Mono No Aware

I'll say it again: I'm not open for writing requests of any kind.

I can't help but wonder if this site's 'bot check' is really just a disguised attempt to sniff out adblockers. I don't mind it; I'm not using any but it's just peculiar how thorough the website is.

Enough whiny banter; on to the story!

Only a thin line of teal far down the horizon painted the early dawn over Camp Mastodon yet, but Lori and several others had reported to the dock at this early hour – sunrise still being a good while away. Among those few who attended today's fishing trip on the lake, Lori was actually the one looking most awake besides her granddad Leonard; he lead the outing. Nervousness left her wide awake all night and simultaneously kept her alert, hoping that her intentions would come to fruition. Right now, she was afraid that she had signed up for nothing.

Leonard monologued about the joys of fishing, putting on a voice loud enough to shake the drowsy group wide awake and giving them instructions on how to avoid scaring off fish – one of which ironically being to remain quiet. Meanwhile, Lori wasn't paying attention and looked around the group as she was wondering the single most worrisome thought she could have right now: where is Dad? He wasn't anywhere in the group and Lori feared she might've misread the list when she signed up. The name Lynn was written on the sheet, but there were two of them in the family and her sister stood elsewhere in the group of strangers. As they were each given a fishing rod and a small tackle bag, Lori was almost reluctant to take them from her granddad as she anxiously looked around for her father to show up; time was ticking. Though fortunately, her hopes were answered seeing Dad come sauntering towards the dock just shortly before they were to get into the rowing boats. To ease her ebbing concerns, Lori assumed he had probably heard Leonnard's fishing instructions so often in his life already, he preferred to skip them.

''Dad!'' Lori welcomed him with a smile and a wave but noticed right away that he acted startled and then upset. Lori reeled, remembering the sadness between them but also reasserted her determination to put an end to it right after.

Everyone was given a life jacket to buckle into. Afterwards, they went to the boats moored to a long jetty with Lori and Lynn Sr. at either side of the group. Though, Lori kept an eye out at him and timed it just right to slide through the group and stand with her father just as he climbed into a rowing boat, almost stumbling into the water in her agile swerving on the narrow pier.

''Can I go with you, Dad?'' Lori asked, already taking the liberty of sitting on the dock with her legs dangling just above the boat to eliminate the small-but-never-zero chance anyone could take the place before her.

Dad was again surprised but conflicted, quickly looking over and around the dock for anyone to return his panicked gaze. It hurt Lori to think that he was desperate for someone else to volunteer. Though, it seems like he sensed his daughter's woe and controlled his frantic attempt to avoid her any longer. As if to literally release the bloat of tension in him, Dad sighed and relaxed himself.

''Of course, climb in.''

Dad moved aside so Lori could step into the boat. He even cared to hold a hand as she struggled to get aboard the wobbly barge, taking her by surprise. This little gesture spurred hope into Lori, but it was short-lived: as they embarked, Dad rowed them out into the lake with the rest of the group and he would go back to avoiding having to acknowledge Lori's presence as much as he could. The most obvious sign being that he made a conscious effort to avoid looking at her for too long, even while she sat less than five foot in front of him and Lori's prying expression openly begged for his attention, or even a brief mutual glance. Lori couldn't hold it against her father; he was sad and afraid, just like herself – hopefully this wouldn't be a waste of time.

The fleet of rowing boats made it to the center of the lake and slowly spread out as per instruction from Leonard. The first few of the amateur fishermen and women cast their lines and began the waiting game for a fine catch as their boats floated on the near-unperturbed surface of the water that beautifully reflected the first shades of daylight over the forest. Lori and Dad floated on the outside of the group. While Lynn Sr. effortlessly attached bait to a hook and threw his line out, did Lori fumble a little and simply slipped her bare fishing hook over the edge of the boat. She hadn't paid as much attention to her granddad's instructions as she should've had; her attention was somewhere else.

There the two Louds sat bobbing on the water, Lori at the stern and Lynn Sr. just off the bow with their backs to each other and watching their floats in wait for the moment anything bites. The sounds of lapping water, a performance of crickets chirping at the nearby shore and the eerie, elegant wails of a common loon sounded over the lake and the surrounding woodland. All of them obscured by a gentle shadow of the sunrise drawing closer. A brief disturbance broke the peace: a bird floating on the lake somewhere took to the skies and the splashing from its messy takeoff alerted both father and daughter… but the moment passed as soon as it came.

Serene as it was, this was not what Lori intended. They had the privacy and ideal surroundings for Lori to engage a thoughtful talk with her father, but despite her will to do so there was still a certain reluctance pulling at her. She looked over her shoulder, seeing him clearly despite the dominant shade. Sure, her father seemed calm in spite of his previous track record of bursting in tears at the mere sight of Lori, but would it last and could Lori put an end to it where both will feel better about the big changes that were about to come in their lives?

Only one way to find out…

''Dad?'' Lori said just above a whisper, glancing over her shoulder with a sideway glance to subtly check for anything of a reaction… but it was like he hadn't heard her and Lori was skeptical if that was really the case. ''Hey, Dad…'' Lori repeated a little louder this time but again, Lynn Sr. didn't respond.

On any of her past days when she was emotionally weaker, being ignored would feel like outright rejection. But Lori didn't let it get her spirts down, though. She pitched a long and deep sigh, breathing out any doubt in a good outcome and further reaffirming what she was going to do before putting her rod down on the deck.

''Dad,'' Lori spun around to face his back, calmly addressing him despite not having a face to do it to. ''Since I graduated, I spent a lot of time struggling with fears and sadness. I carried all that heartache with me for far too long and avoided doing what I should've done in the first place… and that is talking about my problems with the people I care for.''

Lynn Sr. finally dared to acknowledge Lori, even by just peeking over his shoulder from the corner of his eye. It definitely wasn't simply because he was addressed with something longer than just a 'hey dad' – Lori was certain to have struck something within him.

Lori even dared to slowly lean towards Dad and gently rub his back for that extra bit of comfort. ''I know it seems scary, but I literally think it's long overdue we did so too; I don't want this heartache between us every time we meet to last forever.''

''Nothing lasts forever.'' Lynn Sr. pointed out, focus still on the fishing line and his mumbling voice quiet and mournful: a far-cry from the usual blubbering he'd have burst out into by now – though, Lori didn't know which one she preferred.

''Is that why you were so upset?'' Lori asked, recognizing the sentiment all to well.

Dad straightened himself and turned his face to the sky. Lori thought that it was an attempt to keep his tears inside and in the short moment that Dad sat frozen, Lori expected an outburst… but it didn't come.

''It's difficult.'' Dad admitted as he rolled his head back and used the hand not holding his fishing rod to wipe his eyes. He then turned his upper body to face Lori, though she could still see a hue of pink around his pupils from the salty moisture.

''I know.'' Lori replied quietly as she cautiously reached a hand out towards her father and rubbed one of his shoulders instead, giving him all the time and comfort he needed to further gather his words.

Dad recollected himself and while the glum disposition remained in his posture, he was undoubtedly firmly on top of his sadness.

''The day I first saw you in your mother's arms, barely three minutes old, is one of the happiest moments of my life; I knew right there that I wanted to be a great parent and sure to always stay with your mother! To see you grow up and help you take all the big steps gave me so much satisfaction as a father! 'And to see that girl we raised graduate with so many honors – I can't believe I helped raise her!'' Dad radiated his pride on the boat they sat in, his smile shining brighter than the sun that had yet to rise. However, his aura wasn't meant to last long and it faded, his face fell with it.

''But seeing you on the stage all grown up means my time raising you will end soon. I can't let you stay a child forever and you too need to go on without me, spread your wings and leave the nest…'' Again, Dad clearly contained an outburst. ''but I'll miss you and the good times all the same!''

Lori turned her head back to her fishing rod; her well-meant advice was still a sad one to give. ''Life goes on Dad, that's what I learned to accept. You still have the rest of your kids that you're going to make fond memories with!''

''It's still hard.'' Dad replied with a glum sniff, to which Lori nodded in sympathy; it was a gospel truth. ''From now on, I can't do anything but watch as one of my darling children leaves each year until the last one finally flies out in eighteen years! It comes sooner than you think and then what have your mother and I got left?''

''Each other.'' Lori answered unflinchingly, disregarding that Dad seemed to have miscounted Lily's age.

Lori looked away as a pang of regret struck her. There was a memory of her father tearfully admitting this very thing when they first visited Lori's dorm, but back then Lori largely brushed it off as a product of his overemotional crying fits that he'd get over with soon enough. He had carried that grief with him all this time: it was stupid to downplay it as melodrama so easily.

Dad remained quiet as he shrugged profusely and his eyes darted around, willing to acknowledge Lori's answer but hesitant to accept it right away.

''Good point… good point.'' Lynn Sr. admitted. ''But there'll be some adjustment needed. I wonder how your mother and I will make it through our days without children left to care for.''

''Come on Dad, it can't be that bad to be just the two of you!'' Lori gave her father a firm nudge in good spirit. ''Taking care of us was all you two ever did! I'm sure you'll learn to love the peace and quiet once you settle on it; you deserve it after so long! Every minute of your life was spent raising us and providing what we needed even while pursuing other life goals, like the restaurant. I'm surprised you two even got to make some time for yourself between all that!''

Dad shrugged indifferently. ''We didn't need much; we made the most of the few moments we had.''

''Only a quiet night every once in a while with the bedroom door locked, right?'' Lori asked, wiggling her eyebrows casting a small but cheeky grin.

That Lynn Sr. could afford a chuckle did wonders for Lori's own confidence.

''Besides,'' Lori's smirk grew a sheepish and rubbed the back of her head. ''I think you also make it a little rosier than it was.'' ''I was literally a handful; I messed up so bad to get sent to juvenile hall!''

''Yes,'' Dad gasped quietly before he resumed speaking. ''but you grew so much from that and it changed you for better.''

Lori nodded her head calmly. ''I know – I just needed a while to realize it.''

''Your grandmother used to say that we are all like flowers: they grow best with both sunshine and rain.'' Dad mumbled.

Lori folded her hands and cooed softly in awe. ''That's so sweet!''

However, by now she noticed that her father eyed her the same way she often did up until recently. He sat nervously, his glance loaded with grief.

''Dad? What's wrong?''

''Lori, I…'' Dad shifted himself to firmly sit directly in front of Lori, which caught her by surprise. Her father's demeanor and expression bore this unexpected solemn vibe, further emphasized by Dad calmly taking Lori's hands and making sure he had her undivided attention. ''I'm sorry we put so much on your plate back then: your mother and I were wrong to treat you like a foster parent for your sisters. You see, Lisa displayed odd behavior and we wanted to have her tested in case we needed to prepare for any special needs and… we let ourselves get carried away in our attention on her and neglected the rest. It's not an excuse for why we did it, but merely an explanation. Can you please forgive us for what we put you and your sisters through? It's the biggest mistake I ever made as a parent: we should've known better.''

Lori was stunned in silence, unable to figure out what to make of this sudden apology. To blame her parents for her own lapse in behavior? It never occurred to her.

''No- Dad- no.'' Lori then laid her own hands on top of her father's, taking her turn for a solemn address: ''I don't want you to take any blame or feel guilty – don't. I ruined a good part of my summer by regretting what I did wrong: I wouldn't want you to make the same mistake! I appreciate the apology, but that you know what went wrong and changed yourself for that is all I and the rest can ask for!''

Dad lightly shook his head as he hung it with the first tears finally dripping out. ''But we should've done more.''

''But you have done more than enough!'' was Lori's resounding answer, nodding her head just as eagerly as her father looked up in surprise. ''That I'm going to the prestigious Fairway U. is because of my parents who sacrificed so much. I get that it makes you sad at first to see us go, but any of us that leaves the house to start a career or family for ourselves… you made that possible – and Mom too! I'll make sure to show the world how proud I am that I was raised by you!''

Dad sputtered and sniffed, Lori again prepared to be gripped tightly by her father in another of his emotional outbursts – they ran in the family after all. Instead, Dad wept quietly and dignified as the happy tears flowed freely over his cheeks and rolled past his relieved smile while he looked at his daughter, leaving no room for doubt to Lori that he was so incredibly proud of her. Lori spread her arms wide and enveloped her father in a warm hug to seal the end of their mutual grief and celebrate it.

As Lori looked over the lake, taking in the surrounding woodlands as the sun finally rose from behind the mountains, inspiration struck her for a final example of how well her father had brought them up.

''Look at the forest,'' Lori told Lynn Sr., breaking away and pointing towards the nearest shore. ''that was once literally one tree where all the others came from and now it's tall and proud, surrounded by the next generations. You will be like that one tree soon: having created an entire, healthy forest around yourself!''

''Beautiful…'' Lynn Sr. wiped one of his eyes as he tried to get a hold of his tear ducts when without warning, his mood changed almost instantly: ''Hold on- are you trying to tell me you're pregnant?!''

That shocked, angry glare Dad – legitimately intimidating to anyone he'd perceive as having deflowered his little girl – gave Lori chills for exactly two seconds… until he wiggled his eyebrows, letting them both burst out in roars of uncontrolled laughter at her father's misunderstanding, wild enough to wobble the boat slightly. They went limp from their mirth and fell into a loving embrace. Even if Lori and Lynn Sr. knew that the nearby fishermen in the group were glaring in the direction of their boat for scaring the fish away with their laughter, they didn't care; the humor at this random joke made father and daughter overjoyed to know it was going to be perfectly alright between them again!

With this chapter done, we end the third act and move onto the final one. It should be smooth sailing from here… pun not intended. I intend to publish all remaining chapters up until the epilogue in consecutive weeks so when this story's updated again, you'll know what you're up for!

What's going to be updated next? I don't know: I have some ideas for one-shots; a pitch for a new multi-chapter story and I still have some Forced Staycation works in progress laying around. Plenty to do... but plenty to look forward to.

I hope you enjoyed my works. I thank you for your time and hope to see you back another time!

Until next update.
:D,

-Q.W.