Chapter 44: Does Commitment Become Us?

Gendo Ikari remained in the center of his room in complete isolation. Days became weeks but he refused to remove himself where he sat. With no one to speak to and no one to watch him, he was left with nothing to do but wait for the day he wanted to pass.

His isolation was broken as soon as he saw a familiar set of monoliths appear around him. It was company that would demand his attention but not the sort that would give him any assistance. At best he considered SEELE's observation a distraction for every day he had to wait for its end.

The 01 Monolith made itself known as it observed, "You still live. You must know by now that your use is at best trivial to our ends."

The 15 Monolith agreed, "This recent replacement has been more efficient at providing results than you have as of late. He is even utilizing equipment that we discarded when we allowed you to use the best we had available."

Gendo remained focused on the ground as he told the monoliths, "What has been occurring outside only concerns me when this base is defended. So far it seems your reliance on this new leadership has been to our advantage."

The 09 Monolith reminded him of their ultimate demand by warning, "You will not have the Angels to rely on forever, Ikari. If you have any intention to realize Third Impact, you will surrender Adam now."

Gendo was unshaken by the demand as he reminded, "I do not recall any of you having anything to hold as leverage against me."

The 12 Monolith tried to understand Gendo's argument by asking, "And what sort of plan are you using Ikari? When the last Angel has been destroyed, how do you intend to persuade these new occupants of NERV to allow you to begin the process when there is so much at stake?"

Gendo remained unshaken as he answered, "Because you will go to whatever lengths necessary to make sure we can begin."

The 01 Monolith addressed Gendo's confidence by reminding, "You have demanded more patience on our part than we would have permitted in any other scenario. We have gone through all means necessary to make sure you would one day find yourself here. It will be easier for us to remove you."

There was truth behind the threat but Gendo remained committed as he countered, "And you won't. Because I have Adam under my control. Unless you can find it, your threats will never mean anything."

A brief silence hung between the SEELE monoliths and Gendo before the 01 Monolith told him, "We have discovered the deepest secrets you held before, this will be no different. And we will make sure you are denied participation when the time comes."

Gendo remained indifferent to the warning, "Things may be progressing as you have desired for a while. You of all people should know that reaching a desired outcome does not mean you will maintain control all the way through."

The 05 Monolith interjected the exchange by dismissing, "We are not going to accomplish anything trying to reason with him. It is clear he does not want to cooperate anymore."

The 04 Monolith agreed, "He believes he is able to keep Adam secure from our reach. It is time that we tested his bluff."

The 01 Monolith concluded the conversation by telling Gendo, "There will be more than you can handle when you have been removed from this place. This attempt at demonstrating power over us has been a waste of time. Before this ends, we will have everything necessary to make things progress as they were meant to."

Gendo did not have a chance to tell the monoliths anything in response as they faded from view. Without SEELE to speak to, he was once again left in solitude. He remained unintimidated by the seclusion he was left in but did have a chance to ridicule the advantage SEELE thought they had over him.

He looked down as he told them, "None of you have the patience for what will unfold. Your willingness to dismiss what one individual is capable of will always be your downfall."

Ikuko still could not comprehend how she was being treated now that she was left to linger in her cell. Living in isolation for so long made her believe no one besides Misato would ever look for her but now she had to live with what she did. As it turned out, there was only one action that became enough to have her taken in by the supposed saviors of humanity.

Ikuko was left for days to wonder what her life would be like if she ever left her room. The wonder she had was answered as soon as she saw the door open and reveal someone she did not think would try to find her. She recognized Porter but could not think of any reason why he was here.

Her confusion was addressed as she heard him instruct, "Come with me. There are others here."

Ikuko kept herself seated as she denied, "Like Hell I'm supposed to trust someone like you! Let me see my daughter damn it!"

Porter turned to explain, "If you do everything I tell you, we can get Misato out of here."

Hearing the possibility of saving her daughter captured Ikuko's attention but was still hesitant as she considered what was happening to make it possible. One of the men who arrested her was offering to take her out of her prison and make sure she would have a chance to undo what had happened. She could not imagine why he of all people would want to give her the opportunity she was still conflicted about having.

Ikuko did not have a chance to protest however as she was approached by Porter and saw him place handcuffs around her wrists. The two walked out of the room while Porter led Ikuko down a nearby empty hall. Silence hung between the two as Ikuko realized she would not have a chance to accept or protest where she was headed but quickly found out she would not be alone with Porter.

Hajime gestured for the two of them to enter a nearby room and greeted them as soon as they walked in, "Good job. The General was okay with your reasoning after all."

Porter agreed, "The General is a man who works by the book. It is up to her to make sure that we are not exposed at any point now."

Upon entering the room, Ikuko had many questions at the front of her mind and only found them increasing by the second. She could not even decide if she should have been relieved or afraid that Porter brought her here. What was apparent now was that she had to make a decision in front of the gathering of people she at best had passing familiarity with.

Trying to ask all of her questions at once made Ikuko ask, "What do you people want me here for?"

Hawk answered, "There is much that you have yet to understand Ms. Katsuragi, but if you value the life of your daughter at all, you must be willing to assist us."

Koji elaborated on the reasoning, "Right now you risk serving as leverage to make her cooperate but we can stop NERV from bringing about the end of humanity if you help us."

Despite such a serious claim, Ikuko knew Koji was not exaggerating. She remembered how dangerous of a situation Misato described when she came to her but never imagined she mattered in this scenario. Helping her daughter meant more to her than anything but being thrown into a conspiracy like this one did little to ease her into the proposition.

She bit her lip but told Koji, "Misato told me about some of this. You could have picked a better time and place to gossip if that's what you wanted."

Hajime remembered the recent incident that cost Kyoya his life as he explained, "Unfortunately we do not have any other options. It's already difficult to determine who does not have the potential to betray us. It's because of him we had to change where and when we meet. I am hoping you might have the incentive necessary to consider assisting our cause in that case."

Although he provided a reason for his secrecy, Ikuko was still not convinced of the cause as she wanted, "You know how to take advantage of me but you know I'm not going to blow any of you for free."

Her constant reminder made Hawk explain, "I know you want your daughter to be safe. But we have to go about this practically. There are still Angels we have to deal with and we cannot allow NERV to fall into chaos."

Turning to the one who arrested her, Ikuko snapped, "I might be a miserable excuse of a human being, but I am not doing anything for you if that's what you're expecting!"

Koji raised his hands to prevent an argument from building as he told them, "We have a way to help her and everyone else. It will all take place in a window where we can take Gendo Ikari hostage as well."

Ikuko recognized Gendo's name and turned to Koji asking, "Well you're planning on shooting high now? Is he really the guy who wants this impact shit to happen?"

Hajime was relieved he did not have to explain what was at stake and continued, "We know that right now he is the best chance to start it. If we stop him then we can save everyone."

Porter agreed, "That is what we need your assistance with. The General will accept that you are about to be transferred but we need you to be out of the way while we set up the right conditions."

Before he could add anything, Hawk told him, "We cannot afford to reveal everything to her in this place. The most she will be able to accomplish is not being held at gun point to pressure anyone else."

Ikuko became impatient as she listened to the others debate about her place and reminded, "I thought you were all here to conspire, not argue about who gets their first turn."

Hajime decided now was the time to begin the plan as he told everyone, "It sounds like Ms. Katsuragi is on board with us at least. If that's going to be everything, it's time we confirm what we're doing. You both know where you're headed once you make your way out right?"

Porter confirmed the plan, "We won't reveal it until necessary."

Looking at the men around her, Ikuko acknowledged her role, "So that's what you needed me for. To make sure I didn't throw too much of a fit when I have to get dragged out of here."

Koji confirmed what she came to understand, "That is putting it simply. We have matters that need to be solved here and outside simultaneously. If either Hawk or Porter need your assistance, we need you to think about what we are doing now."

Ikuko resigned herself to the situation as she accepted, "Well your little makeshift prison cells aren't better than my place. Guess I'll have to go along."

While their duties were assigned, Porter asked, "Do you believe you will still be safe out here?"

Hajime recognized the danger he was in by answering, "We have a lot of people to keep track of around here. Cutting others from our group was unfortunately necessary if still compromising."

Hawk took hold of Ikuko's shoulder and guided her out of the room while Koji and Hajime were left to determine the fate of their potential uprising. It became a relief for both men as they found themselves secure and away from onlookers. Both Porter and Hawk proved to be reliable for the moment but the current state of NERV was too fragile for them to allow any mistakes.

Koji recognized this as he asked, "You still think there are people here we can trust?"

Hajime realized the concern, "I know finding out about Mitsuru is difficult, but we still have at least some ground to finish what Kyoya started."

"Even if we take him out of the equation we still have so much of NERV to concern ourselves with. How are we supposed to know who is on our side at this point if they are ready to shoot us whenever they have to?"

"That is not something we considered when this began. It's for that reason we have to be quick and handle him ourselves."

"This is assuming SEELE won't come to his defense."

"The way I see it, if he was more cooperative with them, he wouldn't be in this situation."

Koji paused to consider the scenario before he agreed, "It seems to be the only reason he is trapped. Until we begin, we won't know how many steps ahead he has planned."

Hajime recognized the concern, "Concerning ourselves with the good of humanity was never going to be an easy experience."

Ikuko was still not easy with being escorted to the truck where she would be transported. Even if what she was doing was for the good of everyone, she was uneasy with the idea that she would be leaving Misato behind. Her disappointment was only made greater when she remembered how little she had been able to resolve her current state of confusion.

Hawk sat himself next to Ikuko while Porter took the wheel and announced, "We'll be there in a while."

She tried to maintain an air of indifference for the situation as Ikuko felt the truck begin to move and warned, "Whatever you're thinking about better be worth it."

Her demand was dismissed as Hawk reminded, "You only need to remain out of our way. That is the only concern you provide for us now. Unless there is something other than your daughter you are concerned about."

Porter made a series of turns through the underground garage as he told Hawk, "She doesn't need to be intimidated. She made her commitment already."

Hawk was not easily convinced as he told him, "She has at best agreed to leave NERV. Nothing else is making her invested in our cause."

Irritated with being talked about, Ikuko reminded, "I'm not some VIP you can ignore you know. You could at least try and quit with all the secrecy crap."

Hawk denied the claim, reminding, "The only thing motivating you now is your daughter being in trouble. You do not have a clear enough mind for something this serious."

Ikuko resigned herself to the treatment she was receiving as she told them, "It's not as though she even deserves this much respect from me after what she did."

The truck was making its way to the exit as Porter reminded her, "She couldn't have done anything so drastic if you still hoped to assist her."

Crossing her arms and sighing, Ikuko countered, "I don't know. I never had to deal with my own kid sleeping with a minor before."

Revealing what was weighing on her mind left Ikuko wistful. She did not think she could ever have a reason to not love Misato as her daughter, but she was being challenged in a way she never wanted to imagine. It was hardly a pleasant thought at the moment but here she was revealing herself to complete strangers.

Hawk remained indifferent to the reveal as he observed, "So the reports are true. And she did not turn to you until now?"

Ikuko smirked as she deprecated herself, "Yeah. I'm a mom you can trust if you couldn't tell."

While he did not believe she would immediately be convinced to assist him, Hawk was left interested in what sort of motivation Ikuko had. He realized he had an advantage when he considered his position. Ikuko was in this game Gendo and SEELE set up and she was not prepared to recognize what potential she had. How much of an advantage he could have over her was something he would discover if he managed to understand what brought her to this point.

Hawk began his hidden interrogation by observing, "It is still telling that you have been willing to assist as best you can. I'm sure she can see the good in what you are trying to do for her."

"Not until I start sucking up to her and acting like I like what she did."

"You are still uneasy about the idea."

"I really failed as a mom and she had every reason to leave me. Now she wants me in her life again. In a time like this."

"You allowed her to have freedom. It is only what you were expected to do as a mother. Little else could have happened unless you forced her to obey you."

"Easy for you to say when you don't have any kids to worry about yourself."

"You assume correctly."

Despite the ease of the exchange, Porter warned, "I know she has a lot on her mind but she can sort everything when the time comes. Having her worry now is only going to make her more of a potential liability."

Hawk was kept from apologizing as he heard Ikuko dismiss, "Nice to hear you think this is already settled. My son-in-law to be isn't even going to want to look at me."

Despite his intention to keep her mind easy, Hawk immediately remembered what would make Ikuko believe Shinji apprehensive to see her again. Normal circumstances dictated she should be in prison right now for what she did and she knew it. He could not even imagine how conflicted Misato would be.

He followed along with Porter's expectations as he reminded, "Nothing has been predetermined. There are many other people in the world. We will only remain in despair if we shut ourselves out entirely."

Leaning back in her seat, Ikuko resigned herself by adding, "More like we won't even have a chance if we keep being shut out. Those two aren't even getting time together to make sense of what they did."

He knew there was another Angel attack that occurred that day and he could not do anything to participate. Shinji was locked in his makeshift cell and Misato was in another room next to him. For once he committed to a choice and now he was being punished for doing so. A younger him knew he should have expected this to be the least that would haunt him.

"So why did I do it?" He wondered to himself.

Every choice he made seemed to be a step in the wrong direction as he thought back. There were so many chances for him to end everything but he allowed it all to fall into place in the end. His attempts to rationalize what he was going through were ultimately meaningless as he remembered not only the futility but the reasons he did so in the first place.

"I really thought we were the only ones who mattered."

He knew what he did would be difficult for others to accept but he also felt a sense of contentment he only scarcely had before. It should have been a situation he could have begin with anyone else but he found himself taking on a challenge he never considered. Finding solace with another person would have been less trouble for him, but the most important thing for him was that it would only be held between the two of them.

He looked at the wall where he saw the window into Misato's room blocked off and looked with a sense of regret. There was nothing he could change now that he was trapped within NERV and had no way of reconciling with Misato or trying to make sense of her mother's warning. Happiness continued to be cut off from him as he was allowed to do nothing but remain where he was imprisoned and be left to his regrets.

That's all you can do now.

Shinji was the only occupant of the room and had no one else to talk to. His thoughts taking manifestation was the only way he could find a way to make sense of what he was facing. Doubt, regret, and fear were all culminated into a faceless individual Shinji was still able to see as a reflection of himself. It lined up perfectly with the multitude of analogies and scenarios he could imagine before.

He looked up as he spoke, "I can't stay here forever. If someone breaks me out... If father..."

There was no reason for him to believe Gendo would want him released if he was still in control of NERV but he still remembered what would indirectly release him from his prison. Him and almost every other individual who had their own whether real or metaphorical. The plot that would end the concept of individuals.

Isn't that ideal? There would be nothing.

It was difficult to argue the outcome. With no conception of individuality he truly would become one body and soul with Misato. With no baggage or expectations he would have to fear or conform to.

"Miss Misato did so much to stop this."

Always thinking about others. That's why no one is happy.

"If I didn't, everyone would be hurt."

All you prove is your own selfish desires. Never changing anything that would have happened already.

"But Miss Misato needs me now."

She needs someone who would not hurt her.

Shinji was not left in confusion at what he was being accused of but tried to relieve himself of the responsibility by countering, "I didn't do all of it."

He was still left in a state of uncertainty as he heard his doubts tell him, You did enough.

There was nothing more Kaworu wanted than to break Shinji out of his imprisonment and free him. He also knew he could not do it without bringing him or the one he loved into an even graver state of danger than what he could cause. His hopes for Shinji's happiness was right next to him but he needed to ensure it would be realized.

Misato did not expect to have any visitors but snapped to attention as soon as she saw the door across from her open. She saw Kaworu standing in the light and making his way towards her. There were many people she knew she would have to face but Kaworu was not someone she imagined.

She prepared herself for whatever was coming by asking, "Kaworu?"

Kaworu confirmed his presence by observing, "Shinji made a brave choice indeed. It must have been for a very good reason."

His observation made Misato agree, "That's probably the nicest thing anyone ever said about me and him."

A sense of resignation was clear to Kaworu as he heard Misato give her way of thanks. It was clear by now that everyone she knew would know about what she had begun with Shinji and there was no escaping their judgment. No one would perceive her the same way again but it was also the stem of Kaworu's curiosity.

He made his way over to her asking, "Do you regret what you have done?"

It had become apparent to Misato by now that Kaworu was indeed an Angel but was left completely indifferent to such a revelation. She could very well be killed by such a being of greater power but struggled to even muster the desire to survive when she remembered the long and tiresome number of events that brought her here. There were moments of happiness she wished she could return to and linger in but the place she sat in now was almost everything she feared what would happen if she did not let go of Shinji.

She summarized her anguish by answering, "Yeah... I hurt him so much... He deserved better than me... I seriously didn't think about anything..."

Misato realized Kaworu reached a hand out to her stomach that made her look down. He rubbed his hand along the area gently while his smile grew. Misato had no idea how to react to such a gesture but was immediately reminded what an Angel like Kaworu was capable of.

Kaworu stepped away as he looked back up to Misato suggesting, "I'm sure he can be what you both treasure."

Misato was taken aback by what Kaworu said but realized what he was able to determine. Her baby was still growing in her and he was able to determine what it would be born as. The observation was enough to make her instinctively bring a hand to the area Kaworu rubbed as though someone threatened it.

She did not believe Kaworu had any hostile intentions towards her but remained cautious as she asked, "You... know?"

Kaworu remained as composed as before, answering, "I know that your life has been difficult. It has made you make harsh decisions that harm yourself. But that is what lilim hope to see change. It is why they give a new generation of life."

Misato looked down at her stomach as she countered, "My mother... This isn't what she wanted at all..."

"It can be."

Hearing a sense of confidence behind Kaworu's statement left Misato amazed that anyone could assume her mother would have such a drastic change of heart or be assumed by an Angel. As she remembered who she was talking to however, she knew she could not hide anything from Kaworu. The hope she received from him was far from assuring however as she found herself hoping for assurance from something that was not even human.

She finally found a simple question in regard to Kaworu's hope by asking, "How?"

Misato struggled to imagine an Angel being able to consider what humans valued but found herself amazed to hear him explain, "Any parent who loves their child must recognize their role as a guide. To avoid harming others in their pursuit of happiness. If two people find it in harming one another... That is simply the language they share with one another."

It was not the assurance of an outsider, but what a boy his physical age would have made at one point. There seemed to be so few normal people in the world who were willing to say there was anything to be hopeful for and she was not even hearing it from either of her species. It was an observation that made Misato feel even more remorseful as she thought about what might be waiting for her.

She hung her head as she told him, "I wish the adult world was that easy. Everybody is already looking at me like I'm a monster. They're probably right."

Kaworu cut directly to what he knew Misato was fearing as he assured, "Not everyone is going to deny what you seek. Your mother must have a good heart if she wished for you to be her child."

Misato knew there was some truth to Kaworu's assumption but still felt the guilt of being subject to her mother's woes as she revealed, "The first thing she wanted to know when I told her about us was what she did wrong. I don't want to cut her out of my life forever."

Kaworu remained unshaken in his conviction as he told Misato, "It is for you to decide if she is worth holding on to. Two people are enough to create paradise. I am sure Shinji feels the same about his father, but he is now being forced to make a serious decision."

Although she was relieved to have someone who was not intent to hurt her to talk to, Misato was still uneasy as she tried to understand Kaworu's motivation by asking, "Do you really care that much?"

Kaworu pocketed his hands as he confirmed, "My intention is to make sure Shinji is happy. I cannot be the one for him. He has already chosen you long ago. You must decide that his reach is what you desire as well."

What sense of fear Misato once had around Kaworu was finally lost after the conversation had reached this point. It was clear there were people who cared about Shinji as much as he did even if it was in a different way than what she imagined. She might have even done what she could to allow Shinji to find happiness with him if it was what both he and Kaworu wanted.

Thinking about such a possibility left Misato admitting, "It's nice of you to care about Shinji. He really deserved someone better than me."

Misato's regret was all he needed to hear before Kaworu revealed what drove him to what he believed, "He even makes the same observation as you do. It is truly an amazing unity you both share. You were both born apart and yet every bit like one another."

"And I take it you haven't thought about trying to get between us?"

"I have been requiring myself to let him have the happiness he desires ever since I discovered it. It has been a long time. All I can do now is hope that he has made a worthwhile choice."

It was clear to Misato that Kaworu's questioning was to discover how much she wanted Shinji to herself again. If there was any existence of an Angel that she would have been familiar with, one came down in the form of Kaworu to determine if she was doing the right thing. Now he was satisfied with what he had discovered. Whether it was her holding on to Shinji's baby or how she continued to fear being judged by others, she could not tell if she was worthy to be the support a young boy like Shinji needed.

She watched him continue his walk to the door as she agreed, "You definitely should be asking if I'm right for him. This all used to be a game at one point and I thought it would stay that way. Now I don't even know what's going to happen to either of us."

Kaworu's parting words left an impression on Misato as he warned, "The final Angels are approaching. You will see the calling when the time comes."

They were cryptic parting words were all she was left with now. Misato watched the door to her room close as she was left to face what would come but be left unable to face the challenges to the human race. If Kaworu's warning was any indication, she still had to discover what her own decision would ultimately be.

A/N: Hey everyone. Sorry about the delay, been a bit holed up this past week. I'll try to get another one out next week to make up for the lack of an update last time.

That being said, I hope you all managed to get some enjoyment out of this portion of the story. I really felt the need to build up some character interactions and establishments in order to make sure the stage was set for a really big final stretch. Like Kaworu said, the final Angels are coming, I just hope you all anticipate the moment the that final Angel arrives. I hope to see you all then.