Author's Note: Ohmygosh, it's been a while. A bunch of stuff has happened IRL since I last posted - I had my job threatened, I looked for other jobs, finished a major project, lost my job, got offered my job back in 4 moths time, then had that reduced to 2 months time with a promotion... I'd love to say I was busy having a fun time and travelling, but basically I've just been having a stressful time at home. Despite that, here I am with part one of the next chapter. Part two will be posted in a few days.

Anyhoo, last time on Never Ever Land: Bulma and Vegeta faced the ultimate challenge of trust and bravery as only one of them could escaped the doomed cruiser. If you haven't read that chapter yet, you'd better run and catch up, it's a doozy.

Goku and Tarble both jumped as a flash lit up the frigate's flight deck.

'Woah, what was that?' Goku asked, looking back in the direction they'd come from. Where the Namekian star system had been, there was now a far brighter, blue-white glow that was slowly fading.

'It must be the supernova,' Tarble said. 'Frieza really did blow up a sun.'

'That guy was crazy strong, I'd never have believed anyone could be so strong if I'd never seen it myself.'

'And Brolly is stronger,' Tarble said darkly.

'Do you think Brolly's okay?'

Tarble pressed his lips together and shrugged, and Goku understood. It was tempting to think that if Brolly died in the supernova thingee, that it would be easier. But Brolly was a friend—just one that had gotten off track. Goku wasn't about to give up on him yet. He didn't mention this to Tarble though, who he sensed neither wanted to talk or think about Brolly right now.

'Should we check on the others?'

'Yes. Let's do that.'

Tarble showed him down to the medical bay. It was lit by the eerie blue glow of two tanks, and by white, under-cabinet strips. Krillin was lying on the floor near the tanks, while Puar was passed out on an examination table, her belly covered in purple blood. Tarble went over to check on Raditz's tank, so Goku checked on Puar first.

'What happened to Puar?' Goku asked, sniffing her. He couldn't detect any of her own blood mingled with the…Namekian blood?

'She's fine,' a voice said from the floor. 'She wasn't injured, just exhausted I think.'

'Oh!' Goku spun around to see Krillin was awake. He didn't look very good though; there was sweat on his upper lip, his face was pale, and his teeth were chattering. Goku hurried over to kneel beside him.

'You don't look just exhausted though. What happened to you?'

'Frieza hit me like out of the park and almost got a home-run out of it,' Krillin grinned despite his obvious pain. Goku could tell he was making a joke, but he had no idea what a home run was. He did know what a park was though.

'Ah-huh. He hits pretty hard, doesn't he?'

Krillin sniggered, then sucked his breath in sharply. 'Ow! Yes! He dislocated my shoulder.'

'Can I see?'

Krillin looked nervous, but didn't object as Goku pulled the blanket back. Goku didn't know what he'd been expecting, but Krillin's shoulder looked bruised and deformed. Goku could clearly see the ball-shape of the top of Krillin's arm bone pushing out from the skin,

'I think I can see how to put it back,' Goku said, wrapping a hand around Krillin's bicep. Krillin screamed.

'What are you doing?' Tarble demanded, rushing over.

Puar sat up straight on the table like she'd been summoned from death. 'What the heck!'

'Don't touch it,' Krillin whimpered.

Goku withdrew his hand. 'Sorry. Will it go back in place by itself?'

Krillin shook his head miserably. 'I think we should just leave it to the tank.'

'The tank can't put joints back in place,' Tarble informed them. 'It only has microscopic robots to do its work with.'

'Do you know how to put a dislocated shoulder back?' Krillin asked Tarble.

'No, sorry. Maybe we could look it up on the ship's computer?'

'I do,' said Puar.

'What? You do?' Krillin seemed skeptical. 'Since when?'

'Since Yamcha fell off the top of a truck on the desert road during a heist one day. We had to walk all the way across the desert to some other bandits he used to live with, and they put it back in place.'

'Huh,' Goku said, 'Are you strong enough to put a joint back in place, Puar?'

'I didn't say I was going to. You and Tarble will.'

'Maybe we could wait for Raditz to get out of the tank,' Krillin suggested meekly. 'Maybe he knows how.'

'The longer you leave it the harder it will be,' Puar said. 'That's what the bandits said.'

'Forgive me if I don't place much faith in second-hand bandit first-aid,' Krillin moaned. 'You might break a bone or tear a ligament doing it wrong!'

'But it's okay, because then you'll be going in the tank later,' Goku pointed out.

'And in the meantime?'

'Puar is right though,' Tarble said. 'It's meant to be worse the longer you leave it, and it could be hours until a tank is free. And if it works, you won't be in as much pain.'

Krillin made a face. 'Oh, dammit, fine!'

Puar directed Tarble to hold Krillin under the armpit on his injured side, and gently pull diagonally across Krillin's body to provide a counter to Goku gently (but very firmly) pulling on his arm at a diagonal out and down from his shoulder joint. Krillin screamed a fair bit, and Goku was quite concerned that maybe Puar didn't know what she was talking about after all.

'Wiggle it a bit!' she shouted over the screams. 'Kind like a swizzle stick!'

Suddenly Krillin's joint clunked back into place and he switched from screaming to swearing.

'You all right?'

'Do I fucking sound all right?' Krillin yelled, rolling around on the floor some more before finally relaxing.

'But does it feel better?' Puar asked.

He gave her a glare. 'Yes, it feels better than sickening agony!'

'Go easy on her,' Tarble said, standing up. 'I'm pretty sure there's no painless way to put a joint back in place. I'll look again for painkillers.'

'You could have done that before you tortured me,' Krillin muttered, and Goku knew he was feeling much better. He decided to have a closer look at the other wounded.

He was shocked by Raditz's reduced hair mass. What was left floated around his face. Usually when Raditz was in a regen tank it looked like a giant hairy cocoon.

'How did this happen?' Goku asked, and Krillin gave him a brief account of the stand he'd made with Raditz and Nail.

'I can't believe we all got to fight Frieza,' Goku said, beaming at them all.

Krillin raised his brows.

'I'm still in two minds whether that was a life experience worth having. I might just have nightmares about it for the rest of my life.'

'I didn't get to fight him,' Tarble pointed out. sounding slightly disappointed.

'Be careful what you wish for Buddy. We almost all died.'

Goku had been wondering who was in the second tank, and was surprised to see Nail's small figure.

'Why is Nail still here?' he wondered aloud. 'Melk wished for all the Namekians to be somewhere else, I thought.'

'Is that what happened?' Krillin asked.

'Yeah. He tried to wish all of us except Brolly to another planet. Or all of us and the spaceships, and not Brolly, or something like that, but it was too complicated a wish. So then he made another wish and just vanished. I figured he just wished all the Namekians to be taken away.'

'I don't know why he'd still be with us then. Maybe because he was already on a ship in the air?'

'I don't know.'

Tarble finally found something he was confident was a painkilling injectable, and after reading the instructions off the wrapper, administered it to Krlllin. He got sleepy after that, so Goku, Tarble and Puar left him to explore the ship..

There was a spotless, industrial-looking galley, with a real walk-in freezer stocked with supplies and ready-made meals, which they happily made immediate use of. They found a shower room, a locker room with a rack of fresh battlesuits, and bunkrooms. They made use of these, too, glad to be rid of their blood-caked fur and suits and at last, finally put themselves horizontal to sleep. It felt like days since Goku had last slept, and maybe it was, because Planet Namek was—had been—a weird place. The frigate was clean, quiet, and felt like a dream in comparison.

He awoke to the distant sound of Krillin yelling.

'Guys! Raditz is waking up!'

Goku wondered why he sounded so urgent about it until Raditz was fully awake and out of the tank, standing hunch-shouldered in his rags and glistening with the slimy regen fluid in the middle of the med bay. He seemed to be simmering somehow, his expression dark and wild, features trembling, and Goku couldn't tell if he was angry or sad or both.

'Hey,' he said to his older brother. 'How are you?'

'Alive,' growled Raditz. Then he put his hands to his head, feeling down the length of his wet locks to the ends, just inches past his shoulders. 'Oh, gods! It's true!' Then he turned and stalked towards Krillin, who couldn't really go anywhere, lying against the wall as he was.

'I told you to leave me!'

'You weren't serious!' Krillin cried.

'Wasn't I?' Raditz's chi spiked.

'Hey!' Goku rushed over to put himself between them, pushing Raditz to stop him looming over Krillin. 'He's your friend!'

Raditz hissed and shoved Goku to the side, but left Krillin alone. 'A friend would have honoured my wishes!'

'Your wish was stupid,' Krillin muttered.

'It wasn't stupid!' Raditz lashed out with his bare foot, kicking the metal leg of the examination table, making it tear free of the floor on one side and bend halfway over.

'Ow! Fuck!' Raditz yelled, clutching at his toes, then he almost toppled over and had to save himself. 'I can't even fucking stand up straight anymore!'

'Hey!' Tarble exclaimed. 'Calm down! You're alive—it's a good thing!'

'I'm glad—' Puar started, then stumbled over her words when Raditz's black stare landed on her. 'G-glad you're alive.'

Goku thought he understood. 'Because your hair is missing? Y'know, I lost my tail once, and it was hard to balance for a little bit, but then I got used to it. It'll be okay. And maybe it will grow back?'

'It won't grow back, moron! Ever!'

'Uh.' Now that he was reminded, Raditz and Vegeta had said something once before about Saiyan hair never growing again after it reached its final length.

'It's just hair, Raditz,' Krillin said.

'You've grown two inches of hair since I met you, so shut the fuck up, Earthling!'

Raditz put his head down and stomped out of the room. Tarble and Goku looked at each other, not sure whether to follow him or what he might be doing. After a wordless moment of consternation, they followed his wet footsteps through the ship to the shower room. Hesitating outside, they heard the sound of the shower turning on, and then Raditz let out a howl that made them both jump. Then he made a weird keening noise Goku had never heard him make before, then strangled sounds that almost had him running into the room, before Raditz howled again, in a sound that trailed off into lurching bursts of misery.

Raditz was crying!

He looked at Tarble again, who looked back at him with an expression of horror.

Raditz was crying. Goku had no idea what to do. He'd never have guessed Raditz was capable of crying, but he guessed even his brother had a breaking point.

Tarble jerked his chin back the way they'd come. They crept back to the med bay to consult Krillin and Puar. Even from there, Goku could still hear Raditz sobbing.

They collectively agreed to let him cry it out, since no-one knew what else to do. Goku found himself wishing Vegeta was there. Not that Vegeta would be much comfort for Raditz, but he felt that if Vegeta ordered Raditz to suck it up, Raditz might just listen.

Puar looked like she might cry herself. 'Poor Raditz. Doesn't he know he's still just as handsome without his stupidly long hair?'

'He thinks it's part of his identity as a Saiyan,' Tarble said.

'Would you be as upset if it happened to you?'

Tarble ran his hands through his crown of spikes. They were softer and a little shorter than Vegeta's, but still it was… Goku wasn't quite sure what the term was. Bulma would call it a statement, though hair doesn't talk.

'I think I'd be kind of upset. I like my hair. Or at least, I like it these days. I used to want to get rid of it when I lived with the Tech-Techies so I would look more like them, but all the people around me said I would be erasing my differences and ethnicity. And I couldn't figure out how, other than plucking it out, because of course, Tech-techies never invented razors or other hair removal devices. Then again, I wasn't raised as a Saiyan, and Raditz had so much hair. Maybe it was a very big part of his identity?'

Puar giggled, then slapped a hand over her mouth. 'Sorry. I shouldn't be laughing.'

They put Krillin in the tank, then chatted for a while before noticing that the shower and crying had stopped. Venturing back out to the ship they found that Raditz had ransacked the kitchen and was now locked in a bunkroom.

Goku knocked. 'Are you okay in there?'

'I'm as fine as your needle-thin dick, Kakarott! Leave me alone!'

Nail and Krillin's tank cycles stopped at almost the same time. Krillin was towelling off when Nail awoke in the tank in a panic, and they had to talk him down from blasting his way out of the door. He stepped out, blinking in confusion and shock.

'Where am I? What was that?'

Krillin did most of the explaining. Nail took the news that his entire home star system was destroyed with wide-eyed, gasping shock, which was far more stoic than Raditz's grief over his hair.

'They're all alive though, correct? All my brothers and Elders?'

'Yeah, they're all safe. And I'm sure there's a way of finding them somehow. We're on a spaceship after all!'

'You'll take me to them?'

Krillin looked questioningly around the others. 'Yeah. We might have to take a detour via Earth first, but we'll get you to their new home. Anyone know where that is?'

No one did. Then Goku remembered that he should know. Melk had told him before he'd made the wish.

'Ah, I can't remember. Damn.'

Nail sagged.

'Bulma might know! She was with Guru and some other Namekians.'

'I will ask her then,' Nail said.

'She's not here,' Goku admitted. 'We're meeting her and Vegeta back on Earth.'

'Oh.' Nail straightened. 'I guess I am with you folk for the time it takes to get there, then. Is it far?'

'Oh, real far, Buddy,' Krillin said, 'But less than two months travel. Well, that's Earth months; I have no idea what that is in Namekian months or whatever.'

'Oh. Okay. But what happened after I was hurt? I was sure I was going to die.'

'Well…'

'I'm not sure of everything that happened,' Tarble said.

'Neither am I,' Puar said.

'We should have a meeting, like Vegeta and Nappa used to do,' Goku said. 'To talk about what happened. Let's get Raditz.'

They went through to the dining area next to the kitchen, and Tarble tried to offer Nail food, but Nail only wanted water. When he tasted the glass of water Raditz handed him he made a face of disgust.

'This is dead water.'

'I didn't know water could be alive or dead,' Goku said. Then he realised what Nail meant. This water wasn't from a stream, or collected rainwater, or from a river or well. It was like city water, which he'd gotten used to, but definitely didn't prefer. 'But this is all we have I think. Sorry.'

Then Nail finally noticed the portal windows on the dining room side of the galley, and the stars sliding by.

'What?' He rushed over, knocking a chair over on the way as if he didn't even see it. Leaning into the bulge of the fish-eye window, he looked down and gasped.

'What is this?'

'It's…space?'

'It's so black! How can something be so black? Are we inside it?'

Goku patted Nail on the shoulder in sympathy. Even he knew what space was by now. 'No, we're inside nothing. It's black because there isn't anything to see.'

'Nothing? What is keeping us up then?'

'Um, nothing?'

Nail's antennae went stiff with shock.

The others crowded around to reassure him.

'We're not up, or falling, because there's no gravity outside the ship,' Tarble explained. 'It's kind of like we're floating in water except there's no water or anything to float in… Well, maybe it's not much like floating. We have a velocity and a bearing in relation to the stars. It's more like if you threw a ball and it never fell to the ground, just kept going in a straight line until someone catches it, or it hits something.'

'It what!'

'Tarble!' Puar cried. 'It's okay, it's safe. Well, most of the time. Just don't open any airlocks, okay?'

'What is an airlock?' Then Nail shook his head, dismissing his own question, pointing out of the window. 'What are those shining white points in the dark?'

'They're stars.'

'Stars!'

'Haven't you ever seen stars before, Nail?' Krillin asked. 'Is the sun always up on your planet?'

Nail was rattled. 'No. But the last time it was night time was before I was born.'

'Oh, wow. Planet Namek is weird. I mean, was weird.'

'I've heard what stars are, and space, I've just never seen them or understood, I guess.'

Goku left them explaining space and night and stars to Nail and went to fetch Raditz.

He knocked on the door of the bunkroom Raditz had retreated to.

'Hey, are you ready to come out yet?'

He heard a muffled groan of a reply that ended with the word "off."

'Well, anyway. We're going to have a meeting to talk about what happened on Planet Namek. You know, an un-briefing, like Vegeta used to do.'

There was another muffled reply. It sounded like he was saying something about the un-briefing.

'What?'

Raditz replied again, but the only word Goku could make out was "briefing."

'What did you say?'

Suddenly the door was yanked open and Raditz stood in front of him in only a plain black pair of training shorts. The remnants of his mane were sticking out in wild flicks, looking way more buoyant without being weighed down by the extreme length it used to have.

'I said it's called a debriefing, you idiot!'

Goku sucked up his irritation at being called an idiot. Raditz was having a bad day, and besides, it wasn't exactly the first time Raditz had called him an idiot or similar.

'Well, now I know. Anyway, you should come.'

Raditz began to close the door. Goku stepped into the doorway before he could, blocking it with his body.

'Raditz, come to the debriefing!'

'I'm not in the mood, Kakarott!' He raised a bare foot, placed it on Goku's belly and began to push him back through the door

'Why not?' Goku asked, wrapping his arms around Raditz's foot. 'You always came to debriefings before.'

Raditz tried to shake him off, but Goku hung on stubbornly 'If Vegeta wants me, he'll have to drag me there himself.'

'Vegeta's not here.'

Raditz froze, turning pale. 'Why not? Is he…dead?'

'No! At least, we don't think so.'

Raditz lowered his foot and Goku let go of him.

'What happened? And what about Bulma? She's not here either, is she? I can't sense her.'

'Maybe you should come to the debriefing to find out.'

'Just tell me!'

'Isn't that what a meeting to talk about it is exactly for?'

'Okay, fine, then!'

With bad grace, Raditz stomped to the dining area and made a beeline for the kitchen. The others had picked a table to convene at. Goku stood halfway between his friends and his brother, watching the latter ransank the cabinets and drawers in the kitchen.

'What're you looking for?'

'There's got to be some alcohol somewhere on this ship!'

He got to a cabinet that was locked.

'Ah ha!'

He forced the cabinet door open, tearing the metal around the lock before the lock gave up the ghost and sprang loose.

'Thank fuck.' He took a case of something from the cabinet and came to the table. The others were regarding him nervously.

'What is it?' Krillin asked.

Raditz tore open the box and took out a tall bottle and twisted off the cap. 'Rum. Terrible, PTO standard-issue, celebratory rum.'

Krillin reached for the box and Raditz pulled it away from him.

'This is mine. Get your own, traitor.'

'I'm not a traitor,' Krillin muttered, and didn't bother getting up for more rum.

'Should we start?' Goku asked, seeking to pull the focus away from Raditz swigging hard liquor at the head of the table. 'Who wants to go first?'

'I'll go first,' Puar volunteered.

It took hours. Between all the personal revelations, discussion, opinionating and meandering speculation, they interrupted each other, jumped ahead and pronounced judgement on the actions of others. Halfway though his third bottle of rum, Raditz complained that if Goku was going to hold a meeting he had to know how to keep people on track and on topic.

They took a meal break. No one was sure which meal it was, as they had all rested and awoken at different times, and the ship itself didn't seem to give any indication of the time like the natural sun-cycle on the cruiser.

But slowly they filled in the facts for each other. They now all knew that Vegeta had fought well and very nearly died at Frieza's hands, that Brolly had abandoned the fight to try and extract wishes from the dragon, first to try and give his Super Saiyan status to Goku, which the dragon couldn't do, and then to undo the healing Guru had done to Brolly's mind, which it could do. They knew that while Brolly had been busy doing that, first Goku had fought Frieza and bought a few precious minutes, and Tarble had awoken on the cruiser in the frozen bedroom.

'Holy crap, I forgot to ask, what was being dead like?' Krillin asked him. 'Was there an afterlife?'

Tarble frowned, nodding thoughtfully. 'It was like waking up from a dream though, when you know you've been dreaming, but can't remember it at all as soon as you're fully awake. I do think there was a garden, and other people. I remember chatting and…flowers?'

Krillin found this disappointing. 'How do you know you weren't just…asleep then? Like, your soul was asleep. Or just gone?'

'No, something had definitely been happening. Nothing bad I don't think; it felt like a nice dream. Well, nothing bad until I woke up under a frozen comforter and saw the state of the bedroom and my clothes. I thought for a second then that I was in hell after all, like the others say all Saiyans go to.'

Raditz grunted. 'So you're saying you weren't in hell with your ancestors?'

'I don't think so.'

'Interesting.'

Tarble told them about following Frieza's energy and finding Goku in a terrible state, and then how Bulma and a young Namekian healer had found them both and healed Goku, and how he'd taken off to assist the others while Bulma, Goku and the healer went to find Vegeta.

'It was really bad, guys.' Goku told them. 'I was pretty sure Vegeta was already dead when we got there. He had a hole through his stomach big enough to slide that rum bottle through.'

Even though it was done and past, Puar gasped and sat heavily on the table. 'That's… I feel sick just thinking about that.'

'Yeah, I didn't want Bulma to see, but she ended up looking anyway. That's why she had the dragon try and wish him back to life, but he wasn't quite dead after all. If Caraco, the healer, hadn't been there, he'd have died for sure. They had to take him back to Guru's to get more healers to help fix him.'

'That's amazing!' Krillin said. 'Nail, can all Namekians do healings like that?'

'No. And not me at all, so don't ever expect me to heal you. All my talents lie in combat and defence.'

'Oh.' Krillin sounded a little disappointed for a moment. 'But good job they do, huh? Or else we might not have been able to hold off Frieza as long as we did!'

Krillin then told the others about their desperate tag team defence before the dragon. Raditz was finally stirred to full participation, and he, Nail and Krillin got bogged down a bit in the weeds of the battle. Confused and confusing as their recollections were, Goku loved to hear it.

'Guys, we all fought Frieza and lived! How amazing is that?' he asked them.

'Not all of us,' Tarble reminded him again.

'I did,' said Puar. Everyone looked at her in shock, and she laughed. 'No, just kidding. I never even saw Frieza.'

'You missed our gloooorious final stand,' Raditz said, slurring a bit. 'Or it was glorious until someone sliced my hair off.' His eyes found Nail and narrowed. 'And I think that someone was you.'

Nail looked solemn, and not perturbed by Raditz's drunken leering. 'I saved your life. If I hadn't freed you, Frieza would have killed you in the next instant. I'm sorry it took the sacrifice of your hair. I hope it wasn't painful.'

'It wasn't painful, you stupid, green cueball, it was devastating!'

Everyone was silent for a beat, and then Nail said, 'My planet was destroyed today because you aliens came visiting to use the wishballs, so do not talk to me of devastation.'

'Boo hoo!' Raditz said. 'What a sad story. Get back to me when your entire race is wiped out, except for one punk-ass brat and a hoary old bastard.'

Nail went rigid, his chi spiking so hard that even Puar felt it and yelped.

'Stop!' said Goku. 'Shut up, Raditz; it just happened to him today! Or yesterday, I'm not sure. Your hair is sad I guess, but his planet blowing up is sadder. And I think Nail definitely did the right thing to save you. I'm glad he did.'

'Go blow yourself, little brother.'

Whatever that meant, Goku wasn't going to do it. 'You're being over the top. It's just hair.'

'Says the one with all his hair still!'

'You've still got more than me! What are you complaining about?'

'I think your hair looks good, Raditz,' Puar said timidly. 'With it shorter like that, it makes you look more like Goku.'

'And that's a good thing, how? Kakarott's hair growth pattern was as common as dirt. Half the kids in my post-purge battle school had hair like his! The Sergeants couldn't tell them apart, but they could tell me apart! Everyone knew when they saw my hair, "That's Bardock's kid, yeah. Infamous, third-class-legend Bardock's son, coming through!'

Goku was distracted by the thought of a class full of boys that looked like him. He was so used to being the only person like him that the thought was sort of upsetting.

Krillin sighed. 'The monks of my order shave their heads, to dissociate their sense of self from their appearance. Your identity shouldn't be tied up in what you look like. Looks are not what is important in life.'

'Well, that would be very lucky for you, ugly, but what would some dickless monks know about it? The women love my hair. Is the first thing they notice. And my hair saved my life!'

'How?'

'Because even King Vegeta could remember who I was! He couldn't remember who any of the other pages were, but he remembered me. "You, the long haired one, Bardock's brat, fetch me the general," he would say. Or "Hairy kid, Raditz, pour me a drink." Then one day it was "Raditz, son of Bardock, I'm sending you to Lord Frieza's ship to serve my son while he is there." And that's how my hair saved my life!'

His hand snaked up to his shoulder almost unconsciously, searching for the thicket to burrow into, but his fingers only brushed the tips of the flicking curls. He caught them between his fingers, made a fist and gave the strands a vicious tug.

'Fuck!'

'It's going to be okay, Raditz. You'll get used to it.'

'No, I won't!' He lurched to his feet, swayed on his long legs, tangled with his chair, then fell back into it, blinking in confusion before taking another slug from his bottle.

'Don't you think you've had enough?' Tarble asked, his voice carefully flat. In response, Raditz glared at him and took another swig. Tarble didn't say anything else, his mouth closed and down-turned.

'Thish is not a debriefing! This is a fucking de-longing!'' snapped Raditz, as if he hadn't just tried to leave. 'Get to the rest of it already!'

Goku felt a little guilty. He had called the debriefing, and they had been at this too long, and he was tired and already thinking about another meal before going back to sleep, and if they didn't finish soon Raditz might pass out before the end.

'Alright, just the main facts then. Brolly wished for Porunga to undo his healing, he went kinda crazy, which meant he finally fought Frieza, kicked his butt and also chopped his legs off—' There was a round of groans and "ew!"s from the table. '—then Frieza fired an energy wave at the sun, which didn't make it explode straight away, but did mean it would explode a bit later, so Brolly ripped his head off—'

'Oof!' Krillin exclaimed at the same time as Puar clamped her paws over her ears and cried, 'Oh my god!'

'And all that was happening while Krillin and Tarble were carrying the rest of you to this ship. Then Zarbon showed up and tried to get a wish from Porunga, but I wouldn't let him, and he left in a pod. Oh. And Bulma was with Guru and a lot of the other Nameks at their hideout while Vegeta was being healed, and it sounds like Guru came up with a plan to wish everyone except Brolly and Frieza and our ships to another planet, you know, the one where we went looking for that Saiyan girl that wasn't there? But the wish didn't work because it was too complicated, so they just wished for all the Namekians to be wished away, and they all disappeared except for Nail—' He gestured at Nail. '—and we don't know why he's still with us. So, Brolly was going to try to leave on Frieza's ship, I said I would meet you guys on this ship, and Bulma was going to, too, but changed her mind or something and ended up at the cruiser, so she and Vegeta were going to take the cruiser into space and meet up back on Earth.'

He took a breath and looked at Tarble and Krillin. 'Is that everything?'

'We don't know yet if Vegeta and Bulma made it,' Tarble added.

'Or if Brolly made it,' Krillin added.

'And then the sun blew up,' Tarble finished with.

'Fuck me,' Raditz breathed, who seemed to have finally forgotten about the bottle and his hair.

'You forgot the part where Brolly ransomed me, Puar, Tarble, Raditz and Nail in exchange for Bulma's promise to leave the planet with him,' Krillin said.

'He did what now?' Raditz asked. 'She didn't say yes, did she?'

'I can't even remember what she said,' Krillin replied, 'but she didn't leave with him. Brolly did say if he made it off the planet he'd come to Earth to find her. If he made it to Frieza's ship in time, Earth might be screwed all over again.'

'He's that far off his rocker again?'

'He attacked Goku halfway through his fight with Frieza, and pretty much threatened to kill Vegeta if he found him.'

'Oh, shit.' Raditz paled, absorbing the news, looking halfway sober in his solemness. 'I suppose you're all gonna insist we go to Earth still?'

'Of course we are,'Goku said. 'It's our home, and we still have to get rid of those PTO guys.'

'Thought so.' Raditz stood up, more successfully this time, and walked to the kitchen.

'Earth is where Bulma is heading also, correct?' Nail asked. 'And she is the one you said might know what planet my kin have fled to?'

Goku nodded. 'Though I guess Vegeta might know, too.'

'The cruiser has a record of everywhere it's been,' Tarble said. 'We can find it that way.'

'Then it sounds as if it is in all our interests to make haste to Earth before Brolly arrives.'

They all agreed, except for Raditz, who vomited loudly in the kitchen sink. Krillin and Tarble made faces of disgust and Puar covered her ears.

'Is he alright?' Nail asked, watching Raditz convulse over the industrial sized tub. 'He looks like he's about to birth an egg.'

'Birth an egg!' Krillin exclaimed. 'I don't know how you think eggs get laid, but it is not like that.'

'I have seen several Namekian egg birthings, and it is very much like that, except that his throat isn't swollen to the size of his head.'

'Jeez, what?' Krillin leaned away from Nail, eyes wide. 'Namekians choke up massive eggs through their mouths? That's nightmare fuel! How is that a good way of giving birth? Does your race not feel pain?'

'I am told it does hurt, quite a lot, and it can take a long time, but that it is worth it when the child hatches.'

'I don't think anything would be worth that! That's so weird.'

Goku considered this. 'Yeah, but if you remember what Master Roshi told us, human ladies squeeze a whole baby out a little hole between their legs, so it sounds kind of the same.'

'But that's different, I mean…' He frowned. 'That's ladies. In any case, Raditz is not giving birth, he's vomiting up the alcohol he just drank, reaping the consequences of his own actions.'

'No, he's drunk,' Goku corrected him. 'And it's his own fault.'

'Er, I think that's what I said?'

'I thought it smelt like poison he was drinking,' Nail said, then dropped his voice. 'Is he trying to kill himself? Why didn't you stop him?'

'He's not trying to kill himself,' Tarble said. 'He'd have to try harder than that if he actually wanted to die.'

'I can hear you!' Raditz called from the kitchen. 'I migh' be drunk, but I'm not deaf!'

He weaved his way back from the kitchen, still pale and sweaty, and nursing a glass of water that he had to work hard to keep from spilling.

'How long until we arrive on Earth then?'

'I set the ship on a course for Earth,' Tarble told them. 'It gave an ETA of six weeks, but I don't know if I've set it up to go as fast as it can or the fastest route. It's got a different set up to the cruiser. Maybe you should check what I've done, Raditz?'

Raditz groaned. 'This is a frigate, not a PTO shuttle—but I'll have a look.' He turned and lurched his way to the door before walking right into the doorframe.

'I'll have a look after a little nap.'

Eighteen galactic hours later they sealed themselves into individual status chambers. Raditz had needed some time to get through his drunkenness and then hangover, not wanting to futz with the navigation unless he was feeling his brightest. He had done his best with the frigate's advanced, but not user-friendly, computer to ensure they were going the most direct route, and didn't need to refuel. To save that extra sliver of power for the engines, and also to make the time pass faster, they had decided to sleep the rest of the way to Earth.

As Goku closed his eyes and nervously waited for the weird "hyper" sleep to begin, he mused that this was a very strange way to travel. It was a long time to Earth, more than an Earth month, he thought, but next time he opened his eyes they would be nearly home…at least within the solar system of home, which somehow had come to feel as "nearly home" as the lake had felt from his Grandpa's house.

Wow, almost home. It had been quite the adventure. He'd learnt so much, seen so much, and grown so much, in strength, if not height, and he now had no fear about their ability to clear the Earth of any of Freiza's remaining lackeys. They'd clean up, and Kami would wish everyone back, and he'd get to show his new skills to Master Roshi and Launch and Yamcha and all his other friends. And then he would get back to preparing for whatever came next. He couldn't wait.

'What is this?'

The feeling of dread sitting on Kami's chest had been steadily growing for the last ten minutes, pulling him from the depths of his night-meditation, until he lay on his bed, eyes closed, actively examining the feeling and searching for its cause. It wasn't the background anxiety he always felt since being resurrected on the depopulated planet. It was something else, and he'd been Earth's guardian long enough to know not to ignore such sensations.

'Kami, you old fool, hear me!'

Kami sat bolt upright, hearing his evil counterpart's voice loud and ringingly clear in his head.

'Piccolo. I'm listening.'

'Whatever you're planning on doing, do it fast! Our time has run out.'

Kami jumped from the bed, almost blind to the room around him and the corridor outside as he slipped into a vision of the world through Piccolo's eyes. The cave that Piccolo had sought refuge in flickered with firelight and chi blasts. A handful of Frieza Force soldiers swarmed the bodies of two of Piccolo's mutant offspring in front of a broken barricade at the chamber entrance. They were taking pot shots at the Earthling survivors Piccolo had gathered around him to be his slaves and protectees. Kami's mind was filled with their screaming, and his own heart pounded with fear as his twin lifted his arms to fire an energy beam that was deflected—

'Mr Popo!' Kami roared, trying to snap out of the vision as he charged up the stairs. 'To the dragonballs! Time is of the essence!'

Mr Popo appeared at the top of the stairs. He always seemed to appear precisely where he was needed at the moment he was needed.

'What is it Kami?'

'Piccolo is in mortal danger! We must make the wish now before I cease to be!'

Yajirobe was recounting an unlikely sounding story about the time he was hired by a travelling circus to recapture a bull elephant. The elephant turned out to be making a booty call to the female elephant at a zoo more than two days walk away in a town it had never visited. Yajirobe had caught up to it as it was trying to break its way into the zoo.

Tien didn't try to hide his skepticism. 'Coming across the zoo must've just been a coincidence.'

'No! This elephant dude made a beeline to that zoo, I tell you. Knew exactly where it was going.'

'How did you know it was a…a booty call as you say?' Tien blushed over the words.

'Because the lady elephant was calling out to him when he got to the zoo. They were going nuts for each other. Seemed rude to drag him back before he finished his business, and I decided I wouldn't enjoy dragging an angry, horny bull elephant for two days cross-country. So I let him finish breaking into the zoo first to meet the lady. It was a booty-call. Dude was happy to go home afterwards.'

'What?' Yamcha said. 'But how did it know?'

Yajirobe smirked. 'Elephant telepathy.'

'What's a booty-call?' Chi-Chi asked. Tien turned completely red, and Yamcha felt his own cheeks heating as he wondered if he should tell her.

'Yeah, what is a booty call?' Chiao-tzu asked,

Yajirobe groaned. 'It's when you're feeling frisky and you call someone to come over so you can have sex,' he said bluntly.

Chi-Chi's mouth fell open. 'You mean, like, someone they're not even married to? But that's so…wrong!'

Yajirobe raised his eyebrows. 'You got some weird ideas, Chi-Chi. People do all sorts and they don't say it's wrong.'

Her shock turned to irritation. 'How would you know anyway? You're only the same age as me!'

'So? I haven't been living in a soap bubble my whole life like you have.'

She made a face of disgust. 'I suppose you'd say you've answered lots of booty-calls, then?'

'Me? No way, that sort of stuff doesn't interest me at all.' He shuddered. 'Gross!'

Yamcha frowned. When he'd been the same age as Yajirobe, every second not devoted to staying alive was spent day-dreaming about girls.

'Enough about booty calls,' Yamcha said, wanting to get off the subject. 'Telepathy isn't a thing, so your story is bogus, Yajirobe.'

Chiao-tzu and Tien burst out laughing.

'What do you think King Kai is outside doing right now?'

He'd forgotten about that. 'But King Kai is a god, not a mortal.'

'Or an elephant,' Yajirobe added.

'Tien and I can both use telepathy,' Chiao-tzu announced,

'What?'

The rest of them stared bug-eyed at Tien and Chiao-tzu.

'And you're only just telling us now?' Yajirobe demanded.

'We didn't know you didn't know how.'

'And you didn't think to check?' Yamcha asked. 'I mean, it only sounds like a superhuman and immensely useful…' He trailed off as he watched the halo above Tien's head fade away to nothing. There was a collective gasp around the table as they saw each other's halos disappear, and then waved their hands over their own heads, confirming their own were gone, too.

'Are we alive now?' Chiao-tzu asked. 'Or more dead?'

The kitchen door swung wide, and King Kai stepped in, ominously silhouetted by the golden sun behind him.

'There's been a change of plan.'

Author's note: Part two coming soon, but don't let that stop you letting me know what you think of this first half!