AITA for quitting my job with no notice and setting a small fire to the claims file room? I gave my company over a decade of my life - that's a quarter of it! - and what do I have to show for it?

Nothing but lies piled upon lies that I was expected to eat up with spoon like it was most delicious meal I ever tasted!

I should've known from my very first job out in the field this was not the right position for me. I had to "investigate" - and I use that term very loosely given what happened afterwards - an insurance claim put in for the loss of a limb. Let me tell you, limb losses can be a big payout.

Well, this ruffian's story was fishy right from the start. He claimed that he was shipwrecked on an island without food for 85 days.

85 days! Please, someone hand me a pocket mirror! I need to see if "Stupidest Man Alive" is tattooed on my forehead. This liar went on to say he had to cut off his own leg and eat it to survive.

Fine, I thought. I'll play along. I told the man that Old Kraken Insurance did not pay out claims on self-inflicted injuries. I snapped closed my briefcase and bid him adieu. I refrained from asking him if it tasted like chicken, but given the obvious lie it was, I could only suppose it tasted just like baloney.

His little bastard of a son kicked me in the back of my knee on the way out and called me the foulest curse word you can imagine. Like disreputable father, like disreputable son.

And despite the blatant lie this man dared to write on his insurance claim and despite my own investigation stating that his claim was to be denied, my big boss laughed it all off and paid the one-legged liar. Why? My boss said, "I love eating at his restaurant. I don't care how it happened, he makes the best lobster thermidor in all the Four Blues."

This is how my career started. I truly should have quit then. However, mother said our family did not raise quitters. It raised doers. So, I stayed.

And what did I have to show for it? Years and years of ridiculous stories from pirates claiming to be "alternate route specialists," "exchange brokers," and "cruise ships for the socially inept." One captain tried to claim his ship was a rideshare!

Here's some of the claims I've been forced to process - loss of limb (arm) from a sea king while rescuing a drowning boy. (Right. I guess the sea king only wanted an amuse bouche and your arm was just the thing. And pirates are so well known for their selfless acts of heroism.)

My galleon was cut in half by a vampire in a floating coffin. (I made this captain take a drug test. Somehow, the only thing that came up was some traces of aphrodisiac pollen. I thought that was an urban legend made up by lonely housewives abandoned by their Marine husbands.)

My fur farm of sea otters were beaten, brainwashed, and recruited into military weapons. (I think this guy was just too cheap to put in proper fencing.)

I could go and on with outrageous claims. Do you know how many pirates with obvious self-inflicted injuries, tired of long & lonely & fruitless years at sea - are just looking for a fat insurance payout? And what does Old Kraken Insurance do?

They had over that berri. Where's the justice for all those who play by the rules? It's not fair I tell you!

So, I finally had it. After a year or two of watching this happen, I started adding a transaction fee. The pirates were too dumb to question it. With my retirement fund set, I set the garbage can on fire in the file room, walked into my big boss's office and told him to shove it where Nika don't shine because I quit.

My question to you, my former friends in labor, AITA? Or was I just pushed too far?

popopotost • 11/06/2012

NTA, you're just a couple eggs shy of a dozen my good dude. I'm not sure what I just read, but maybe get some help and stay away from matches. Seriously, use that stolen cash and find some therapy.

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