Sansa
Other than the brief hug and hello when I arrived father has been busy with my brother and the King so has had little time for me. Not surprising as I am just a girl after all but why could he not take more time for me. Why could he not see how upset and sad I am over losing out on marring the prince and living in the capital. Then I had met Monterys and he was so gallant, well spoken, and heir to a very powerful family and yet again father denies me the match. I am not as bitter as I was, and I hate to say it, but it was mainly because of Jon and his wife.
Over the past few days, Evolet has made a concerted effort to connect with me, often intuitively understanding my feelings. Although she may not always have the right words, she excels at helping me consider various perspectives and understand how different groups, even within the South, may view a topic differently. Recognizing that no single group is consistently correct, we must evaluate the information and decide for ourselves which principles to live by. Take, for instance, my parents' opinions on Jon. Our father, having lost all his family except one brother, would invariably cling to his illegitimate son, offering love and fair treatment. In contrast, our mother, indoctrinated from birth to believe bastards were malevolent and would undermine a household by displacing the rightful heir, struggled to empathize. Her upbringing at Riverrun did not include illegitimate or distant relatives, making it difficult for her to relate. Furthermore, her lack of direct loss in the war, except for Uncle Brandon, whom she scarcely knew, made it challenging for her to comprehend our father's stance.
The question that haunted me for many nights since our initial conversation was the one she posed before departing to her room with Jon. "What would you do if you were the sole survivor of your family? How do you think Jon would react if you were under attack, or if you were taken and mistreated?" Initially, I dismissed the thought, confident it would never come to pass. I felt secure in Winterfell, believing that marriage to a lord would ensure my safety. However, when I expressed this to Willa, she contemplated deeply and reminded me that our kingdom often finds itself at war, leaving the men absent for extended durations. During such times, anyone could assault and attempt to seize control, likely harming or taking captive any women, they encountered, with their fates left to the whims of the Gods. These grim possibilities crept into my mind during the quieter moments, as I adjusted to camp life, cooking for the first time, caring for children arriving from beyond the wall, assisting the elderly to settle, or aiding the Maester with the wounded, casting a shadow over my once carefree demeanor.
"What troubles you Sansa? You have been standing here most of the morning watching us all train but yet look very far away as well." Jon asked me and I sighed turning to look at the son that looked the most like our father and really took him in. He had always just been there and as small children I remember him always looking out for me and playing with me when Robb was off refusing to play. He would always make sure that I had lemon cakes when I was sick and would sit and read to me once mother went off to do the Ladies duty to the hold leaving just a nurse with me. I couldn't remember a time he wasn't there but at the same time something had changed years ago, and we grew distant and just civil to each other.
"You said you and Robb would fight a war to get to me if something was to happen, is that true?" I asked him, watching as something crossed his face like pain and I wondered if that question bothered him so much or if the thought of saving me was that horrible to him.
"There is nowhere in Westeros that we would not go to save any of our siblings, to protect our home and keep ya safe in it. It would matter not who it was, we would die to save you and not because it would be our duty but because we love our family deeply. I love each of you deeply and you are all I have in this world. Why do you ask?" he explained as he finally met my eyes and his grey ones held steel to them that seemed so out of place for a person so young. Yes, he was considered on the cusps of being a man and was married but at the same time we were so young, and I knew Robb and him would be fighting this new war coming.
"How did you know that you wanted to marry Evolet and at such a young age? Mother always told me stories of my aunt and how romantic it was when the prince crowned her with the blue winter Roses. All these stories of how gallant and brave they are and how they would see me and make me their queen. But after coming here and watching you and Evolet and thinking about father and mother I am just more confused." I tell him and he thinks over what I said thoughtfully as he looked down and around before I saw when his eyes found his wife and lite up just a bit lessening the hard steel color a bit. She was by an outdoor mud oven that someone had made recently with the crowned princess Myrcella and Shireen.
"When I met Evolet, it was like something in me settled and I felt like all the pieces fit finally, it was like we had just always known each other. When I looked at her, I wanted to be the man I knew I would have to be to be worthy of her. When I found out that another had spoken for her and at the thought of losing her, I about lost my mind. I feared father would tell me no and I am not sure what I would have done but it would not have been accepting that I would have lost her. When you meet the person meant for just you, your heart sings and something deep inside settles. Until you feel like that do not entertain marriage. Yes, some day you will marry but only for love Sansa and not to a prince unless it is truly meant to be." He tells me and I sighed feeling so lost and confused but at least maybe now I could find my path.
"Jon, can you go find Lord Stannis and let him know that he is needed in the Kings rooms, I would like to talk to Sansa for a bit so let him know I will return in a while." Father tells my brother as I felt his large warm hand rest on my shoulder, and it brought me much comfort.
"Walk with me daughter." He said and I nodded as I followed him down the stairs and out the gates towards the woods where I knew there was a heart tree he had been visiting since coming to the wall.
"I understand you're facing challenges, and you're not alone. Being human means we can't foresee the future or predict outcomes, and even those who claim they can are prone to errors driven by emotions and deep-seated beliefs instilled since childhood. We often react impulsively, making decisions clouded by our biases, sometimes misguided but motivated by love, loyalty, or honor. This duality of life, its beauty and tragedy, lies in the ebb and flow of our choices. It's never too late to evolve, to make new choices, to rectify past mistakes, no matter our age. I realize how overwhelming this can be as you stand on the brink of adulthood, when everything feels monumental. I won't delve into the events that shifted our family dynamics weeks ago; I don't wish to add to your burdens. However, I acknowledge that I may have overreacted and mishandled the situation concerning you and your mother. Actions that should have been taken long ago were delayed, leading us to our current predicament. These errors, mine alone, ripple through our family. In time, you'll learn that immediate reaction isn't always the wisest path. There are things I need you to ponder on, please." Father began, settling beside the heart tree, as I took my place opposite him.
"Like what father, does this mean that mother will be able to go back to being the lady of the hold and not lock in her rooms again, that everything will go back to normal?" I asked hoping that would be the case because all the changes were a bit much and very confusing.
"Things are going to stay how they are. As of a couple of weeks ago after I found out you went south against my wishes, I put Arya in charge of Winterfell and the North. She will continue to be in charge because your brothers will be needed for different parts of this war. You will have your own path Sansa that is just as important. You must work with Arya and make sure that the north has all it needs to fight and survive a very long cold war ahead. But that is not what I want you to think on my sweets. I know you are angry at your mother and me, however, you will find a man someday that you will fall in love with, and he will love you just the same and give you the life you deserve. That love is all I have ever wanted for you. I am going to tell you a story about your aunt Lyanna. One you are trying so hard to follow in and it terrifies all of us for you." Father told me and then went on to tell me the full story of his sister. The romantic parts dimmed in the play by play of her leaving to the deaths of most of the Stark family. Had it not been for Jon Arryn even father would have suffered the same fate. When he went on to tell me how evil Joffry is and that I should ask Myrcella about him it sent a shiver down my spine. I had not see anything bad just all the good.
"Why did mother tell me only romantic things and for as long as I can remember, her and Septa Mordane told me someday I would be queen. Did she not care how evil he was just that I would be queen?" I asked having thought over what he was saying for a bit as he cleaned Ice.
"Because you lady mother also sees the romantic parts and was working on information that was to manipulate her into doing as they wanted. Those persons did not care at all about your safety or happiness, just the control they had over your mother. Your mother is a very trusting woman when it comes to her family and childhood friend, but it has led her astray." He explained and I sighed still feeling very upset but slowly accepting that my dream was just that a dream and would never be reality.
"When I got to court I thought that I would be taken seriously and that I would see grand balls and dinners. Take the eye of the prince and then be seen as a future princess and treated as such. But in reality when I got there I was ushered off to the other children and left to do studies and stiches. The one meal I was able to attend I was not even at the main table but with the other ladies in waiting. It was nothing like I thought it would be. Did the king not find me capable of standing in for you? Is it because I am a woman, because many women hold their house until their son is old enough to take over." I asked after explaining.
"In times past you most likely would have done all those things you wanted and I have no doubt our houses would have joined and you become a princess. That was in the past, you arrived at court when the whole of the king's family was in question due to the queen and her brother having been found together and it being proven that the two boys that were passed off as princes were nothing more than bastards born to incest. The trails held was no place for a child on the cusps of becoming a woman to be and the danger you were in was more than you could have foreseen. Robert was not trying to show you any disrespect but to protect you as my friend. He has changed many laws so that his daughter can rule once he is gone. It has only been done a couple times in history and each time has failed. He is working to prevent that this time around. He has changed for the better and has finally taken control. That is not to say in the future after this war there will not be balls and fancy dinners again, grand tourneys, and many knights knighted, but it will not be for a very long while. Just thank the gods that you miss out on Joffry, he truly is as mad and the mad king was just much earlier in his life." My father tells me and it does easy my mind some that it was not because was a female just that I was to young to deal with what was going on at the time.
"So will things go back to the same at home? Why is Arya in charge when Robb will be going back with us when he returns. Why did you skip me?" I asked still feeling very hurt now that I knew my little sister was the one in charge and father had said he would not be changing it anytime soon.
"Robb and Jon will be here with me at the wall, Robb will become a great military leader and Jon is his right hand. The two together will become amazing leaders, I truly believe and nothing not even the Night King will stop them. Arya because while I never wanted to burden her she needed to remember and take control in a way only she could see. You my darling child will need to work with your lady mother to learn healing, start managing the food stores for both the hold and the north. Build up the new glass houses and help those coming from the north to our area get settled and make sure they have what they need to start crops, herds, and build homes. I also need you to make sure that all the wards are also getting the training that they need this include Evolet. She needs help in learning how to be a lady and to run and hold because eventually Jon and her will have their own. But you must work with your sister and follow her lead do you understand." Father explained and at least he did not forget me or push me aside, but I still did not understand why Arya was in charge of everything but maybe mother could explain it.
Over the next week things went by as they had, the Septa's kept us busy and I tried harder to get to know my new good sister. I thought she was nice but very different than what I was used to. She had such strange ideas on somethings and there was no changing them. Like the day Robb was supposed to come she had us all cooking many dishes that she said was to honor warriors and to bring the god's blessings to them for future battles but she then refused to let anyone eat until he arrived saying it was bad luck. It was so weird but all of us were learning to work together. I felt very much the outsider though because they all wanted to learn other things besides stitches and how to do lady's work. They all loved history and I had to admit quickly I was not anywhere as advanced as Princess Myrcella or Lady Shireen was, and Evolet was picking up the different Valyrian languages quickly like she had always spoke it. They to also like working with the other heirs learning their bow, a dagger, and even a small sword and I still was so awkward with all but the bow. I just didn't want to learn, I would rather stay the lady that mother taught me and let men do it for me. That was another point that kept me going back and forth because I was comfortable in my role and didn't want to change it.
Finally, the day came when I was told by my father that Robb was to arrive. I was so excited to see him and for things to go back to how they were before. I was with the other women all cooking and setting the long tables for the arrival of the heirs who had been setting up the wall and my oldest brother. When I finally saw him walk into the great hall for supper. He looked so different then the last time I saw him, more confident, surer of himself. I gave him a shy smile as he moved through the crowd of other men headed towards father and King Robert. I watched my siblings and father head off into the heart woods without was then that I realized that this was it, this was my new life. I would have to find my place in it and make it work for me. I knew that I couldn't change what had been decided but I could change how I felt about it. I could make sure that I was the best at what I did and that I made father proud.
Hearing a knock on the chamber door I opened it to see Robb standing there. He looked upset and I noticed his eyes had changed, had darkened as if he was angry about something. I excused myself from the other women and stepped out the door and made my way over to where Robb was standing against the railing overlooking one of the training yards. "Robb?" I said softly, not wanting to draw too much attention to myself. He turned at the sound of my voice and smiled.
"Sansa," he said, his voice warm. "It's good to see you again."
He stepped forward and embraced me, his strength reassuring. I took a deep breath, inhaling his familiar scent. "I missed you," I whispered, unable to keep the catch in my voice from showing.
"I missed you too, Sansa," he replied, his voice just as soft.
He paused for a moment, then asked, "How was your journey south? I heard it was...difficult at times." His eyes searched mine, as if he were trying to gauge my reaction to what he was about to say next.
"It was nothing like mother had told me court was. As you are aware it was then that the king found out that his sons were not his. I was not allowed to attend but one dinner and then it was with our Aunt Lyssa and grandfather. I did meet a young man that I enjoyed talking to very much but I do not think father will let anything come of it." Sansa answered her brother honestly.
"I know father has his own way of doing things, but you must remember that not everyone at court has honor. You need to be careful, protect yourself and never forget who you are." Robb said, his voice stern but gentle. "You are a daughter of the north, a Stark, you must be careful because you put yourself into great danger and Jon, father, and I were not where we could protect you. Do you know what I would do to anyone that would hurt you or Arya, Bran or Rickon?"
"No," Sansa answered softly, her eyes lowered.
Robb took her chin in his hand, lifting her face until their gazes met. "I would do whatever it took to keep you safe, even if it meant giving up my own life. You must always remember that. No matter what happens, no matter where you are or who you're with, know that I will always be there for you." His thumb brushed away a stray strand of hair from her cheek. "Even after you marry, I would still raze the earth to the ground to protect our family."
His words made her heart ache with love and sadness. She knew that he meant every single one of them, and she wished that she could believe him. She wished that she could be as strong and brave as he was, but she wasn't. She was just a girl, a girl who was about to become a lady of a great house. A girl who was terrified of the world she was about to enter because nothing was as she had been brought up to believe it was. "I will always love you, Robb," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "And I will always be proud of you."
He smiled down at her, his blue eyes softening. "And I will always be proud of you too, Sansa. You are a part of me, you always will be. And no matter where you are or what you do, I will always be there for you. You must believe that."
"So much is changed, different all of a sudden and I do not understand it. Mother is locked away and Arya is in charge of Winterfell. You have stepped up and taken charge from all I have heard from those here. Jon is now an heir and married. I do not even know where my place is and now all my dreams have shattered." She confided in her brother seeking some help in understanding.
"Sansa, life is not always what we expect it to be. We must learn from it, adapt to it. Winterfell is your home, it always will be. You are the lady of the north now, you have a duty to protect and care for it. Arya may be in charge, but you are still her sister and she will need you. As for your dreams of marriage, they may not have worked out as you planned, but you will find love, I promise you. And when you do, you must remember that your duty comes first. You are a Stark, and no one will ever change that." Robb said, his voice firm and reassuring.
Sansa nodded, her eyes still cast down. "I know...I just wish that I could be there for mother. I wish that I could have done something to help her. She was so upset with me for not letting her out of her rooms after father and you left. She said that thing will go back to how they are meant to be as soon as father comes to his senses. But then I get here and talk with father and he is set in his course. Set with the changes and so I do not know where they leaves our mother and I do not want her to be angry with me. Grandfather wrote to her and bid me to give it to her. I gave it to father and he has it and refuses to send it on. Now both will be upset with me."
"Perhaps it's best not to get involved, Sansa. Father knows best, and he's doing what he thinks is right. As for Mother, I'm sure she'll understand in time, but she has caused a lot of trouble and continues by filling your head full of this nonsense of princes and the game of thrones. There is only two ways that life goes, you either win and take the throne and always have to live in fear of another coming for it who is stronger, more ruthless, or devious or you lose your life. You deserve better than that Sansa. You are a treasure that should be treated as such not used for others greed. You need to focus on your new life now. It's going to be difficult enough as it is, with all the changes for you. But you're a Stark, and you'll rise above it. And who knows? Maybe one day you'll be able to help Mother in a different way." Robb tried to reassure her.
Sansa looked up at her brother, her eyes shining with unshed tears. "I hope so, Robb. I do miss her so and I wish she was here with me. It would be nice to have someone who truly understands what I am going through."
Robb placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "You are not alone, Sansa. You have me, you have our family, and you have Winterfell. We will get through this together. Now, come, let's go get you settled because we leave for home in the morning, and it will be a long trip." He smiled down at her, trying to lighten the mood.