"How did today go for you?" Hank asked Alexa at the end of the first shift at Voight Detective Services. They were standing in the reception area, Alexa packing up her things.
"For me? Very good. I enjoyed it. Don't feel like I ran into any big problems. Do you think I did okay?"
He nodded to show that she was welcome. "Yes, good work. Enjoy your evening."
"Thanks. And you too," Alexa said, now ready to leave. "I'll just say goodnight to Erin before I go."
Hank was standing in the doorway to the bullpen, his foot keeping the door open. He kept it there as he moved aside for Alexa to step through.
"I'm heading home, Erin. Have a good night."
Erin was at her desk, still working. She looked up from her computer screen. "Thanks, Alexa. Goodnight."
"See you tomorrow," Hank added as the receptionist headed out of the building.
"She did well today," Erin opined.
"Yeah, she seemed to. Come on, let's go home."
"Just let me send this email," Erin said, returning her attention to the screen. "What are you doing tonight?"
Hank walked over to her desk. "I was messaging Kalinda about that earlier. She suggested going out for a few drinks, and I agreed. Haven't been out with her for a while."
"Sounds good. One night, invite her to our place and I'll cook. Jay can come too. I know you said Kalinda loves doing the hosting, but still, I'd like to have a go at it."
"We'll do that," Hank said appreciatively as she shut down her computer. "Let's get out of here."
Hank had driven home with Erin right behind him. That allowed them to walk into the house together.
"Got time to have a coffee with me before you head out?" Erin asked him as they took their coats off.
"Yeah, I can do that. Can you get the machine going? I'll head up and take a shower."
"Alright."
Hank hurried up the stairs. In truth, he didn't want to spend too long at home before heading to Kalinda's place, but he hadn't been able to say no to Erin. He supposed that was a sign of their ever-strengthening bond. Dads always found it hard to say no to their daughters, that much he knew.
Entering his bedroom, he set about selecting his outfit for the evening. He chose a white shirt with blue pin stripes, and smart dark blue pants. When he laid them out on the bed, he happened to glance at his nightstand. What he saw made him freeze.
A framed photograph of Camille had been on that nightstand pretty much since she had passed away. There were several reasons why looking at it now made him freeze. Guilt was the main one. Guilt because he realised that he couldn't remember exactly when the last time he had thought about her was. He had always thought about her every day, apparently until recently. It was a real shock, and he now felt he had let her down.
There was another layer of guilt, too. He'd slept with Kalinda in this bed. He'd had sex with Kalinda in this bed. There was no way she hadn't noticed a picture of his former wife looking at her, yet she had shown the class not to comment on it. Should he have moved the picture before having Kalinda over? Or would that have been disrespectful to Camille?
There was yet another layer of guilt too. A part of his mind was saying it was time to move on. Another part was saying it was awful to even think that. He didn't know which part he ought to listen to, but even having the thought of moving on in his mind made him feel bad.
Instead of getting changed, Hank found himself heading back down the stairs, feeling somewhat dazed. He wanted, no, needed, a stiff shot of whisky.
"What's happened?" Erin asked with concern as soon as she set eyes on him when he walked into the kitchen. "You've gone really pale. Are you sick?"
"Give me a drink," Hank said, sitting down at the dining table.
Erin realised he didn't mean coffee. She had soon poured a sizeable shot of whisky into a glass, which she brought to him. He took it and downed it, leaving her waiting for an explanation.
"What's happened?" she repeated when he didn't say anything.
"I've been forgetting about Camille," he mumbled. "How could I do that?"
"What do you mean forgetting about her?"
"Just saw her picture on my nightstand and realised I can't remember the last time I thought about her. Must have been days, if not a week. I've been so wrapped up in work and enjoying being with Kalinda."
"Come here," Erin said compassionately, hugging him when he stood up. "You've not done anything wrong, Hank. What's happening isn't you forgetting Camille, it's that you're starting to move on. I get how the sudden realisation is a shock, but this is a good thing. Dwelling on her loss every day is not healthy. Although it might not seem like it, this is a big step along the road to happiness. You deserve the happiness. Camille would want this for you, trust me."
Hearing that triggered something that hadn't happened to Hank since Camille's funeral. He started crying. He hated that it was happening, but once it started he couldn't stop it.
"Hey, hey, hey," Erin said gently, holding him even tighter. "It's okay. Let it all out."
It took almost thirty seconds for Hank to get control of himself. He felt extremely embarrassed about crying at all, let alone in front of Erin. But he couldn't deny that it had helped him. He felt like a weight had been lifted from him.
"Are you okay?" she asked, finally releasing the embrace.
"Can't believe I just cried in front of you," he said, wiping his eyes. Only then did he see that Erin had teared up too.
"Don't with that macho horse shit," she said emotionally. "Crying is a natural thing, and it's good for the soul. Besides, you have nothing to be embarrassed about in front of me. You're my... dad," she ventured. It was awkward and unconvincing, but nonetheless she had said it for the first time. It meant a lot to Hank, although now wasn't the moment to try processing that.
Erin went and sat down opposite him. "I miss her too, you know?" she said sadly. "The only real mother figure I've ever had in my life, and I didn't have her for long. At times, I've really needed her."
Sympathising was the right thing to do, however Hank simply didn't have the words. All he could do was reach across the table and take her hand. They sat there for a few moments, grieving in silence. Somehow, it also felt like a bonding experience to Hank.
"You really think Camille would want this?" he asked eventually, meaning his relationship with Kalinda.
"Absolutely. The last thing she would have wanted is you being unhappy, as you were for some time. I have no doubt she sees you with Kalinda and she's happy for you."
Hank nodded, hoping that she was right. He needed to come to terms with the concept of moving on himself. At the same time, he had to do more to be there for Erin. Failing to have words of comfort for her earlier made him feel guilty.
"I can't be a mother figure for you, obviously. Not sure I'm much of a dad to be honest. I will try my best to... you know..."
"I know," Erin said, squeezing his hand. She let him off the hook by changing the subject. "You'd better go get ready or you'll end up keeping Kalinda waiting."
"Don't feel like going out now. Might call her and see if she wants to come over here tonight instead."
"Okay," she said positively. "I'll call off going to Jay's place and throw something together for dinner."
Hank didn't even bother trying to tell her she didn't have to do that. He appreciated it, and was glad she would stay home. "Thank you," he said. "I'll go call Kalinda."
His phone had been left upstairs, so he left the table and went up there. The question on his mind was what to tell Kalinda. The truth, he thought as he walked into the bedroom. This was the woman he intended to spend the rest of his life with. If he couldn't be open with her, how could he expect her to do the same with him?
He found his phone, called Kalinda and got an answer within a few rings.
"Hello. Is everything alright?" she asked, surprised by the unexpected call. Just hearing her wonderful voice made him start to feel better immediately.
"Not really. I had a bit of a moment. Realised I might be starting to move on from Camille and, well, it upset me."
"Oh, Hank, bless you," she said with so much compassion in her voice. "Would you like me to come over? We can talk about it, or not talk about it, whatever is best for you."
"You don't mind about not going out?"
"Of course not. Let me finish getting ready and I'll come straight over. I love you, Hank."
"I love you too. Very much."
A/N: I originally had this chapter in my outline as Kalinda, Hank and Erin having dinner together, with an update on how Erin and Jay's relationship is going. But two readers expressed a desire to see something involving Hank and Erin talking about Camille. Since I see it as an important step on Hank's healing journey, I added in this chapter. I hope you all enjoyed it.
Hank started to come to terms with the idea of moving on from Camille. We learned that Erin still misses her too and wishes she had a mother figure in her life. Hank needs to get a lot better at being a dad to her, but the willingness is there. Do you think he'll manage to improve?