking her daughter's heart then, but she stood on her beliefs. But this… This state Callie was currently in – she looked utterly devastated.

"Mom, please," Callie implored. "I know you don't see me as your daughter anymore. But please, for just a few minutes, can you hold me?" Wasn't that what any daughter would want in a time of despair – her mother's hug? "I beg you, Mommy. Please…" She was not above begging for anything to anchor her. She felt herself being washed away by the tidal waves of grief.

Mommy. Lucia had not been called 'Mommy' by Callie for a long time. It was always 'Mom' for her. Callie was a daddy's girl through and through. So while Carlos was 'Dad' and 'Daddy', she had been 'Mom' since her daughter was a little girl. For Callie to call her this way now…

Lucia saw the utter desperation in Callie's eyes, so she walked further into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. She looked at Callie and saw pain overflowing from her daughter's eyes that looked so much like her own. She moved closer to Callie and brushed her hand on the top of the younger Latina's head. Finally, she lifted her arms and wrapped them around her daughter.

That broke the dam inside Callie.

Callie hugged her mother back tightly. As embarrassed as she might feel later on, she couldn't stop herself anymore and cried. She thought, it was probably a good thing that they had such a big house, else all their employees would have heard her melt down.

Callie cried without restraint. She sobbed. She wailed. Her heart was absolutely broken into a million pieces.

Lucia's heart further thawed at seeing how broken her daughter was. As much as she disagreed with Callie's choices, she couldn't deny her this comfort. If she could ease Callie's obvious pain even just a bit, she would do it.

And so that was how they stayed for quite a while – Lucia holding Callie, while Callie finally felt safe enough to loosen the tight hold she had on her emotions since that phone call with Owen. She felt like she was drowning, but at least for now, her mother's hugs were keeping her afloat. For now, she could pretend that while her marriage had imploded, everything with her mother was fine.

The next day, Callie woke up on her bed alone. For a moment, she forgot what happened the night before. Then as she felt her eyes swollen and her cheeks puffy, she remembered crying on her mother's arms. Though she knew that their relationship was still broken, she was grateful her mom did not deny her the comfort that she sought.

Callie looked at the clock and noted that it was just around the time her mother would be having breakfast. She got up from the bed and washed her face, made herself presentable before seeking out her mother. Lucia was a creature of habit, so Callie knew she would be at the back patio sipping her coffee before she would leave for the office.

Lucia heard Callie's footsteps and looked her way. She recalled how Callie cried for hours last night on her arms, until she was too spent to cry anymore and fell asleep. She wiped her daughter's tears away before getting up from the bed and going to her own room.

"Good morning, Mom,"

"Good morning." Lucia responded. "Well don't just stand there, come sit."

Callie's heart felt hopeful; perhaps she could rebuild her relationship with her mom. She followed her mother's orders and sat down on the chair next to her mother. "I – I wanted to thank you for last night."

Lucia levelled her daughter with an even gaze that Callie could not decipher the meaning of, until she spoke, "I assume Arizona Robbins is responsible for your tears."

Callie just nodded, unsure where her mother was going with this.

"I see. Well now you probably understand why I did not support your fake wedding and marriage," Lucia said before sipping her coffee. "I assume you have now learned your lesson and would turn away from your sinful life?"

With that, Lucia unknowingly pushed her daughter to the edge.

Callie's POV

After her "talk" with her mother that morning, Callie felt as if in a trance. She said a hurried goodbye to her mother, took a detour to their liquor cellar to grab a couple of bottles, and then went back to her room. She stayed there for the rest of the day and reflected on her life, her loves and her pains.

George. Erica. My family. Arizona.

I loved George as much as I knew how to love then. I loved him more than he loved me; it became blatantly obvious the longer we were together. We should have never gotten married. But did he have to cheat to drive the point? Did it have to be with the 'blonde, stacked supermodel'? I convinced myself to attempt to forgive him because we made vows, but George didn't want that. No, he didn't want forgiveness, he wanted an out.

Erica walked away, like I didn't matter at all. We barely started with our relationship, if it could even qualify as that. But we were friends – best friends. I understood why she left, even if I didn't agree with it. I was not in love with her; we haven't gotten to that point. But she was an important part of my life, I thought I was important to her too. Why didn't she ever respond to all my attempts to reach out? How was it so easy for her to leave me behind?

My own family cut me off, not just financially, but entirely cut me out of their lives for some time. I thought a family's love was supposed to be unconditional? I could perhaps understand that my choices in life were against my parents' religious beliefs. But how could you turn your back on your own daughter, your own flesh and blood?

And Arizona. My dear, beautiful, amazing Arizona. What was so repugnant about me that pushed her to desire another woman? A woman that she knew for all of two days? Was I so repulsive that even someone as good as her wife was would see no other recourse but to cheat?

These people that I loved, they were all good people. Yet, they all turned their backs on me. They all walked away as if I was nothing. The more I think about it, the more it's becoming clear to me. There are far too many instances to be able to shift the blame to them. There's a common denominator in all of these.

It's me. I'm the problem.

Am I so difficult to love?

As Callie came to this realization, a peace came over her. She no longer wanted to try. She wasn't good enough for the people she gave her heart to, so what was the point of trying, of living?

She wanted the pain to end. Everything was painful.

Her head. Her body. Her heart.

How could she end the pain?

So Callie took the headache medicine she previously bought and popped a few into her mouth. That should stop the headache.

She took a handful of sleeping pills and swallowed them. Then she took another handful. That would let her sleep. She hoped she would sleep as long as possible.

Then she took a swig of vodka straight from one of the bottles she took from the family cellar for every heartache she had endured.

For George. For Erica. For her family. For Arizona.

She drank and she drank and repeated the cycle until she could finally feel her heart numbing from the pain.

[A/N] As mentioned, this was supposed to be the part of the previous chapter so it's a bit short. I will try my best to produce chapters at least every two weeks.

To the guest reviewers that said they wanted Callie and Henry to end up together, I will think about writing an alternate "ending" should we reach that point. Sincerely appreciate the suggestion! Hope you would still give Calzona a chance in this story. It wouldn't be easy for either of them. Please come back and tell me if you still think Callie and Henry should end up together maybe in 5 or more chapters from now. Then I will seriously consider it.

For the flashback chapters, I wanted to sort of mimic what happened on the show (at least in my perspective) as the background of our story – Arizona not being sorry, not showing remorse/repentance, Callie only being convinced by her father to give their marriage a chance because he cheated on his wife too, Arizona's real reasoning for cheating, Arizona sleeping with Leah not long after the gala, etc. The succeeding chapters would now completely veer away from what happened in the show.

Up next: meeting Henry

P.S. I'm really new at writing fanfiction. Would someone guide me if there should be a trigger warning for this chapter even though the nothing was outrightly descriptive? And what should I note in the trigger warning? Thank you for the help!