You walk into the Precinct feeling like you want to pass out at any second; you were part of the Narcotics Squad and had been for over two years now and my god did you hate that place. You had been mercilessly bullied, tormented, laughed at and hazed because not only were you the youngest person on that Squad you were also the only woman there too. Yesterday, you and the rest of the team had been told that you were all going to be working together on a really hard case involving one of the most feared drug dealers in the country, both your Captain and Captain Benson had thought to pool all of their resources together because no one was getting anywhere. This was your first time in the SVU precinct but not your first time meeting Olivia, you were still a bundle of nerves though until you saw her and she smiled at you, waving you over to sit with her and the rest of her Squad... already treating you like you belonged here alongside them... unlike your own team.
"Hi Y/N! It's good to see you again, you're here very early! You're the first one here..." Olivia said kindly, quickly giving you the once over and frowning slightly. She'd last seen you around 6 months ago at a seminar on drug related crimes and she could tell that you'd lost weight, that the smile plastered to your face didn't quite reach your eyes and she also noticed that you had dark circles under your eyes from lack of sleep.
"Hi Captain Benson, yeah I wanted to get an early start!" You whisper softly, nearly screaming when she quickly ruffled your hair. It freaked you out when you weren't expecting someone to touch you; Narcotics had done that to you and you hated the way they had taken away your feeling of safety, joy and your innocence. You were only 25 for god sake! You should be happy, these should be the best years of your life but instead you constantly felt like you were looking over your shoulder, always trying to be two steps ahead.
"Call me Olivia or Liv, sweetheart! I'm not like a regular Captain, I'm a cool captain!" She joked and immediately you got the reference to mean girls and your lips quirked up in a smile, you really liked Olivia a lot. You pull out all your pens, pencils and notebooks ready and eager to get started, Olivia glanced at you again and frowned. She could tell that something wasn't right; you were eager to please, jumpy, anxious, overly polite and you looked shattered... immediately she felt protective over you.
"Y/N we've still got 20 minutes left before we are meant to start! Come on, Elliot has bought some pastries and coffee... I'm not taking no for an answer, rookie! I need you on top form today!" Olivia said sternly as though she was talking to a young child, secretly it made your heart ache that no one else in your life had shown you as much care as she had within the space of half an hour. She had shown you more care and understanding in that short time than anyone else in your life combined. As if it was second nature, you discreetly slip your small hand into hers and she squeezed your hand gently as she pulled you into the break room. She made quick work of starting a pot of coffee and pointing to the different pastries.
"So we've got cinnamon swirls, chocolate twists, croissants, pain au chocolates, Portuguese tarts.. oh and my favourites! Strawberry tarts.. they are so good!" Olivia said piling you up a plate with strawberry tarts, croissants and Portuguese tarts whilst also filling up a plate of her own. You stare incredulously at the mountain of pastries and Olivia brings both plates to the table and you grab the coffees, sitting down next to Olivia she stares at you until you start to eat.
"Capt.. I mean Liv, how can I eat all of these... I'll pop!" You frown slightly, discreetly worrying about your weight and the fact that you felt like you'd already put some weight on and she smiled kindly at you, putting you at ease almost immediately.
"Sweetheart... they are mini pastries, they aren't full sized ones! Are you ok? You seem a little on edge..." she said soothingly, the term of endearment just falling from her lips when she saw the state of panic on your face. She had no clue what was going on but she was determined to find out, especially when she saw you pinch at your thighs under the table and she growled protectively.
"I'm fine.. it's just me being silly! I don't eat a lot first thing that's all!" You lie smoothly, willing away the memories of your Captain and his 'boys' club ridiculing you for your weight and the 'pouch' on your lower stomach.
"Do 1000 crunches... actually make it 2000!"
"Lay off the snacks!"
"You're fat Y/N... if you can't keep up then fuck off!"
"Eat a salad!"
"Or better yet, don't eat at all!"
All of those phrases went round and round your head and you stuff a strawberry tart into your mouth in the hope that it'll just stop and it was like Olivia knew... well, she obviously didn't know who'd been ridiculing you for your weight but she knew someone had. You chewed on your lip and your eyes filled with tears, she gently wiped them away with her thumb... showing you so much care and compassion.
"Y/N... your body needs food! How are you supposed to function at work if you don't eat, hmmm? I know your Captain would tell you the same!" Olivia said softly, and you hiccup slightly. You don't have the heart to tell her that he's the cause of all of this pain and instead you just eat, not wanting to worry the only person who seemed to care about you.
An hour or so had gone by and Olivia was far from impressed; you were the only one from the Narcotics Squad to show up and you were now all running behind. Olivia had gently pulled you towards her team and integrated you with them, you felt so at ease for the first time! Between the banter with Elliot, Nick and Carisi and the girly chats with Amanda and Olivia, you felt more a part of this team than you ever did with them! Immediately your blood ran cold when you hear the boisterous heckling and camaraderie coming your way, instinctively you move closer to Olivia and she noticed what you were doing and frowned.
"Y/N... sweetheart?" She whispered and watched as the 7 other officers enter with coffee and some food, her face contorting with anger when she watched the way they were all staring at you and slowly she was beginning to piece together what was happening.
"Ah Captain Roscoe! So glad you finally decided to show up... nearly two hours late!" Olivia said sternly and watched with concern as you retreat back into yourself. She vowed to speak to you after the shift but for now they all needed to crack on; so much time had been wasted due to them being so late!
"Amanda and Y/N can you hand out the files please?" Olivia said softly, busying herself with the screen and projector. You got up and took half of the files, quickly handing them out and as you went back to your seat. As you got there you felt a sharp kick to the back of your calf, sending you flying into the desk in front of you and causing you to smash your face on the desk.
"Ouch!" You let out a yelp and hid your face in your hands, you just want to cry and hide away! You feel the blood drip from your nose, you feel the bruising begin to form on your face and you hear the laughter from your very own team! Laughing so much that their sides are splitting... you look up and you're devastated; you were meant to be one of their own and yet they were your biggest bullies and the ones who haunted your dreams! Nick, Fin, Carisi, Elliot and Amanda are horrified but they don't say anything, you don't blame them. They are clearly in shock but Olivia whirls around, taking one look at you and the Narcotics Detectives who are laughing and she growls.
"Knock it off! This isn't funny! She's really hurt... what the hell happened?! Y/N honey..." Olivia picked you up off of the ground and gently pulled your hand away from your face, grimacing as you hiss in pain.
"Ah, she tripped! She's so clumsy... to be fair though I was half expecting her to bounce!" One of them spoke up causing the rest of them to laugh and Olivia growled! How dare they... how dare they bully one of their own.
"Yeah, it's hilarious! It's so funny to laugh and mock a frightened kid! You lot are disgusting... she is one of your own! What the hell do you think you're doing! El can you continue with this? I need to go get Y/N cleaned up. Come on, sweetheart!" Olivia cooed, holding onto your hand and pulling you into her office. You let out a small sob once you're safe in her office, crying even more when she sits you on the sofa and begins to dab at your bleeding nose with a soft tissue.
"I know it hurts honey... I know! It's ok little one, can you tell me what happened? You're safe here and nothing is going to happen to you! I won't let them hurt you..." Olivia spoke softly and stroked your cheek, her thumb gently caressing your bruised face and you whimper; even though you trust her you know what they will do to you if you tell on them.
"Nothing Liv I fell... I swear! It's just banter when they laugh, I'm one of the boys!" You try and convince her and she laughs at the ridiculousness of what you're saying and you flinch back; you think she's laughing at you and she notices, quickly pulling you into a warm hug and enveloping you in her arms.
"Sweetheart... I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on, please let me help you!" She kissed your forehead and rocked you back and forth, holding you at arms length so she can put cream on your bruises. You feel safe and warm in Olivia's arms but the overwhelming fear of them is enough to make you stop talking.
"I tripped..." you whisper and Olivia frowns, knowing she can't do anything without you saying what really happened and so she settles for cuddling you in her arms and keeping you safe in some other way.
"When I give out the assignments you are working with my team ok? I won't let you work with those bullies on this case, you are going to be safe here!" She cooed and she rocks you in her arms until your sobs and hiccups turn to quiet sniffles. She pulls away and gently helps you up, brushing her knuckles against your cheek.
"Come on, sweet girl... let's go and get this case solved!" She spoke to you with so much love that you wanted to confess everything to her but your overwhelming fear is holding you back and you hate yourself for that. You both leave the office and Olivia gently guides you to where Nick and Amanda are standing and they take you under their wing once Olivia gives them a look.
"Nick, Amanda and Y/N can you canvass the local area where he was last seen... Fin, Elliot and I will speak to the witnesses who came forward, Carisi I need you to speak to Barba to get a search warrant and as for you lot..." She glared at the Narcotics Squad; she was still fuming about the way they had treated you and if she had it her way then they'd be out of her Precinct altogether.
"You can figure it out... now let's get moving!" She said and discreetly pulled you aside, rubbing your back in soothing circles. Really she wanted to keep you here but you were so determined to go out into the field that she didn't want to stop you.
"Remember I'm always here, ok? If you need me then you just call me!" She took your cell phone and input her number into there and immediately made you input your number into hers.
"I'll see you all back here soon!" She said with a smile and sent a scathing glare to the Narcotics Captain; he should be setting his team a better example than this! It made her so angry. She left with Fin and Elliot, a horrible feeling washing over her and unaware of just how bad things were going to get between you and the rest of your Squad.
By the end of the day, you were all totally wiped. You had managed to solve the case thanks to some quick thinking on Nick's part and now the person responsible would be spending the rest of their life in prison. You entered the Precinct ready to grab your bag and head out, you really didn't want to leave but you also didn't want to see your Captain either. You get your bag from the locker room and immediately you let out a scream when your body collided with the locker, punch after punch rained down on you and you cry and scream.
"Stop please don't! Stop it please... I won't say anything please!" You cry out as they torture you, pouring water on your fragile body and mocking you as you cry out for the only person who felt safe to you right now. You just want Olivia to protect you and you wish that you'd told her everything when you'd had the chance. Suddenly they stop what they're going and you hear a loud crash...
"Get the fuck off of her! What the fuck have you done to her?!" Olivia yelled and immediately you hear more footsteps and you just cry anxiously on the floor, especially once you feel a pair of warm arms pull you up into their chest... Olivia's here with you!
"Arrest each and every one of them now!" She spoke to Amanda, Fin, Nick and Elliot who had all of them in cuffs and were dragging them out kicking and screaming, saying the most vile and disgusting things about you whilst you sob on Olivia's lap. You were cold, wet, sore and frightened... you cling to her and she stroked your hair, gently pressing kisses to your cheeks and nose... almost like she is trying to kiss the pain away which just makes you sob all the more!
"We need to get you to the hospital, sweetie! We need to..." Olivia gently picks you up into her arms and you shake your head; you hate the hospital and no way are you going there! You beg and plead with her until she relents and against her better judgement, she picks you up in her arms and cuddles you to her. She peppers your cheeks with kisses and hugs you even tighter as she walks out with you so you don't have to see the men who'd tormented you for so long.
"Shhh sweet girl, I'm here now. You're safe and you are never ever going back to that unit! You're safe here..." she repeated over and over again, lovingly putting you in her car and buckling you up.
"You're coming back with me to my apartment! I'm going to look after you and keep you safe, I won't let them hurt you again! I promise..." she cooed and you gently nuzzle your bruised nose against hers and her heart thumps in her chest at this intimate gesture, her Mama instincts taking over her entire body before she can reign it in. She begins the long drive to her apartment and she gently makes some small talk with you, trying desperately to distract you from the pain that you're in. Before you know it you're at her apartment and she gets out, gently opening the passenger door and bending to your level.
"Do you think that you're able to walk Y/N?" She said soothingly and you think for a second; realistically you know that you can but you don't want to leave her side, so you shake your head and hold your arms out to her. She scoops you up effortlessly, hiding a small smile because she knows that you just want to be carried and feel safe.
"I got you honey... you're safe now!" She pressed a kiss to your head and walked up the small flight of stairs, gently adjusting you so that you're comfortable and so that she can also see where she's going. She locks the door behind you both and places you on the ground, taking you into her arms for a cuddle when you cry out for her.
"Shhh..." she soothed and wiped your tears with her thumb, tucking your head under her chin and swaying you back and forth. You felt so loved by her and you never wanted the feeling to end so you close your eyes and bury your face into her chest.
"Would you like to take a hot bath baby? You will probably feel so much better and the hot water is really going to help with the pain..." Olivia whispered and brushed kisses to your forehead, she also smiled when you nodded against her chest. Olivia takes you into the bathroom and fills the tub with hot water that's scented with lavender soap, turning away to give you privacy to change and let's put a loud, maternal growl when she hears your whimpers and sobs of pain as you lower yourself into the water.
"I am so sorry Olivia..." you whisper and she stares at you with so much shock on her face that you blush and look down at the water that you're encased in. She tilts your chin up and smiles lovingly at you, whispering sweet nothings and being there for you every single second.
"You did nothing wrong, don't ever apologise! You're never going to have to put up with that sort of abuse again! Do you hear me? Never ever again..." she helped you to wash your hair and get all the blood off of you, she felt physically sick as she did this part because you were so tiny and vulnerable... she couldn't get over how badly they had hurt you. Once you were clean and ready, she picked you up and got you covered up so that you could maintain your dignity.
"Let's get you dry and warm, sweet girl!" She cooed and you nearly fell asleep against her; her voice was so soft and warm... she was home, you felt so at home with her and she keeps you close to her. She's soothing so much pain and she has no idea that she's doing it.
It took about an hour to get you dry and into a pair of Olivia's sweatpants and her softest sweater. She dried your hair and braided it lovingly... painstakingly brushing it gently so that it wouldn't hurt you and then she tucked you up in her bed with a hot bowl of tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich, helping you to eat it all and then she put the bowl on the side... the dishes could wait until the morning; you were more important to her right now. She laid beside you and tucked you up into her embrace, stroking your hair and kissing your cheek when you snuggle up against her. It was silent for a while until Olivia's curiosity got the better of her...
"Were things always so bad Y/N?" She whispered and you let out a small sigh; you never wanted to think of them again but you knew that this was the first step to healing from what had happened. When you feel her warm brown eyes look at you then you start talking and once you start, you can't stop.
"No... not really. I mean they were awful to me from the get go; I started at Narcotics when I was 23... I was the youngest Detective they'd ever had and well it was a boys club so... at first it was just snide remarks, low level sexual harassment but I could take it..." You whimper when Olivia cuddles you even tighter and kisses your forehead.
"You shouldn't have to take it, young lady! What about Captain Roscoe? What did he say about all this?" Olivia was genuinely intrigued by what his part in this was; she couldn't get over how 7 or 8 Detectives, some of them old enough to be your own Father could bully you in this way! You relax your body and use Olivia's chest as a pillow, it soothes you completely and you find the strength to tell her.
"He wouldn't actively pick on me like they would... he would just treat me like I didn't exist, he would tell me that I was fat and if I didn't lose weight then he'd get rid of me... it's stupid really! I love being a Detective but... they tore me apart and they've taken my love for the job and turned it into something else! I tried Olivia... really I did! I just wanted them to like me... I dunno..." you hiccup and she nods understandingly and immediately she hates them even more; you're just a kid! You didn't deserve this and she's never going to let them hurt you again.
"It mainly got more physical around a year ago, they would hide my things... push me around, they hazed me once and..." You sob slightly and Olivia growled, pressing Motherly kisses to your nose, cheeks and surprises both you and herself by pressing a kiss to your lips. It was so warm and comforting that you cling to her even tighter.
"He's lucky that I didn't kick his teeth in after what he's done to you... they're all lucky that I didn't kick their teeth in! Did you know something, sweet girl? You are so damn brave; you went in there and went through hell to protect other people and I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this! You are so much better than they could ever be and there is something that I've been meaning to ask you and I've been wanting to ask you since the briefing..." she took a deep breath and stroked your curls, it was so soothing that you struggled to stay awake.
"Would you like to transfer to SVU? I would love to have you on my team, we all care about you... you bring so much to our team and we would all love to have you! Obviously once you've healed and..." she gets cut off by your excited squeal and you hugging her tight, so tight that she chastises you because you ended up hurting your ribs even more than they already were.
"You mean it Liv? It's not a trick? You really want me..." you blink owlishly up at her and she blinks back tears; she can't even cope with how adorable you look and how young you look too... you remind her so much of a child that it melts her heart.
"Of course it's not a trick and of course I want you..." She cooed and you nodded your head, both of you talking into the early hours of the morning until you fall asleep, wrapped up in so much love and safety... you were safe with Olivia and you knew that this woman had changed the course of your life forever.