"So, based on what you have left to do here, when would you like to leave?" Jack seemed to be really trying at home, Lisa noted. She turned her head to answer him, blowing a stray hair out of her face as she did, her hands covered in fruit. Jack saw the gesture and reached over to brush it out of her face, with his right hand, leaving his left hand around her shoulder as she stood at the kitchen sink cutting up fruit. He'd surprised her, walking up and putting his arm around her, but she did know he was trying. He'd been trying more in the evening, reading a lot more in bed and talking to her when she came to bed. She was sure that the reading was improving because his dizziness and headaches were better. Things were less awkward but not otherwise any different, and that was okay. Just the fact he was trying and being more social was better.
"Ahh, I'm almost done with this," she nodded to the bowl of cut up fruit, and then, I'm ready to go."
"Okay," he nodded, squeezing her shoulder, "I need to pack my flies, but everything else is loaded. I'll meet you outside."
"Lisa, you seriously do not have to make a fruit salad for us here. I can cut up fruit," Amy called from the table where she was having a late breakfast, a piece of toast, some of that fruit, and a glass of juice. "I know I'm terrible in the kitchen, but I can handle that."
"I know," Lisa said, both Lisa and Jack there looking over at her. "I had a free moment, and I know you are busy here."
"Yes, but it's fine. I can handle it. I thought it was for your trip to the fishing cabin."
"No," she shook her head. "I am taking some of the vegetables and preserves we put up this summer, but this won't travel well. I didn't want it to go bad, knowing I bought it at the store a few days ago."
"Well, thank you," Amy smiled. "Gosh, Grandpa, it just dawned on me that with your truck needing a new alternator and in the shop, you can't take it to the fishing cabin."
"Don't get me started," Jack said, eyeing Amy and he groaned. Lisa tried to hold back a laugh, but she did let out a muffled laugh with Jack, still standing there next to her, looking over and rolling his eyes at her. He threw up his hands, "I'm getting my flies and packing them in the car. I don't want to talk about my truck."
"Jack," Lisa said his name with a hint of sympathy as she gave him a small frown. She squeezed his arm as he started to step away. "I told you we could push the trip a few days just to take your truck."
"I know, I know," he waved his hands, sighing at Amy as he stepped away, waving his hands in frustration. Lisa turned back to cutting fruit at the sink, and before he got too far away, Jack leaned over, surprising her, and kissed her cheek. "I appreciate you offering to move the trip, but I'd rather go now than wait who knows how long for that backordered part to come in. Plus, you moved around your work schedule to go now. It will just mess up the trip to the cabin and perhaps be an issue with snow if we delay any longer. I'm going to finish packing."
Jack patted Amy's shoulder as he stepped around her, nodding at her. Lisa watched the interaction, not realizing that Amy was watching her.
"Uhh huh," she heard Amy say and turned to her, the paring knife and a strawberry in her hand.
"What?" Lisa shook her head, a small smile on her face. "What are you uhh huhing? I know you," she pointed at Amy with the knife in hand.
"Nothing," Amy said with a grin on her face, "well, except that it's nice to see Grandpa being so affectionate with you. I mean, it was ahh, gross," she nodded with a grin, "watching it growing up. It's not what you want to see of your grandfather at 15, but now," she smiled, "it's good to see he's working to back to normal with you."
"Gross," Lisa rolled her eyes, sighing at Amy's comment. "Well, I appreciate you saying that, but don't say it in front of him. You'll freak him out. We are doing okay," Lisa stated with a nod as she thought about it, "but," she finished with the fruit and turned to Amy, wiping her hands with the kitchen towel, "I think he's really frustrated deep down, not just with me and who I am to him, but with the situation. I am too, honestly, and it's a lot, for both of us."
Amy nodded, a sad smile on her face, "I can't imagine, but I think you're doing a great job, and he is doing better, especially with you. That is good to see. I am sure you don't want to talk about personal matters with me, but I am here if you need anything, just as you were here for me when Ty died. It's not the same, but you have lost a part of him that you may never get back."
"Yes, I have," Lisa sighed. She shook her head and put the towel back, "I'm trying not to dwell on that. I'm excited about the fishing cabin, and by the way," she gestured at Amy, "he actually wants me to go, not just out of obligation or anything else."
"Ahh, see," Amy grinned, raising her eyebrows. "Progress. You two have a great time and be careful. No injuries at the fishing cabin, you hear?"
"I'll keep him out of trouble," she chuckled, leaning over to hug Amy. "Bye, Sweetheart, enjoy some time here with you daughter. We'll see you in a few days. Text or call, as always, if you need something."
"Don't you worry about us and Lisa," Amy called as Lisa started to put on her coat. Lisa turned, curious what Amy needed, "You have a good time. Make sure that husband of yours sees what a great person you are."
"Thanks, Honey, bye," Lisa waved, stepping outside with her purse in hand and still adjusting her coat. Jack was just closing the back of her car.
"Ready to go?" Jack asked, and she nodded. "Mind if I drive?"
Lisa laughed, grinning at him as she walked around to the passenger side. "I assumed you would. Let's hit the road, Cowboy."
It ended up being a very enjoyable drive to the cabin, the two chatting easily about normal, everyday things. Lisa had packed some snacks for the car, so they didn't have to stop along the way, something both appreciated knowing there weren't a lot of options on the drive. Shortly after lunch, they were pulling into the cabin, both expressing an interest in fishing, deciding to only unpack their fishing gear at the moment so they could enjoy the most of the afternoon before it got too dark. Their dinner depended on the afternoon-maybe fish, and if not, they would have some of the other food they packed.
They worked together to prepare dinner after catching two fish each.
"So, it seems as if your fishing has improved since last trip," Lisa glanced at him, grinning from the outdoor stove where she finished wiping it down. Jack had grilled the fish, and she'd heated up some green beans she had canned over the summer. She'd packed a loaf of bread from the diner, and they'd each had a slice of that with dinner, both now pleasantly full and ready to sit and relax for the evening.
"Well, I didn't know I'd married this fly fishing professional," he gestured as he finished wiping up the counters. He put things back on the sink and turned toward her, leaning back against the sink. "Feel like I got hustled last time we were here."
"Hey," she pointed at him, grinning, "I told you that I'd become good at it over the years. We'll see how tomorrow goes on the water."
"That we will," he said with a nod of his head. He gestured to the pot of coffee, "Care for a cup? As much as it pains me, it is decaf, which I know will not keep either of us up half the night."
"Love a cup," she smiled. "Sit on the front porch?"
"I'll bring the coffee," Jack told her. "Getting chilly if you want to grab a couple blankets."
The two met up again on the front porch where they both got comfortable in the newer porch chairs. The couple had replaced the front porch furniture last year after two of the chairs had broken in different spots, the pair trying out several different types of patio furniture, settling on more Adirondack style chairs for one side and a new wooden table and chair set for the other side of the porch. Jack put the cups of coffee down on the small table between the chairs, and Lisa turned out the front porch lights but left the lights on inside, which cast just the right amount of light for their evening outdoors. Lisa passed out their blankets, and soon, they were both settling in for a quiet evening by the river.
"Mmm, now this is what I love, these quiet evenings here at the cabin."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," he glanced at her. "I know I'm missing 18 years of cabin trips, and we did come here after my injury, but it is taking a little getting used to having you," he waved, "anyone," he corrected, "here with me. I used to come here alone so much and for a lot of years. Our last trip here, I was just glad to be here even if I might have felt like I had to be chaperoned. I'm sorry I was difficult on that trip."
She nodded quietly, sipping her coffee, finally putting her cup down and looking over at him, "I know it's hard, Jack, and I know you've been clear you wanted me to come along this trip. I'm sure it is very unsettling on some level to suddenly have me in your life when you don't remember a thing about me."
"The other day," Jack gestured toward Lisa, looking at her, "I know we need to talk about this, and I also know I've been avoiding it because I am not sure what to feel or say. I don't want to hurt you-"
She bit her lip and nodded, Jack dropping off and not finishing that sentence. She cleared her throat and met his gaze, gesturing at him, "You can talk to me, about anything," she said with a nod, "and I will handle it and listen. This is new territory for both of us, and there is no set protocol or way to muddle through this."
"I'm struggling with some things, Lisa," he started and paused. She could hear his sigh before he continued, "I care about you more and more each day. That I can promise, and you are an absolutely wonderful woman. I can't believe you are in my life. I am finding myself very much attracted to you for who you are and also because you are very, very beautiful." Lisa found herself tearing up at that, really hearing in his voice that he meant it and was sincere. Right now, she needed to focus on what he was saying because she had a feeling he'd been wrestling with a lot of emotions.
"Go on," she encouraged him when he paused.
"As much as I like you, and I really do," he said with a warm nod at her, "where I am struggling is the idea of anything more. I was married to Lyndy a lot of years, and I know now that you and I have been married a lot of years, years I don't remember, so understand that I'm back to the idea of only being with Lyndy, and I'm having a hard time getting over that right now."
Lisa quietly nodded, the soft sounds of the river nearby, and finally, she cleared her throat, "We've had this discussion a few times."
"We have?" Jack asked.
"Why sure," she said with an audible sigh. "I understand you think this is the first time you're feeling that way, but it's not. It was a struggle for you initially, and we talked and worked through that. I cannot make you feel one way or another, but we've definitely been here before. That is something you have to address, Jack. I certainly can't force you to want me in your life or to want anything more with me ."
"I do want you in my life," he stated, and she turned her head from where she'd been looking straight forward. "I really do," he said, reaching over to clasp her hand and tug on it. "I am serious that my feelings for you grow each day, and I am not where you want me to be or where I was, but I'm working on getting there. You really are amazing, Lisa, and I am seeing how I did fall in love with you because I've certainly never met anyone like you. Your willingness to balance work and family," he nodded, "it's really wonderful to see. Lyndy wasn't like that. I mean, sure we had Marion, but she didn't want a big family and was always torn at home. I could see it. She always wanted to be back on the road, even when she was sick. She seemed to almost wish she could be away at the end, touring like she had been. I know she loved me and loved Marion, but her heart wasn't at home with all of us. That alone, I see it's very different with you. You truly love being home with everyone, and I know you said you always thought you'd travel and live your life in France, but I'm awfully glad you love the family so much. You have a very selfless personality, and I will admit, Lyndy did not. I still loved her for who she was, something I can't explain. I understand I really must love you more than I can imagine right now to have been okay, even if it did take time, letting go of my past and moving on, and that's where I struggle. I'm not there right now, and-"
He stopped talking, not sure what to say, and Lisa reached over and put her hand on his arm, "Thank you for talking to me. I won't tell you it's easy to hear. In my shoes, I'm listening to my husband tell me he's not sure he can get over his former wife, all these years later, and I know that it's your head injury. I know that, but it's still hard to hear. We talked about this so many times, whether we could cross this bridge, whether we could move on as a couple. It is part of the reason we did take so long to get married. Jack, it's still hard for me. She's been dead now 30 years, and while it doesn't seem that long to you, it has been that long. That's almost as long as you were married. I will tell you one thing I said long ago-you can either live in the memories or with the memories. Living in the memories means you stay there, back in time and don't want to move forward. Living with them, well," she nodded, "you remember but you still try to live. I really love you and won't force you to love me, not ever," she sighed, letting out a very long breath as she said it. "We've had a really good life together and have been really happy. Our romantic life behind closed doors," she met his gaze and raised her eyebrows at him, "has always been really good too, even with our ages, and I'm sure that is an uncomfortable topic, but you need to know that. I'm going to continue to be by your side as you work through this."
Instead of saying more, Jack squeezed her hand, that saying a lot. It seemed fitting to just drop into silence, both enjoying each other's company and the solitude of their favorite place. Finally, after listening to the crickets and staring into the night sky, Lisa squeezed Jack's hand back and looked over at him, finding his eyes looking into hers.
"You know, if we were truly dating, and you'd told me that again, I might just walk away, but," she said a soft smile, "I know what we were, and I know what you are capable of. I can hope for things to improve, even if there's no getting back to normal. Deep inside, I think you'll find it, and we'll get there. I'm never going to stop loving you, Jack."
"That's a wonderful thing to hear, and I do truly hope I can say that as well, Lise. I really, really do and want to spend as much time with you, enjoying you and working toward that. I just want you to know what I'm dealing with and am really trying. I'm so glad you are with me on this trip. Sitting here, I feel like the mental exhaustion of these last two plus months now are really hitting me hard."
She stood and offered her hand, "Come on," she said with a nod inside. "I can understand the mental exhaustion, and I wasn't the one injured. Perhaps a couple days here will help us both, and yes, I'm happy to spend time with you as well."
He met her gaze as he accepted her hand to stand, standing up right in front of her. He looked down from his taller stance, "A couple day?" Jack said, leaning closer with a quiet tone. "Depending on your schedule, I'd stay here three or four."
She smiled as she pulled him into an embrace, "I can do three or four days. My schedule is clear. Come on, though. Let's get some sleep. Everything always seems better in the morning. I do love you, Cowboy, and thank you for talking to me. I can't say it doesn't hurt, but I am also really trying-trying to not take it personally."
"I don't want you to take it personally," he frowned. "I do care very much about you," he said, cupping her face and lowering his head to kiss her tenderly. She put her hand on his wrist and leaned up to kiss him back, nothing more said, Lisa ushering them both toward the door.
Lisa did appreciate him talking to her about personal matters like this and hoped that as hard as it was to hear, it was hopefully a step forward to Jack getting back to her. He was trying, trying to love her, this new version of Jack, and at least he was talking to her about matters of his heart.