I don't necessarily believe in any Holy beings.
I regard belief as something that has to be anonymous. If you are certain that something exists, you can't believe in it, the recipient of your belief needs to be something out of this material realm.
That's why I only believe in concepts and emotions, and rather opt to deal with them when faced with adversity.
One of the reasons I've come to this epiphany is because the World is simply not the way it had been before.
The circumstances the Apocalypse puts us in are unmanageable for most, thus their actions don't always exactly reflect their personalities.
Humans will do anything, anything to survive, whether it's an Apocalypse, or the first day of the week. Everyone takes risks and tries to preserve their way of life.
As such, I'm a devout advocate of Second Chances.
It's easy for me to just turn a blind eye, play innocent, harbor unnecessary resentment and hate for those that opposed me, or even outright murdered me in the past. They don't remember anything, in contrast, I even remember the time Soo-Yeun murdered me in the school grounds with an ordinary kitchen knife. Just because I acted differently compared to those around me in the time of Dragon Shower, just because her sixth sense tingled.
They say that physical pain diminishes in time, yet I haven't found anyone that can explain the feeling I get everytime she holds a sharp object, be it a Sword or a Knife.
I don't possess any kind of Perfect or Complete memory, I only remember what I can and what my mind tries not to bury. However, there are certain things that no matter how much time passes, I can't seem to forget. That's the reason I believe in emotions more than anything else, hence with them, I remember why I do certain things and take otherwise unimportant people under my watch.
I made mistakes, I acknowledge them, all of them.
Not every survivor is truly innocent, nor do they have good intentions. None of my companions do, in fact.
Vali would do everything in his power to truly kill me if he could, for him I am a risk that can not be taken. As long as we're out of the Apocalypse, he begins to hunt me down like a mad dog, that's one of the reasons I have to surpass him eventually. Sure, my survival depends on him, and his on me, however, there's no guarantee that one day we won't have a fight to the death.
In the cycles that Azazel does survive, I don't ever contact Vali unless it's absolutely necessary, I don't even tell him about my regression because of one crucial detail. Azazel himself. That crackhead scientist analyzes every single data he can possibly find and tries to temper with my regression, looking for a way to replicate it so he can send someone better than me. In the event he does, I don't have the slightest doubt that he will erase me from the annals of time, as he considers me an anomaly that shouldn't have occurred.
Baek Soo-Yeun currently holds the highest Issei count, apart from my natural deaths, as more than twelve versions of me have perished under her hands, or her thighs. Well, that one actually made me hella proud but for the sake of keeping this family friendly, I won't delve too deep into it. Some of them are pretty trauma inducing, while the rest are the times I couldn't convince her the other day.
I don't remember exactly how my first five cycles went down, yet, I often recall about one event, one single act that inadvertently changed my path.
The time I'd died by the hands of someone I believed I could trust. Baek Soo-Yeun.
That was only because she could, mind you.
I told you that she comes looking for me when no one does, right?
It's not because Baek Soo-Yeun is my guardian angel, nor does she have good intentions.
On the contrary, she acts true to her heritage, the daughter of the Sinner of Sinners, Heavenly Demon.
She took my life with an Aura Blade straight to my heart, at the early moments of Apocalypse.
Because no one would remember me.
No one would come looking for Hyoudou Issei, an open pervert with few, almost non-existent friends.
That is why she was able to commit something so ridiculous and terrible.
There's no ulterior motive, no condition that requires her to murder me.
No mind control, no aggression from my part, nothing.
Does she have her reasons? I still don't know, the only thing I know for real is that behind the reason she kills me lies an interesting fact about human nature.
If laws and morals don't confine the public anymore, they will begin to listen to their rather intrusive thoughts.
That was all I was, an intrusive thought for Baek Soo-Yeun.
If not for the fact that right after she killed me in cold blood I woke up once more, my whole existence would have ended there.
Alas, the first time I regressed.
That one single event led to me abandoning Kyoto for ten cycles straight.
When no one's watching, when she feels confident enough that she can escape with my murder.
The timing was absolute perfection, the Apocalypse had just dawned, there's no reason to not cross my name from the list of potential survivors due to a monster attack on the Campus Grounds. Even if someone registers the cause of death by murder, there's nothing to be done as Laws don't apply anymore, because governments inevitably collapse.
I'm not surrounded by accolades of humanity, on the contrary, my companions are my worst enemies, the people I will undoubtedly die at the hands of one day, whether due to who I am, or what I have done to realize the survival of our species. However, I have long surpassed the desire to live long and prosper. If I can survive a day after the Apocalypse, that much is enough for me.
That, however, doesn't mean I can't take precautions.
Indulge my yapping for a while, I want to introduce a concept that has been theorized but haven't found a proof of, per our civilization, of course.
Chaos Theory.
Or its related concept, Butterfly Effect.
One single act that changes the whole outcome of an event, one word that changes my entire relationship with someone. People don't realize how dangerous that can be for someone like me, as I don't often get the better pair of wings of that damned butterfly. I didn't, as well.
When Baek Soo-Yeun murdered me in the midst of Last Stand, well into seven years of Trihexa's descent, I couldn't understand it at all. Everything had been going as close to perfect as possible, I recruited numerous Sacred Gear users, most of them had been infected at the time and they fared much, much better against the Beast than I did. I had high hopes for that cycle, understandably, I was frustrated out of my mind.
That cycle marked the return to my educational self as I spent three consecutive cycles researching the Beast and figure out why Soo-Yeun had the bright idea to fry my heart out of the blue. Meanwhile I didn't get the answers I hoped, I had a better understanding of the true nature of my capabilities, that much was enough for me. I could use it to my advantage and make no mistakes.
Order creates Chaos.
Chaos creates the damnation of my existence.
That's precisely the reason I now operate at the Edge of Chaos, in a state between not affecting anything important yet still realizing my desires. In short, I adapted to the Edge and used it to my advantage. No one other than me could, as I had the privilege of Trial and Error by my side, I analyzed every single outcome, with every possible combination, with every event possible.
I left Soo-Yeun to die, I killed her, I rescued her but not recruited her, I entered into a relationship with her, I married her, I maintained a friendly relationship with her, I outright ignored her existence, I broke up with her, left her heartbroken, I made her my true arch-nemesis and fought against her, became the leader of Righteous Sect and she ascended as Heavenly Demon's successor.
In the cycles I had her favor, I had the worst outcomes.
Meanwhile when I treat her with enough enmity, I can survive to the end of the world.
Baek Soo-Yeun almost always kills me in every cycle I tell her about my regression, whether she can't fathom the thought of me living countless lives, or she can't truly believe that I am indeed a regressor.
So, how can I inform her without being buried six feet under?
Causality.
A concept that I tamed.
Endless possibilities? Bitch please, I have practically all the time in the World, I lived through every impossible and unfavorable outcome. It's true that I wasted thirty cycles just out of spite of one cycle going south, yet if I didn't I'd be fuming with the energy of a nuclear power plant. It's funny, actually, I only learnt this through the fact that I decided to drift the Trolley and commit a massacre.
In essence, the true reason Soo-Yeun kills me in spite of believing that I am indeed a returner, is actually about the timing of our talk more than anything else.
I told you that I married her in one cycle, right?
My life as her hubby ended when she strangled me with a guitar string whilst crying her eyes out.
In the cycle I became the successor of Righteous Sect and she ascended to the title of Heavenly Demon, she took her own life before my eyes, wanting me to go on and end the Apocalypse.
If I reveal my uniqueness before Fortress of Dawn falls, Baek Soo-Yeun never ever kills me, even proclaiming herself as my bodyguard in extreme cases. Circa almost all of the cycles starting from the 81st.
If I wait for her mother's clan to fall into ruin before explaining to her that I can turn back in time, Baek Soo-Yeun definitely kills me, not even one exception.
Call me Causa sui the way I am the reason for everything revolving around me.
"Still deciding whether or not to believe me?"
I could see the nervous smile crawling up in her lips, as if I hit a sensitive spot.
Why do I feel the need to inform someone that has crossed me more than fifteen times of my regression? Because without Baek Soo-Yeun, I can't defeat the threats that come after Trihexa. That is how important she is, not because who she is, or not because of what I feel about her.
Because of her unique technique, Heavenly Demon's Sword Technique.
Infernal Heavens' Grace.
A work of wonder as I like to call it.
If Baek Soo-Yeun survives the Apocalypse without me interfering with her growth, she usually gets stuck when it's time to battle the Star Stream and Outer Gods from the World of ExE.
However, in cycles that I'm around her all the time, I can inform her from her previous versions, about why they failed and how much they could progress before mastering the technique. Baek Soo-Yeun eventually masters the technique passed down from her mother no matter how much she resents it, yet when the time comes, my pretty girl doesn't shy away from taking down Gods one by one, by herself.
Heavenly Demon's Technique revolves around the evils of the World, how one man dies from starvation, or of thirst to clean water, or to drown in the depths of an ocean. If the recipient can't understand the feeling, nor they haven't tasted anything quite like it, Heavenly Demon emerges superior, no matter the opponent.
If they don't know what even is starvation, Heavenly Demon strikes them with such ease that even I envy.
You can't expect the Gods of a different realm to understand the pains and sins of Humanity.
I had my fair share of surprise when I first discovered it, as well, so I can pretty much understand you.
That sheer power comes from the fact that the Outer Gods had the bright idea to fight us in our turf, on Earth, our homeland which we painted red with our blood and sweat. In such a scenario, Baek Soo-Yeun single handedly takes care of those that want to invade Earth, Stars included. She's usually coined as Blessing of Mother Earth by then because of the Amounts of Gods she beheads on her own.
Anyways, there is still at least a decade before all that happens.
I believe in Baek Soo-Yeun's proficiency when the time is due.
"It's not just that I don't exactly believe you, Hyoudou."
"Oh come on, drop that Hyoudou, I think I deserve the first name basis, don't I?"
"Do you? I don't know."
"I think I do, Soo-Yeun."
"What you experienced and what I did differ, Hyoudou."
"Fair point."
It has only been a couple of hours since the Dragon Shower happened, electricity is gone and I can only rely on candles to provide enough light in my tiny apartment. I, being the nice host I am, insisted that she spend the night as Dragons are still roaming throughout the Kyoto Airspace. Baek Soo-Yeun is such a cutie, she feels nervous because she hadn't been alone with someone from the opposite gender for so long, so I definitely didn't have to force her to stay awake until she passes out from lack of sleep, which she does on her own.
What better way to spend the night than to stare at each other, am I right?
I can understand her concerns as I'm not exactly the model student, I'm an open pervert that doesn't even have lady friends, most of them didn't want to stay as friends with someone like me when Soo-Yeun exclaimed that I was a pervert. No girlfriends either, so I can be easily mistaken as a hormonal raging monster that had finally gone insane, spewing shit about being a regressor.
Does it hurt? Yes, it does.
No matter how much time passes.
Prejudice is my biggest enemy, right after Trihexa.
"How many days?"
"For what?"
"Until Fortress of Dawn finally lays ruin."
"Five, give or take."
"How?"
"Numerical Superiority, your clan excels at One on One battles, I take it that you know why."
"Because of that stupid Infernal Code, yes."
Even if Baek Soo-Yeun hates Heavenly Demon and Demonic Sect, she knows the rules by heart. That is due to the fact that before enrolling at Kyoto University, she was a recluse in Fortress of Dawn, spending her whole life to become the next Heavenly Demon. When she finds out about the method of selecting the next successor, this bombshell of a girl dips out as quickly as humanly possible.
Why?
One Word.
Fratricide.
An excellent method to have no oppressor to the rule of Heavenly Demon.
It's a practice one can usually see in Empires that are governed by one family, one man. In her case, one woman, as the Rank of Heavenly Demon is only bestowed to female members of the familia.
What would have happened if Baek Soo-Yeun didn't change her mind?
The World would have cried its heart out by the rise of another Heavenly Demon, offering their damnation to all.
"IF you are a regressor as you proclaim, then you must know what happens when I get there, right?"
"Absolutely nothing changes, within five days, Fortress of Dawn falls."
"I don't make even a single change?"
"Nope."
"Not even one?"
"Nah."
"How's that possible? You said it yourself that you have lived through this for 118 times, there must be one case where I manage to save someone."
"Ah… You're talking about that."
"What else I would've asked you about?"
"I get it, don't need to push me further."
"Then explain it better."
"Kay."
"I'm all ears."
"Fortress of Dawn falls, in 118 cycles, you make the choice to not go there at all, not even once."
"Not even to save my sis?"
"Yup, nothing will ever make you go there, even if you won't be able to hear your sister's voice ever again."
"You must be lying."
"Why would I even feel the need to lie to you? What would I gain from it? For fucks sake, I wanted to convince you to go there on your own for more times than I bother to count, yet the only thing you ever do is contemplate about it until it's too late."
"..."
"You are destined to be the last disciple of the Demonic Sect, that fact never changes. If you want to reverse that fate."
"Be my guest and:
Fuck off."
Baek Soo-Yeun won't, that I can exclaim with all my heart.
If there are any Gods out there, hear my prayers. I want that one event to happen at last, that's my last favor I will ever ask from you.
The Scenario where the Demonic Sect exists without my interference.
"There's only one cycle that you go back to the Demonic Sect, but it's not because of the fact that you want to save your sister either."
"What do you mean?"
"It's something I will tell in time, all you need to know right now is that the Demonic Sect ceases to exist in five days. Think about it all you want, however, if you want to make a significant change, just be ready until morning and wake me up."
If by some miracle, Baek Soo-Yeun succeeds, then this cycle might be my final one, the cycle I finally find the correct route to fight the Apocalypse. Demonic Sect can be very, very powerful against the Outer Gods due to their doctrine, if they can survive Trihexa, of course. Should Baek Soo-Yeun grant me this favor, I'll do everything in my power to protect her home from the Apocalyptic Beast, that is the promise of a regressor.
Alas, I find the meaning behind the existence of Three Sisters of Fate in this very cycle.
"I'll be off in a min, just wanted to say goodbye to you."
"Mhm..?"
"Thanks for everything, I owe you one, Issei."
"Yah… Whaddever."
Even in my sleepy state, I can't mistake the rising of the sun for anything else. By the sun, I mean her lips, forming a sincere and honest smile, their target is none other than me. Her eyes, even they carried the hint of the joy she feels in her whole being. How can someone be so beautiful to the point that their smile makes me want to commit my whole being to them?
"..!"
As Baek Soo-Yeun leaves me to fight on my own, I won't be disheartened. Five days, that much I can manage to survive without depending on anyone. However, the reason that I grabbed her by the wrist is not because of my well-being in her absence, on the contrary, actually.
"Promise me… that you will come back after five days."
"I promise."
That tone, that sweet tone. I am now certain, this cycle is the one that will reflect both of our true selves to each other. The kind and caring Baek Soo-Yeun, oh how I missed you!
There are no reasons behind emotions, they are just, them, just as my regression, it's no curse or blessing. You just feel them based on your experiences, your perception, your personality. You can't force emotions to anyone, or to anything non-organic. That's the beauty of our existence, that we can relate to something as trivial as one plant dying out from the lack of water and sunlight.
"After Five -yawn- days, if you don't come back I'll come there and drag your dead body on my own. If you fail, I promise you that I won't ever tell you to go there."
"Heh… Someone grew caring?"
"I always cared for you."
"Thanks."
The playful tone, I missed it. Her smile, the way her eyes pinch, the true Duchenne Smile forming in her face.
I observed every aspect of Baek Soo-Yeun, and dedicated my life to it in some cases.
I lived through the times she resented my whole existence, wanting nothing else but to kill me.
However, this smile, this face, makes me forget every single one of them.
After all, I am just a man
Chap 4 over, now we gon have a timeskip of three days.
The next chap will be about Issei's and Vali's reunion, stay tuned!
Leave reviews plox it makes me want to kill myself less, jk.
Shiwftie, out.