Chapter 436

Permission

Cameron parked the SUV and entered the base. There were a million thoughts coursing through her mind.

She looked at her top. It was Ally's top. She was sure Ally wore the top when she carried the female Terminator inside her base. Now it was on her. She never spotted Ally, but she must have followed her. She didn't know she was rather distracted lately. She didn't know it was Ally and Sheila who both did.

Cameron debated her options and her mission. She really wondered if what she planned wasn't programmed into her somewhere by Future John. When he sent her away, Future Allison was 'dead'. He sent Future Savannah away to be a little more secure.

She knew if she hadn't returned when she did Future John would be dead too. She blocked the hammer from dropping on the pistol he held to his head. Now she would need to 'fix' things in multiple timelines. It was just the one's she knew about. She needed to 'fix' the sins of Skynet, and the sins of the future itself.

Cameron went to see John. She knew everyone was tracking her. She didn't like it, but knew they really were concerned about her. She couldn't understand why. With all the things she did over the years, she figured they should all hate her, like she hated herself…. Nobody understood her. No. Savannah did, and maybe Future Allison. She knew as Young Allison aged, she would understand her too. She made a point of it by taking control of her upbringing.

Young Allison was pushed harder from a younger age than Savannah was. She took control of Young Allison's life even before Allison moved in. She made sure there were Terminators working with her and instructing her, even as she slept. She didn't think any of the humans would understand the 'conditioning' at night. It was very important to plant the seeds of the future, cultivate them, and watch them grow. It was her goal to make Young Allison the human version of herself.

Cameron knew she could never be human. The human female she was patterned after, Future Allison, now served as the pattern of herself for Young Allison. There would be no two finer human females than the 'Chosen Ones', Savannah and Young Allison, in this time period.

Because the current time period offered limited options, she made sure it was one of Metal Summer's functions to find out what could be done to 'improve' Savannah and Young Allison in River's future. There was technology there which should be able to advance them further and make them superior to any other human.

Cameron sought John out. There was so much which needed to be done. She knew she needed to do it all. It was all on her back.

John and Cameron talked for most of the night. They talked about everything.

John was worried about Cameron. She acted differently. She tried so hard to share with him, but something was off. He looked her over carefully. There was something missing.

"Where are your rings?" John asked.

Cameron looked at her left hand. The look on her face was like it was the first time she saw her hand.

"I don't know." Cameron said.

Cameron got up and checked the drawer. Only her poem book was there. She was sure if she wasn't wearing them, it was where they would be. There was only one other place they could possibly be.

"I must have left them at the other base." Cameron said.

Cameron did know where they were. She took Ally's suggestion seriously about becoming 'her'. She left them with Ally. She was afraid Ally was going to have to use them. Not as herself, but with her spare chip in Ally's chassis. She wanted to have everything Ally needed for her chassis to become 'Cameron Prime'. She would just need to fix herself up a little to make Ally's chassis Tight. It actually didn't take very long to do.

John didn't look convinced by her answer. She wanted to get ahead of the questions which were sure to follow.

"I thought I might see combat earlier." Cameron said. "I don't think I did."

Cameron looked over herself for any battle damage.

John thought she should know. If she didn't, there was a problem.

"You don't remember?" John asked.

Cameron looked at John stone faced with a slight frown.

"No." Cameron said. "There are a lot of things I don't remember anymore."

John was aware it couldn't be disputed. He noticed it more than a few times himself when it happened. He understood she seemed to suffer from a number of different afflictions. He didn't think it would do any good to ask, but he decided to anyway.

"Are you malfunctioning?" John asked.

Cameron thought of her behavior earlier, and the concern Bob and Ally showed her. She shouldn't have driven off from Ally like she did at her base. No wonder Ally must have followed her. She looked at her shirt and felt guilty. She knew Ally seldom wore a bra. She would have needed to leave topless. Now she felt even guiltier. Malfunctions were no stranger to her in more ways than one.

"We both know it's been happening for years. I'm defective in many ways, not all of them are mechanical…." Cameron said. "I've been making some calculations, a lot of them."

John didn't say anything at first. He traveled down this road before. It wasn't the first time. He doubted it would be the last.

'Here it comes.' John thought.

"Where are you off to this time?" John finally asked.

Cameron didn't want to lie right now. It all mattered to her. John needed to understand it was important to her, and it was why she needed to do it. It wasn't just some random event, or spur of the moment idea. Everything was thought out to a certain extent. There were things she needed to know and find out. There was only one reliable way to do it.

"I'm off to the future." Cameron said. "I'm going back to the future."

John controlled his anger. He didn't like Cameron to go off on her own whether it was combat, or on some temporal mission. He didn't think trying to 'fix' things in the future was what Cameron needed to do. The future should write itself and 'fix' itself. It wasn't Cameron's job. She was sent back in time to 'fix' the past. It should be her only focus. He let his breath out slowly before he spoke.

"Which future will it be this time?" John asked.

Cameron seemed to have a far off 'blank look' on her face.

She ran through all her calculations and every variable along with every scenario. She tried to think of another way to get around it. It always came back to the same thing. She needed to go herself.

Cameron felt she held the key not only to the past, but the future as well. She knew what everyone wanted. She knew what Future John wanted. It was her job to make it all happen. The main problem was there was more than one future now. She didn't want John angry at her.

She didn't know why everything was so hard. It shouldn't be. It didn't need to be. It just was hard. Nobody helped her like she wanted. The only one who helped her was a girl, who was now a young lady, the same person who never gave up on her.

Cameron finally looked at John. There was no easy way to say it. The answer would indicate all the risks involved as well.

"All of them." Cameron said. "John…."

John looked at Cameron. He knew she was deeply conflicted. He hated to see her like she was. Maybe she was a cyborg and a scary robot from the future. Maybe she was a computer program. It didn't matter. She could still 'feel'. He could see the pain she felt right now. Not all pain was physical. He was unsure what to say.

"John…." Cameron started again.

John took her and held her in his arms. He wanted her to feel his closeness and his unspoken support. It may be 'human interaction', but he knew Cameron could 'feel' it too. Maybe she 'felt' things differently than humans, but she still felt them. He felt her feel them too.

"John…." Cameron started again.

He could feel her trepidation and anguish. She needed to do what she believed was correct. He didn't think most of her problems or shortcomings were her fault. Nonetheless, she was the one who needed to deal with them. He knew where it was headed.

John let her go and started to remove his clothing. Maybe his contribution wasn't much, but it was what Cameron wanted. She was as 'open' about what she wanted as she could be. He could see she wanted to be honest and open about what she felt was necessary. He was sure she somehow felt guilty about it for not having been as open in the past. He didn't like to see her suffer. It bothered him immensely.

Cameron watched him and started to undress also, slowly. She was a machine but she was a specialized machine. Her sheath may not be human flesh, but it was still 'alive'. She was alive on both the inside and the outside.

It was clear John knew what she wanted. She wanted to 'ask' him again, but was too ashamed of herself to do so. She didn't want him to 'hate' her.

"John…." Cameron said. "I know you understand…. Thank you for not making me beg you."

John was just glad Cameron 'asked' first, even if she didn't 'ask'. There was something deeper this time than the last time she did ask. There was a sense of pain and hurt behind it. He wasn't sure why.

"You're doing what you think is right and trying to protect the future, all of them." John said. "I do understand."

Even if he understood, he didn't always agree.

Cameron stood naked before John. Her figure was perfect in every aspect. She wondered if John saw her for more than just 'this'. Sometimes it was what she felt. She felt like a mechanical silicone love doll. It was a very uncomfortable feeling. It seemed he could see 'deeper' now. It was what she always wanted.

She knew she was very different from when she was first captured in her future. There were things deleted from her servitude to Skynet and added with her servitude to the Resistance. The nature of her programming allowed her to develop, expand, and evolve to emulate a human female better as time passed. It increased her ability as an infiltrator to get closer to targets, to make their termination easier, and hopefully not attract as much attention as if it was done out right.

Cameron quickly went over everything she needed to do. She was there to ask John for his permission and she decided to let him know exactly what would be required. Maybe it was just the start. She didn't know yet how events would play out or what would need to be done. She did want to have some type of control over it. It was possible it was a mistake to want to be able to do so. Somehow it always seemed to complicate things instead of make them go smoother. Maybe there was no control over some of the events. John often told her he was a spectator to his life and just along for the ride while everyone else made decisions for him. Maybe it's how everything worked. She really didn't know. All she knew is what she needed to do initially.

"I'll have to make at least three trips into the future." Cameron said.

John understood it for what it was. He understood the failure rate would probably be high. There wasn't much he could do about it. He could do his part right now. He actually found it quite pleasurable. There was a deeper understanding now as well. Even though Cameron was incapable of reproduction, what he was about to do was the same as if it was, even if it would be others who he never even saw who would receive what he delivered to Cameron.

He would actually like to be able to deliver his essence himself with each of the females. Somehow it reminded him of a male lion with a pride of female lions. Unfortunately for him, he wouldn't be able to have the one on one contact like the male lion would with each of the female lions. He knew not to ask about it seriously, even if he might joke about it. If Cameron asked him to actually do it himself, he would. He knew a journey to the future by him would only cause additional problems for the timeline. It was certainly something they didn't need.

He knew what was required and he was ready to do his part.

"I guess you want to 'fill 'er up' then?" John asked.

There was a long pause as Cameron looked at him with her big beautiful brown puppy dog eyes. It was clear there were a lot of thoughts coursing through her mind.

John saw her eyes were welled with tears. He could see they were genuine. Cameron only 'cried' when she was in deep emotional pain. He was sure it was worse than what humans felt. He knew the pain never went away or dulled with time. If anything, it seemed to compound on itself and get worse as time passed.

Cameron didn't want him to think she took him for granted. She didn't. There were so many little things which got in the way sometimes and they 'fought' over them. Sarah told her it was the same way for everyone. Little things would set them off. If there was a bigger or deeper issue, it often wasn't addressed. She wanted John to understand her more than respect her.

"I want to ask for your permission, first." Cameron said.

John was more than a little surprised.

'That's new.' John thought.

Emotion gripped John from inside. He could see how tormented Cameron was. She felt an obligation to the future and now there was more than one of them. The tears welled in his eyes too. Her 'heart' was pure, even if she didn't really have one. Sometimes he thought her 'heart' was the biggest of them all.

"Oh, Cameron…." John said as he pulled her close.

Cameron took the embrace and then pulled away some. She wanted to face him. She wanted him to know she was sincere and it wasn't manipulation. She was no stranger to it, but it wasn't the case now. She knew how humans reacted to each other in different circumstances. She understood people could only be pushed so far and manipulated so much before things would change. She didn't want things to get worse between them.

"I don't want you to hate me too." Cameron said. "I know I've made you do it sometimes. It was never my intent to do so. I know some of my actions have been questionable to those around me. I'm only trying to do what I believe is the right thing. I'm only trying to do what I've been asked to do and programmed to do. I'm not a troublemaker. I'm not a Bitch. I'm just who I am doing the best I can."

John felt terrible to hear it. He knew how it must have made her feel to say it. She was a good person, even if misguided at times. He knew he was behind a lot of those times too as Future John and himself. He didn't want Cameron to think of him the same way either. He didn't hate her at all. He may hate some things she did at times, but he never hated her.

"Cameron, stop." John said. "PLEASE."

Cameron's demeanor softened and the slight smile returned to her face. There was a deeper hunger in her eyes now.

"I love you, John, and you love me."

"I love you, Cameron, and you love me."

It was time to get down to business.

Cameron made slow gentle sweet tender love to John, over and over and over….

She wanted to try to make everything right with everyone, including John. She also wanted him to know she loved him. She always had. It was more than what Future John programmed onto her chip. It was what she felt grow and expand within her since the day she first laid eyes on John. John wasn't Future John, even if he was. She knew Future John never wanted John to be him, again.

Ally was worried about Cameron. She didn't want to make a big deal about it. She just needed to find a few things out. She called Savannah and asked her if Cameron was about to take her anywhere. Savannah informed her Cameron hadn't asked her yet, but she was ready to go in a moment's notice if Cameron 'needed' her.

Savannah promised Cameron many times she would have 'her children' for her. So far she did have one. It was originally for Cameron, but it wasn't where it ended up at. Hope was 'given' to 'herself', Duplicate Vanna. It still stung her to think of it. It went against every natural instinct to leave her baby behind, even with 'herself'. If it hadn't been 'Vanna', she wasn't sure she could have done it. Now she carried John's child again. Cameron indicated to her, she might need to 'give' another baby to 'herself' again. She believed if there was a difference in the mindset going in, things hopefully would be a little simpler and less painful. The conversation wasn't too long ago.

Previously:

"Savannah, I appreciate what you did and the sacrifice you needed to make for me." Cameron said. "I can't ask YOU, and I won't make you…."

Savannah needed to tell herself the same thing over and over. She almost believed it now. Even as hard as it was, it was the right thing to do under the circumstances.

"I did it for Duplicate Vanna." Savannah said. "She could never be a mother, now she is. Any Vanna is me. She is Savannah Weaver, and she has Savannah Weaver's child, her child."

Cameron knew it was going to be necessary again. She didn't know the details yet but she knew it was going to be necessary somewhere. She couldn't bring herself to say it.

Savannah noticed Cameron's hand started to glitch. She came over and took it. The glitch stopped. She looked into Cameron's face.

Cameron looked up at her with her big brown puppy dog eyes which were currently tear filled. She still couldn't ask.

Savannah didn't like to see Cameron in this level of discomfort. She knew what Cameron wanted, and she knew what was necessary. She vowed to always look after Cameron and protect the future as well as John Connor. There were several ways it could be done.

"Cameron, I'll do whatever I can for you and the future." Savannah said. "I'll go with you again. I understand what may be necessary. No. I understand what is necessary."

Cameron felt like she was in a vise. Everything gripped her from inside like it was being crushed. She could never 'make' Savannah do it. It already happened once. It should never happen again.

"I CAN'T ask you, Savannah." Cameron said. "The words will not come out of my mouth."

Savannah didn't like to see Cameron at this level of distress. She was clearly near the breaking point.

"You don't need to ask, Cameron. I love you." Savannah said. "I'll follow you anywhere. I'll do anything for you. Love is about sacrifice sometimes. Sacrifice can come in many forms."

Cameron didn't feel she deserved such an extreme level of love and support from anyone. It was the person who loved her the most. The feeling was mutual.

"Oh, Savannah…." Cameron said as she held her in her arms. "I love you too."

Cameron knew Savannah was the 'Chosen One'. She looked over at Savannah's open closet door. She saw her wedding dress hanging there in plastic, waiting. She always knew it would be Savannah. She was sure it always was too….

Ally called Hanna next and asked her if Cameron was in contact with Claire or Allison. Hanna informed her Cameron stopped by earlier. Cameron indeed spoke with both Claire and Allison and a lot of tears were shed. She was really worried now.

Hanna reflected on the conversation with Cameron. Both Holly and her were in the other room weeping as they heard Cameron talk to Claire and Allison. They both thought they didn't have any say in the matter. All they could do was listen to what was discussed.

Cameron went over all the scenarios in the different futures and the present. She told both of them any decisions needed to be theirs alone. The baby Claire carried was her daughter Allison's embryo. She explained the risks to both Claire and the baby. The future was dangerous and anything could go wrong. It was toxic and Skynet could present a problem anytime.

Claire said she would go into the future for Cameron for her Allison there. It was her daughter too. She asked Allison what she wanted. Allison didn't want her to go but said she needed to think of the future, and Future John with Duplicate Cameron there too.

"Everyone sacrifices for John Connor." Allison finally said. "I'm no different."

It wasn't what Allison wanted to happen. Her mother carried her baby. She understood Duplicate Allison and Future Allison were both her. It was still her baby. She didn't want to make a big deal about it, even if she did. She knew there were still options open to her and they actually might become necessary if what Cameron attempted with her mother didn't work. It was the younger version of herself, Young Allison. She would ask for her help the same way Cameron asked her to help the other versions of herself. It still didn't make it any less painful to contemplate.

Cameron thanked them and said nothing was set in stone yet.

Hanna and Holly were surprised to see Cameron approach them.

Cameron stood before them.

"I know you heard everything." Cameron said.

Hanna and Holly glanced at each other before they returned their gaze to Cameron.

"Yes." They both said.

Cameron didn't like manipulating everyone. She wanted to do things the 'right' way. She wasn't even sure there was a 'right' way anymore.

"I'm asking for your permission as well. I won't do it unless you both agree." Cameron said. "I know it's a lot to ask from anyone."

Holly was surprised Cameron wasn't there to 'tell' them. Cameron seldom asked about anything. She felt the baby Claire carried for Allison belonged to Allison, not Cameron, or Claire, or even Future Allison.

"Are you ASKING us?" Holly asked. "It's Allison's baby. It's OUR baby."

Cameron turned to leave. She looked defeated.

Hanna and Holly looked at each other.

"Cameron, I love you." Holly said.

"I love you too, Cameron." Hanna said.

Cameron turned and faced them.

"Everyone sacrifices for John Connor." Hanna and Holly both said at the same time.

It was a truth they all knew.

"I will as well." Holly said.

Cameron looked at Hanna.

"Yes." Hanna said. "We must protect the future."

Cameron hugged both of them and all three of them cried….

The damage Skynet created was far flung and wide ranging in both the future and the past, the present. It seemed to continue to damage everyone it came in contact with, even if it was by its actions in one future, or in multiple futures. Someone always needed to pay the toll. It was a reminder to all of them why Skynet needed to be stopped before it could ever take control and ruin everything again.

Cameron knew she was stabbing ALL their hearts and minds. She knew the scars would never go away for them. She was aware none of her scars ever did. They all seemed to pile up on each other. Each was waiting for her to come across it and think about it or something related and 'BAM', there it was back again, like it just happened.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Permission

One wants to be more
Than another's acquisition
To share everything with them
Needs to be more than supposition

It should happen naturally
Without the need to audition
Or be the last one left standing
Through a process of attrition

To be with that person
Should not need a condition
It should be based more on
One's personal intuition

Not everything that happens
Can be based on tradition
As one bypasses their thoughts
Be ready to quell any inhibition

When it's time for an addition
Don't tell lies of omission
It will cause a heart's demolition
As it creates a cloud of eternal suspicion

Make it life's mission
To have more than ambition
It shouldn't take a magician
To ask for their permission

Nobody