'I hate it when the airline loses my suitcase. Just don't have a thing to wear.'
Miranda frowned at her colleague.
'Yes, I can imagine that would upset you. No Italian shoes or shirts spun from the hair of Moldovan peasants for you for a week. Must be so inconvenient.'
Max grinned and gestured to the current problem walking along the streets of Mallorca.
'More inconvenient for him. I bet he has no sun lotion on those wobbly bits.'
She followed the direction of his gaze and recoiled in disgust. There was a man walking on the pavement dressed in nothing but the tiniest tightest pair of kermit coloured speedos that could ever exist. And a pair of crocs. Miranda shuddered.
'His nuts must be shrivelled in those' said Max with a snigger.
'Max please, don't put ideas in my head' sniffed Miranda. Max pulled over and they got out of the car.
'Sir, if you could just come over here to the side please?'
He obligingly stepped over.
'Sir, if you don't have any more clothes with you, we will have to arrest you for indecent exposure' Max continued.
The man spluttered indignantly. Miranda tutted.
'Not even a hat.'
'It's a free country, I can wear what I want.'
A couple of things he couldn't wear even in a free country flashed through their minds. But the man didn't seem to be sporting any illegal tattoos.
'Unfortunately walking about almost naked in the streets is not allowed here on the streets of Palma. This part is not the beach. Unless you intend of buying some clothes in the next few minutes then we will have to proceed with the arrest.'
The man blustered as the officers guessed that there was no room for a wallet anywhere about his person. Miranda struggled not to scrunch up her face when she started to cuff him to take him to the station. She spared a thought for Max's leather seats for once. The man was sweaty.
Sometimes Miranda could see why everyone hated the British.