Ned sat outside her hospital room, his head in his hands, and waited to hear from Dr. Meadows, who was examining her. He had ridden in the ambulance with her, but she hadn't regained consciousness. He couldn't help but blame himself and he had no idea what she knew and didn't know in regards to their son. "Ned," Dr. Meadows said gently as he was brought from his thoughts.
"Dr. Meadows, how is she?"
"Alexis is holding her own, we drew some blood and are running some tests to see what's in her system. She should make a full recovery, physically, but we'll watch her closely over the next 24 hours to make sure there aren't any unforeseen complications from the birth."
"Do you know why this happened? Why didn't he–?"
She interrupted, gently, "I'm looking into that. I promise you I'll find as many answers as I can. For now, you can sit with her. She'll need you when she finally wakes up. Is there anyone we can call for you?"
"I spoke with Alan already and he's telling the family. I think we just need some time alone right now, but thank you." She nodded and walked down the hall as he got up and went into the hospital room and approached Alexis' bedside. He pulled over a stool and took her hand in his. He unconsciously ran his thumb gently back and forth along the top of her hand as he sat in the quiet, not quite sure what to say, what the right words would be. "You just rest, and I'll be here. I love you and I'm so, so sorry." He said trying to keep his emotions in check. Moments later, he looked up and noticed Mac standing outside of her room. He kissed her hand as he stood and quietly left her room noticing Taggert was now with him.
"Ned, I'm sorry to bother you, but we need to get your statement. And we have some questions for Alexis, if she's up for it."
"Listen, Mac, I'm not sure what she remembers. Can we do this another time?"
"Does she know?" He asked solemnly.
"Not yet, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to do this."
She stirred, waking up, still groggy she looked around the room, not quite sure what had happened or how she had gotten there. She placed her hand across her stomach and it hit her, a flash of panic. Her baby. She needed to find her baby. She pushed the blanket off of her and got out of bed, pulling the IV out and oxygen off her face as she started making her way to the door. She heard voices and recognized Ned's immediately. She stood by the door and saw Ned talking to Mac and Taggert. "What's happening? Mac? Did you find him, did you find my baby?" She interrupted the conversation and the three men turned to look at her sympathetically and then Ned reached for her hand and locked eyes with her. "Alexis, let's go back–"
"I want to see him. Where is he? Is he in the nursery?"
"Honey,.." He said, stepping closer and wanting to get her out of the hall.
"What's happening?" She demanded, her voice cracking.
"I don't think we should talk about this here. Come on, let's get you back into bed." He said gently.
"No," She said, pulling back her hand, "Tell me. Where is he?" She demanded once more, frustrated that he wasn't giving her answers, reading the look on his face, on all their faces, and not wanting to believe what she saw.
"Lex-, he's gone. Our son is gone." He whispered, stepping even closer to her, as she stepped backward into the room increasing the distance between them.
"No! No! You're wrong!" She screamed as he tried to wrap his arms around her and she fought him. "I held him! I heard him cry! You're wrong."
Tears streamed down her face as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, taking the heat of her frustration. "Alexis, I wish–" He started to say, but she interrupted.
"Our baby is not dead! Do you hear me? He's not!" She yelled, pulling away, fighting him as he tried to console her. He wrapped her in his arms again and they fell to the floor, as every emotion poured out of her. As she started to calm down, he stood and lifted her into his arms, carried her into bed, where he wrapped her in his arms once more. A nurse had heard the commotion and came into the room. As they lay there, the nurse put the IV back into her arm and Ned merely nodded as they administered a sedative meant to calm her down. He kissed the top of her head and wiped her tears. He wasn't sure what he expected, but it wasn't this. He held her until she fell asleep before he got up and went to go find Mac and Taggert. He needed them to know that Jillian was involved. She may not have been there when he arrived, but she was involved. They needed to find her.
She woke up and took in her surroundings, remembering she was at General Hospital. She tried to remember how she had gotten there, but it was blurry and unfocused and all she could hear was his cry. Her baby, her little boy. She got up, she needed to find him. Ned was wrong, and she had no idea why he would say that their son was gone, when she was so certain he was alive. She needed to find him. She walked down the hall, towards the nursery. She stood at the window, scanning the newborns, searching for her son. She remembered him so clearly, but there was no sight of him and her anxiety about what was happening put her on edge. Bobbie looked up and saw her standing there and came out, concerned.
"Alexis, you should be resting…" She said sympathetically.
"Where is he? Where is my baby?" She said frantically.
Bobbie didn't know quite what to say. "Alexis…"
"Bobbie, please tell me. Where is my son?" She tried to remember, she couldn't remember. But he had to be there, she could feel him.
Ned was walking down the hall after speaking with Mac and Taggert and getting a cup of coffee when he heard her voice. His pace quickened, hearing her panic. He'd hoped he'd be there when she woke up again and had taken a walk to try and figure out what to say that would help her come to grips with the loss that was gutting him. He walked up behind her and placed a hand on her back, "Honey…," he whispered.
She turned, seeing the expression on his face; it hit her once again what he thought. What he tried to tell her earlier. What she needed to convince him wasn't true. "No, no.." She voiced as he pulled her close and she fought him once again. "You're lying. I don't know why you'd say that, but you're wrong."
"Alexis, why don't we go back to your room and we can talk about what happened."
"Ned, I need to see him," she pleaded. "Where is he? Bobbie? Please just let me see him."
Ned and Bobbie exchanged worried glances. She was in such deep denial, but maybe seeing him would help, watching her was breaking his heart even more as she begged, "won't you help me?"
"Why don't I see if I can track down Dr. Meadows and she can meet you in your room?" Bobbie suggested, trying to help Ned support her, but also knowing she needed to rest, and her grief didn't need to be on display.
"That sounds like a good plan. Doesn't it?" He said, locking eyes with his wife and squeezing her hands." She nodded and leaned against him before he walked her back to her room and mouthed a thank you to Bobbie.
She walked back into the room and walked over to the window. It had started to snow. When did it start to snow? He followed her and placed a hand on her shoulder. She closed her eyes and tried to remember. It was right there. The memory was right there, but she couldn't make it out clearly. His cry, her arms around him, his sweet face and then nothing, it just went black. "I don't understand why this is happening." She whispered as she turned around and wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him.
"What do you remember?" He asked quietly into her hair.
She pulled away and brought her hands to his face and paused before heading to sit on the edge of the bed. "It's there, pieces of it are there and then.." she met his gaze again as he walked over and sat next to her, "nothing."
"What pieces?" he asked, urging her to continue, hoping maybe she was coming to terms with what had happened.
"Our son. His face. He looks so much like you. Why won't anyone let me see him? He needs me. I'm his mother and he needs me."
"Let's just wait for the doctor." He tried not to upset her again, afraid she would start to push him away. "What else do you remember about tonight?
She paused and tried. A small flash. Ned arriving at the cabin, frantic. "You. You found me."
"I did." He tried to hide the pain he felt on his face from her. "Do you remember what you said?" He asked, hoping that if she kept taking she would remember. She shook her head. "You said, our baby and then asked me to find someone…who, who did I need to find?"
"Our son, Ned. We need to find our son." She was adamant. That was the one thing she was certain of.
He nodded, not wanting to upset her, her mind was not going to let her accept this yet. "What else do you remember?" He asked, gently.
"I don't- I can't remember. I'm sorry. I can't remember."
He closed his eyes and looked at her "It's ok. You will, you will." He said, kissing her forehead as she leaned against him. "We'll get through this together, ok." He whispered as he held her tight.
He had finally convinced her to get some more rest, assuring her he wasn't going to leave her side. He tucked her into bed and sat down in the chair beside her bedside when Dr. Meadows walked into the room.
"Dr. Meadows." They said in unison and she instinctively reached for his hand.
"Ned, Alexis. I'm so sorry."
"Thank you." He replied.
"Why does everyone keep saying that? Why doesn't anyone believe me, when I tell you he's alive. My baby is alive."
"Honey…" He moved onto the bed and wrapped his arm around her. "I know-"
"No, no you don't know. I can feel him. I would know if he was-" she couldn't bring herself to say it. "I would know. Dr. Meadows tell him."
Dr. Meadows looked at Ned and he simply nodded to say it was ok, hoping maybe hearing it from someone else would help her accept the truth. He wrapped his other arm around his wife, to steady her as much as himself.
"Alexis, I did examine your son and I'm sorry, but we were able to determine that he died of respiratory failure."
"That makes no sense!" She turned to Ned. "I told you, I heard him cry. I held him. That memory, it's so clear. You believe me, right?" She watched him carefully and he wiped the tears that had started to fall again from her face.
The last thing he wanted to do was to relive that moment with her, but she wasn't hearing them and she couldn't remember. He had no choice. "When I found you in the cottage, he was wrapped in a blanket. He wasn't moving. I knew before I even held him, he was so still…I knew. He's gone, Alexis."
She looked between Ned and Dr. Meadows. "I need to see him."
Dr. Meadows agreed and soon a nurse wheeled their baby into her room. It was clear to him that this was what she needed to accept what had happened. He had hoped they could avoid it. He knew the memory of finding him lying there would haunt him forever, and he had hoped he could spare Alexis that much. The nurse handed the infant to Alexis. She took a deep breath and Ned watched as she adjusted the blanket so she could see his face. She knew the instant that she saw him. She looked at Ned, "This isn't him. This isn't our baby."
"Honey, I know this is the hardest thing we've ever had to do, but please try, try to..."
"No, Ned. I saw him, I held him. He was perfect and he looked like you. This isn't our baby."
"You've been through a trauma, and your mind…"
"I'm not crazy. I know my own child, Ned. Why don't you believe me? Why?"
"I want to. You have no idea how badly I want to." He said on the verge of losing it himself.
She sobbed as she cradled the infant and looked at him again, second guessing her own sanity. "He's a beautiful baby."
Soon, the nurse came back into the room and he leaned towards Alexis and took the infant from her arms and gently ran his hand down the baby's face before handing him to the nurse and they both watched her walk out of the room. .
He let the tears that had been threatening to fall all night fall freely as he climbed into the bed next to her, and kissed the top of her head. "I would give anything for it to be different. Anything.."
She wrapped her arms around him and leaned against him, he was making it hard to deny what was right in front of her. "I wish I could remember more."
"If I had found you earlier. If I had been there…I was too late. I was too late."
She pulled away and brought her hand to his face, forcing him to make eye contact with her. "This isn't your fault, do you hear me?"
"It's not yours either." He said, knowing her too well, wiping the tears from her eye with his thumb. She nodded and leaned back into him and he pulled her closer, relieved that she seemed to accept what had happened.