Hoping y'all find this update since the emails are still broken! But thank you if you are still reading. Love Y'all!
"Are you okay Baby?" Marlene asks softly as she rubs Caleb's shoulders at the table while Harrison and Amar eat. He had just relayed everything that happened with Marcus and Andrew.
"Yeah, I'm fine, it felt good to stand up to him," Caleb tells her placing a hand over hers.
"I'm proud of you," She tells him and then leans down to kiss him on the cheek as Amar and Harrison both smile and nod in agreement. Marlene was furious that Andrew would try to hit Caleb again.
"So am I, and I know your mother and sister will be too," Amar tells him. Marlene and Caleb trusted Amar and had come to consider him a friend. Caleb relaxes a bit more. He was proud of himself too, a year ago he would have never dreamed of standing up to Andrew.
"I can't believe they won't budge at all, why put all of Abnegation in danger?" Amar groans frustrated as he leans back in his chair.
"Andrew and Marcus only care about themselves and power. I can't believe they've fooled everyone for this long" Caleb says bitterly after he takes a bite of the chicken Marlene had prepared.
"They are foolish enough to believe that Jeanine is focused on taking Max down. They have no idea that the Factionless are playing into this as well…" Harrison offers as he takes another piece of the bread on the table. "Did he say anything about feeding more divergent?"
"I heard him say Jeanine has everything she needs… So maybe they aren't planning on giving up anyone else from Abnegation?"
"What do we do now?" Marlene asks moving to sit down next to Caleb.
"Stick to the original plan. You two save as many as you can when the attack comes. Are there others on the council that would be on your side, Caleb?" Harrison inquires.
Caleb sighs before responding. That would be a difficult task. He knows people trusted him, especially because he was Andrew's son and he'd worked alongside them since he was 15. Would they go against Andrew and Marcus….that he wasn't confident of?
"Marcus and Andrew have been drugging them with a serum during council meetings. I doubt anyone would believe me or go against them"
Amar shakes his head, this wasn't going to end well for the people of Abnegation but the harsh reality was Dauntless was already spread too thin.
"Could we set up a safe house, and split people into small groups?" Marlene reasons.
Harrison and Amar look at each other and both nod. Amar was always impressed with Marlene, she still thought like a Dauntless.
"I think so…there are a few places where Dauntless would rendezvous and store weapons when on patrol. We haven't been using them since we pulled back from patrolling the factionless section" Harrison says as he gets up to grab a map from his bag.
They clear the dishes from dinner and Harrison unfolds the map across the table.
"Here and Here" He points out. "And here. I don't think it will hold all of Abnegation but it's better than nothing if you can get some of them to safety."
"I think I know exactly where this one is," Caleb remarks looking at the location.
"If you could get people to these bunkers, there should be some weapons, we could move in and move out more easily. It's better than trying to have people jump the train" Amar tells them.
"We can at least try to save as many people as we can…" Marlene says as she looks up at Caleb. She hated this entire situation but she couldn't just run to Dauntless and do nothing. Despite how she got here, and the corruption of Marcus and Andrew, she'd come to care for the people in her new faction deeply. She wouldn't just leave them to be slaughtered.
Tris and Tobias walk silently through the abandoned streets. They had worked well together all day despite the awkward tension between them the last week, and there was no doubt about the tension. Tris felt awful, physically and emotionally. So far Christina was the only person she had confided in about being pregnant. She feels overwhelmed when she thinks about it and Tobias has been giving her the cold shoulder, keeping their conversations strictly about their scouting mission. Tris is filled with nervous energy, the entire time they walk. They note a few areas that look like the factionless had been recently. They take pictures and make notes until a wave of nausea hits Tris. She tries to fight it, but she ends up running to the side of a crumbling building to vomit.
"Are you okay?" Tobias as cringing as she makes a noise that sounds awful.
"Just give me a minute please" Tris hollers and she puts her hands on her knees and pukes the lunch she had earlier that day. The sun was setting and they didn't have much daylight left. She was thankful that this was the first time she'd puked today.
When she's finally done, she rinses out her mouth with her water bottle and squats down to use the toothbrush she had stowed in her backpack.
"Feeling better?" Tobias asks hesitantly as she walks back toward him and he can see she still looks a little queasy.
"Yeah, I haven't been feeling well this week" Tris mumbles as she slides her backpack on.
"I can see the north section of the wall in the distance, we should find someplace to set up for the night"
They walk a bit more, checking out the buildings until it's dark. They stick to the shadows, the moonlight guiding their way. It was cold, especially now that the sun had gone down and Tris wonders how her mother survived so many cold winters factionless. When they find what looks to be a building that is some type of large home and still in some good shape, Tobias decides it is a good place to set up camp for the night when he sees Tris shivering.
"Do you think this was someone's home ?" Tris asks as they carefully sweep the second floor, holding their guns and flashlights in front of them.
"It kind of feels like it…." Tobias comments as he shines his flashlight at the broken furniture and items covered in dust and rubble.
"It's so big…Do you think only one family lived here?"
Tobias shrugs but the corners of his mouth turn up a bit at being reminded how curious Tris had always been. The Abnegation in him thought it would be too much for one family.
"Careful" Tobias warns as they step and the floor creaks from their weight and he sees Tris stumble. He instinctively reaches out to steady her.
Tris breathes a sigh of relief as she doesn't fall, but keeps moving as they move down the hallway. The building has thick dust, weeds have grown up in the walls and there are some broken floorboards but it doesn't seem to have been inhabited.
Tobias finds a room facing the crumbling street that appears in good condition and has a window. They set up camp in the room across the hall so their light wouldn't draw attention through the window. Tobias pulls out a lantern and a battery-operated heater while Tris rolls out the sleeping bags. The room was drafty but sitting close to the heater provided a good bit of warmth. Tobias manages to prop up the door that had fallen to keep the heat in.
They take watch in the room facing the street. It was dark and there wasn't any noise. Tris thinks Tobias only keeps watch as an excuse to end the awkwardness between them. They still hadn't talked much which was weird for them.
"Do you think the factionless are somewhere in this part of the city since we haven't seen anyone?" Tris asks when he comes into the room after about an hour and joins her on the floor near the heater. He pulls out a sandwich from his backpack, he's starving, but he'd been purposely avoiding this moment.
"If you wanted to rally and gather, would you do it where Dauntless patrols? If what your mother says is true, and they have organized the Factionless, this would be the perfect section of the city…but we haven't found anything so I think if we were to follow this section along the wall we would run into their base." He reasons after a few bites.
Tris nods understanding his logic. It's quiet for a few minutes as Tobias finishes his sandwich and Tris decides she might as well address the elephant in the room.
"Tobias, We need to talk about what's happened between us…Like really talk about it"
"We don't have to, I get it, it wasn't ideal and we can just forget it ever happened...You don't feel the same way I do..." Tobias replies too sharply for Tris' liking.
"What do you want me to say, Tobias? Ughhh" Tris yells out in frustration.
"Maybe that you love me too? That you want to be with me too? I can't keep this up and pretend I'm okay living in the shadows since you can't make up your mind" Tobias snaps.
Tris lets out a frustrated groan and gets up to go to the other side of the room not knowing what to say next. She just wanted things to be the way they used to be between them.
"Tris, I'm in love with you," Tobias says again firmly. It had consumed him for so long that he just had to put everything he felt out there.
"We've been through so much, you're my best friend, I want to be with you and only you…I want it all with you Tris and no one else. I knew it when I left Abnegation. You need to decide if this is what you want because I want to love you for the rest of my life, I want to make you happy, I want to grow old with you, I want to be in this with you for real. You are the most amazing person Tris. You're loyal, you've seen me at my worst and best, and no matter how anyone pressures you, you've always protected my secrets. You've always been brave, but you haven't backed down from any challenge in front of you. I love how despite the city being on the brink of a war, you're never afraid to dream big about how you want to change Dauntless for the better."
Tris doesn't move, but she's breathing so hard she hears herself. Was he serious right now? All the things she was conflicted about Lynn, Tobias was making plain with how he felt and what he wanted.
Tobias calms as he sees her still standing there, even though she hasn't turned around. He slowly walks up to her and grabs her hand pulling her to face him. Her eyes look up at him questioning.
"Tobias….."
"It's true Tris I'm completely in love with you, I think I always have been since the day you came up to me at my mother's funeral"
"I'm sorry I've been so confused and I.." Tris stammers, overwhelmed by everything coming at her.
"I know this is complicated and I just needed you to know how I feel. I don't know what's been holding you back. I don't know if you love Lynn the way I want you to love me, and that's why you haven't broken up with her yet. But I do know I don't want you to tell me you love me because it's what you think I want to hear or because you want to console me. I want you to mean it and be ready to choose me if you do. If you don't want to move forward or change things, it's just empty words. And of all the people in the world, I can't take that from you, not after everything we've been through together. I don't want you choosing me or telling me you love me to be an ultimatum...That's not what I'm saying. I want you to want this too, and fight for it because you can't see yourself without me. I want you to make your own decision. I've told you how I feel, and what I want. I won't push you to make a decision anymore and I'll stay out of your way unless it's work-related. It's truly up to you"
Tobias cups her face. It was dark except for the dim light of the lantern but he could still see her up close. Not that he needed the light, he knew every curve of her face. He traces his thumb over her bottom lip.
Tris could feel her heart beating a mile a minute. She feels as if she's thinking clearly about Tobias for the first time, the strong pull between them that she couldn't deny was there.
"Can I kiss you?" he asks quietly.
She knows she should say no until she breaks things off with Lynn but she can't stop herself from nodding yes. The damage had already been done and she needed Tobias like she needed air.
"Can I have tonight? That's all I want right now" Tobias whispers as Tris nods again.
Tobias moves to capture her mouth pulling a satisfying moan from Tris as he pushes his tongue in her mouth. Tris throws her arms around his neck and he wraps his arms around her waist. After a few moments, Tobias swings her into his arms and carries her across the room where they had set up their sleeping bags. Tris holds on tight, looking at him intently. She felt like she was on fire, and she couldn't wait for him to touch her.
He deposits her gently on one of the sleeping bags and continues to kiss her as his body covers her. Tris instantly wraps her legs around his waist and rocks against him.
"Make love to me" she whispers when he pulls back to look at her. Tobias doesn't have to be told twice. He leans back on his haunches and removes his shirt, while Tris leans up and does the same. Even with the small heater, it is still cold in the room but neither notices now as they caress and kiss each other as a new piece of clothing is removed.
Tris arches her back when Tobias kisses down her stomach darting his tongue into her navel and then traveling lower. He takes his time when he attaches his mouth to her clit, sucking, licking, and dipping his tongue inside of her. Tris surrenders herself to him, reveling in every touch and caress, feeling as if she's burning from the inside out. After she comes apart, Tobias settles between her legs, and she eagerly grabs his shaft to guide him into her.
"Tobias" Tris groans as Tobias thrusts inside her with slow steady strokes, he loves how she gasps every time he fills her, pulling out leaving only the tip, to slowly but forcefully push back inside her.
His tongue matches his motions as he devours her moans and sounds. He loved when they made love frantically, fucking hard and fast as they had in the supply closet of the training room two weeks before, but like this, he could savor every moment with her.
"I love you," he says, pulling back to look in her eyes and he thrusts hard into her. He feels her clench around him, and her nails dig into his back. All the scars he had from Marcus, the scratches Tris, leaves are the kind he wanted. He could tell she was close, but he didn't expect her to do what she did next.
"Say it again" she breathes.
Tobias sees not only lust but something else in her eyes.
"I love you, Tris" he repeats, this time punctuating her name with another hard thrust that causes her to cry out again.
"I'm…" Tris barely gets out as she is about to fall over the edge and Tobias picks up the pace only slightly.
"Yes, come for me, Baby" he coaxes in a deep voice that makes her shiver with delight.
"Hmmm hmmm," Tris says almost incoherently. "I love you, Tobias"
The way she said it, it felt different this time. Tobias feels time stop, this isn't her trying to console him or appease him. He knows she truly means it and it's as if she's pledging herself to him.
"Tris," he says softly not knowing if she realized what she was saying as they moved against each other.
"I love you so much," she says louder as she shakes and comes undone.
Her words send him over the edge as he picks up the pace, shattering Tris into a thousand pieces along with himself.
"Tris, I love you" He cries out as he empties himself into her. He should be worried about their scouting mission, or that she was still with Lynn, but he doesn't care. All he cares about at this moment is reveling in the feeling of her professing her love for him.
As he lays on her chest to catch his breath, she runs her fingers through his scalp not wanting him to move. He rolls off her after a few minutes, smiling and pulling her close to him. It's quiet with only the sound of their breathing in the room.
"Hey, what's wrong…did I hurt you?" Tobias asks when he hears Tris let out a sob against his chest. He sits up and lifts her chin to look at him and sees tears in her eyes.
"I need to tell you something… I'm so scared ...I don't know what to do or how to feel but I need you right now…It's been so hard since we've been in Dauntless before we could tell each other everything…" Tris says, wiping her eyes as she talks fast, her heart racing. She was exhausted with keeping secrets, she just wanted her and Tobias to be able to be themselves with each other again.
"Tell me what's wrong…" He asks cupping her face. Tobias feels his mouth go dry. He feels something in the pit of his stomach. Was this over…was she choosing Lynn…
"I said I would let you make your own decision, and not push you anymore but give us a chance, Tris, a real one. We can face the fallout together," he asks when she looks like she's having trouble getting out what she wants to say.
"I want to be with you Tobias, I can admit that now but that's not the problem…I…I think I'm pregnant…." she whispers letting more tears fall. She looks at Tobias and doesn't get a reaction and it makes her feel queasy.
Tobias feels his mouth fall open in shock. He blinks a few times and tries to say something but no sound comes out.
The silence was deafening for Tris. Her cheeks are hot, she feels exposed and embarrassed. She jumps up. It's freezing outside the sleeping bags but she quickly pulls her clothes on as fast as she can. Tris is fully dressed before Tobias finds his voice.
"Tris, wait...I'm sorry, I'm just shocked…I needed a second to process…" He tells her as he scrambles to put his clothes on.
He grabs her hand as she turns away from him.
"Come here" He pulls her into a tight hug and lets her cry for a few minutes, then pulls her back down to the floor getting them to snuggle in the sleeping bag again close to the heater. Tris feels like she's in a warm cocoon as his arms tighten around her. She breathes in Tobias, his scent, and the soap he used, and starts to relax.
"Are you sure?" he asks, still holding her close.
"I need to see Aunt Hana, but yeah, I'm two weeks late… and I talked to Christina, I didn't know what you're supposed to do and you and I…, well,...I feel so stupid…"
Tris feels embarrassed, her voice trails off and she lowers her head down feeling her eyes burn with tears again.
"Hey, Don't say that this is on me too…I just… I didn't know either…" He tells her, making her look at him again.
She nods and then they change positions so that her back is against his chest, he wraps his arms around her and rubs his fingers across her arms in a comforting motion. Neither is sure how much time passes when Tris speaks again.
"What are we going to do?"
Tobias decides to be as honest as possible. He had no idea what to do. A baby, his mind was swirling with thoughts and questions.
"The one thing that we can do and the one thing we've always done….be there for each other."
Tris smiles a little at this. He was right, one thing they always had was each other. She nods and snuggles back into his arms.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to realize how much I love you …" she says quietly.
Tobias smiles and a feeling of relief washes over him.
"Don't be sorry, all I care about is that we both feel the same way and we can be together now"
Some more time passes and neither one of them wants to move out of the little bubble they were in.
"I'm scared," she says softly, her eyes starting to close.
"Me too," He whispers. He was more scared than she would ever know. A baby… Is that what he wanted? He said he wanted her, he said he wanted forever with her but a baby was something he was having trouble wrapping his mind around. He realizes quickly that if he wanted forever with Tris, babies would be a part of that. But a baby right now? Could he be a good father? He had no idea.
Tris pulls his arms tighter around her. She had to deal with Lynn but for the moment she just wanted to savor this feeling with him. Tobias holds her close as they sleep cuddled in the sleeping bag, lightly kissing her forehead and stroking her curly hairline since it was pulled back in a tight bun. As he watched her sleep, he decided he would be by her side to talk to Lynn. There was so much going on now and Tris needed him to be there through all of it.
When Tobias wakes in the morning, he has a stiff neck and back from the hard floor. He knew it was close to daybreak and the convoy would be on the move soon, things had been quiet all night but the early morning light was starting to filter in.
"Hmmm, what time is it?" Tris mumbles and Tobias gives her a soft kiss on her temple.
"Early, almost six," Tobias responds after looking at this watch.
Tris opens her eyes, she knows she should regret making love to him again last night but she doesn't. She had no idea if she should confess to Lynn what she had done or if she would just tell her she didn't want to be with her anymore. Part of her wanted to do the latter, to save her from the heartache of knowing her deepest fear of Tris cheating with Tobias had come true.
As soon as they finish packing their gear and eating some of the food they had packed for their journey, Tobias makes a motion for Tris to be still. Her ears perk up as she hears the same noise coming faintly from the window they left open across the hall. It was a vehicle.
They creep across the hall and position themselves on either side of the window but stay pressed against the wall to avoid being seen.
"Come on, hurry up we gotta dump this body so we can get back to our positions, If we can take out that convoy we might finally get moved off of grunt work like this," A man says roughly.
"Why do we even have to do this, factionless die all the time, this is extra work" The other man complains.
"Cara made it clear that no one can find these bodies or Ms. Matthews would have our heads. Dauntless doesn't patrol this far out and Evelyn doesn't want to scare the other factionless if too many bodies show up in their areas again"
The two grunt and drop the body of what appears to be a woman into a small ditch in front of the building across the street.
"Well, I don't think we have to worry about this after the blizzard. Evelyn and her troops are going to take over Abnegation as soon as the blizzard clears."
Tris can see the scowl on Tobias' face and his fist clenches. She reaches out to put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
The first battle was coming. Their relationship drama needed to take a backseat.