She doesn't know how long she's been flying. Her fingers are cold. Her brain is numb, and her body is drifting in and out of consciousness, but by the time Hala is in view, Carol's body is fading.
Her vision is blurry.
The sun is dark and red; tendrils of shadows sloughing off in pieces, and Carol thinks maybe this is it. Maybe she'll finally die. Humans weren't meant to be cosmic energy. Her body probably can't handle this, it was never supposed to handle this, but she picks up speed and prepares for impact anyway.
Her fingers swim through rock and ore, her lips hum, the pieces move into place. By the time she registers the crash, her body is on its way out, her eyes are already closing.
There's a warmth on her face, the pulsing heat of new light. It's calming, comforting… there's a lifting in her heart. She free-falls and for a moment, Carol welcomes it; wishes for her soul to burn out, to sink into the sun and stay there forever, but Maria's voice whispers in her ear.
"Don't you dare abandon her."
And Carol instinctively obeys. She clutches her arm, fumbles for the button and opens a channel. Her world erupts into rainbows and white light. Hala is gone. The sun is gone. The numbing chill of space is gone, and a concerned voice calls out: it's a yell, not a whisper.
"Oh, for fucking hell, Carol-"
And her body is enveloped.
She wakes all at once, not slowly. She never wakes slowly. But when her eyes lurch open, her heart pounding in her ears, she sees black curtains with tiny yellow stars and immediately calms. She breathes in, then out. She clenches her toes, then her fingers… she's counting another inhale when dark braids and a firm frown come into focus.
"What were you doing out there? Huh?" Val yells. Her words are laced with concern, and Carol tries to respond, but nothing escapes. "A Sun?! And for fucking Hala, are you insane? Why would you fly into a Sun?"
A Sun. Cold. Fury was saying something about- Fury was with… no, she was with Kamala and Monica-
Monica
Mon
The room is collapsing around her. Val's face is scared. Her voice is saying something, but Carol can't hear. She can't hear anything because her lungs are screaming and the world is turning on its axis, and suddenly, she's upside down and the cold is back. She needs air, but it's space... it's space and there's not enough air here, there's never enough-
She's fighting against the darkness when there's a softness on her cheek. A hand steadies her, teaching her how to inhale. Val's touch is the same, but her eyes are different, and Carol tries to turn away. She tries to breathe on her own, but Monica's face is in her head, saying "It's okay," over and over and over. Monica is gone. Maria is gone. Yan is gone. Everyone is gone.
Nothing is okay.
"- Carol, you need to breathe, okay. You're not breathing and it's starting to scare me so-"
Annihilation. Hala. Skrulls and Kree and humans. Everything is Carol's fault. She was never meant to be pure energy. She was never supposed to be a god. Yon-Rogg turned her into a monster with purple blood, blues, and reds and then Monica was swallowed into another Universe because Carol abandoned her. Because she wasn't fast enough. She isn't fast enough. She's never fast enough.
"Baby, what are you saying?"
"Higher. Further. Faster, baby-"
"Didn't need a hero... I just needed you."
"Auntie Carol!"
"Carol, I need you to focus. Breathe."
"You can trust Captain Marvel. She always knows what to do-"
"Car- Ell! Please-"
"You're a weapon. One we don't need anymore."
"Fuck it-"
The voices stop and everything goes black.
Carol blinks slowly. She freezes, her eyes making sense of the dim room. She's in the same bed, the curtains are still there... she's beginning to panic, but makes out Valkyrie in the softened light, and immediately relaxes. Val's eyes are sad, and her lips are nervous. Guilt floods through Carol's body as she forces herself to sit. She groans as a byproduct, and Val's face morphs back into shape.
"Don't panic," she demands, "- or I'll have to knock you out again, and contrary to popular belief, I don't actually enjoy doing that."
Carol slumps back into the bed. She focuses on the texture of the covers, sliding her fingers over the wool. Her mind is clearing, mostly. She remembers Monica. She remembers the Sun. She remembers screaming into the void of space and hoping that someone, somewhere would scream back. And then she remembers Maria's words.
"She's gone," her voice finally speaks. Monica. Maria. She doesn't know who she's talking about, but Val understands.
"I know."
"I don't know what to do. I- I don't know how to do this."
"I know."
Val is on the bed now. She's infiltrating Carol's space, interweaving her fingers into Carol's with a gentle frown. She runs her thumb over skin, "Come 'ere" and Carol folds. She latches on to Valkyrie's body, digs her fingers into the black of her suit and buries her head into her shoulder. She doesn't realize she's crying until the fabric is already soaked. Val's fingers thread through her hair and that's when Carol breaks.
The sobs erupt.
She's mumbling phrases and words that don't make sense because nothing makes sense. The world doesn't make any sense. If it did, she wouldn't be here. She'd be in Louisiana; older, wiser, with lines on her face and age in her eyes, and she wouldn't know anything about space, or Kree, or Skrulls. She'd be human. Only human.
Beautifully human.
The crying continues... forms rivers down her cheeks, but the sobbing finally dims until eventually, she's rendered mute, resting her head in the crook of Val's neck as fingers gently coil her waves into curls.
I'm sorry, she wants to say, but the words don't come.
"You'll be okay," Val says softly. She turns her shoulder, forcing Carol to look at her. Val's eyes are kind and strong. She's beautiful and good, and Carol wants to believe her. "It's not fair. None of this is fair, but you'll be okay."
"I'm tired," her voice cracks. "I'm so tired."
"So, rest. Stop being Captain Marvel. Stop this jumping from world to world like you owe the universe something. You don't." Val brushes the hair off Carol's face and gazes into her eyes. "You don't owe the universe shit," and then she's gripping Carol's cheeks and forcing her forward. They're a few inches apart when Val speaks again, this time, more demanding. "Say it."
Carol rests her forehead on Val's and takes a deep breath. "I don't owe the universe shit," she lies.
"You don't owe anyone shit."
A tear trickles down her cheek. Val catches it with her thumb, gently hooking her fingers on Carol's chin. Her eyes are sparkling, both angry and gentle, and Carol moves forward, encapturing her lips with a small hum.
They're soft.
She's grounding... something constant. Carol never thought she'd believe Valkyrie to be something this stable, but then again, she never thought she'd be breaking into pieces on the King of Asgard's bed either.
At least, not like this.
"Never do something like that again," Val orders, breaking the kiss, her eyes swirling with emotion. She's waiting for a response- won't let up without it- so Carol nods. Val flicks Carol on the nose, smiles, and the moment is broken. "Next time you want to do something stupid," she says. "We can drink Thor's stash of liquor and kill some dumbass kids online."
"Oh gods," Carol laughs wetly, wiping a stray tear with her palm. "That game is so ridiculous."
"You're a character now, apparently. Or a skin? I don't know, but Korg is very jealous."
Carol sniffs again, and Valkyrie taps her cheek. Carol's hand reaches up, overlaying their fingers. She closes her eyes, gives herself one more moment of reprieve, one more second of peace before she faces the world outside.
"Thanks," she licks her lips. "Thanks for everything. For being you."
"What are Kings for?" Val smirks and Carol rolls her eyes. She gently slaps Valkyrie's fingers away and huffs.
"You're an idiot."
"Mhmm."
"I should call Fury."
"Already did. Apparently, that girl Camilla- no… Kameron? Shit-"
Carol laughs, "Kamala."
Val snaps her fingers. "Yes, Kamala. She told him about your little Sun escapade. He was very concerned, called me almost crying. I let him know you were alive."
Carol nods her head. Fury. Kamala. Goose. She needs to get back, check on them, ensure the S.A.B.E.R. Station is safe for whatever projects Fury has up his sleeve next...
She needs distraction.
She needs purpose.
"I should go," she says, voice growing in strength as the weight lifts from her chest. It's still there. Still slightly heavy, but it's manageable. It's... tolerable, and that's all she can ask for.
"You wanna fly or portal?"
"Fly. I um... I need to clear my head a little."
Val kisses her on the forehead. "Don't think too hard, and don't work yourself to death."
There's a pause. Carol breathes, and a thought escapes her. The words are out before she can truly think about what she's saying. "I think I'll stay on Earth for a while," she says, clenching her fists, then releasing the pressure. "Maybe fix up the house... help Fury with things."
She isn't sure about it- doesn't know if she can handle the house all alone- but the smile on Valkyrie's face makes the decision for her:
Carol is staying.
The Skrulls don't need her anymore. Hala has their Sun again, and there are other heroes, other gods, other beings. Monica is gone. Earth will be painful, and maybe Carol deserves that, but Val's head is cocked, and her eyes are raised. She's the epitome of sass, but she's real. She's messy and unyielding and a damn good King, and maybe Carol can deserve that one day.
Maybe Carol can deserve her one day.
"You're thinking too hard, woman. Fury's about to call me again and I really don't want to talk to him about Flerkens and the state of your mental health."
"I'm going, I'm going."
"You better."
Carol stands. She's a little shaky- her legs feel like Jello and her hair is a mess of frizz and curls- but Val gives her a smug grin, one full of love, and Carol smiles back.
"I love you too," she wants to say, but she doesn't. She can't yet. She's not ready, but Val knows.
"Come to New Asgard next week," Val clears her throat. "If you're free. Thor's coming back for some Avengers Remembrance thing and he's bringing the kid. She likes you better, for some reason."
And Carol can read between the lines.
You may not have Monica, Valkyrie is saying, reminding, but there are others. Others like Love, like Kamala… Carol nods her head. She takes a deep breath, focuses on calming the storm in her brain, on coming to terms with it all, and promises to try.