Chapter 46: Longing
Izaya seemed to have slept tighter than ever as not even the carriage's departure had woken him up.
Groggy eyes opened to fresh air.
The scenery had changed. Rays of sunlight flooded the inside of the carriage and dipped everything into pleasant but stale warmth. The curtains did little to nothing to keep the carriage dark, but Izaya didn't mind as they allowed a small glimpse of the outside world.
The dark trees and steep ledges of the valley had disappeared and the shadows usually casted across all lands had shrunken to a barely recognizable size.
It was midday. Or early afternoon, Izaya wasn't quite able to tell.
The carriage was still moving and the stones it skipped caused it to rattle more than Izaya liked.
But there were more important matters to be addressed than the movement of the carriage.
Swallowing softly, Izaya tried to get a good estimate on his body.
Death was sitting at his neck, laughing at every desperate breath he took and he was well aware of that fact.
And yet- right now?
He felt the warmth that had claimed his body. He felt the way his palms grasped too awfully weak onto the silken blanket covering his skin. His head was heavy and his eyes unfocused- but his mind was clear. His chest, for once, allowed a few cautious breaths of air and Izaya closed his eyes in mild relief.
He felt like shit, but arguably prettier shit than the day before.
The large shadow of a knight on a horse bypassing the window diverted Izaya's attention for a second.
Fatigue was still awfully present and yet his curiosity beat the exhaustion as he forced his eyes back open.
Ginger hair reflected in the blaze of the midday sun and Izaya recognized the knight as the one called Craigh riding by the carriage.
"I'm more of an assman if you ask me."
The statement came as unexpected as it was confusing.
The wind picked up and with a slight hint of annoyance the beary knight pushed a strand of ginger hair prickling his brows to the side.
Craigh had clearly addressed one of his fellow knights and within seconds the culprit in question appeared.
Horse black and figure tall and trained it was Alaric that showed a quite amused expression as he had his own hard time keeping his longer hair out of his face.
"You just haven't seen a couple decent ones yet," the carefree knight argued with a hint of humor in his voice as he united his wild mane with a cord. It looked quite artistic the way he rode hands free on his horse while doing so.
Craigh huffed, "Of course I did."
"Your mother's don't count," Alaric laughed, louder than he was supposed to.
Anger was what Izaya had expected in response at what appeared to have clearly been an insult, but instead the conversation kept its awfully humorous light flare as Craigh shot a playful glare towards his comrade.
"Shut your dirty mouth Alaric, before I do it."
Laughter followed from all sides and before Izaya was left in the darkness that was the mystery of their topic he heard Lothar's voice speak up from behind the carriage. He couldn't see the cooking knight, but his voice had been soothingly low with a hint of raspiness. It was a voice he could easily discern despite only having greeted the knight once.
"Young folks, really. Getting all riled up just because of some busty lady working the fields."
A soft smile spread across Izaya's lips as he closed his eyes again.
Ah.
So that's what happened.
It was a prude topic they were talking about, really, and yet Izaya couldn't help but feel the comedy of the scene.
Of course.
They were all men.
Izaya had clearly spent too much time with his sisters and Shizuo if it took him this long to get the gist.
"I too think asking her name and where she lived as you rode by was not appropriate," another knight scolded with a voice that sounded too young to be used in such a way. Izaya didn't need to see the knight in question to know that it had been Chester who spoke up. He hadn't really talked much with him, but from what Izaya could tell he appeared to be the mother of the group and awfully defensive when it came to supporting Craigh's ideas.
"Oh my god, let a man appreciate an angel if he sees one, will you? She laughed so she couldn't have been that offended."
Hished hisses that called for silence shut Alaric up quicker than any argument.
Of course.
They thought Izaya was still asleep.
Their queen.
They obviously didn't want her to wake.
Crispin took it upon himself to cast the final judgment. His voice was hard and his expression probably even harder as his words traversed the quickly following silence. "You should focus on the road instead of your dick if you ask me."
"You heard him," Craigh agreed.
"Don't act so innocent, had she owned a voluptuous buttock you would have been the first to whistle," Alaric scolded with the slightest hint of offense in his joke, but Craigh merely smiled.
"Believe it or not, but I only have one ass worth whistling over," he laughed with enough force to fell a tree.
Izaya couldn't help but quietly snort.
It was funny. Despite his rather crude approach Alaric chose the most delicate descriptions to describe a woman that pleased him. Craigh on the other hand-
His language was the worst but his intentions were innocent.
Watching the curtain move in the slight breeze that combed through the lands Izaya sighed.
His hand lifted and before he knew it the sun's rays danced around his fingertips.
He wanted to be among them.
The knights.
Their conversations, their attitude, their use of words- they were a bunch of very different personalities, yet Izaya could feel the bond of trust they shared.
Almost like a family.
Feeling his heart clench in a way that did not stem from his illness, Izaya's brows furrowed into a tight line. He really wanted to be part of that family.
A past in which Izaya had not suffered from his illness painted itself before Izaya's eyes.
A past in which he could have handled a sword and provided the heir that his father wanted. A past in which his sisters could have married whoever they wanted because the succession was set to be Izaya's responsibility.
… wouldn't everything have been different if he had been capable of fulfilling his duties?
He could have joined the king's knights. It was an honorable role and would have brought prestige to their manor all the same.
He could have joined Shizuo on his campaigns- on an even level, in a role of support. Wild pictures of dragon fights that ended up to be mere shadows and stones popped into Izaya's mind and he smiled as he imagined himself among the knights as they got rid of the folks' fantasy.
He knew not everything had been roses and funny stories during Shizuo's campaigns, and yet even when he thought about the times Shizuo had had to actually fight he didn't feel appalled.
Because he could have had his back.
Butterflies of a weird kind fluttered in Izaya's stomach as he relished in the awfully sweet imagination in which Shizuo and him were of equal standing.
Swords glittered in the bloody light of the setting sun- wounds and exhaustion tore at their bodies as they stood on a battlefield, back to back, and yet meeting a single glance from Shizuo, Izaya was sure to see confidence and a winning smile.
Because Shizuo was Shizuo.
And giving up didn't seem to be part of his vocabulary.
Izaya could imagine the way his strength and charisma could push his knights to the limit and win any situation over.
He longed for it.
For the bittersweet journeys that Shizuo had been on and the trust he shared among his knights.
"If you have time to chatter like this, I take it we can go faster?"
It was hard. The way the voice fitting his fever dream spoke up from outside the carriage.
Shizuo.
Snapping Izaya out of his daze, he found himself back in the reality that was the inside of the carriage sooner than he liked.
Like a stone sinking to the pits of his stomach Izaya listened to that soothing voice of caramel and honey and his hand fell.
The words used implied that Shizuo was getting fed up with the conversation and yet the tune in his voice didn't.
Alaric's next words only confirmed that suspicion. "Of course the one blessed with a gorgeous wife would say that."
"Alaric!" Chester scolded immediately, but it seemed he was the only one getting offended as the soothing sound of knightly laughter filled the air.
It was funny, but even merged with his fellow knights Izaya could clearly hear Shizuo's amusement. He could hear the way he relaxed for a moment. A well deserved moment that was not tainted by Izaya.
Izaya was aware that without his presence Shizuo would have a much easier life. A real wife. A family even closer than this. And yet-
"Well, you are one gorgeous wife short to order me around, so get that horse going," Shizuo argued with a truth and lightness to his voice that swamped Izaya's mind with unexplainable warmth.
What was this sensation?
What was this feeling that tightened his chest yet freed him in the most magnificent ways?
"Ouch. That went right to my heart, I don't think I will survive-" Alaric complained- but moved. Judging from the way the soft bumps that wrecked the carriage increased, Izaya figured they actually sped up a little.
And yet it didn't keep them from talking.
More and more complaints followed, shot down by witty answers and the pleasant sound of sarcasm and laughter merged into a lullaby.
It was soothing to listen too.
Calm.
Peaceful.
Before Izaya knew it the voices washed away the mess that were his jumbled thoughts and his eyes closed. They were amazing.
The knights.
The servants.
Shizuo.
He had closed his eyes for barely a second not intending to fall asleep- but before he realized the sun grazing past the curtain was gone.
Night and darkness filled the outside of the carriage and with surprise Izaya noticed that its movement had stopped and the voices ceased.
Patterns of red decorated his right cheek and he lifted his upper body just slightly to brush the curtain aside.
The soft tinge of rising flames crackled in the distance and Izaya blinked.
Had he passed out?
He had to have, considering the sun was suddenly gone.
That or the world was ending.
A bitter smile grazed his lips as he sighed. He wasn't really sure whether he should be scared upon the fact that he had just lost consciousness like that or appreciate having woken up again at all.
Protesting wood creaked as if on cue and the entrance to his carriage opened.
Shizuo.
Eyes met each other and within a hot second a glimpse of guilt spread across Shizuo's expression as he hesitated.
"Sorry, did I wake you?"
His voice was a whisper so low Izaya couldn't help but suspect he believed he could potentially reverse his mistake. The action was silly, and yet Izaya couldn't help but smile because it was just like him.
A gentle king to be loved and followed.
His palm's grip on the silky bed sheet tighten just a bit as the soft sound of chirping crickets filled the short moment of silence that followed. Somehow it only underlined the peaceful mood of the moment.
And yet… the tinge of guilt sitting at the back of his mind held onto him with a tight grip.
"Did I sleep the entire day?"
The topic of whether or not it had been Shizuo's fault that Izaya woke was graciously avoided and Shizuo distracted.
"Like a stone, you snored so loud my ears are bleeding." The door to the carriage was closed as the king slipped inside.
Too distracted had he been to notice how quiet Izaya had become.
The declaration was meant to put Izaya at ease but fabulously failed. Snoring?
A queen wouldn't snore.
Shizuo had noticed his mistake too late and a quick flash of regret grazed his eyes as he saw the way Izaya tensed.
"I was joking. No one heard a thing-" he quickly corrected his error and Izaya relaxed with a deep groan.
"Don't scare me like that."
Heh.
Shizuo should feel guilty. Guilty for the misunderstanding he brought on, and yet he could really bring himself to as happiness surged through his veins instead.
Izaya looked good.
He was sitting up straight. The color that had been drained from his face had picked up a soft tinge of healthy beige and Shizuo found himself relieved with hope.
"Sorry," he apologized nonetheless, but couldn't quite hide the smile that forced itself onto his lips.
Izaya frowned of course, not quite taking the hollow apology as truthfully meant.
"You don't appear to feel sorry," he pointed out.
"But you appear to be better."
Ah.
So that's why.
Izaya swallowed.
And again it was there. That warmth. That care that Shizuo expended whenever he spoke to him. It caused his stomach to flutter and his chest to tighten.
Shizuo was right.
He did feel better.
It might have been the excessive amount of sleep and rest, maybe Shinra's medicine that he was ordered to take in regular intervals or the fact that their surroundings had considerably changed. Weather of warmth and fresh breezes had replaced the chilly winds and rainy clouds and Izaya felt as though breathing had become less of a chore.
"Better than last night at least," he whispered softly and the joy those words brought to Shizuo's face was blinding. It was cute. Izaya could almost see the way Shizuo was holding back a winning roar fitting the end of a war on the battlefield as his voice pressed itself into confined and suppressed happiness.
"Do you want to join us again?"
to be continued~
Hey guys~ Sorry this week has been a little stressy because of work, so I only got one update done xD Namely the Impostor one haha
But next Saturday I should be able to update everything again 3 With that being said see you~ xD
PS.: A small question on the side- I can't let my books on amazon be proofread- because I simply can't afford it xD So I'm proofreading everything myself. Which is good and all, but now I got a review that said my english sounds "clunky" sometimes and I wondered what exactly they mean xD
Long story short, do you guys have any ideas how I can improve my writing? Or are there any other things that irk you sometimes? Structure wise/grammer wise, etc.
I would be glad for any tip or suggestion :3