A/N: I'm thinking this story will be about 10-ish chapters. I'm not good at plotting, but that's what I think at the moment.
I hope you're enjoying it so far.
Happy reading.
3. Anti-Hero
When my depression works the graveyard shift
All of the people I've ghosted stand there in the room
- Anti-Hero, Taylor Swift
The morning sunlight was pouring through the window as I sat at my computer. I'd been sitting at the dining table for the last hour trying to write and in all that time, I'd only been able to put down two words:
I SUCK!
I chewed my thumbnail as I stared at those words. The longer I did, the more true they felt.
Huffing out a breath, I stood from the table, closing my laptop. The words weren't coming anyway and the only thing I was accomplishing was making myself spiral. Besides, I really needed groceries, the granola bars and bottled water I'd brought with me would only last me so long. Not to mention, the sooner I got my tire replaced, the better.
I threw some clothes on, finally peeling myself out of my pajamas and stepped out of the house.
Standing on the porch, I looked out onto the lake, taking in a deep breath of the crisp fall air. When I'd gotten in the night before, it was too dark for me to the water, it'd been one big, black blob, but it didn't disappoint this morning.
Fontana Lake was surrounded by trees along it's perimeter, the red, yellow, and oranges of the changing leaves reflecting in the mirror like surface of the water, that lapped at the shore. I could see a cabin that mirrored ours across the lake, but it didn't look like anyone was occupying it, the blinds in the windows pulled down.
It was quiet, the opposite of what it had been like when I'd been here in the summer. There were so many families on the lake then, some venturing out on their boats, pulling children in inner tubes, filling the air with laughter and squeals and the occasional mom telling a dad to slow down.
My dad would take my sisters and me out on the little boat he kept in the shed outback. Leah usually ended up seasick and begging to be taken back to shore, but I loved it. I never caught anything, and sometimes it would be just dad and I out there, because Jessica thought fishing was boring and preferred meeting up with some of the other kids to go inner tubing. We'd sit in companionable silence with our fishing lines in the water, eating Kraft pimento cheese sandwiches on white bread. There weren't many things that were just ours, but that was.
This place was the opposite of what it was like in the summer. The water was quiet and still, no boats to break up the peaceful tide. I loved it.
After taking a few more moments to take in the peacefulness, I got in my car to start the trip to town, the address for Black's Auto Repair in my GPS.
It wasn't that long of a drive, maybe five minutes from the cabin and I was in what constituted Fontana's downtown. There was something special about driving through this place in the fall. In the summer it'd been a little touristy, with a lot of the local shops advertising specials on fishing poles and camping equipment. Instead, the town was decked out for Halloween. Large pumpkins were in the town square with bales of hay surrounding them, a scarecrow stuck in one of them. Fall flags were on the lamp posts that lined the sidewalks. It looked like one of those towns from a Hallmark movie, it was so picturesque.
Black's Auto Repair was a small building with two garage doors that stood open into the work area. There were some guys working on a couple of cars in coveralls. I parked in front of the office, a man coming out holding the door open for me to enter.
The reception area was like any other auto repair shop I'd been to. A few comfortable-looking chairs were against the right way facing a TV that was playing a police procedural. A table with magazines against the same wall as the TV, most looking well worn.
A woman with black curly hair and russet skin sat behind the desk. She barely looked eighteen, the flannel shirt she was wearing swallowing her up as she typed something into an older desktop computer that definitely looked like it was ready for an upgrade. The florescent light that was above her flickered, signaling that it was ready to be changed.
As I approached, she looked up, a sweet smile spreading across her face. Up close, I could see a smattering of freckles that ran across her nose that added to her youthful appearance. I would've put her at about nineteen, maybe twenty, but I thought that was pushing it.
"Hi," she greeted happily. "How can I help you?"
"My name's Bella. I was told to come here and ask for Jacob."
Her smile widened if that was even possible. "Oh, yes. Jake's been expecting you; I'll go get him."
She rose, walking around the desk to the door that led into the garage. She was only gone a moment before she reappeared with the bulk of a man trailing behind her.
Jacob wasn't overly tall, but his muscular build made up for it. His black hair was cropped close to his head and brown eyes were softened by the schoolboy grin he wore. He was wiping his hands on a red rag, grease underneath his fingernails.
"You must be Bella." he said, his voice deep and slightly rough. "Edward said you were coming. He said that you had a tire that you needed replaced?"
I nodded, "Yeah, the back left. I got a flat coming into town last night."
He nodded, looking outside at my vehicle. "You have perfect timing. I'm almost done with an engine repair that came in this morning, so I can squeeze you in after. Just leave your keys with Claire," he motioned his head to the woman that was once again behind the counter. "It should only take a couple hours."
I let out a relieved breath, "Thank you, Jacob."
"Call me Jake, everyone else does."
"Alright. Thank you, Jake. I appreciate it."
He looked at me with a quizzical expression, "You're much prettier than he made you out to be."
His comment took me aback, the warmth burning a little brighter. "He said I was pretty?"
A mischievous expression came across Jake's face as he shrugged, turning to walk back into the garage.
-IS-
While I waited for my car to be ready, I decided to explore the town. Even with the amount of time that I spent here as I kid, I didn't really know what was here. When I was kid, I cared more about spending all my time in the water, hanging out with the friends that I only saw for three months of the year. Usually when I'd ventured out with my parents, it was to go to the grocery store, I didn't spend an exorbitant amount of time in the town proper. Seeing this place through adult eyes, I didn't know what I was missing.
There were several mom-and-pop restaurants that were packed at this time of day. I stopped into a café just up the street from the auto repair shop and got the best patty melt that I'd ever tasted. Most of the crowd were older adults, but a few men and woman in professional attire were eating lunch.
Fontana was like taking a step back in time, but not in a way that felt like they were disconnected from the current day, but it wasn't commercialized either. Cary was pretty, but in a completely different way; but this place was gem.
As I started to walk back to pick up my car, I came across Book Nook, a local bookstore that sold both new and used copies. Sitting in the window was the most recent novel from Tanya Denali, one of my favorite romance writers. I hadn't realized that her most recent work was already out.
A bell rang above the door as I walked in, the smell of old books hitting my nose. I loved that smell. Growing up, I loved the smell of the library, which Irina would tease me about endlessly. I'd always been a bookworm and loved everything about them.
The shelves were packed full, with stacks of books on the floor, some of them with spines so worn you couldn't see the title anymore. The tables in the front of the store were covered with newer books, the one I'd come in for sitting front and center.
"Hello!" called a female voice from the back of the stacks. "Welcome to Book Nook, I'll be right with you!"
I placed the book on the counter next to the register, listening the woman make her way to the front of the store. I heard a stack of books fall, followed by the sound of her muted cursing, that I tried not to laugh at, but I didn't win that fight.
The woman that emerged from the stacks was of average height. Her straight black hair was pulled back into a bun that sat high on her head, the color a stark contrast to her pale skin. A pair of black framed glasses sat on her nose over hazel eyes. She was wearing the coziest looking gray sweater.
"Sorry about that." She apologized, adjusting her glasses, coming around the back of the counter to ring up my purchase.
"Not a problem." I looked at the small rack of bookmarks and other bookish trinkets. A flier for the book club that met at the store caught my eye.
I took one of the sheets from its stand next to the register. According to the flier, they met every Wednesday night, and the monthly pick was one of mine. My third to be exact. It was about a woman who goes on a tropical vacation after her engagement is called off where she meets a sexy stranger that she has an instant attraction to. It was one of my more popular novels. It also happened to be the smuttiest.
"We just started that one last week. It's not too late if you want to join us."
I put the flier back. "I know the novel."
"You've read it?" she asked, totaling my purchase.
I handed her my card, "I wrote it."
She blanched, her eyes bugging out of her head. The hand that held my card hanging in the air between us.
"You're Isabella Swan?" She breathed, looking at me like she couldn't believe that I was really standing in front of her.
I shifted my feet. I wasn't used to anyone recognizing me, so it was bizarre experience for me to be standing in front of this woman who was obviously familiar with my books.
"Yeah." I gave her a sheepish smile.
She squealed, her hands coming to cover her mouth, my card still clutched in one of them. "I've read every single one of your books. They're some of my favorites! I can't believe you're actually in my store right now!" She rushed out, a blush covering her cheeks, a look of embarrassment coming to her features. "Oh God, I'm so sorry. That was probably so creepy of me."
"It's fine."
"I could've at least introduced myself first," she said, sticking her hand out to me. "I'm Angela. I own the store."
I shook her hand. "Nice to meet you, Angela."
She stuck my card into her reader. "What brings you to our fair town?"
"My parents own a cabin on the lake, and I thought that coming up here would help me write."
She handed me my card back, grabbing a bag. "And has it?"
Anxiety sucker punches my gut at her question, and I tried not to have it show on my face, but I don't think I succeeded. "Not yet."
"Well, if you ever need anything to do while you're in town, my friends and I meet at Billy's every Friday night for drinks and karaoke if you'd like to come. We usually meet up around eight."
I took the bag she handed me. "That sounds nice." I told her genuinely.
"Here," she takes a thing of Post Its from the drawer under the register, writing something on it before handing it to me. "That's my number. Call if you need anything, like if you just want a friend while you're here."
"Thanks. I could definitely use a friend." The loneliness I'd experienced over the last few years was making it known in this moment.
"Then consider me your friend."
-IS-
I stopped at Wal-Mart on the way back to the cabin, stocking up on supplies to last me a few weeks. Mostly microwavable meals that didn't require any effort and enough coffee for a small army. Lugging the bags inside was much easier than my third-floor apartment.
I spent the next few days trying to write, which led to me rage typing my self-hatred onto the page, that I deleted once I was done.
I tried not to spend all of my time inside. I went to for walks around the lake, sat on the porch swing under a blanket while I read the book I purchased, a cup of coffee in one hand. I still hadn't used Angela's number, not even to text her mine, and I hadn't left the cabin since that first morning when I got my tire replaced.
And when Friday night came, I was sitting at my computer, biting my thumbnail as I looked at the clock. It was seven-fifty. I'd spent my day watching TV, microwaving a Stouffer's meal. I'd stayed in my pajamas all day; I hadn't even showered.
As the clock changed to seven-fifty-one, I realized what I was doing and that it needed to stop. I didn't come all the way out here just to repeat the patterns that I did at home. I was supposed to be making a change, not isolating myself further.
Guilt swarmed me at the fact that the Post It with Angela's phone number was still in my purse where I'd put it Wednesday after she gave it to me. How many friends had I done this to? How many friends who had texted to ask me how I was doing after dad died, that I'd just ghosted? I wasn't, couldn't, do that to Angela.
Even though going out and being around people was the last thing that I wanted to do, I got up and put some clothes on, grabbing my jacket as I walked out the door.
When I got to Billy's the parking lot was packed, such a difference to the mostly empty one from Tuesday night. It was louder, too, the music mixing with the large number of people. I made my way through the crowd, trying to find Angela.
I found her at a table in the back corner where a small group of people were sitting with her. I recognized Claire and Jacob, but the other man I didn't. One of them was a slim, wiry guy with black hair and brown eyes. He was sitting next to Angela with his arm on the back of her chair, laughing at something one of their friends said.
I slowed down at I walked up to their table, afraid that I was intruding, that this was a bad idea.
Angela, as if sensing my presence, looked over, her eyes brightening.
"You came!" she jumped up from the table, coming over to me and pulling me into a hug. It was clear she was already a little tipsy.
"Sorry I'm late."
She waved her hand at me, "You're not the only one. We're still waiting on one more." She took my hand, dragging me over to the table. "Come, have a seat."
"Hi, Bella." Claire greeted me, taking a sip of her beer.
I waved bashfully at her, "Hi."
"Hey!" Jacob beamed at me. "I was wondering if we would ever see you again. Where have you been hiding?"
"You know, just in a cave." I said it like it's a joke, when really, I had been hiding out, but they didn't need to know that.
"Bella," Angela put her hand on my shoulder. "This is boyfriend Ben. Ben, this is Bella."
"Nice to meet you, Bella." He held his beer up in greeting. "Angela hasn't been able to stop talking about you all week. She was a little starstruck meeting her favorite writer."
"Ben!" Angela scolded through clenched teeth.
He just shrugged, leaning back in his seat. "It's true. You even mentioned how cool it would be if did a meet and greet for your book club since y'all are reading her book."
"Oh my God!" Angela groaned into her hands. "Please stop talking." She looked over at me. "I was just excited. I wouldn't exploit you like that." Her eyes pleaded with me to believe her, and I did.
"Holy shit!" Claire gasped. "I love your books!" she blurted before she covered her mouth with her hand. "I'm also a little tipsy right now."
"Excuse the girls," Jacob motioned between Claire and Angela. "We don't get a lot of celebrities around here."
"I'm really not that famous." It wasn't like I got recognized when I walked down the street. Really the only time I anyone recognized me was at a book signing.
"You are to them." He commented, finishing his beer off. "I also think you need a beer."
He disappeared into the crowd, reappearing a few minutes later with two beers, setting one in front of me.
"How are we doing tonight?" Billy's voice came over the sound system. He was standing on a raised platform across the room that I hadn't noticed the other night, a spotlight on him. His question had people whooping and clapping in response. "We're going to go ahead and get it started. Up first, we have Angela and Ben singing I Got You Babe."
Another round of cheers and whistles filled the air.
"Come on, babe. Let's show them how it's done." Ben grabbed Angela's hand as they walked to the stage.
It's been my experience that everyone who sings karaoke is bad but think they're Celine Dion because they've had enough alcohol to think they can sing like her. This wasn't the case with Angela and Ben, they were shockingly good. And I wasn't the only one that thought that, because when they were done, the entire bar erupted in applause.
"You two are really good." I complimented them when they came back to the table.
Angela smiled, her cheeks pink from the alcohol she'd consumed. "Thanks. Do you sing?"
"If you're asking in I've sung karaoke before. The answer yes. But I wouldn't say that I'm any good." I was awful. I couldn't carry a tune to save my life. Jessica always said that I made her ears bleed when I would sing around the house when we were growing up.
"You'll have to do a song with me, then." Angela bounced excitedly on her toes.
"Trust me. You don't want me to sing. Unless you want everyone's ears to bleed."
She rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her beer, something behind me catching her attention. "Finally, I haven't seen you in forever."
I turned to see Edward walking up to the table, a beer already in his hand.
Angela walked over to him, throwing her arms around his neck in a hug. He smiled, hugging her back. I couldn't take my eyes off him as they hugged.
They're pulling apart when his eyes land on me and they don't leave.
And there's only one thing going through my mind.
He thinks I'm pretty.
"God, where's my mind," Angela shook her head. "Edward, this is Bella."
"We've already met." He replied that unreadable look on his face.
"He helped me change my tire the other night."
"Oh, I didn't know."
"I did." Jacob piped up, smirking into his beer when she sneered at him.
She hit him on the back of the head as she walked back to her seat. "You could've told me."
Edward walked over, taking the seat across from me. I could feel his eyes on me, and when I looked up, he was looking at me over the rim of his glass as he took a sip of his beer.
He thinks I'm pretty.
The night was more fun than I've had in a long time. Most of the people who take the stage are about as bad as I am, but are clearly having the time of their lives, not giving an ounce of a shit that they're off key. Claire and Jacob each take a turn, neither of them as good as Angela nor Ben.
"You know, Jacob, you still owe me a rematch." Angela brought up.
He groaned. "I clearly won the last game of darts."
"That's not how I remember it."
"Are you calling me a liar?"
"I'm saying you have amnesia."
He set his beer down, "You're on, Webber."
"I totally want to see Angela kick your ass." Claire commented standing to follow them.
"You're also going to need a referee." Ben stood. "I still remember what happened last night."
"I didn't hit him that hard." Angela quipped.
Ben just gave her a look.
"Are you two coming?" Jacob asked Edward and me.
"No, I don't have a good aim when I'm sober. I wouldn't want to injure anyone." I replied, resting my arms on top of the table.
"I'll sit this one out." Edward told him.
Jacob shrugged, following behind the rest of the group.
It's quiet between us, that same comfortable silence from the night in his car. I'm still bracing myself for it to be awkward, but it never comes.
This isn't normal. I shouldn't be this comfortable with someone I don't know.
"Did you get your tire fixed?" He broke the silence. He leaned back in his seat, completely at ease.
I nodded, "Yeah, I did."
"Good," he rests his arms on top of the table. "I knew Jacob would take care of you."
"He also said that you told him I was pretty." It fell out of my face before I had a chance to realize what I was saying. I'd only had one beer, so I couldn't blame it on being drunk.
He snorted. "I didn't say you pretty," he pinned me with his green eyes, heat blazing in them. "I told him you were beautiful."
The warmth flamed, the look he was giving me kindling. That ever-present pull humming between us.
He's chewing the inside of his lip as he looked at me, his eyes going to my lips, and I've never wanted anyone to kiss me as badly as I do right now.
"Bella," Angela appeared next to me, grabbing my arm. "You have to sing with me. I'm not taking no for an answer."
I let her pull away from the table and the entire time, I can feel his eyes on me and it takes everything in me not to look back.
It's late when we finally leave Billy's. The night air is a welcome reprieve from the stale beer smell of the bar.
"We'll have to do lunch," Angela tells me outside the entrance. "I'll text you." I gave her my phone number earlier in the night.
"Sounds good."
"Have a good night!" She and Ben walked to his car, his arm around her and her head on his shoulder. They really were such a cute couple.
Edward walked out of the bar then, pulling on his jacket.
"Did you have fun tonight?" he asked.
"Yeah, I did."
"I'm glad," he smiled at me. "I'll walk you to your car."
"You don't have to."
"I want to." He looked at me with that same heat he had earlier, making my breath catch in my throat.
"Okay."
It was maybe a thirty second walk to my car. There was a faint rumble of thunder as we made it, coming to a stop next to the driver's side door. When I turned to say goodnight, he was closer than I expected. Much closer.
He took a step forward, causing me to be pressed against the side of the car. His hands came to rest on either side of my head, caging me in.
"Bella," he breathed my name. "Can I kiss you?"
I didn't answer. Instead, I reached up and gripped the back of his neck, bringing his lips to mine like I'd been wanting to do for hours.
I may have been the one who initiated the kiss, but he controlled it. I don't think that I've ever been kissed like this. He kissed me like we had all the time in the world, taking his time to get to know my mouth. His hand slid under my jacket to cup my waist, bringing me closer to his body and I think I whimpered. When he took my bottom lip between his and sucked, I know I did. My back hits the side of my bar again as he presses me against it. The moan he let loose when both my hands bury themselves in his hair and pull, set my body ablaze.
I don't know how long we're like that. A flash of lightning followed closely by a clamp of thunder is what finally pulled us apart.
We're both breathless and gasping for air.
Edward looked at me in wonder, his thumb stroking my jaw. "Goodnight, Bella."
"Goodnight." I gasped.
I closed my eyes once he walked away, leaning my head against the driver's side door, running my fingers across my lips.
"Holy shit."
-IS-
A crack of thunder woke me in the middle of the night. I rolled onto my bed, looking up at the ceiling as lightning flashed, creating lines across the walls. Laying there, I listened to the rain hit the window of my temporary bedroom, the sound starting to lull me back to sleep. I'd almost fallen back into unconsciousness when my eyes shot open.
I sat up in bed, my heart pounding with adrenaline, and it came to me so clearly. With shaking hands, I threw back the covers and climbed out of bed, making my way downstairs. There was a part of my brain, the one that liked to whisper to me in the middle of the night, that thought this couldn't be happening, that it was a fluke. That I would once again sit down at my computer and the words wouldn't come.
So, as I sat down at the dining table and turned my laptop on, I prayed that that wouldn't be the case, that I wouldn't once again experience that crushing disappointment.
Once the glow of my desktop came up, I opened a new word document. For a few moments, I hesitated, anxiety pooling in my stomach.
I closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths to center myself. "You got this. Just keep going." I whispered like I had the first night on the side of the road.
Then I placed my fingers on the keyboard and began to write.