Apologies in advance for this one haha!
…
Kanan's POV
"Hun, are you alright?" Hera asked softly as she tended to the claw marks on my face.
My gaze was vacant, and my mind was empty. It seemed like a stupid question considering the situation, but I didn't have any energy left to fight back. "When Ezra is alright, then I will be too," I replied simply.
A warm touch covered my hand, finally managing to break my gaze from the weakened boy as I turned to face the Twi'lek directly. Her eyes were as beautiful as ever, but even I could see the darkness lingering over her heart. She squeezed my hand tenderly, her expression soft and forgiving. It seemed she had been preparing for this moment. She was obviously more accepting of Ezra's death than I. And while I had spent the past 48 hours chasing after a solution, she had been readying her mind for the most likely outcome.
I couldn't decide which was worse. Fighting, then losing. Or knowing the odds, and choosing to accept the loss.
They both seemed to end in heartbreak.
"They're working as fast as they can Kanan," Hera assured warmly. I knew she was only trying to help. But no words could sooth the pain I felt inside, the darkness that had consumed the bond between Ezra and I.
My fingers twitched, feeling the chill of the boy's skin under my own. I was so tired, physically and mentally. Everything I had endured over past two days could all be for nothing depending how the next hour went. And even though our connection was weak, I could still sense the poison shifting like a toxic beast through Ezra's neck, squirming higher and higher with each passing minute.
It was sickening.
But, I also knew I couldn't do this alone, and glancing back at my pilot, I blinked slowly and admitted "I'm scared… Hera…"
She smiled wearily, pulling her chair closer and leaning against my side. An action that in any other circumstance would have made me burst alive with energy, but right now, it acted as a slow burning comfort. Something I desperately needed right now.
"I'm know, Love," she soothed with a voice like honey. "We all are… but we'll get through."
Shooting her a mournful smirk, I replied "We… we always make it through, right?"
"Always," she smiled, her hand resting on my chest reassuringly.
So embracing her security, I leant my head against hers and entwined our fingers together, one hand holding onto Ezra, the other holding Hera.
And there we stayed, the three of us still and surrounded in sorrow, but never the less, together.
The moment was broken when the medbay door slid open, Sabine, Zeb and Chopper standing in the doorway. And in Sabine's hands, a syringe of black, swirling liquid.
Hera and I stood, moving the stools to the side as we allowed the teen to reluctantly step closer. I could see by her face that she was sceptical, her brow creased as she stared at the needle with distaste. She stepped towards the bed, then hesitated.
Glancing up, she asked "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"We already risked so much to get the venom. Do it," I answered firmly, my patience wearing thin. Every moment we spent debating was one less moment Ezra had to live.
Sabine pressed her lips into a thin line, glaring at me with icy orbs as she replied "No."
"Excuse me?" I growled.
"Oh no, no, we're not doing this again," Hera intervened, pushed the two of us apart.
"Hera, you can't honestly condone this," the girl snapped, staring down at the syringe in horror as if it were Ezra's own blood. "What this could do to him… to his body… it's not right. We shouldn't put him through this."
"It does seem like a risk," Zeb added cautiously, trying not to pick one side or another.
"It's the only way he'll live," I stated.
"Or die," Sabine added acidly.
"Ezra deserves the chance to survive," Chopper warbled.
"But at what cost?" Zeb snarled, shaking his head uncertainly. "We don't even know if that thing'll work."
"Could you live with yourself knowing it could have saved him and we didn't use it?" Chopper retorted, pointing his hand out accusingly.
The Lasat puffed out his chest indignantly and replied "The kid's gone through enough the past 48 hours. He doesn't need that to top it off."
"Hera, please," Sabine begged, placing her hand on the Twi'lek's shoulder. "If we wait, Ezra can at least die in peace. He's not in pain at the moment, and if we gave him some sort of anaesthetic, he wouldn't feel the final stages. He wouldn't have to go through any more pain than he has."
I opened my mouth to protest, but Hera held up her hand, cutting me off as she turned to the mandalorian and replied "I understand your point Sabine, and I understand wanting to make it easier for Ezra. But you must also realise how much was sacrificed to get the venom in the first place."
Sabine, holding the syringe in the palm of her hand, gazed down at the liquid with guilt. "I want Ezra to live too…" she admitted softly. "I never said I wanted him to go… all I want, is for the pain to go away…"
"I know this is hard, but you don't have to go through this alone Sabine," Hera reassured warmly. "We all understand what you're going through."
"Can we at least have a vote?" the girl asked.
Hera glanced over at me, knowing how frustrated I was growing. I crossed my arms heavily over my chest and sighed, nodding my head sharply as a signal for the pilot. She took it immediately, turning to the others and saying "Alright then, a vote is in order. All those who think we should use the antidote raise your hand."
Chopper and I quickly raised our arms.
"Alright then. Now those who think we shouldn't use the antidote raise your hand."
Zeb and Sabine both put their hands up, though I could see the reluctance in their faces.
"It's a tie," Sabine said.
"Hera gets the final vote," I added, turning to the pilot. "Hera, what do you think?"
The woman shut her eyes and took a deep breath, a motion I had found to be her decision making face. I watched curiously as her brows furrowed, and her fingers twitched with every exhale of the ventilator. After a few moments, her eyes reopened, but she didn't reply. Instead, she turned on her heel and stepped towards Ezra's bedside, gently leaning over his lifeless form. Lovingly, she ran her fingers against the boy's pale cheek. "What would you do, if you were in my position?" she asked in a soft whisper, barely audible.
She brushed some stray hairs away from his face, running her fingers through the long locks of his fringe. "There's still so much more for you here, my Tooka…" she spoke, her words only audible to me. "I'll do what you would have done for any of us…"
And after one final glance at the sickly teen, Hera straightened and turned around.
"I say we do it."
"What?!" Zeb and Sabine exclaimed, while a small smile of pride worked its way onto my lips.
"Ezra was afraid of dying. Afraid of leaving us behind. He told me he didn't want to leave, and I believe that if it were one of us, he would have done anything to keep us together," Hera explained calmly as she stepped into the middle of the room. "So, I will do the same in return."
Zeb remained awestruck, but Sabine, in seeming to understand Hera's point, nodded her head solemnly and replied "I… respect your decision."
"Then it's decided," Hera stated firmly. "We'd better work fast. Sabine, I can do it if it makes you uncomfortable."
"No, no, it's alright," she assured, taking it on the chin and standing tall. "I can handle it."
"Okay then," Hera smiled lightly, trying to be encouraging. "Work your magic."
Sabine took a deep breath, her fingers curling around the cylinder as she took her place at Ezra's side. "I diluted the solution, so theoretically, it shouldn't be strong enough to kill off any of the important cells, if I put only a small dose in," she explained, a little doubtfully.
"Will it be strong enough to kill the poison then?" I asked.
"Should be, I did a few tests with the sample," she described as she prepared the syringe. "If I put the perfect amount in, it should be strong enough to kill the toxins while leaving his body unharmed."
"And what if you don't put in the perfect amount?" Zeb probed warily.
"Try to be optimistic," she quipped, though I could see the fear concealed behind her distance gaze. Turning back to Ezra, Sabine raised the sleeve of his arm, until I suddenly cut in "Don't you need to put it in his neck? That's where all the poison is."
"If I injected it there with the wrong dosage this venom would have direct access to Ezra's brain, killing him within minutes," she replied firmly. "And I don't plan on taking any chances."
Sceptically, I took a step back. I knew it was a fast working venom, but since the solution was diluted, I questioned whether it would be fast enough to work. But regardless I allowed Sabine to take control of this one. After all, she knew more than I did about the properties of these toxins, and I trusted her enough to handle it. Sometimes on situations involving Ezra I tended to get… protective…
Too much maybe.
So for now, Sabine probably had a clearer state of mind than me, and I knew that Ezra needed someone whose head was in the game.
The needle ready, Sabine shot us all a look of dread, before turning to Ezra and gently placing her hand on his chest. "Forgive me, Ezra," she murmured, her tone tinged with sorrow. "I hope you'll understand…"
And with that, Sabine injected the needle, pushing in about one third of the inky, swirling solution, before pulling the needle back and waiting patiently. There was no reaction from Ezra, his body still besides an involuntary twitch in his fingers.
"Do you think it's enough?" Hera asked softly.
"If my calculations are correct, the toxins should all be gone within fifteen minutes," she replied with a focused gaze. "Now all we do is wait…"
"Well you know what they say," Zeb scoffed as he grabbed one of the seats and settled down in the corner of the medbay. "Waiting is the hardest part."
"For once, we agree on something," Chopper beeped as he took his usual place by Ezra's bed, a position where he could easily access all the medical machines.
I glanced up at Hera, and she returned an optimistic gaze. "I guess it's almost over," she sighed a breath of relief.
I didn't smile, but I did feel a sense of ease entwining with my protective nature. If everything went according to Sabine's plan, then Ezra would be alive and well in no time, with none of the pain that came along with it.
As the minutes went on, and the antidote began making its way through Ezra's bloodstream, we watch intensely as he began to release small moans of discomfort, and quick, sharp inhales. "You think he's alright?" Zeb asked cautiously.
"He's probably just in discomfort," Sabine replied as she checked over different monitors. "It shouldn't be enough to seriously harm him."
The Lasat nodded and leant back in his chair, his ear twitching slightly, while Chopper kept a close eye on all the boy's vitals. Hera on the other hand had taken place at his side again, holding his limp hand as his movements began to increase, ever so slowly. They were mostly twitches in his face, as it was the only part he could willingly control, but soon little shifts and tremors spiked in his fingers, shoulders and feet.
With every small movement I felt my body jolt in reply, my concern growing higher and higher. But no one else seemed concerned, so I continued to lean against the wall, my arms crossed and mouth shut.
"How much longer Sabine?" I asked tensely after a few minutes of twitches and grunts.
"The solution should have just made it to the base of his throat," she described, her eyes glued to the heart monitor. "So… I'd say about ten more minutes."
I was about to nod and close my eyes, until something caught my attention.
It was the syringe of antidote sitting on a metal tray, except something was… different.
The liquid inside had changed, no longer inky black with tendrils of grey swirling within… no… now, all the darkness had settled to the bottom of the cylinder, while a clear substance remained suspended above it. At first it seemed like nothing. A simple bit of segregation between the venom and the dilute solution.
But something clicked in my mind, and I realised something completely horrific.
"Sabine," I spoke, my voice firm as I pushed myself from the wall with rigid limbs.
"Yeah Kanan?" she asked while still reading over one of the reports.
"Is Kreptor venom soluble?" I asked tersely.
"Well, it was when I tested it," she replied as she finally pulled her eyes away from the screen. "Why would you ask-"
She abruptly stopped once her eyes meet with the syringe. And I could tell from the colour that drained from her face that she had the exact same thought as me, both sharing a glance of pure terror.
"Oh Karabast," was all Sabine managed to murmur, before we simultaneously leapt to Ezra's bedside.
"What's wrong?!" Hera exclaimed in distress as she watched us examine the boy's frail body with haste.
Sabine glanced up at me with murky, amber orbs, asking "You don't think it would-"
"I do," I replied swiftly, my eyes narrowing as I took into detail every small movement the youth made. And from the tension in his jaw and the advancing creases in his forehead, I could already see his condition worsening.
"Someone care to fill us in?" Hera probed again as Zeb rose nervously to his feet.
"The venom only temporarily dissolved into the solution," Sabine explained anxiously as she ran back to the monitors. "It'll work in a diluted form for a few minutes, but once it splits-"
The Lasat groaned, saying "In basic please?"
With a frustrated growl Sabine slammed her fist against the wall, snapping "The venom and solution are together one moment, and not the next. When they're apart, the venom is just as lethal as it used to be. So, if it segregated while inside Ezra's bloodstream-"
"The poison would be at full strength, and it'll start destroying his cells," I finished softly, my eyes empty voids as I rapidly searched for a solution in my mind.
This was a curveball I wasn't expecting, and certainly not one Sabine had been either as she scrambled frantically to keep track of the venom pulsing through Ezra's veins. I on the other hand continued to watch the boy with laser focus, soon realising how his groans and huffs became more aggressive, and more of his muscles began to shudder involuntarily.
I took hold of his hand and gave it a brief squeeze, before turning my head to see the mandalorian checking scans in a frenzy. "This is bad, this is bad, this is very, very bad!" she was muttering, her brows furrowed tightly. "How did I not see this?! Oh kriff! This is all my fault!"
"Sabine, you couldn't have known," Hera replied reassuringly.
The teen shook her head, her blue and orange her swaying hypnotically as she growled "But now he could have full strength venom in his system and it's all my fault!"
"Sabine," I spoke, my expression softening with guilt. "I gave you twenty minutes to work with a venom that has never been tested before. There's no way you could have known." Bowing my head slightly, I took a deep breath and admitted "It's my fault too…"
The room went still for a moment, before Chopper rolled forward and pointed out "Glad you've shared the blame and all, but, how are we going to fix it?!"
"We can't," Sabine answered drearily. "It's already in his system. All we can do is hope it doesn't segregate while-"
She wasn't even able to finish her sentence before Ezra released a sharp, agonising cry.
I twisted to the boy in a flash, my grip on his hand tightening as I watched water slipping from his clenched eyelids. "Ezra, Ezra can you hear me?" I spoke, my voice hitching in fear.
Suddenly, his chest lurched in a sickening jolt, his body starting to convulse.
"Ezra!" I called in a panic as beeps and alarms from the monitors behind filled the once silent void.
Everything seemed to blur at once as his fragile body began to tremble violently, figures screaming at me from behind but their voices drowned out by the ringing in my skull. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to help! Here Ezra was in pain like no other, paralysed and weakened, while I stood completely frozen, unable to move. I was a Kreptor in a net, watching his son face death straight in the eye.
And in that moment, I felt completely and utterly, powerless…
Until suddenly, control seemed to return to the boy's body, rolling onto his side as his legs curled tightly to his chest, his screamed muffled by the plastic mask. I tried to reach forward, take hold of his shoulders and offer any kind of reassurance, but he was shuddering so much it was almost inhuman. Then, in a fierce cry, his hands clawed at his throat as his torso twisted once again.
Except this time, he'd reached the edge of the medical bed, his damaged form sliding off the side.
But in an instinct so raw I couldn't exactly comprehend, I'd thrown my hand out and caught him with the force just before he slammed into the floor.
Falling to my knees and scrambling forward, I managed to catch his brittle body as the force hold released. He fell into my arms heavily, and struggling to calm his trembling form, I readjusted him to be laying within my embrace, his head resting in the crook of my arm as I leant against the side of the bed frame. "Shh, shh, I know it hurts," I cooed softly, trying to hold him still as his watering eyes fluttered open and closed rapidly. "I know, I know, shh… It's gonna be okay Ezra, I'm here… I'm here…"
Sliding my eyes shut I held the boy close, reaching out for his signature.
Our connection was so fragile, so weak, and with every muffled cry I felt the bond shake violently. His light was fading, I could feel it retracting, getting swallowed by the darkness that surrounded him. But as I focused I managed block out all the other noise and kept my mind purely on the bond, trying to reassure or calm him in any way possible.
"Stay with me…" I soothed into the force, lending him my remaining strength. "Stay strong… like I know you are…"
There wasn't an immediate response.
But after a few silent moments, a spark reignited in the distance. My soul heated up at the sight, and in seeing its light start to dim again I spoke softly "You are a warrior Ezra… you can fight it! Fight back Ezra… fight back…"
Darkness once more, before another faint flash.
And as a deep sorrow twisted together with my moment of joy, I could feel tears stinging in my eyes again. I could sense his signature beginning to pull away, if ever so gradually. "I won't let go this time…" I called mournfully through the bond. "…I promise…"
A small twinkle, though far smaller than before.
Feeling a painful sob curdling in my chest, I grit my teeth and clenched my eyes shut. "I'll be here…" I grunted as an intense pressure swelled within in my head. I could feel him slipping away. I wasn't ready to let go, but even I could tell the bond was too unstable for me to hold alone.
So in a moment of vulnerability, I whispered one last thing into the crisp space of the force.
"…I'll be right here when you awake, safe, and, sound…"
A tear slid down my face as his signature faded into the darkness, unreadable.
"…I'll be right here no lie, no fake… Safe… And… Sound…"
Ever so slowly, I felt my senses return to me. First was the heat of Ezra's body in my arms, soon followed by his mild shuddering. Next was the smell of the sterile air of the medbay. Third was the salty flavour in my mouth remaining from the rations I had lived off on Krachu. And finally, sounds filled my eardrums, starting with Ezra's shaky breathes, the wheeze of the ventilator, the beeps of the medical machines, and finally, voices.
Three were arguing, but they were distant compared to the one that gentle called out for me in a compassionate tone.
"Love… can you hear me…?"
Hesitantly, I opened my eyes. The bright lights above were disorienting at first, but I soon found my gaze shifting to the figure beside me. We locked gazes, murky teal exchanging with weary emerald.
Hera's expression softened, but her fingers clutched tightly onto my shoulder. "What do we do…?" she asked fearfully.
Slowly, I glanced down at the boy in my embrace. He was still shaking, his skin as pale as a ghost and the pupils of his half-lidded eyes expanding and retracting rapidly. And yet despite his obvious pain, he was somehow calmer than before. It seemed my encouragement may have worked after all, as his cries of agony were reduced to quick, ragged huffs and grunts. Still… I couldn't sense him through the force, his signature hidden from view.
Tears had built up in the corners of my vision, and taking a deep, calming breath, I relaxed my muscles and cradled Ezra's body with the care and gentleness I used to give all those years ago.
"There's nothing we can do," I answered in a meek voice. "Except wait…"
I didn't look up to see the Twi'lek's expression, but after a silent pause, she settled down beside me, leaning against the bedframe as she took Ezra's twitching hand in her own. "Then we'll wait," she murmured, her gaze shadowed.
I glanced up at her, my face void of emotion.
I couldn't say we'd make it through. I couldn't say we wouldn't. All I knew for sure was that we'd be here… And here we'd stay…
And Hera being Hera, she seemed to pick up on my train of thought, resting her head on my shoulder and closing her eyes, her fingers curling warmly around Ezra's icy hand. She wasn't going to sit back. And she wasn't going to fight. After all, it wasn't our battle to win anymore.
Turning my head to the three in front who were still arguing fiercely with each other, I called sternly "Enough."
Zeb, Sabine and Chopper all perked up, the words fading on their tongues as they stared at me with wide, alert eyes. Gesturing them over with my hand, I instructed softly "Just sit."
"But Kanan," Sabine started anxiously as she took a step forward. "We need to-"
"There's nothing more we can do Sabine," I replied, pointing for her to sit once again. "So stop, and wait…"
"But-"
I cut her off with my hand, saying sincerely "We've all been on our feet for the past two days, we're all tired… and we're all afraid." I inhaled a sharp breath and added "So rest… and when we wake up, we'll know…"
The mandalorian gave me a sceptical, uneasy look, but reluctantly, she lowered herself to the floor and leant against the box of medical supplies. Her gaze downcast and her shoulders tense, she stared at her fingers in distaste. I could see her fidgeting, sense her displeasure. Patience was never really the teen's strong point.
Zeb moved to beside her and slid down to the floor, releasing a strained breath. But then, with his ears pulled back and his eyes held shut, he wrapped his arm over Sabine's shoulder in a reassuring embrace.
Sabine, surprised by the contact, only froze further. Until after a few moments, tears began to well in her amber orbs and she leant against the Lasat's side, finally accepting his comfort. His warmth loosened her tense muscles as she closed her weary eyes, the two supporting one another in a time where hope seemed minimal. And as if to complete the sombre atmosphere, Chopper gently rolled over to the two and settled himself down next to Zeb, his power finally turning into rest mode.
The corner of my lip raised in a weak smile at the sight.
But still, I glanced down at Ezra one final time, desperately hoping that spark would reignite once more. My expression softening, I accepted the hard truth.
Control was no longer in our hands, and now it was purely up to the will of the force if Ezra would survive.
With a sigh, I closed my eyes and cleared my mind.
If I opened my eyes again and the boy was awake, I'd know he'd fought death and returned victorious.
And if I woke up, and his heartbeat was silent, and his body was still, I could assure myself that I had been there. That I had tried, tried to make it up to him… For all the years we'd drifted apart, for all the times I lied about his parents… for all the times I hadn't been there…
I'd hold on this time…
And feeling the warmth of Hera and Ezra's touch against mine, and the support and care that now flowed through the force, I finally allowed my mind to ease into a much needed slumber…
