"Take the cat."
"Absolutely not."
"Take the damn cat."
Carol narrows her eyes. Maria narrows hers in kind.
"Carol Danvers, I love you," she says, fondly. "I've missed you. I'm glad that you are back but if you don't take that damn thing and fly it off to your little spaceship in the sky, I will never speak to you again."
Carol shakes her head. She slides her feet along the wood, and then looks back; Maria's face is thin. The roundness of her cheeks is gone, replaced by a sharp cut of bone that hollows out the shape of her eyes. Her head is bare, for the most part. Nothing but skin and tiny wisps of white curls, the ones still hanging on from the last batch of chemo.
She's so small...
The porch swing creaks. Maria locks eyes with her, giving her that look. The one with the pouty lips and the downcast lashes, and Carol knows she's been beaten.
"Fine," she concedes, in mock annoyance.
"Thank you! Now was that so hard?"
"What's she eat anyway?"
"Children," Maria chuckles, laughing at her own joke, but then she turns back. "Regular cat food, if you can believe it, and don't even try taking her to a vet. Monica did it years ago, tried to get her spayed or something, and I'm still running from that doctor. Talking about 'strange radiograph reports' and 'new species of parasites' for some scientific paper."
Carol's laughing, face resting against the back of the swing. She can't hold it in, and with every giggle, Maria's face flushes harder. She reaches down in her wheelchair to grab a slipper- one of the fuzzy ones Carol got her for Christmas. She struggles for a bit, but one wrong look and she's suddenly found new strength. She whips it off her foot and holds it like a weapon.
"I will throw this at you," she says with all seriousness. "The things I've been through… the things I've seen."
Carol smiles, heart full of love, "Mhmm," and that's the last straw. The slipper whacks Carol on the head and falls into her lap. They're both laughing now. "Yield, woman, yield," she yells as Maria starts to take off the other.
Her whole body is tingling.
She's cackling and shielding her eyes when a bird appears in front of her, practically spawning from nothing. She doesn't know where it came from, doesn't know why it's here, but it starts to squawk, growing louder and louder as the seconds pass. Maria's voice is leaving, fading away as the sky becomes white, as the lights go out... the memory is snatched away, and Carol jolts awake with a gasp.
She's panting on the bed, fingers buried into the blue of the covers.
Her alarm clock is beeping.
The numbers flicker in reds and blacks, with a sound she hasn't heard in a long time. She takes a minute to come into herself before she switches it off. Then, she stretches out her arms, looks at Goose, who's curled up beside her, and sighs.
"Alright, Maria," she murmurs, scratching Goose's chin. The cat leans into her touch, and Carol can't help but smile.
"I'll take the damn Flerken."
The morning starts off quietly. Carol hums to the sound of the rain; it's pattering on the roof, thunder quietly rumbling in the distance as she tosses Goose a piece of cheese. Scott's book drones on in the background.
"Look out for the little guy… mistakes… if there's one thing life's taught me-"
She's only half listening.
She opens up the fridge and clicks her teeth, sorting through the condiments and half eaten wet food. Milk. Need to get more cream… more cheese... She's grabbing a couple eggs when her watch buzzes. Valkyrie's face lights up the screen. Carol smiles. She slides it up and closes the fridge with her leg.
"Hey, what's up."
She's about to oil up a pan when Val speaks, voice low and serious. "We need you ASAP," and Carol freezes. She throws the eggs to Goose. The stove is off in seconds.
"What's the situation?" her voice raises, "What's going on, what are we looking at?" Her mind is whirling through the possibilities; earthquake, flood, angry gods, revenge-
"We're missing a kid."
Carol sprints to the door. Lightning strikes in the distance, thunder cracking through the ground as the world shakes. The rain picks up, it's chilly, and she's not in her suit, but she takes off anyway.
"It's Gal'i," she hears Val's voice through the wind.
Carol flies even faster.
She searches the cliffsides, checks under every rock, every tree. Carol flies over the water and hopes to every god out there that she doesn't find anything.
Her heart is racing.
Her eyes are tired from hyperfocusing. She's searching, inspecting everything, scanning waves and bushes and ice. She thinks she's going to have to stop, that maybe Gal'i found her way back, when she finally sees it: a small green head peeking out from the grass. She's small, carefully tucked away about a hundred feet from the cliff. Her arms are wrapped around her knees and her eyes gaze out over the water.
Carol finally breathes, "King Valkyrie," she taps her comm. "Found her. She's unharmed."
Valkyrie breathes a sigh of relief, mumbling in Old Norse under her breath, "Thank the fucking stars," and Carol agrees, but then she stalls, floating in the air.
"Private channel please." She hears a ding as she's disconnected from the rest. "Hey, Val-"
Gal'i looks up. She's frowning, her eyes wet and red.
"Can you give us a minute?"
Val's voice is being drowned out by a variety of background noises. There's a couple of sighs and relieved words as she speaks, "She's fine. The kid's fine- yes, call it off, Captain Marvel found her," then turns her attention back to Carol, her voice soft.
"Yeah. Yeah, baby. Whatever you need. Lemme know when you're on your way back, okay. I'll hold 'em off as long as I can."
She closes the comms, and Carol takes a deep breath. She flies down, cautiously sets herself a few feet away, but Gal'i doesn't look at her. She's still gazing at the waves, listening to them crash. A few gulls fly overhead.
"Can I sit here?"
Gal'i doesn't answer. Doesn't even nod her head, but Carol folds onto the ground anyway. She crosses her legs as the ocean sings in the background. The ice is somewhat melted. Gal'i sniffs, and Carol starts to play with the grass.
She looks over, "Wanna talk about it?"
Gal'i shakes her head, no, and Carol plucks a few strands from the dirt.
"Well…" she says softly, carefully. "Would it be okay if I talk a little?" She doesn't get a verbal response, but Gal'i nods. It's a start, and Carol closes her eyes. "I bet," her voice is high, "-that your favorite color is yellow. Like the sun."
She opens one of her eyes. Gal'i is still looking away, still gazing at the ocean.
"Hmm... no, maybe it's green? Like the grass, like all the trees. Like solund soup, like those Rerfs with the cute tails…"
Gal'i licks her lips. She's still silent, but her ears lean slightly Carol's way. She's listening, so Carol smiles and snaps her fingers.
"No, I got it. Purple," she overdoes it a bit, "Yes! Purple, like a... like a grape! I can see you liking purple a lot. I like purple a lot." And she really does. Purple reminds her of childhood. Valkyrie's eyes are purple, sometimes. New Orleans often glitters in it, but Gal'i shakes her head, so Carol keeps going.
"Red?" No.
"Blue?" No.
She runs the gambit of the color wheel. Brown, black, gray... even chartreuse before she eventually gives up.
"I have no idea."
That's when Gal'i finally speaks. Her voice is hoarse, "Rainbow," and Carol smiles, because of course it is. Of course, her favorite color is all of them. She twirls the grass between her fingers and looks to the sky, "Rainbow," she repeats, and Gal'i nods in all seriousness.
"Like the bridge," she states. "The bridge is rainbow."
"Ahh, the bridge is pretty cool."
"It saved me," Gal'i murmurs. She gazes at her fingers, studies them for a second, then digs them into the earth, forces her nails into frostbitten ground. Her breathing quickens, her eyes darting in every direction and Carol ditches the grass.
"It saved me, too," she says softly, but strong enough so Gal'i can hear her. "One day, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it. I was floating out in the stars, and I didn't know what to do, but then the rainbow came."
"The rainbow…" the girl whispers.
"And then I knew I was safe."
Gal'i rocks wider, her lips are trembling, "I'm safe," she starts to cry, "I'm safe… I'm safe but they're not. The rainbow-"
Her words grow faster, speak louder like a prayer. "The rainbow didn't save them. It didn't save them why- why didn't it save them-" she's choking, "Why didn't you save them! Why did you save me but not them- Why!?" Fists hitting against the ground, hitting against her head, again and again, "WhywhyWHYY-" and Carol swallows her in her arms.
Gal'i screams into her chest. Her teeth gasp. They catch on fabric, as tiny fists pound against woven yellow flowers over and over. Her nails dig into Carol's skin, tear into Carol's soul. She's falling, she's crashing.
Carol can't catch her…
"I'm sorry," Carol whispers, "I'm so sor-" but the sobs drown out her intentions. The waves overtake every word she could ever say, every apology she could ever make.
Every penance.
Every excuse.
There's no part of her that she can sacrifice, no piece of her she can destroy to make this right because this isn't her pain to take; this isn't hers to feel. She can't fix this; she can't heal this. People sometimes have to fall.
"Windows sometimes need to break."
Carol cradles Gal'i in her arms and tucks her head into Carol's neck. Gal'i starts to move, starts to rock forward, and Carol moves with her. Together, they rock back and forth.
Back and forth… back and forth.
They move with the hum of the earth, with the feel of the dirt, and the trees, and the birds. She keeps time with the wind, and everything tumbles forward. Everything falls back. She floats in the motions, rocks in time with Gal'i's sobs as the waves crash ahead. Her mind drifts along with the current.
"Swinging is fun," Margot giggles in the swirling blue, "because your belly gets happy. You go up and then down, then up, then down-"
Back and forth... back and forth.
"Nice work back there, Ship-Killer."
"Not my name-"
"What do you go by, then? Intergalactic Lesbian?"
Valkyrie's sword loops in circles. Carol's rolling her eyes. Warm skin, sleepless nights, the world is swaying-
Back and forth...
"Why do you run in circles like that?"
"It's called jogging."
"What is jogging?" Minn- Erva's voice echoes, and Carol's raising her face to the sun. She scrapes her hands against the sky, with laughter in her ears. "No idea! Absolutely no idea!"
Back and forth...
The voices shift, pictures turning upside down until there's burnt coffee on her tongue... muted colors... tank tops. Carol's words are faint, "He's gonna kill you if you keep this up."
"The man has no room to talk. He eats plain chicken everyday like a loser." Nat's throwing a plastic spoon. There's a thud offscreen, then red spilling over her chest. It's gentle. "Hey, Rogers," she hollers, memory swirling into another.
"Get over here. Carol thinks you can kick my ass."
Up... and down...
Soap suds and water, pooling around Carol's toes. She grips a shampoo bottle with her fingers, sings a song she doesn't fully remember...
"Here comes the Sun..."
Back and forth...
"Get back here, Carol. Mon's cheating at Go Fish again."
A pot of yellow noodles is on the stove. Maria's at the table, her voice a light shade of pink.
"No… C'mon baby, don't lie. Yes, yes you did Mon' because I literally just saw you-"
Back and forth…
"For what it's worth, I'm gonna write so much fanfiction about you two, if that's okay."
"Fanfiction?"
Kamala's laughing as she falls back in her chair, "Oh yeah," she says with all seriousness, fingers stretched to the ceiling. "And it's going to be exquisite."
Back... and... forth
A gust of wind blows. It filters through Carol's hair, and she swears can hear laughter in it. The memories flicker by gently, mixing in conversations and feelings. Monica is humming in the light of the morning. A balloon escapes her grasp, a bubble pops and Carol walks to Yon's room barefoot in the dark… dances under neon lights. Straps into the cockpit and hands Maria the razor.
There's pain in every crevice.
There's peace in them, too.
Back… Gal'i takes a shallow breath, curling into Carol's side. Her voice has gone silent.
Forth… Carol caresses her temple. She kisses the top of her head and looks to the ocean. Her shirt is damp and cool, sticking to her skin, and as Gal'i's thumb falls, the rocking slows. The world steadies. Carol speaks; it's soft, her voice barely a whisper.
"Whatcha thinking about?" she asks. Gal'i just hums. She doesn't answer, doesn't say a single word, but her eyes are closed.
Her heart is quieting.
The comms turn on, a slight crackle in her ears. Val's voice is coming through, "Sorry, babe, but they can't wait any longer. I'm gonna have to give 'em your location," and Carol nods. She grips Gal'i tighter and faces the sky. It's setting in blues and reds, swirling with purple clouds and she thinks it's fitting.
Like maybe it's her.
"Hey, Brunnhilde?" she whispers. Val stutters a little at the formality, but quickly catches herself.
"Yeah?"
Carol smiles. She tastes salt in her mouth.
"I love you."
There's a pause. A tree loses a leaf.
"Yeah, yeah," Val replies. Her voice is a little moist, "I love you, too, Marv. Be there in a bit, King out-" and Carol is left with silence once again.
She sniffs and readjusts Gal'i in her arms. She pictures Val in her pajamas, falling over pillows and blankets, stealing Carol's popcorn and yelling at Thor through a screen. She sees all the places she's ever been, every war she's ever fought in; Hala, Lio-7, Circe, Aladna, Earth...
Thirty plus years Carol's been running.
Thirty years of fighting and dying over and over again, sacrificing herself for planets and people she thought needed her. Thirty years of demons and fear; of staring into bathroom mirrors and seeing ghosts. She looks down at Gal'i, bathed in gold rays, playing with Carol's shirt with exhaustion in her face, and decides that she's done running.
She's done.
Her first memory... it's of a sandcastle.
Her next is of a sunset, and then a sky lit with twinkling stars, with a boy whose face she can't remember. She doesn't fully know who she was, and maybe she never will.
But she'll keep going...
She'll keep trying.
Yon-Rogg taught her how to survive, how to be patient. She hates him, most days, but she's still grateful for that. Maria taught her how to trust. Monica taught her how to love. America and Kamala- they're teaching her how to laugh again. How to be human, even though she isn't...
She was Carol, first, and then she was Vers; beautiful, angry, hot-headed...
Danvers. Annihilator: both Destroyer and Savior.
Ship-killer… Princess, Baby, Queen: she's everything, all wrapped up into one extremely complicated person. She makes shitty decisions- so many shitty decisions- but she's taking ownership of them now.
"You're always running."
"I didn't give you room to be a person."
"I'm tired... so tired."
"We didn't have a choice back then," Vers whispers in the mirror. In the water. In the wind. "But we do now. So, make it."
Gal'i shuffles in her arms as a bird flies overhead. She points to it, her fingers following its path of flight until it disappears. She makes a rocket motion with her hands and Carol swallows. She forms the same shape with hers, and together, they slowly follow the pattern of the sky.
Captain Marvel... that's what G'iah called her, shouting her name into the night air. Her fingers followed the clouds as well, and the name just kind of stuck. Carol tried to get rid of it. Figured maybe she could disappear, fade out into the darkness and into the calmness of silence, where no one would ever remember her, but going out quietly has never really been her thing.
Maria says she has loudness in her bones.
She has so many worlds and stories in her heart. She's tethered to the universe in a way she still doesn't understand, but she's starting to.
She's willing to.
"I promise," Carol whispers into the silence; into every person she's ever been and every person she'll ever be. "I promise I'll stay."
There's a gust of wind. A tiny figure moving closer in the distance... "Captain Marvel?" a small voice murmurs. Carol feels a warmth around her fingers and looks down.
"Yeah?"
Gal'i's eyes are wet, but they're still shining. She takes a deep breath, turns to the waves, and whispers into the stillness.
"... I forgive you."
Carol is finally free.