Surgery was awesome. I'm awesome. The monkey on my lab coat is awesome. My resilience? Super awesome. Yeah I'm pretty… awesome! So awesome in fact that I actually feel stoked about my date later. I've not really been feeling it recently but I'm bound to get laid if I go, who could resist my double board-certified perfect ass? No one, not after that surgery. Ha. I'm unbeatable.
The confidence oozed through Arizona, it always did after a successful surgery. Her date tonight was going to be epic, she self-sabotaged her last one, still obsessed with comparing every woman to her Calliope. Wait, Callie, just Callie. Oh wow, less than 10 seconds of thought and she's already back onto her ex-wife.
Argh, not AGAIN. She's not yours, she's… someone's, but not yours. Focus.
Easier said than done. Her date last week? She wore red lip stick but didn't have the full lips to pull it off like Callio… Callie. She wore a gorgeous three-quarter length top but didn't have the smooth, strong forearms of Callie (finally), she laughed at her jokes but didn't have the deep, spine-tingling tone like Callie's, had great legs but boy, nothing like Calliope's…
Well, she said Callie twice before reverting back, progress.
She sighed slightly, doesn't matter if it had been two hours, two days, two months, two years or two decades, she will never be able to get her Latina out of her head. She all consumes, she's there, her smile is everything, her presence life affirming, her companionship? Everything. But she threw it away. Not even gracefully, full out threw it in the bin, no second thoughts. Yes, Callie may have been the one to leave the therapist's office to officially signal it's end, but the main damage? All done by her. She recaps it in her mind.
She didn't believe in long distance relationships, and told Callie that, in their kitchen when Callie was considering moving to Portland. She didn't want children, never had, and she wouldn't apologise for that initial feeling (it was different now of course, Sofia was EVERYTHING, loved her to the moon and back, no one came close to her) despite it being seen as 'unwomanly', because it was true. She had then promised Callie kids, all kinds of kids, 10 of them in fact, so it was safe to assume what the next logical steps would be. But then, Africa. She had to take the position, all the tiny humans she'd be helping? Unfathomable. It was never about the prestige or bragging rights, it was all about bringing sustainable healthcare to a poorer nation. Arizona Robbins didn't need her name in lights, she needed to help people. And she could do that for three years.
Three years. She promised Callie kids, said she didn't believe in long distance relationships, and then was going to leave for three years. Did Arizona think Callie would be okay with that? Maybe she hadn't thought about it, they certainly hadn't discussed it. The rest is well known throughout Grey Sloan – she came back because she missed the love of her life, won her back, loved her daughter as only a mother can, lived happily and then… Mayday mayday.
The bullying, the snarky remarks, the thousand-mile stares, the apathy, the anger, the blaming. The slight recovery? The acceptance? Yes, it slowly came back. But a good man in a storm? The cheating and subsequent affair with the intern indicated otherwise. She shudders, she's remorseful. She said it was a mistake but never specifically apologised, why hadn't she said she was sorry? She had never regretted something so much in her life.
The fellowship had been the final nail in the coffin, she actually believed it wouldn't have been an issue if the previous two incidents hadn't have happened. She remembered that Tuck made a 'threat' to Bailey when she was considering the PEDS fellowship, that their relationship would be over. But Callie & Arizona? Well, they were Callie & Arizona, they would have made it through, expanded their family, pursued their excellence and at the end of the day come home and snuggled as that family. They had been through so much.
Callie had her faults in this too of course, she never let Arizona finish her thoughts, she seemingly tried to fix her rather than accept a new reality and acted first thought later. Callie wore her heart on her sleeve, even if it had caused heartbreak. If only it was possible for two adults to talk to each other, maybe she wouldn't have these thoughts continuously present.
"… Earth to Arizona?"
She span round, how long had she been staring at the surgical board? She acknowledged April.
"Hey, just looking to see if I had anymore surgeries today, you okay?"
"Does it take you five minutes, blankly staring at the board, to determine what surgeries are left today?"
"Staring blankly?! No! I was double checking I didn't miss a surgery I was down for." She gives a wry smile and slightly raises her eyebrows, "I have a date tonight and need to be out on time."
"Well after looking over your shoulder whilst you stood there, seems you don't" the red head replied. Genuinely caring for her friend's personal life, she asks "so, details then?"
Details? Well I've just stood here for five minutes replaying the past few years of my relationship with Callio… (seriously Arizona?) Callie and now it's all I can think about. That detailed enough?
"Her name is Michelle, she works in the coffee shop over the road, she slipped her number into the sleeve of my cup the other week and boom, here we are. Hot date with a hot girl."
"Nice, so Callie has Sofia tonight?"
How come everyone else can call her Callie with ease? And how come every conversation at some point always goes back to Callie? Hello! I have my own identity, I'm awesome, fun to be around, interesting, in love with my ex-wife, talented, successful and funny. I'm a frickin' CATCH.
Wait, what? Did I just…
"Don't space out on me again, Robbins!"
Crap
"Sorry yeah no, it's Callie's night but I think Sofia is having a sleepover at Mer's, that's what she last told me anyway, I assume she's going to use the time to clear some space to place her Harper Avery award front and centre" she gave a slight, near inaudible, regretful sigh.
"Well, sounds a good evening for both. Now get away from the board, I need to update some traumas that came in, surgeries in OR 1 and 3 need to be pushed."
She nudged her friend out the way, pulled off the pen cap and got to work. Arizona looked slightly perplexed but April was in trauma surgeon Kepner mode, she would leave her be.
"That's a pain, hope nothing too serious. Anway I'm leaving shortly, catch up tomorrow?"
"Yep sounds good, have a great night"
My night would be great if I was clearing a space to put up a Harper Avery award front & centr…
She starts to walk away, then panic hit. The person who was supposed to have her child was running towards her and it didn't look good.
"Grey? Are you okay? What's happened? Is Sofia okay?!"
The general surgeon was clearly flustered from running and… concern? She had started to make her way to the PEDS wing until she saw her target, talking to Kepner.
"Sofia is fine, she's at the house with Amelia, it's Callie…"
As a doctor, the term 'heart stopping' or 'skipping a beat' due to shock can be irksome, you restrict the urge to correct them. That is, until you feel it yourself. The panic, the loss of focus, the white noise, the fear, the ache, the heart not performing its duties.
Arizona's mind was all consumed with Calliope Torres once again.
"She's been attacked, she said by Simon but can't remember details. She's been taken to exam room 2, out of sight of other patients, come on."
Simon? Who the hell…
During this summary, Meredith turned and headed back towards exam room 2 with Arizona in tow, Arizona hadn't even responded, just followed without a second thought, hoping she could make it there before she threw up.
Outside the exam room, Owen, Teddy, Cristina all stood, silent, heads down, shocked at what they had seen. Arizona took none of it in, didn't acknowledge anyone, didn't see their expressions, she only cared about seeing her ex-wife.
She opened the door, there stood Bailey with Callie sat up on an exam table, head down like the others outside. She didn't even look up, only one word could fall from Arizona's mouth.
Softly, "Calliope…"