The Stupendous World of Moose: When Moose Met Zee
This is the origin story of how Moose met Zee kinda like those pilot episodes on old TV shows. Man, those were the good old days, but I'm here to have everything awesome again with my first summer story of 2024! Hope you enjoy.
[The episode starts off outside of the Wattersons' house. Two oranges suddenly fly through one of the windows]
Margaret: Moose, stop using my bikini to catapult oranges at your dad!
[On the front porch, water and bubbled soap begin seeping out from under the front door]
Margaret: What the...? Moose! When I told you to clean your room, I didn't mean to put everything in the washing machine!
[Cut to the interior of the house, we see things from Margaret's point of view as she climbs the stairs]
Margaret: Oh, not a moment's peace around here. Oh, where is he now?
[Margaret then opens the bathroom door, where she then finds grape soda in the bathtub, overflowing onto the floor]
Margaret: Moose! Why is the bathtub full of soda?!
Martin: He must have been trying to make some kind of amazing homemade jacuzzi. I think it's important to encourage the creativity of a child because...
Margaret: [Peers out from behind shower curtain] Yes.
[Margaret sighs and closes the door. She looks down at the ground, then to her right, where she finds grains of both sand and snow leading to Moose's room]
Margaret: Moose! How did you manage to bring both sand and snow into the house?
[Margaret then looks up at the ceiling, and sees a large hole]
Margaret: I'm not even going to ask about that.
[Margaret then approaches Moose's bedroom door]
Margaret: Moose!
[Margaret opens the bedroom door, only to find Moose is not there]
Margaret: Moose? Oh, my gosh! Martin, get the hunting net, he got out again!
Moose: [Young voice] I'm here.
[Margaret then looks down to find a toddler Moose standing there with a cute smile on his face. The camera cuts back to third-person perspective, where we find a very tired Margaret, who is wearing a nineties styled outfit]
Margaret: [Sighs with relief] You're lucky you're so cute! Otherwise I'd have sold you to the freak show by now. [Picks Moose up and kisses him on the cheek]
Moose: What's a freak show?
Margaret: It's like our family, but people pay to see it.
[Margaret then walks out of the bedroom with Moose in her arms]
Getting Moose a Pet
[At the table, Moose is babbling and moving his arms around at hyper-energetic speed. Margaret and Martin (the latter dressed differently, as well as sporting a mustache and goatee) are watching him]
Martin: Uhnn... [Brings a spoonful of food towards Moose as Margaret prepares to take a picture with her instant camera. Moose hits the spoon, causing the food to fly onto Martin's face right as Margaret takes the photo] Ahh! That's the twenty-seventh time!
Margaret: [Sighing as she looks at the pictures she took, all of which are Moose making bizarre faces] I was an energetic kid, but this one operates in a different time frame.
[Moose continues babbling and waving his hands all around his high chair. Martin then points another spoonful of food at him]
Martin: EAT! By the power of lunch, I command you to eat! By the power of lunch, I command you to eat!
[Moose then stops and his head falls on his baby table]
Martin: Ah! I killed his appetite! Or maybe worse...
Margaret: Shh! He's finally calmed down! Quick! Sleep while you can!
[The two then fall on the table as well and begin to snore for a few seconds]
Moose: Second wind! [Resumes his hyperactive behavior]
[Margaret and Martin both wake up and groan]
Margaret: [Sighs] This can't go on...
[The two think about a way to stop the madness, then they both gasp as they come up with solutions]
Margaret: Wait a minute!
Martin: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Margaret and Martin: Let's...
Margaret: Get him a pet!
Martin: Go back in time and make sure we never... [Margaret looks at him suspiciously] We get him a pet! [Laughs] What a good idea we both just had...
[Moose splatters baby food on their faces]
[Cut to later, a goldfish in a bag is lying on the table, as Moose watches it swim in circles. Margaret and Martin watch him, both looking very tense. Martin looks at his watch]
Martin: He hasn't moved in over thirteen seconds.
Margaret: And there isn't any alphabet soup on the ceiling.
[Both of them then laugh in a sign of relief for a bit, then they stop]
Margaret: So what are you gonna call him, sweetie?
[Moose then looks at his alphabet soup, then shakes it around a bit. Moose then looks into the bowl]
Moose: [Gasps, whispers] Zee.
[The bowl of soup is shown, with the letters spelling "JPXFRD"]
Margaret: [Confused] What? But that spells "JPXFRD." We really need to get you enrolled in school...
[Scene then cuts to Moose's room, where Zee the First is swimming around inside the water-filled bag on Moose's play table]
Moose: I can see from your serious expression that you ask yourself a lot of important questions. Like, "If I ate myself, would I get twice as big, or just disappear?"
[Zee the First floats in place, and only opens his mouth. Margaret and Martin are seen watching Moose from his doorway]
Margaret: [Sighs] Oh, thank goodness, someone else to listen to his questions.
Martin: I know, I got a nosebleed thinking about "if there's nothing faster than light, how did the dark get there first?"
[They sigh and leave Moose's bedroom, but as they do, their muscles begin to sag down below their faces]
Margaret: [Lisping] My muscles. They got all loose...
Martin: What happened to us?
Margaret: [Lisping] I think we just relaxed... for the first time in years...
[Margaret and Martin both laugh again, then collapse onto the floor]
More Zees
[In Margaret and Martin's bedroom, an alarm clock on Margaret's nightstand goes off at six AM. Margaret wakes up and presses the snooze button, but the alarm does not turn off, so she continues to attempt to turn it off, growing more and more frustrated. As she growls and starts hitting the clock, Martin wakes up and makes a continuous scream. Margaret picks up the clock and smashes it on the table, but finds that even though it is unplugged, the noise persists]
Margaret: Why?!
[The camera pans to the left, revealing Moose to be standing in their bedroom and making the noise. He continues for a little bit, then finally stops]
Moose: [Quietly] It's time to wake up! I made you breakfast! [He holds up two bowls, both of which are full of fire]
Margaret: [Takes bowls] Thank you honey, but don't you have anything else to do?
Moose: Nope!
Moose: I can't. She won't wake up. She looks like this. [He then jumps on the bed, landing on his back and imitating the look of a dead bird. Margaret and Martin nervously look at each other]
Martin: [Gets out of bed, speaks nervously] Oh... excuse me wife and my son, I'm just going to the store to buy another f-orange! By which I mean the same orange. Why don't you both stay here in this room [Takes random clothes from the wardrobe] while I get rid of the old orange? In fact there is no old orange, there's just one continuous orange. Okay, bye!
[He leaves the bedroom. Martin, now in Moose's room, approaches the cage containing the now dead Zee the First. He sighs and picks up a birdcage. He is then seen in the bathroom]
Martin: [Singing in a low, opera-like voice] Swing low... Sweet chariot...
[As he sings, he opens the window and tosses Zee the First out. Martin then arrives at the pet store and points to the bird he wants. The cash register adds a total of two dollars and fifty cents, and Larry gives Martin the new bird. At home, Moose looks at Zee the Second suspiciously]
Moose: Wait a minute...
[Margaret gasps in terror]
Moose: Did you just go to the store wearing that?
[Martin is then seen wearing a leotard, a ski mask, and one roller blade. He and Margaret sigh in relief]
[Later on, Moose is seen jumping on the trampoline, holding Zee the Second's cage, unaware of both the bird and the seed repeatedly leaving the cage. Zee the Second finally lands near Martin and dies almost instantly. Martin tosses his handheld console aside, panics, then drinks water and spits at Zee the Second to try and revive her. Martin is then seen in the bathroom, disposing of the dead bird]
Martin: Swing low...
[The toilet flushes again. Martin then goes to the pet store, chooses a bird, pays, and receives it from Larry, just as before. Zee the Third is seen in a shopping cart with Moose, while Margaret pushes it to the car. Margaret buckles Moose up, but forgets to take Zee the Third off the car roof. As she drives off, the cage falls and shatters. Martin again disposes of Zee the Third in the bathroom]
Martin: Swing low...
[The toilet flushes again, now with purple water. Martin once again purchases another bird. The next morning, Margaret enters the kitchen and sets a glass of water down next to a bowl of birdseed and a pack of vitamins. Yawning, the tired Margaret pours the birdseed into her water, and then drops the vitamin into Zee the Fourth's cage. Martin is once again seen in the bathroom, disposing of the dead bird]
Martin: Swing low...
[The toilet flushes again, and Martin once again buys another bird. The Wattersons are then seen at the park, when a soccer ball lands behind Zee the Fourth's bird cage. A younger Banana Joe accidentally kicks the bird cage. Martin later flushes Zee the Fourth]
Martin: Swing low... [Martin is then seen at the pet store, now pointing at an empty cage while singing] Sweet chariot...
Larry: I'm sorry, there are none left.
Martin: What? What do you mean? I need a bird now! [Bangs fists on the table]
Larry: I'm afraid the last two flew out of the cage when they saw you coming.
Martin: Aww... [He then slowly walks away from the pet store]
Unexpected Last Resort
[Martin sadly walks through the empty mall parking lot and approaches his car, unaware of the van to his right]
Martin: What am I gonna do? [Sits on the car's hood] What'll I say to Moose?
Van shopkeeper: Psst.
Martin: [Gasps] The call of a freshly opened soda!
Van shopkeeper: No, over here.
[Martin looks to his right, and sees the van right before him]
Martin: [Gasps] A talking van!
Van shopkeeper: No... I'm inside...
Martin: [confused] My head?
Van shopkeeper: [Frustrated] No! The van!
[The Shopkeeper then pulls Martin inside the van, and the shot cuts to black. It then fades back in, showing Martin standing amidst the mysterious items inside the van]
Martin: [Gasps in amazement] Ahh...
[The Shopkeeper then speaks to Martin, with only his eyes visible]
Van shopkeeper: What do you seek? Please choose from the many wondrous items in my store...
[Martin nervously walks past several items, before finally stopping in front of a pedestal with a small birdcage perched atop a pillow]
Martin: What about this?
Van shopkeeper: No, no... That's not for sale...
Martin: [Confused] Then why is it on a pillow under a spotlight?
Van shopkeeper: Oh, we- oh, it's part of the game, you insist, I say- oh, whatever, it's a hundred dollars.
Martin: Ten.
Van shopkeeper: Fifty.
Martin: Ten.
Van shopkeeper: Okay, ten.
Martin: Fifty!
Van shopkeeper: What?
Martin: Okay, a hundred! But you're twisting my arm!
[Martin tosses some money towards the Shopkeeper and picks up the cage. Inside the castle within the cage, a small Zee peeks out but quickly hides. He then peeks at Martin again. Martin makes an awkward face, and Zee imitates it]
Van shopkeeper: There's just one thing... [Martin turns around] Whatever you do, don't get it wet...
Martin: [Confused] Uh... it's a bird.
Van shopkeeper: Wait, no, there was something else, uhh... don't feed it after midnight...
Martin: [Still confused] But it's... kinda always after midnight.
Got it! Here's the modified script with Moose Augustus Moose as Gumball, Zee D. Bird as Darwin, Martin (Moose's dad) as Richard, and Margaret Augustus Moose as Nicole:
Gumball and Darwin's First Interaction (Alternate Version)
[The next day, Moose Augustus Moose is sitting under the kitchen table, viciously playing with dinosaur and shark toys, as Zee D. Bird watches]
Moose: [Throws his toys to the side] As a bird, can you tell me who would win in a fight between a T-Rex and a thousand seagulls? [Zee then makes the face of a seagull and flaps his wings] Hmm... you seem different today. Sort of more... awake. [Moose begins to think about the situation, then Zee mimics his moves. Moose turns around to find Zee still copying him, then Zee stops] Hmm... [Moose then makes a goofy face, which Zee mimics. Moose gasps] Are you... copying me?
[Moose reaches his finger towards the birdcage, which Zee imitates. The two touch the same spot on the cage, causing a blinding light to surround both of them. They pull apart, and Moose jumps, causing his head to hit the table]
Moose: Ow! Did you... did you feel that? [Zee nods again, then points to his heart] Yeah, me too. In my heart. [He then points to his heart as well, then realizes something] Wait a minute... can you understand everything I'm saying?! [Zee then nods again] This is amazin- [He jumps up, but bumps his head on the table again] Ow! Okay, okay, my name is Moose. Moose.
[Zee sticks his head out of his cage and speaks]
Zee: M-M-M-Moose...
Moose: Ah- wait up. [Grabs a bicycle helmet and puts it on his head, then jumps up and hits the table again] This is amazing! [Laughs] Wait 'til mom and dad see this, this is gonna blow their minds! [Sets Zee on the counter] Um... let's surprise them! Act as dumb as possible, okay?
[Zee responds by imitating Martin]
Moose: [Laughs] Not bad, but dumber! Dumber! [Zee then plays dead. Moose claps his hands excitedly] Perfect, stay like that! When I bring 'em over, you don't move a muscle until I say so, okay? [Runs out the door] Mom! Mommy! You gotta come see this, mom!
[Martin comes into the kitchen and gets a sausage from the refrigerator, but before he can take a bite, he looks over to Zee and screams, thinking he is dead. Outside, Moose is trying to bring Margaret inside]
Moose: Mommy, mom, mom! There's something you gotta see, mom! [As Moose talks, Martin looks at Margaret through the kitchen window, making several moves and gestures to indicate that Zee is dead. Margaret understands, and looks at Moose nervously] Mommy, mom, mom come on you gotta see this, it's amazing, come on mom! You gotta see! He talks, and he [Starts tripping over his own words] And he... mom, mom, mom come look!
Margaret: Honey, I've been trying to avoid this but, I need to be honest with you. Zee is not the first bird. The ones before him, well... they stopped moving which means that they... [Moose slowly frowns] they... they're asleep! And your father put them on a super fun water slide that goes round and round and round to a magic place where they hang out with all their friends and birdy friends and they dance and dance forever! [Laughs and dances maniacally]
Moose: Are you saying you replaced the birds because they croaked and then Dad flushed them down the toilet?
[Margaret inhales sharply.]
Moose: But it's okay 'cause Zee hasn't stopped moving! [Camera dramatically zooms into Moose's face] I feel like I should be worried about something but I don't know what. [Camera zooms into his face again] Nope, still don't get it. [Camera moves slowly with more dramatic music] No. [Camera moves back and hits Moose's face, causing him to fall onto the ground. He then hears his exact words to Zee]
Moose: [Voice] Don't move a muscle until I say so.
[Moose leans up]
Moose: DAD, NO! [Margaret picks up Moose]
Margaret: Moose, it's too late, honey.
Moose: I'm a hyperactive four-year-old! I live on a different time scale! It's never too late!
[Moose starts running at hyper sonic speed to save Zee, making everything else appear to be moving super slow. Moose runs too fast, flies through the roof, and lands in the backyard]
Moose: Too fast.
[Moose runs back to the house and tries to open the bathroom door, but is too small to do so. He groans, grabs a chair from the living room, and tries to take it up the stairs, but he is holding it in a way that it cannot go up the stairs. He flips it around, garnering the same result. He sighs, lifts it upright, and rushes to the bathroom door. As Martin continues to dump Zee into the toilet, Moose tries to open the door, but fails to since it is locked]
Moose: Oh, come on! [His scream becomes very high-pitched to the point it shatters the glass on the paintings and window in the hall. He then runs out to the street] Okay, this is it! [Runs back into the house, breaking through the bathroom door] STOP!
[Martin yells and drops Zee in the toilet]
Moose: Zee, I'll sav- [Stops, then walks away and comes back wearing a pair of gloves] Zee, I'll save you! [Picks Zee up and puts him back in the birdcage] There. You can stop faking now.
[Zee stops acting dead and moves around]
Martin: Aw, I'm sorry. I thought he was deaaaa- asleep! And ready to go to a magic place wonderland where-
Margaret: He knows.
[Martin sighs with relief as Margaret enters the bathroom through the hole in the door]
A Happy Ending?
Moose: Buddy! I thought I'd lost you! Give me a hug. [Both try hugging each other, but they only hug the cage] Oh. [Both try to figure out a way to hug around the cage. Moose sticks his finger in the cage and Zee hugs it, but both are dissatisfied] Ah! [Holds his breath and sticks his head in the cage. Zee hugs his face. Margaret then walks over to Martin and hugs him]
Martin: I guess that bird was special after all.
Margaret: Oh, let's take a picture! [Margaret grabs a camera. The next shot is then seen through the camera lens]
Moose: Welcome to the Moose family, Zee.
Zee: [Pops out of the birdcage] Cheese!
[Margaret and Martin scream, causing Martin to accidentally launch Zee out of the cage. Zee bounces off of the toilet, hits the handle, and falls into the toilet, resulting in him being flushed]
Moose: ZZZZZEEEEEEE!
[The episode ends on a black screen with text reading "To be continued..."]