Chapter Nineteen

Somewhere between Corey Park and Milton Hall

January 13,1808

If Alina had known that she would be overcome with shame and guilt before she even entered the gates of Milton Hall, she wouldn't have visited Jason in the first place.

Unfortunately for her, life didn't come with a set of warnings and people are forced to learn from and live with their mistakes.

Feeling absolutely disgusted with herself, Alina didn't utter a word as she rose back home with Jason at her side. She was no better than Lady Susan who seduced Niklaus so, she herself had woken up a poor boy in the dead of the night and forced herself on him. She hadn't even asked him for his permission before taking liberties with his person.

'I should be given a sound hiding and then banished to my room with only bread and water for sustenance', she muttered savagely. 'I'd slap myself if I believed that to be an adequate punishment for the mischief I've been upto tonight. Maybe Aunt Catherine's right and I'm an unprincipled chit who needs lessons about propriety drilled into my head.'

'What are you muttering about Allie? I don't think I've ever heard anyone sighing as much as you are, right now.'

'I'm so ashamed of what I've done. I shouldn't have done it. I'm so sorry for taking liberties with your person. Really, I would understand if you think I'm a loose, wanton woman. I hate that I have given you reason to think less of me…' she trailed off.

'Look forward, for God's sake, Allie, look where you are going!' Jason was angry and alarmed at seeing tears running down her cheeks but he could do naught to comfort her. They would both catch their deaths of cold if they stopped now.

'Allie, you haven't done anything that thousands of girls and boys haven't done before. It isn't a moral crime to steal a kiss. It's not a sin to beat yourself over. You took no liberties with my person, you took nothing I wasn't willing to give.'

'Jason..'

'Wait, let me finish. I wasn't some passive participant, completely at your mercy. I was in my senses and I took a conscious decision to be intimate with you. We both had equal parts in it. You really should stop listening to anything your Aunt has to say. I apologise in advance, but I do not think she was very happy in the marriage bed and she's fostering her unpleasant experience on everyone else through her foolish strictures!'

'Jason, really, you are no gentleman!'

'But you love me anyway, don't you?' Jason brought his horse close to hers and stroked her cheek.

Alina turned her face into his palm. 'Yes, I do. Very much.'

'There's so much I'd like to say but I cannot, you must go. It's really cold here. Just don't feel guilty about what happened tonight. I don't regret it at all.'

'You won't tell anyone, will you?' Alina looked at him anxiously. 'Not even your friends at Eton?'

'I'll take this to my grave, I promise', Jason smiled. 'You have no reason to worry.'

'Thank you', Alina smiled at him. He closed his eyes and sighed loudly. Alina traced his eyelids with her fingers and he caught her hand in his. He kissed her fingers gently and then placed her hand on her horse's neck. 'Take care, Allie'. With one last sweet kiss, he was gone.

Alina watched Rider and horse disappear into the mist that floated a few inches off the ground and then turned her horse towards Milton.

Alina sighed as she closed the door to her horse's stall. Her lips were slightly swollen from Jason's kisses and she knew of no remedy to make them right. If the swelling didn't subside by morning, she'd spend the day in bed with the covers pulled over her nose, pretending to be sick.

The servant's door cracked as she opened it and she prayed to God that no one found her sneaking through the Servant's hall. She snuck a candle from the kitchen and ran up the stairs, through the gallery and into the family wing before she ran into someone and fell to the ground in an undignified heap.

'Dang it', Alina said crossly, her brows drawing together in a frown. 'I'll bet that I have turned my ankle and all because of you, you stupid devil. Why are you skulking around in the dark without a candle like a demented ghost?'

'Dear Sister, I had expected a much sweeter and tearful welcome than this but I should know by now that you rarely do what is expected so..'

Alina couldn't believe her ears. It really couldn't be who she thought it was but as a rough, calloused hand lit a match and relit her candle, she looked up to see the face of her redcoat brother and as he had wanted, she burst into tears.

'Oh dear', Richard set the candle on a table nearby and took her into his arms. ' I was only joking, my little dove, I hate to see you crying.'

Alina shook her head as she hugged him tightly. Her happiness knew no bounds now that her beloved brother had returned home safe and sound, in complete possession of his faculties and various appendages and it was now that she realized the depth of her fear of his death, when she was holding him in her arms.

'Don't go back, Richard. Please don't go back.'

Richard rubbed her back soothingly and murmured words of comfort. It was some time before Alina could regain her equilibrium. Finally, she took a deep shuddering breath and her body stopped trembling. She moved back to look at her brother and smiled at him.

'I'm so happy you're back Dick', Alina said, her face alight with happiness. 'You have no clue how much I've missed you.'

Richard smiled at her and patted her head lovingly.

'I missed you too, my dear, but my bum is freezing and I'd willingly talk till Dawn but can we please go to your room where there'll be a fire?'

'I'm sorry', Alina wiped her nose with the back of her hand. 'It's been a stressful day and seeing you threw me over the edge of sanity.'

'What happened?' Richard offered her his hand and pulled her up. 'Does your ankle still hurt?'

'It doesn't, but I don't know if I can walk on it.' Alina tried putting her weight on it but her leg buckled under her.

'Let me help you', Richard put his arm around her and helped her hobble to her room. He deposited her on her bed and bent to feed the fire.

Alina looked at her bed longingly. Richard caught her looking and burst out laughing. Alina smiled at him guiltily.

'Don't worry your pretty little head about it', Richard grinned. 'You're tired and so am I. Go to sleep and I promise you'd find me here in the morning.'

He made to leave the room but Alina stopped him. 'Where will you go? Your room's not ready and you shouldn't force anyone out of their beds in this awful cold when you could sleep on this chaise.'

'It's not proper-'

'Hang propriety', Alina exclaimed. 'Just get a blanket and curl up on the chaise before I collapse from exhaustion. Sarah can wake you up and you can sneak out to wherever you're staying.'

'I'm staying at the pub', Richard said as he pulled off his boots. 'It was past eleven when I returned to Petersborough so I decided to sleep at the pub and then make my way here in the morning. But I couldn't stop myself.'

'Why am I not surprised?' Alina muttered. She pulled the covers upto her chin and burrowed into the bed thankfully. 'Good Night, brother. I'm quite over the moon now that you're back.'

'Sweet dreams, my dear', Richard replied and they both drifted off to sleep as the fire burned merrily in the grate.

The Next Morning

The Housekeeper's Room, Servants Wing

Milton Hall

'Mrs Thomas, Mrs Thomas', Sarah screamed as she ran down the servant's staircase and burst into her room.

'What has happened Sarah?' Mrs Thomas got up from behind her desk, her joints creaking. It was time to retire and live in a nice little cottage with Mr Thomas, she thought. This house was getting quite tiring for her to manage.

'It's Alina, I mean Lady Alina', Sarah panted. ' I went up to wake her and she's sweating like, like a pig, I beg your pardon ma'am, and her forehead's blazing hot and I couldn't find her ladyship so you must send a footman to Dr Landry, she seems quite ill-'

'Calm yourself, Sarah', Mrs Thomas patted her shoulder and steered her out of the room. 'Peter, Peter, come here at once.'

One of the footmen rushed out of the servant's hall at her call and she beckoned him imperiously. 'Peter, come with me.'

They moved towards the stairs and Mrs Thomas let the young people climb up first.

'What are you doing Mrs Thomas?' Sarah sounded panicked.

'If you weren't already leaving, Sarah, I'd be sorely tempted to dismiss you dear', Mrs Thomas said grimly as she leaned on the bannister for support. 'You ask a lot of questions.'

At Sarah's beescheeing look, she relented. 'I'm checking up on Lady Alina before sending for the doctor. Now I'd expect you to walk faster if she's as I'll as you make her out to be.'

'You don't trust me at all, do you?' Sarah replied crossly.

'When you're my age, young miss, you'll learn to take each pronouncement made by a hysterical girl with a pinch of salt. 'I'm coming up with you, aren't I?'

Young Peter, who was rather overawed by Mrs Thomas, kept silent.

'Peter, you stay outside'. Mrs Thomas let Sarah enter before her and then promptly gasped at the sight in front of her.

Richard Adrian Fitzwilliam, Colonel in his Majesty's army, sat in a chair near Lady Alina's bed, wiping her brow with a cloth, his other hand holding hers. He looked almost feral in the sunlight, the scars on his face thrown into sharp relief and his long hair pulled back in a queue. There was a wild nervous energy about his movements, calm as they seemed and Mrs Thomas had no rational reason for thinking so, but she said to herself-' Dear God, our Richard has become a dangerous man.'

'Mrs Thomas, will you please do me a favor and get out of my way, so I punch my dear brother in the face?'

'Really, my Lord, your sister is gravely ill-'

'No, no let him get it out. He doesn't care that she's lying on that bed, weak and sick, he could be praying for her but he wants to fight me instead. Some brother you are!'

'Really, master Richard, there is no need-'

'How dare you! How dare you act like that when you're the reason she's sick in the first place?'

'My lord, you should both stop acting-'

'I beg your pardon, how in the whole wide world did you come to the ludicrous conclusion that I am responsible for her condition?'

'Master Richard, perhaps you could lower your-'

'You returned the previous night, didn't you? You must have woken her or informed her previously that you were coming so she was out of bed, in the horrible cold to welcome you home and now she's at death's door, all because of you!'

'Oh dear God in heaven, you foolish donkey, I bumped into her when I was going to my room, she was coming from the gallery, she must have been in the library or somewhere outside.'

Robert collapsed onto the sofa at his brother's words and rubbed his eyes tiredly. 'I apologize for my unwarranted hostile behavior. I lost my composure. I'm just worried about her and I blurted out the first thing that came to mind, without thinking.'

Mrs Thomas took a deep breath and uncharacteristically, fell into a chair herself. She really was getting tired easily these days.

Richard stood near the mantle, his hands in his pockets. 'It's alright. I'm sorry too. I can see that you love and care for her as if she were your own sister.'

'She is my sister', Robert bit out. 'I don't believe in this half sister nonsense. She is my sister.'

Richard looked at him in surprise. 'So Alina wasn't exaggerating in her letters, eh? You have really ended the rift.'

Before Robert could reply, Dr Landry walked into the library and cursed soundly when he saw the three of them already there.

'One would expect to get a little privacy in a house this big', he grumbled. 'Before any of you jump down my throat, she's fine. She won't die, most probably. We just have to bring the fever down. I'm staying here tonight and there's nothing to do for you all but pray and wait for the fever to break, unless you'd like to help in putting cold compresses, oh God, really, you're squeezing me to death!'

END OF CHAPTER