Chapter 437

Reluctance

John was aware of all the plans Cameron wanted to attempt. He didn't like them but he understood them. Cameron was deeply troubled by the failures of the future. He knew it was actually the fault of Skynet, not Cameron. He didn't think the responsibility to 'fix' it should fall on her back.

Cameron wanted to help Future John and the future girls get past what Skynet inflicted on them. He wondered if Future John really wanted Cameron to do all these things. Maybe it was programmed into her somewhere. Maybe her 'need' to save Future Allison was programmed into her as well. He could understand why Future John would do it. He would program another cyborg to 'rescue' Cameron if something happened to her. He was sure all of Cameron's 'problems' were not of her own doing. He believed there were other factors involved.

If Future John did those 'things' to Cameron, it meant HE did them to Cameron. It really bothered him since he saw how all those things tore her apart. He got angry at her for doing them, but he is the one who TOLD her to do them in the first place. Future John did anyway. Maybe the only one he should ever become angry at in regards to Cameron's efforts was himself.

Perhaps some of what Cameron planned would work. Maybe some of it would not. John knew there were more 'demons' which ate away at Cameron's mind. He loved Cameron and wanted to help her. Much of what she was doing was out of his hands and timeline. He was sure the internal conflicts, demons really, would end up terminating her at some point.

John was glad there was a Duplicate Cameron in Cameron's future. He was afraid Cameron would choose to stay with Future John over him. If Future John may have actually changed for the better, because Future Allison and Future Savannah were back with him, Cameron might want the 'John' she loved first, Future John.

He was sure Future John was with Cameron 'first'. How could he not be? Cameron was there with him all the time. She looked like a more beautiful version of Future Allison. At the time Future John would have believed Future Allison was dead. If he was Future John, which he was, he would have 'plowed' Cameron.

Then again, based upon the circumstances he may not have. Holly was with him everyday, all the time, for the fifteen months when they believed Cameron was dead. He saw her naked a lot of times when she changed her clothes or showered. She never pushed it, but she made it clear she was available if he wanted more. There were plenty of times he thought about it, but he just couldn't do it. He knew if he touched Holly, he would never see Cameron again. He didn't know Duplicate Cameron was actually hiding on Holly's chip the entire time. Maybe Future John thought the same thing about Future Allison. He wanted her back. Sometimes it was hard to let go.

He thought back to the night at the second house they stayed in, when Cameron changed clothes and came to his room. She basically 'offered' herself to him. She explained to him Future John and her talked about private things alone in a setting very much like she was in with him. It was on a bed, side by side. Was it 'pillow talk'? What did she really try to tell him?

It sickened him some now to remember how he 'blew her off' and ran off with Future Riley to Mexico. It was so they could do what teenagers do when they're alone and in a 'honeymoon suite'. He hoped to get lucky with Future Riley. He'd rejected Cameron again to go to Mexico and live it up with Future Riley. They both planned to have sex. No, not sex, it was to make love. It was what they both wanted.

He could understand how it would have hurt Cameron to be rejected like she was. Still, she came to Mexico to save him. She stopped Cromartie on top of it. She saved his life several times before they time jumped to the time period they were in.

John also knew Cameron might 'order' Duplicate Cameron to return in her place as 'Cameron Prime'. He knew there would be no way to tell. He was with one Duplicate Cameron for months anyway. It was still Cameron, not a clone or alternate future version of her. No one knew she wasn't Cameron, not even Duplicate Cameron. The revelation came later. It was quite a shock to everyone. It was a real Future Shock.

There was another thing which nagged at him. He knew a Duplicate version of Cameron ASKED to return to Future John, and not to him…. If a Duplicate Cameron thought along those lines, so did Cameron. They were identical. They were the SAME 'person'. They were the same program. It didn't seem promising any way it was looked at.

He knew the other Duplicate Cameron chose to stay with River in her future too. It was after she was with him. It was all possible because it was the same thing Cameron left to do herself at one point.

NONE of this looked like it would end well for him.

It seemed when 'Cameron' was offered a 'better' choice, she was more than willing to take it. Two Duplicates of Cameron chose to be with someone other than him. Maybe it was because he was hung up on her appearance more than her program. River and Future John saw Cameron for who she truly was. He knew who and what Cameron was. It was still hard for him to see her as just a machine. She was always so much more to him. She was greater than the sum of her parts.

Cameron wanted to keep this as simple as possible. She was going to attempt to visit each future to determine what was happening in each one of them.

She would try to visit her future first.

With the improved TDE and all the temporal data, Cameron determined she could reach each future. They sent one Duplicate Cameron into her future. They didn't have any idea if it worked. They set up a test schedule, but Cameron wanted to accelerate the timeline.

Cameron was unsure how she should proceed. She didn't want to endanger Savannah or Claire needlessly. The risk of a temporal error was always there. If she sent Savannah or Claire, she was going to be there with them. Cammy and Hanna both wanted to go with their own 'special friend'. She was against the idea. She didn't want more Terminators there, especially more Terminators who LOOKED like her, or other people there already. The anti-Metal faction was still a threat. She was really afraid they would intensify their efforts to assassinate Future John. The anti-Metal faction would only see it as him trying to 'replace' the human females with more machines which looked like humans.

Savannah reminded Cameron how a girl can get lonely. It left her with several choices. She figured the easiest choice was to bring Cammy or Hanna along in a different chassis with a different sheath. She currently possessed two Female Terminators who were deactivated. One was Resequenced, one was not. The second choice was to ask Cammy or Hanna to switch chips with Holly or Gail. It would take a lot of people to agree to some changes.

Cameron wanted everything in place before she started. She didn't want any last second changes. Everyone needed to be on the same page from the start to the finish.

Holly often saw the hungry eyes of Claire upon her before Claire hooked up with Hanna. She also saw the hungry eyes of Allison as she looked at Hanna. It was understandable since Hanna looked like her long term lover Vanna.

Cameron talked about the chassis switch. The other choice was to trade with Cammy. Holly wanted to look like 'Cameron'. If she switched with Cammy she would. Savannah and Claire were both fine women and wouldn't abuse her chassis. It was a lot to think about. Hanna or Cammy would need her chassis. She would let Allison decide which chassis she wanted. It would give Allison the choice to pick one which looked like her longtime lover, or the individual she really loved, Cameron.

Holly decided to ask Allison. She took her to her room alone and closed the door.

"Allison, we need to talk about something." Holly said.

Allison could see Holly looked serious. She wondered if there was something wrong. Her first fear was for her baby. She touched her belly.

Holly could tell that Allison read the whole thing the wrong way. It wasn't how she wanted to start this conversation.

"The baby is fine." Holly said.

Allison was still worried anyway. Something wasn't.

"What's wrong?" Allison asked. "I know something is."

Holly didn't want things to get away from her.

"Cameron will need to use my chassis for her mission into the future with Savannah and your mother." Holly said.

Allison was uncomfortable with the idea. There were other chassis available. Holly wasn't the only female cyborg.

"There are others." Allison said.

Holly was up to a chassis swap for a little while. She found the idea intriguing. It would also give her a chance to see what it was like to be someone different.

"Maybe there will be, but we need to be ready to respond if Cameron needs my assistance." Holly said. "I can swap with Cammy or Hanna. I want you to choose for us."

Allison was instantly intrigued with the prospect. It would present her with an interesting choice. She could have the Terminator version of Vanna, or be with 'Cameron'. She wanted both of those to happen. She also didn't like for Holly to be 'used' by others. She also needed to consider the repercussions going forward. Holly might see her choice as her 'replacing' her, even if it wasn't the situation. What sounded exciting seconds ago, now left her with a very uncomfortable feeling.

"I can't make the choice, Holly." Allison said. "I love you the way you are."

Holly wanted to be 'someone different'. Maybe it was something left over on her chip from when Duplicate Cameron was on it. She tried to stick to the logical explanations.

"Your mother or Savannah will need companionship. Cameron doesn't want more Terminators who look like Future Allison or Future Savannah there. It will be bad enough with her and Duplicate Cameron there." Holly said. "My program is me. I will accept whatever you choose. It can be a new opportunity for both of us."

As much as Allison wanted Holly to be 'different' for a little while, she also didn't want it at all. She didn't want to make the pick herself. She believed the choice should belong to the person who needed to lend out their chassis. They were the one who needed to make the sacrifice. They were the one whose chassis was going to be used by others.

Allison couldn't help but think about what she would do if she was able to switch bodies with other humans. She would like to look like Vanna, Jesse, Sarah, and even her Mother. She thought all of them were beautiful and would really like to look like them for a short time. She also needed to consider she might like one of the bodies better than hers and not want to switch back. It was possible someone who she switched with wouldn't want to return to their original body either. She could end up losing her body forever. It was possible Holly might have the same thoughts. Holly already reminded her she was her program, not her chassis. With all of those crazy thoughts not on her mind her desire not to make the choice herself was reaffirmed. She did want Holly to think it through a little more.

"Which one would you prefer?" Allison asked. "Or would you rather not switch?"

Holly could sense Allison's reluctance. She still would like to switch, but she wanted Allison to be content. She was afraid if she pushed the issue too hard, Allison might reject everything and force Cameron to look at a different chassis. There weren't a lot of good options for going into Cameron's future. Sheila might be mistaken for Future Jesse. It could create its own set of problems. If the anti-Metal faction found out Future Jesse was replaced by a Terminator, even if it wasn't actually what occurred, it might provoke a revolt and the immediate assassination of Future John and those around him. The other choice was Gail. She quickly realized if she didn't do it, Gail would be the one. She didn't think Jesse would object to Gail switching chassis with either Cammy or Hanna. She was sure Jesse would actually encourage the switch.

She needed to refocus and concentrate on what the current scenario was. She still wanted some input from Allison, in order to make her choice.

"I want to make you happy." Holly said. "I know you love the people who look like either chassis."

Allison looked down. She couldn't deny the truth in that regard. Her desires ran deep and strong. She couldn't help but feel a little guilty about caring for others. No. It was more than caring. It was loving others as well. Over the years she did with dozens of female partners. Vanna was with dozens more than her since she was a little older. It was one thing to share a sexual encounter with another female. It was just a way for them to share some time with each other. It was seldom spoken, but both of them knew it could be the last time they shared with anyone in a Skynet future.

A Skynet future was a living Hell. There were only moments in time when an individual could actually 'escape' from the reality they lived in. Females were much better able to share those 'moments' with each other. The best part was when those 'moments' could be extended in rapid succession one after another. It was how she grew up in the Wastelands. She was a creature of circumstance. She was who she was.

"I have many shortcomings." Allison said. "I can't help who I am."

Holly didn't mean to insult Allison. A fact was a fact. It wasn't an 'attack' on her part. Maybe she should point out the best case scenario. She doubted it would actually play out like it, but it could.

"I didn't mean anything bad, Allison." Holly said. "If it works like Cameron thinks. They would leave and come back all within a few minutes in real time after being there for ten months. I guess it would come down to who you want to share my chassis with, Savannah or your mother. We wouldn't have time to do 'anything' ourselves in the present."

Allison didn't see any advantage to her if it was the case. She would really like to see what Holly was like in a different chassis. The whole idea bothered her. Other issues crept into her mind. She thought about her earlier idea of being able to switch herself. Is it what she would really want? She was very unsure of herself.

"I don't think I want you to switch, Holly." Allison said. "I love you like you are. I don't want anyone to 'use' your chassis. I wouldn't want anyone to use 'mine' if I could switch."

Allison was worried about anyone needing to go into the future. When she thought about her past, the future, it never produced good thoughts. She couldn't help but think back to the times her body was 'used' without her consent, by force. She knew Vanna and Jesse suffered far worse. Her abuse was over very quickly. Vanna and Jesse weren't as 'lucky'. Some of theirs went on for days, weeks, and even months at a time. To have someone use her body for their own sexual pleasure against her will left a very negative feeling in her. It actually made her feel worthless. It made her feel like a used piece of trash. It was a common feeling of females from the future. She was sure it applied to any future. She was worried Holly might feel the same way if others were allowed to use her chassis, and then it was returned to her. It seemed to make it worse if Holly wouldn't be able to use the chassis she needed to switch with.

Holly was touched by Allison's possessiveness for her. It showed Allison truly loved her. There were times when she questioned the nature of their 'association'. There were times she wondered if she was there only to provide Allison with sexual gratification. She needed to remember she wanted to be with Allison, and Cameron facilitated it for her. She really wondered if Allison would have been provided with a choice at the time, if she would have chosen someone different. There was still the future to deal with.

"I love you even more for thoughtfulness, Allison." Holly said. "Cameron needs our help. It's our duty to help her."

Allison thought it was another act of selfishness on Cameron's part. She was the one behind it all. Cameron expected other cyborgs to compromise themselves to further her goals. It only seemed fair for everyone to need to do the same thing who was going.

"What about Cameron?" Allison asked. "Is she going to switch chassis?"

Holly thought Cameron may want to seek vengeance for what was 'done' to her. It seemed logical to her anyway. There were things she felt any Terminator would do if they were 'wronged'.

"Cameron may switch chassis with Sheila and infiltrate the anti-Metal group in her future." Holly said. "It's an option she wants to keep open."

Allison could see the logic in it. Payback was a Bitch. It seemed like Sheila was a poor choice for anyone to loan their chassis too. Sheila was pretty extreme at times. She was sure Sheila would make the rounds with everyone in Cameron's chassis if the opportunity presented itself.

"Do you really think Cameron would let Sheila use her chassis?" Allison asked. "Sheila would abuse it."

Holly knew when Sheila swapped chassis with Ally and Hanna before, she made some 'modifications'. Luckily the things she modified regenerated back to their original appearance. She was sure Sheila would fear deactivation for any such infraction against Cameron.

"I really don't know." Holly said. "I can't imagine it. It would only be for a few minutes anyway if everything worked out."

The more Allison thought about it, the less she liked the idea. She loved Holly and she loved her appearance. Holly was one of a kind. There was a chance she might not want to switch back. There was also the possibility her chassis could be captured by Skynet or the anti-Metal group. She knew what the latter group would do with Holly's chassis. She could picture the men lining up now. Vanna told her what it was like to watch a line start to form as she was held down. She said the laughing, insults, and jeers were the worst part sometimes. They made it seem like it was all her fault, and her idea, when she was the victim. They told her she was going to like it anyway. All I did is made her hate it more. Vanna's only 'crime' was being an attractive female by birth.

"No. I don't want you to switch, Holly." Allison said. "I'll tell Cameron myself. You belong to ME."

Holly was disappointed to hear it. She didn't let her facial expression show it.

"Affirmative…." Holly said.

Cameron was aware the girls, more than the female Terminators, might not want to switch things around. She couldn't blame them. She remembered the trouble she experienced with a different chassis. People found the change hard to deal with. It still angered her to think about it. Her program was her. Not a changeable sheath or replaceable chassis. What if her chassis was damaged in combat and she needed to use a different one because the original one was destroyed? Would they all treat her the same way? What was the difference between switching by choice and having to switch by necessity?

Now Cameron was angry at John for him not sharing with her as Isabel or Summer. She wanted those experiences as 'someone different'. How hard would it have been to give it to her? If the lights would have been turned off, and everything happened in the dark, how much would actually be different? She was sure there were plenty of times she was 'someone else' in John's mind as he pounded away on top of her. She wondered how many times she was actually 'Future Riley' to John as he did his thing. Isn't it even worse than just simply looking different, but being the same person? It's much more disrespectful to view her as a completely different individual for his own personal sexual gratification?

Cameron didn't want to get caught up in the past events. She knew everyone had their 'hang ups'. She would need to work something out when the time came. First she needed to visit the different futures and see what was happening.

What she would actually find when she arrived worried her. Maybe it's what she wouldn't find when she arrived which actually worried her more. Everyone could be dead when she arrived. Skynet could have used Cobalt and created the dreaded C-Bomb. It could have salted the earth with Cobalt radiation. Humans could be extinct. If it were the case, she would need to come back and return before it happened, and prevent it in the first place.

She looked down at her left hand and was disgusted. The glitch did nothing but prove she was defective. It also allowed everyone else to see she was defective. Maybe it was fair and just 'punishment' for all of her transgressions.

Cameron asked Ally and Sheila to stand by at her TDE. She was ready to go. The time for thought and supposition was over. Things didn't get done thinking about them.

Sheila really hoped Cameron would switch chips with her. She would love to be in Cameron's chassis, even if it was only for a few minutes for her. The plan was for Cameron to only be in the future for four hours. It was the amount of time the time bubble was to be sent again to Cameron's future timeline. Sheila would send it to return, two minutes after Cameron left, but it would be four hours for Cameron in her future.

It would also be the test for when it was a longer period of time for ten months. If something went wrong now. It was sure to go wrong then too. It was a real possibility. Anything could happen.

"Are you ready, love?" Sheila asked.

Cameron was determined to set things into motion. The time for thinking was over.

"Yes." Cameron said.

As Ally and Sheila watched, Cameron stripped off her clothes. Both of them took in her beauty. Ally wondered how Cameron could always look so much better than her. Their sheaths were identical. It made no sense to her.

Cameron stood naked before Ally. This could be the end for her. She tried to cover all the bases for John. She wanted him to be happy and not know her fate. Ally agreed to 'step up' and sacrifice.

"I've updated my spare chip." Cameron said. "You know what to do if I don't make it."

Ally knew it would affect her existence as it was. She would need a new chassis or cease to exist herself.

"I do." Ally said. "This chassis with your spare chip will become Cameron Prime."

Cameron didn't want Ally to feel all was lost. There were options available to her. Ally could have 'fresh start' too if she wanted it.

"You may choose any DNA for your new chassis, Ally. I appreciate your sacrifice." Cameron said. "John must never know I perished."

Ali didn't know which DNA she would choose, she just knew she would choose a different one.

'Everyone sacrifices for John Connor.' Ally thought.

"It will be as if you never left." Ally said.

Ally held up her left hand, on it were Cameron's rings.

Cameron smiled. She knew where her rings were all along. She was the one who gave them to Ally. She didn't want to tell John why. She didn't want him to know she was terminated and her chassis wasn't the same. It should be a seamless transition for John. She would just need to make Ally's chassis look tight.

Cameron moved to the center of the TDE pad.

"Do it." Cameron said.

The arcing and flashing started. The energy bubble formed. There was a flash of light and energy.

The arcing and flashing dissipated into silence.

The TDE pad was empty.

Cameron was gone.

Closing monologue by Cameron:

Reluctance

One can lead a horse to water
But they can't make it drink
The trouble with people
Is they don't seem to think

Everyone wants to play
Their own version of the game
No one is ever on the same page
The rules are never the same

Few care to actually listen
Because they don't really care
Fleeting victory often goes
To those who take a dare

When it all falls apart
It's back to square one
The sad part seems to be
Those who lost think they've won

To catch one's eye
Takes more than a glance
It may develop into a trance
Soon overshadowed by reluctance

Nobody