Chapter 39: Wrap Party, Part Two

SEBASTIAN

"Hey, DJ, wanna play something that's not poached directly from this week's Top 40?" Griffin sauntered up to where Sebastian had spent most of the party chained to his phone at the speaker.

"This is a party," Seb reminded him, knowing Griff's music taste well enough by now to predict what genre he was going to suggest that Sebastian play. "You don't listen to yacht rock at a party."

Sebastian was taking his job as the party's DJ very seriously, and, from what he could tell, he was doing a pretty damn good job of that so far. Everyone was dancing to and singing along to his playlist of that summer's hit songs, which included the new releases from Taylor Swift, Maroon 5, Katy Perry, and Rihanna.

"Says you," was Griff's playful reply as he sipped his beer.

The older guy had been 'manning the bar' for most of the night so far, handing everyone chilled cans from the coolers he'd stocked up, as well as concocting questionable mixed drinks using a handle of vodka and an assortment of sodas and juices that he served in red Solo cups. Sebastian wouldn't go over and tell him the best alcohol-to-juice ratio for a vodka cran, so why was Griff so unafraid of telling Sebastian how to do his job?

Griffin joined Sebastian in surveying the crowd, his gaze flickering from one group of friends to another to another. It seemed like everyone was enjoying themselves.

"I like seeing Artie like this," Griffin said quietly enough that only Sebastian could hear. "So… celebrated and surrounded by friends. He's been through a lot. He deserves all of this. Especially Quinn."

"Yeah," Sebastian agreed, though he wasn't even sure that he knew the extent of what Griffin was referring to.

Sebastian's eyes landed on where Artie and Quinn were talking, her sitting in a beanbag chair, with him parked in his wheelchair across from her. She had her knees pulled up to her chest, as he leaned forward with one arm resting on his lap, and his other hand gripping his wheel's push rim as he whispered something in her ear before they broke apart laughing. The way that they were looking at each other showed that they were all but oblivious to everyone else in the room, if that was even possible, which Sebastian had to admit, was kind of adorable. He'd never seen Artie so content and relaxed, especially in such a big group of people.

"Coasters," Ella huffed under her breath as she pushed by her brothers, distracting them from their people watching.

"What?"

"Make sure people are using coasters," Ella repeated, picking up Brittany's long-abandoned Four Loko (Sebastian didn't understand how she could stomach something that foul) and shoving a thin piece of round cork underneath. "That goes for you guys, too." She took Sebastian's beer out of his hand and set it on top of an old magazine to make her point. "Mom will kill us if any of her furniture gets ruined."

"Point made," Sebastian acknowledged, raising his eyebrows as he noticed that his sister seemed frazzled. He guessed that came with the territory of being the one in charge of keeping the camaraderie under control. "Hey, wait, El!" he called after her, holding up his nearly empty can for her to see. "Get me another?"

"I've got you," Griff told him, clapping him on the shoulder before leaving Sebastian alone by the speaker and returning to his post.

By now, Sebastian was four or five (he'd lost count somewhere along the way) Bud Lights in. It wasn't his favorite drink. He wasn't really a beer guy, if he was being honest. The little voice in his head was berating him for consuming so many empty calories and not even enjoying himself while doing it. He was just drinking what Griffin had purchased, but Seb much preferred the taste of wine or one of the fruity little seltzer drinks some of the girls were drinking. If that just made him a gay cliché, then oh well!

"Have one of these," somebody said from behind him, evidently having been listening in on his conversation without his knowledge.

Sebastian spun around to find one of the AV club guys whose name he didn't know. He recognized him as someone on the production team who'd spent the shoot hanging out in video village, but they'd never had so much as an interaction until now. The guy was Indian, with shaggy dark hair and funky glasses, wearing a t-shirt advertising some band Sebastian had never heard of. It was in Sebastian's nature to notice that he could be kind of cute if he got a haircut, developed a skincare routine, and tweaked his sense of style a little bit. But, being that this was some guy Artie knew from his past stint in one of the school's lame nerd clubs, Seb knew that there was probably a very slim chance he'd do any of that to give himself some potential. Like Artie, he probably didn't care much about what other people thought of him, his appearance, or his interests. Sebastian didn't even know the guy, but he found himself envying him.

Sebastian had all but analyzed this AV club dude's entire presence before noticing that the other guy was trying to hand him something: a shooter of tequila.

"It'll hit you twice as fast as whatever you've been drinking so far tonight," he said. When Sebastian didn't immediately respond, the guy took another fifty milliliter bottle out of his pocket and, again, offered it to Seb. "Here, take a second one for good measure."

"Oh," Sebastian said when he finally found his voice and accepted the offering. "Uh, thanks, umm…." Sebastian frantically racked his brain searching for this guy's name.

"Raj."

"Raj, right." Sebastian never would have come up with that on his own, further proving his assumption that the two of them had never had an interaction before. He couldn't help but feel a bit badly about that. They'd spent a week together working on the same project, after all. The least Sebastian could have done– as the movie's lead– was to show some humility and learn the names of their hardworking crew. He wouldn't make that mistake again. "Thanks."

Raj shrugged as if to say, 'Don't mention it', before returning to join his friends off in the far corner of the basement where they'd found some sort of hideaway from all of the wild New Directions kids and Cheerios.

Watching Raj walk away, Sebastian cracked open the first nip he'd been given. As his senses were awoken by the powerful taste of the tequila, something like a wave of intense sadness came over him.

Looking around, Sebastian realized that he was the only loner at this party. The people around him were all talking and goofing off with friends, or cuddling with their significant others. It seemed like everyone– even Santana, who Artie had warned was a 'weepy, hysterical drunk'– was having a great time. Up until now, Sebastian had thought he was, too. After all, he had no real reason to feel otherwise; he was the lead in the movie that had just premiered! Artie had a lot to celebrate, sure, but so did he!

But he had no boyfriend to celebrate his achievements with, no friend group to rally behind him, nothing. Everybody at this party seemed to have somebody but him, he noticed, and along with that realization came an achy emptiness that he wasn't prepared for. Sebastian's happiness (or, at least, his contentment) this evening had faded out of nowhere. He was left feeling numb.

"Artie's hot brother told me to give you this," Sugar Motta said in that nasally, high-pitched voice of hers as she held out a can of Bud Light to Sebastian. "He got pulled into making margaritas for some Cheerios."

"Oh. Thanks."

Sebastian didn't know Sugar all that well. All he knew about the girl was what Artie had told him– that she was completely tone-deaf and the only way she'd secured a spot on the New Directions was because her dad had offered to pay their way to Chicago for Nationals last year, meaning that they didn't have to fundraise themselves by selling saltwater taffy.

She was still standing beside him, drinking a strawberry-flavored hard seltzer, going on about 'Artie's cute brother' and 'Did Sebastian know if he had a girlfriend?', but Seb was no longer listening. He was too stuck inside his head.

For the first time in recent memory, Sebastian found himself wishing his Warblers brothers were here to celebrate with him. If this summer had taught Sebastian anything about teenagers, however, it was that people can change drastically over those two-and-a-half months. There was a good chance that the friendships and bonds that were as strong as steel in June, would no longer be that way by the time the first leaves hit the ground in September.

As someone who'd just spent his entire summer away from all of his prep school friends, and with Warbler Camp looming just around the corner, Sebastian was afraid of what may have changed between them during that time. This summer had also given Sebastian a lot of time to think about what he really wanted for himself and his senior year. Did he even want to graduate from Dalton anymore? But if he didn't, what would the alternative be? Starting fresh at McKinley? Being the new kid at a public school didn't sound all that appealing either.

He'd spent so much hot air warning Artie that if he didn't make an effort to put a stop to whatever Blaine, Tina, and Sam had been up to all summer, he'd spend the school year– his senior year– alone. It was only now that Sebastian was met with the realization that he may be faced with the same fate.

Speaking of Blamtina, Sebastian caught sight of them over Sugar's shoulder. He managed to continue tuning her out as he focused his attention on them. Tina was very obviously drunk, but it was more difficult to tell for the boys. Regardless, all three had ditched their girlfriend and boyfriends at some point, and they'd wound up together by the sectional in the corner. Sam was standing up, leaning against the wall, as a bubbly Tina hung all over Blaine in a way that Sebastian couldn't be certain was platonic (on her end, at least). They were laughing together, probably plotting the next time the three of them would be hanging out.

Sebastian's gaze involuntarily flicked back toward where Artie was sitting with Quinn. Artie had his back to the trio, but a particularly loud burst of giggles coming from the three of them caused him to glance over his shoulder in their direction. Sebastian witnessed the longing look that briefly crossed over Artie's face before he turned his attention back to Quinn, and that was that. The way that the three of them deliberately excluded Artie used to make Seb sad, but that emotion had been replaced entirely. Now, he was seeing red.

Sebastian screwed the cap off of the second shooter and tossed it back. Before his mind had even caught up with his body, Sebastian was already preparing to abandon his post at the aux cord in favor of telling the three of them exactly what was on his mind.

"If you'll excuse me," Sebastian told Sugar, cutting her off from whatever she was saying that he hadn't been listening to anyway. "I have to go make a scene."

Raj had been right– the two small bottles of tequila did hit him twice as fast as Griffin's beers he'd been drinking. Sebastian wasn't stumbling or anything, but he was sufficiently drunk and able to recognize the rush of adrenaline that hadn't been there before.

"Oh, hey, Sebastian," Blaine greeted him once he was standing before the three of them with his arms crossed. "What's up?"

"Why are you doing this?!" was Sebastian's reply, intent on getting right to the point.

"Doing what?" Tina asked, unhooking her arms from where they'd been looped around Blaine's neck and glancing up at Sebastian quizzically.

"Leaving Artie out? Rubbing it in his face?" Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I've said it before, but you aren't the only three rising seniors in Glee Club. There are a handful of others, not the least of whom is Artie."

"We know that–" Sam began to say, but Sebastian wasn't quite finished.

"You don't think he wants to be included? After all that he's been through?" Sebastian asked, borrowing that line from what Griffin had said earlier. "Being included is all he wants. And you guys have let him– and me– down all summer with your exclusive little hangouts."

"We weren't being exclusive," Blaine argued, with a nod in the direction of where Finn had now joined Artie and Quinn by the beanbag. The three of them were engaged in conversation and not paying Seb and the trio any attention. "Plus, it doesn't seem like Artie's all that bothered. Just you."

"When has Artie ever spoken up and said something like that?!" Sebastian retorted. "I've known Artie for a fraction of the time that all of you have known him, and even I know that he wouldn't. That's just not the kind of guy he is. As his best friends, you should already know that."

That appeared to shut the three of them up, at least momentarily, and cause them to reflect on their actions so far this summer.

"He might not say it in so many words, but if you can't see how much this has bothered him, then you haven't been paying attention." Even in his buzzed state, Sebastian was careful to keep his voice low. He didn't want to bring any outside attention to their conversation or risk ruining Artie's party by shouting. "Ever since the first time, when we met up with you guys for pizza, it's bummed him out. He stuffs these kinds of things down, and he'd never say anything because he doesn't want to make any of you feel the way that you've made him feel."

Tina and Blaine exchanged a glance while Sam chewed on his enormous bottom lip as he stared down at his feet with shame. Sebastian could see that his words– the ones that had been building up inside of him for months now– were starting to have an impact. And once he got started, he just couldn't quit.

"Despite what he's been feeling, he went out of his way to give you all parts in his movie to help boost your résumés before college. That's just the kind of guy he is. He's a good friend and a good brother, and… and he doesn't deserve any of this."

His outburst was met with silence from the three people before him as the rest of the party continued around them.

"Geez, I guess I didn't really think of it like that," Sam said, the first to speak, and the first to seem genuinely apologetic for his actions, instead of just embarrassed to be called out. "Artie's always so nice, you know? I guess I just thought that if he wasn't speaking up or anything, nothing was bothering him."

"And it's not that we were leaving him out on purpose," Blaine repeated for the millionth time. Sebastian rolled his eyes as he predicted word-for-word what would come out of Blaine's mouth next. "I swear we weren't. The three of us started hanging out more around the time that he and Quinn got together. We assumed they were busy, you know, fitting in all the time they could get before she goes to Yale."

"Isn't that the same situation for you, though? For all of you? All of you are in relationships with older people, and you all have free time to spend together," Sebastian pointed out. "And you know what? When I first started getting to know all of you, I was impressed. I envied the way that your team wasn't all cliquey like The Warblers. The New Directions set an example of empathy and inclusion for me before I could even define those words. I was always thinking of how lucky Artie is to have friends like you all. But this summer, I've seen your true colors."

Suddenly, his rant was over and the high of the liquid courage had worn off. He was left with three pairs of stunned, widened eyes staring back at him in shock. He was horrified, realizing that he'd done the very exact one singular thing Artie had asked him not to do.

Tina's lower lip quivered and Sebastian watched as tears brimmed in her eyes. "I never wanted to make Artie feel upset. He's my best friend."

Sebastian couldn't listen to any more of Tina's excuses; he wouldn't allow her to pretend that what had been going on all summer was all in his mind. His head throbbed and the room began to close in on him. All of a sudden he was too hot and too cold at the same time, his clothes felt uncomfortable on his skin, and the three pairs of eyes on him seemed like they were burning holes into his otherwise fair and blemish-free skin. He needed to get some fresh air. Turning on his heel, Sebastian made a beeline for the stairs, pushing past Mercedes and the kid with the dreadlocks. Crossing through the kitchen on his way to the sliding glass door leading to the backyard, Seb grabbed a bottle of red from the wine rack.

Taking a seat on the patio, Sebastian breathed in the sweet summer air as he stared out at the empty pool. He usually enjoyed this light, buzzed state he found himself in. Not tonight. Tonight he was weighed down by his own indecipherable emotions and a sense of nihilism. The night had started so well, too, before he went and threw it all away. And for what? To disobey and embarrass his brother by going against the one thing he'd had asked of him? He wished that nights like this came with the opportunity for do-overs.

Sebastian could hear the lyrics of Icona Pop's hit song 'I Love It' clear as day as they blasted from the basement, almost as if he was still down there next to the speaker. 'I don't care! I love it!' the song blared over and over as Sebastian drank straight from the bottle of wine, nobody there to stop him.

Seb was so focused on disconnecting from the rest of the universe around him that he didn't even notice Artie pull up beside him.

"Hey. You okay?"

"Yeah," Seb replied, taking another swig from the bottle he was holding by its neck. "How'd you get up here?"

"I saw you go upstairs, and when I noticed that you didn't come back after a while, I asked some of the guys to bring me up here. Don't worry, though, we're alone. They've all gone back downstairs to rejoin the flip cup game. I hear gender-blind spin the bottle is starting soon." Artie shuddered. Sebastian didn't know if it was from the concept of the game or from the breeze that came and went in the nighttime air. He didn't ask. He took another sip before Artie dared to repeat his original inquiry. "Are… are you sure you're okay?"

It was such a simple question, and yet, Sebastian didn't know how to answer it. Why was he feeling this way? Like everything was meaningless, like there was a pit in his stomach telling him he was a failure somehow? It frustrated Sebastian that he didn't know what had come over himself. He'd been fine one minute, then– as if a storm cloud had appeared over his head– his entire mood had changed. He was left feeling unseen, devastated, and confused.

His life had changed drastically in such a short time. A year ago, he was still living in Marion, alone with his dad. All he knew about the New Directions was that they were a ragtag bunch of misfits that, somehow, posed a real threat to The Warblers. In the blink of an eye, everything had changed. He knew that he lived a blessed life. He'd spent the night surrounded by his siblings and some of their friends that Sebastian had also begun to regard as friends of his own, in a way. But deep down, he was still that same lonely little kid he'd once been, just now he was trapped inside the body of a six-foot-two seventeen-year-old. He had things he'd always dreamed of having, but somehow, all of it just made him feel worse. He felt guilty for having everything he'd ever wanted and still feeling these big, overwhelming emotions that he couldn't pinpoint the cause of.

He tried to speak, but couldn't. What felt like a huge lump had formed in his throat and prevented him from making a sound. It was painful. He turned his head away from Artie as tears filled his eyes. A faint cheer erupted from the basement, the result of a flip cup game. Sebastian wordlessly shrugged and leaned his head on Artie's shoulder. In a sea of people, Sebastian had never felt more alone. He told him so.

"I know the feeling," was Artie's gut-wrenchingly honest response.

Sebastian swallowed again, finding himself choked up but still able to mumble a few words. "Trust me, they won't do it again."

"What?"

"Forget it."

They sat in silence for a little while, until Artie couldn't keep his thoughts to himself any longer.

"You can always come talk to me, you know that right?"

"I know."

"You're not alone," he said. "I… I know what it feels like when it seems like there's no one around for you. And… and I don't want you to feel like that. I mean, you've got me, and Griff, and Ella. So, you know, no matter what happens with anyone else, you'll always have us. You'll never be alone."

There was a pause between the two of them. The sounds of crickets and frogs could be faintly heard above the wildly popular Carly Rae Jepsen single that Sebastian had only just added to the party's playlist before his untimely storm out. Sebastian cleared his throat and managed to find his voice to assure Artie of the same thing.

"Neither will you."