Chapter 21
Jack woke up in the morning and looked around. He hoped that he hadn't missed and slept through Lisa having a nightmare. It seemed likely that she had slept okay since he didn't wake up. Thinking about his conversation with Lou, he didn't feel ready to pursue Lisa. It wasn't because he didn't want to, but because he didn't think that she was ready. She teased him when he flirted with her, but she wasn't really flirting back. For the time being, he was just going to be grateful that she didn't make him completely stop and didn't get upset about it. He felt like she understood that she was his wife, even if she didn't feel like it. He could only imagine how hard it would be to come to terms with something like that.
Jack had a cup of coffee and then went out to feed, water, brush out the horses, and muck out the stalls. Amy joined him after Lyndy left with Katie and Lou to go to school. When they were done, he went back to the house to have a little breakfast. He also wanted to check on Lisa because Amy hadn't seen her up yet. He hoped she was okay.
Lisa woke up suddenly. She looked at her phone and it was after 8. She had gone to bed early the night before, so she was surprised that she slept so late. Lisa was walking out of her room when Jack came into the living room. "Hey, good morning."
The sight of Lisa made Jack sigh from relief. He said, "Are you okay? Amy said you weren't up yet, and I was a little worried about you."
"I'm fine. I guess I was a little more tired than I realized. I need to get cleaned up and then start on work. I already have a couple of emails and texts that need to be answered. Are Amy or Lou around?" Lisa looked around the house to see if she could see or hear them anywhere.
"Lou took Katie and Lyndy to work, and Amy was about to head out somewhere. Why?"
"I was going to ask them for help with washing my hair. I'm not as stiff and sore anymore, so I can mostly wash my body if I'm careful, but I still need help washing my hair," replied Lisa.
Jack wasn't sure if Lisa would let him, but he figured it couldn't hurt to offer his help. "I could wash your hair. I'm sure it's a little different from washing mine, but I bet I could help you with that if you give me a little direction."
Lisa looked surprised. "Really? Hmm, I guess that would be okay. It's not like I have to get undressed to lean over the tub and have you wash my hair. The only thing you have to be careful about is not spraying water on my cast."
"Do you want to get started now, or do you want some breakfast or a cup of coffee first?" asked Jack.
"I can eat breakfast and drink coffee while I get caught up on reading emails and texts and take phone calls from Edwin and Georgie. Let's get this done. I can do the other washing up later."
The hair washing was a little awkward. Jack didn't always know what he was doing. Lisa ended up with water going down her back a couple of times, but in the end, her hair was washed and conditioned, so she didn't think she could complain too much. Since her clothes were wet, she decided to go ahead and just get cleaned up because she couldn't stay in her pajamas with them being so wet.
Once she was done, she poked her head out of the bathroom to see if Jack was still there. "Jack, are you here?"
"Yes. Do you need something?" he asked.
"I do." Lisa paused for a second. It was kind of an awkward situation. "I need you not to look because I realized that I didn't have any clean clothes in the bathroom, and my pajamas are all wet from you getting water down my back. I'm just wearing a towel."
"Okay, that's fine. I'll go into the kitchen and look out the window." Jack turned to look outside, but he couldn't help but picture Lisa in a towel. He shook his head at his thoughts. He knew he should know better, but he was a man who thought his wife was sexy and he liked seeing her in a towel.
Once Jack confirmed that he was looking out the window, Lisa made a beeline for her bedroom. After she was dressed, she placed her laptop on the dining room table to get work done there and joined Jack in the kitchen to get her coffee.
Pointing to the coffee pot, Jack said, "I made a fresh pot. There wasn't much left after Lou and I drank it this morning, and I wanted more before I headed out to work some more."
"Thanks. And thanks for helping me wash my hair. I really appreciate it."
"You're welcome. Sorry that I got water down your back." He really was sorry. It was harder than he thought it would be, but he was glad that he could do it for her. He liked being close to her and doing something as intimate as washing her hair.
"It's okay. I needed to get cleaned up anyway. You just pushed me to get it done this morning rather than wait until later." Lisa got her cup of coffee and then went to sit at the dining table so that she could get work done.
Jack walked over to the table. Lisa looked up at him. "Did you ever call about getting help with showers? You said you were going to do it. I don't mind helping. I was just curious."
"I did call, but they didn't have anyone available for anything like that. Most people want more work than what I would have provided. It's fine. I'm starting to feel better. I can actually reach almost everything now. I just have to get creative for the parts I can't reach." Lisa was disappointed that it didn't work out, but she was figuring out how to work around it.
"Okay, well, if you ever need help washing your hair again, I'm here for you. I think I figured out how to not get water down your back." Jack needed to get work done, and although he knew that Lisa was working too, he hated to leave. Being so close while washing her hair and doing something as intimate as washing her hair made him miss being able to act like a married couple. It made him want to pursue her like Lou suggested, but he was so afraid of scaring her off. Instead of staying in the house, he figured he should let Lisa get to work. He had things he needed to do as well, so he let her know he was heading out and went on his way.
As nice as it was to have a routine that allowed him to get his work done, Jack had gotten used to spending a lot of time with Lisa, and he wanted to keep it up. He decided to get his work done as quickly as possible so that he could make it back to the house at a decent time for lunch. He sent her a text to let her know that he was planning on making lunch. It wasn't going to be anything special, but he wanted to spend time with Lisa. He was still adamant that he wasn't going to pursue her yet. He had an idea of when he thought it would be okay to do so, but he was mostly going off of a gut feeling. Lisa teased him when he flirted with her. He decided that when she flirted back or flirted with him on her own that it would be okay to pursue her.
Lisa was glad that she didn't have to think about lunch. She thought it was sweet that Jack had offered to take care of it. She checked her email, and Georgie had sent her a photo of the get well card/poster that everyone at Fairfield had made. It had photos of everyone with horses and little notes. Lisa was touched and excited to see it when Georgie brought it to the house when she came for dinner.
A little before lunchtime, Jack came home and made sandwiches, cut up some veggies and fruit, and put some coffee in a thermos to have with some muffins that Lou had made. He hoped that Lisa could leave the house for a little while because he had a plan.
Lisa walked into the kitchen as he was putting everything together in a bag. "Are we not eating here?"
"I thought you might like to get out and see some different scenery on your lunch break. I hope that's okay." It occurred to him that he should have asked before he just went full steam ahead with his plan.
"That's fine. I would like to get out of the house. I didn't even get off the porch yesterday. Work is way less stressful today. There isn't a lot to do on my end, which is a relief." She thought Jack seemed nervous, which made her wonder what was going on, but she didn't say anything. It did make her curious what he had up his sleeve, though.
The couple got into Lisa's Porsche, and Jack drove them over to the dude ranch. He was thankful that there were any guests there.
As he pulled up, Lisa looked around. "Oh, it's so beautiful here. I love the dock and the water with all the little cabins. It's very peaceful."
"This is the dude ranch. I was going to suggest eating over by the dock, but it's kind of windy, so it might be for the best that we eat in the car. We can take a walk and sit by the dock after we eat if you want." Jack pulled out the food and coffee, and they sat and ate their food quickly. There wasn't much conversation while they ate. When they were done eating, they got out of the car and walked toward the cabins.
Jack had keys to the dude ranch cabin for emergencies. This wasn't an emergency, but he was thankful to have the keys, so he didn't have to ask Lou for them. They quickly checked out the cabins.
Lisa looked around the whole cabin and then turned to Jack. "So there's no toilet here?"
Jack shook his head. "No. There are outhouses outside."
"Uh, what? And Lou wants you to stay here?" Lisa thought that sounded insane.
Jack cringed. "So, I made an outhouse behind the ranch house many years ago because we were dealing with too many people needing the bathroom at once. A neighbor girl, Mallory, who spent a lot of time at Heartland, thought I was crazy. She watched me do it and yelled at me that I'd lost my mind. It did come in handy when we had so many people living at the ranch."
"You were crazy. Why not add a bathroom to the house? Are you that against change?"
Jack wanted to defend himself, but he really did hate change. Lisa had suggested little changes to the house over the years, but he liked everything exactly as it was. "You sound like Mallory. That girl drove me crazy, but now I miss having her around. She often said what everyone else was thinking but didn't have the courage to say."
"I'd like to meet this Mallory sometime. She sounds like a hoot. It sounds like you needed a voice of reason. Even if you didn't listen to her at the time." Lisa wondered where she was at that time but assumed that she had been traveling or busy with work.
Jack chuckled. "Mallory would love to hear you say that." Jack looked around the cabin and remembered the time that they tried to stay there. That night ended up being one of the best nights of his life, and two nights later, he was married to Lisa, and he was the happiest he had been in a very long time.
"Jack?" Lisa said, trying to get his attention. When he looked over to her, she said, "You looked like you were a million miles away, and you looked like you were thinking of something happy."
"I was. I was thinking about the night we tried to stay here. It was too cold, so we ended up at Heartland. I proposed to you that night on the couch in front of the fireplace. I know I told you this story before, but it was just on my mind. I want to show you something outside." Jack led Lisa out to the little deck at the entrance to the dock.
Lisa looked around at where they were standing. She was trying to remember what Jack had told her in the hospital about where they got married. "Is this where we got married?
Jack stepped in front of Lisa and looked at her lovingly. "Yes. We got married here. We met in town the day before we got married to get our marriage license, but I took care of the rest of it. I put up white lights everywhere and got an old friend to come out and officiate. It was so snowy and cold, but I barely noticed."
Lisa looked around and tried to picture what it must have looked like. "Well, it's very pretty here now. I'm sure it was pretty in the snow as well." She felt a little uncomfortable, so she started looking for something else to focus on.
Jack saw that she was ready to focus on something else. "Do you need to get back to work?"
Feeling relief at being given an out, Lisa replied, "Yes, I do. Today is much slower than yesterday, but we're still getting caught up from last week. The chaos of yesterday put us a little behind as well." That wasn't entirely true, but Lisa needed an escape.
"Okay, let's get you back to the house." Jack helped Lisa into the Porsche and then drove them back. On the drive, he thought about his conversation with Lou and his determination to not pursue Lisa until she was ready. Her reaction to where they were married confirmed to him that he had made the right decision. He would continue to tell her about her life and show her places that had significance, but he wouldn't pursue her until he felt like she was ready. His love for her and his desire for her to be happy and comfortable with him was greater than his desire to be a married couple again.
When they got back to the house, Jack let Lisa go in alone, and he headed out to get work done. He saw that Lou was back from town, so he knew that she wouldn't be alone.
Lisa was thankful that Jack didn't follow her into the house. She needed some time on her own to think about everything. When she went inside, Lou was sitting at the kitchen table eating a burger from Maggie's. She said "Hello" to Lou and then excused herself to the bedroom to get work done.
Around 5:30, Lisa shut her computer and left the bedroom to join Katie and Lyndy, who were playing in the living room. Both girls greeted her with hugs. Lisa was always touched by how excited they were to see her. She never imagined being a great grandmother, but she was beginning to love those girls. They were sweet with her, and there were never any expectations from them other than to be kind to them and spend time together. She wished it could be as simple with Jack. She knew he wanted more, and as much as he was respectful of her, it was hard for her because she felt like it was always in the back of his mind.
Lisa asked Katie and Lyndy about their days at school and listened to them talk about what happened. She had no idea who any of the people were that they were talking about, but she had fun hearing their stories anyway.
Georgie came back to Heartland that night for dinner and to give Lisa the get well soon card from her employees. Lisa looked at it and all of her employees. Lyndy looked over her shoulder. She was excited about the horses. Ever her mother's daughter, she pointed out all the horses and talked about what she liked about each one. Lisa planned to study it every day. Georgie had begun to share little tidbits about the employees so that Lisa could get to know them. Now she had faces to go with the names so that when she was ready, she could go back to the stables and not be embarrassed that she didn't know anyone. It was going to take some time, but she felt like she was getting part of her life back.
Jack came into the house and squeezed Lisa's good shoulder before going to the bathroom. She still felt uncomfortable after their lunch at the dude ranch. It wasn't that she didn't like Jack. She did like him. She liked him a lot, but she wasn't sure that she had any feelings beyond liking him, and she didn't know if she ever would. It scared her how much Jack loved her. Lisa had no idea how to handle the whole situation, but she didn't have anyone to talk to about it. Everyone at Heartland was on Jack's side. No one knew what she was going through and just wanted her to get back together with Jack and be the happy married couple again. Lisa realized that she had spaced out as she was spiraling. Lou was calling her name and asking her if she wanted water or lemonade with her dinner. She pulled herself out of the spiral and asked for water. Looking to her left, she saw Jack looking at her with a concerned look on his face. Deep down, she knew that he couldn't read her mind, but he just knew her so well and knew how her mind worked, and it made her want to hide. Jack signaled for her to meet him out on the porch, so she got up to join him out there.
Jack was standing on the porch waiting for her when she came out. He still looked concerned. "Are you okay, Lis? You seem out of it."
Lisa took a deep breath. This wasn't the time to have a serious conversation. Dinner was almost ready, and everyone would be in their business if they stayed out on the porch and talked instead of eating dinner. "I'm fine. I was just deep in thought. I don't want to get into it more than that, okay? Maybe we can talk after dinner." She knew that she needed to let Jack know how she was feeling. She didn't want to disappoint him, but she also needed him to know what was going on. He deserved that.
Jack didn't stop looking concerned, but he accepted her answer. "Okay. Let's eat dinner and then go for a walk to the pond after."
"Sounds good." Lisa took another deep breath and straightened her posture before going back inside.
Dinner was awkward for Jack and Lisa, but everyone was so busy talking that no one really seemed to notice. They both tried to interact with the girls, but they didn't really talk to each other much. Once dinner was over, Katie excused herself to do homework, Georgie and Lou were talking in the living room, and Amy was giving Lyndy a bath. Jack and Lisa took the opportunity to go for the walk that they had agreed to go on.
When they got down to the pond, Lisa stopped walking and turned to look at Jack. She didn't know what to say, though. She didn't want to hurt his feelings, but she also wanted him to know how she was feeling. He deserved her honesty after everything that he had done for her. "I don't really know how to talk about this."
"Are you leaving me? Do you want a divorce?" Jack was terrified that Lisa was going to leave him, but he needed to know if that was what was bothering her.
"No. I'm not. I don't want that. Not now. Maybe not ever. I don't know how to feel about you, our relationship, or our marriage. It all feels like a different person did all those things, and I don't know if I can be that person. What if I can't go back? I mean, I can't go back if I don't get my memory back. I do care about you. If I didn't, I wouldn't be so worried about hurting you, but I just don't know how to do this. I know you keep saying that you are here for me no matter what, but I know in the back of your mind, you're hoping to get your wife back. It's a lot of pressure on me to be someone I'm not." Tears had begun to form in Lisa's eyes as she spoke.
Jack wanted to pull Lisa into a hug and just hold her, but he knew that wasn't the time for that. He decided to talk and share what he was thinking. "Lis, first of all, breathe. You're spiraling here. Secondly, I never want to put any pressure on you to be my wife or be in a romantic relationship with me. Thirdly, I'm glad that you care about me and my feelings. That's nice to know."
Lisa took a deep breath. "I am spiraling. I just feel overwhelmed, and I don't really have anyone to talk to about this stuff. Everyone here is on your side and wants us to be back together."
Holding up a hand, Jack said, "Wait. There are no sides here. If there is, I'm on your side. I'm just here to support you and care for you. That's all I want to do."
"Really?" Lisa felt relief hearing that.
"Yes. First and foremost, I want you to be happy and comfortable with me, and I want to be your friend. Everything else is secondary. If I show you a place that is important to us, it's because I want you to have the whole story of your life that you've forgotten. Jack was glad to see that he had made the right choice regarding pursuing Lisa.
"I feel a little better now. Thanks for talking me off the ledge. The last week and a half has been so overwhelming, and I think I assumed how you felt about things instead of asking. I'm sorry about that. You know what they say about people who assume things!"
Jack laughed, and Lisa joined in. "It's good to laugh with you. Please come to me if you are worried about something. Even if it's hard. I'd rather talk it out than to worry that things are going poorly."
"I have amnesia and don't remember our whole relationship. Things are already going poorly." Lisa was thankful things weren't worse, but they weren't really good.
"You know what I mean," said Jack.
Lisa sighed. "I do know what you mean."
"Are you ready to go back to the house?" asked Jack. We don't have to go back inside, but I'm tired and would like to sit down."
"Sure, we can go back," replied Lisa. "Thanks again for listening to my concerns and talking them over with me. I appreciate it more than I can express."
"You're welcome." The two made their way back to the house. Both of them felt lighter and ready to face whatever came next.
It was conversations like the one she just had with Jack that made Lisa realize why the version of her that she lost dated Jack and fell in love with him. She wondered if she could love him again even if she didn't get her memory back, but she wasn't sure. She also knew that she had to come to terms with the fact that it would never be a typical relationship story. Jack had nearly two decades of history with her while she had less than two weeks with him. Being told that she loved someone deeply is different from actually loving that person.
To Be Continued