Boulevard Of Broken Dreams,
Chapter 33, OWLS
Save for random insults in the hall or in classes the Gryffindor Gang of Gits left Severus alone for the rest of that year. The same went for Regulus. Severus didn't know if Heather's prank had scared them off, or if they were just busy with something else, but whatever it was, he'd take it. Regulus enjoyed the peace as well. They dedicated their time to their studies and to having fun with their friends. Heather and Raislen were preparing for their OWLS and Severus and Regulus were glad to help them study. It allowed both a glimpse of what was to come. "If we're lucky, we shan't have to study as hard when it's our turn," Regulus said. "In helping you, we're helping ourselves."
"Said like a self-serving Slytherin," Heather chuckled.
"Well it's true," Regulus said. "And I'd be remiss to ignore it. Even if it didn't help us, we'd still help you regardless. And do you know why? Because we are wonderful friends," Regulus bragged shamelessly.
"You are," Raislen agreed, grinning over at him. "And we appreciate you for it."
"You're a super smart kid, just like Severus," Heather told Regulus warmly. "Which is why I think you should consider doing something more with your life than following someone else."
"But if he wins, if he fixes the wizarding world and I help, I will have done the greatest thing with my life that any self-respecting wizard can," Regulus insisted.
"But... But what if he isn't who you think he is, and he doesn't do all that," Raislen asked carefully after exchanging a glance with Heather.
"Well that's impossible," Regulus said. "He's one of the most powerful..."
"Power has nothing to do with a person's character," Raislen cut in gently. "And it has nothing to do with how things could end up if that person is outnumbered by those who stand against them. Grindelwald failed, after all. Changing the world isn't at all easy, especially when the world doesn't want changing."
"I'm sure he has taken that into account," Regulus said.
"Well account or not, many have tried and failed, so it's a bigger risk you're taking than you think," Heather told him. "I'm just wondering if you've considered that."
"I'm sure he's considered that," Regulus said.
"And if you're wrong," Heather pressed.
"I'm not," Regulus assured confidently. Seeing that there was no getting through to him on that, they went back to prepping for their OWLS. Severus hadn't said a word for he'd already seen months back how far gone Regulus was on Voldemort and his cause. He'd considered telling Regulus what Voldemort had done to his father, but decided against it.
Regulus would just justify it as Voldemort defending wizarding society from Muggles and the harm they could do. He wouldn't understand. He knew that Heather and Raislen liked Regulus so sought to save him from becoming entangled with Voldemort, but it wasn't going to work. That was alright, because Severus still had his own plans. Perhaps some day, Regulus would see what he'd gotten himself into and then Severus would still be there to support him as true friends did. Regulus could even help Severus to take down Voldemort. That would be grand.
All that was quite far away, though, and right now Heather and Raislen's OWLS loomed so he turned his attention back to that. He and Regulus diligently spent the rest of the evening taking turns quizzing them. When they got into Transfiguration, Severus felt his own anxiety beginning to rise. "I hate this class," he muttered. "I know I'm going to fail my Transfiguration OWL, because it's my worst subject." He always passed the class but admittedly and shamefully by a narrow margin, and he hated it even more for being the low mark that ruined his near perfect record.
"We'll help you prepare when your time comes, Kid," Raislen assured.
"Outside help can only do so much for my comprehension of the bloody mechanics," Severus muttered. The unwavering anxiety in his stomach didn't feel confident that outside help would help anymore than his mind did.
Heather must have seen as much on his face, for she smiled and reached over to pat his arm. "We'll start helping you next year even," she promised. "I'd say this year, but this year is no good. You know, because it's about us and our OWLS this year."
Severus chuckled. "I completely understand. This year you have your own panic on which to focus. Besides I don't think help will help no matter how long it is given, but I suppose we can try next year." He certainly didn't mind putting off the process of attempting to bend his brain into comprehending the deeper levels of Transfigurations. Once you got him past the basics, his lack of comprehension just became infuriating. He tried to perform the bloody spells and when they didn't work, he had no idea why or when he did, he had no idea how to improve his lack of understanding in order to correct it.
"Ah don't give yourself panic over it, Kid," Raislen said easily. "We'll fix it, I promise."
"But you can't fix my lack of understanding," Severus said, hearing his own voice rising in frustration and yes, panic. "I just don't get it, or when I think I do, it still doesn't come out right, so I am unable to explain what I didn't understand, because apparently I thought I did understand. Oh bloody never mind, I hate even thinking about it," he grumbled. "We'll worry over it when the time comes."
"It isn't that hard," Regulus murmured, looking baffled.
Severus shot him a glare. "Shut up, Black," he said venomously.
Regulus cringed back, an expression of hurt shock passing fleetingly over his face. "I'm just going to go now," he said, rising stiffly. "I've forgotten to write Kreacher. Severus you can finish this quizzing session and I'll pick it up tomorrow."
"I'm sorry," Severus said, suddenly feeling like a git, even though Regulus had been the smug prat in his opinion. Black hadn't needed to rub in that Transfiguration was easy for him when Severus clearly had issues.
Regulus hesitated and Severus let out a small sigh of relief. "I just don't understand what I did wrong," Regulus murmured, shifting his feet on the carpet.
"Nothing," Severus said. "It's just that it isn't easy for me."
Regulus nodded. "Very well, and I don't understand how. That doesn't make me bad," he said. "I'll try to help you any time you like."
Seeing the true confusion on Regulus's face, Severus sighed and shrugged. The younger boy really didn't understand that he'd been gittish. He simply truly didn't understand how his comment could've come across as annoying.
"Well I'm glad that it's an easy subject for you, but try not rubbing it in my face when I'm fretting over the possibility of failing my bloody Transfiguration OWL in two years."
"But I didn't mean to rub it anywhere," Regulus exclaimed. "I thought we were just talking about Transfigurations. You find it difficult, and I don't understand how. That is all I meant to say. I do apologize if you took it any other way." The expression on his face was regretful and sincerely so and Severus smiled.
"Very well. And I'm sorry for misunderstanding."
"It's a nuanced thing, probably an age gap issue, and neither of you did anything wrong," Heather said thoughtfully. She and Raislen had remained silent while the two younger boys worked the situation out between them.
"I guess so," Regulus said, settling back into his chair and shrugging.
"I meant it, though, Kid. Don't stress the Transfiguration OWL," Raislen said. "We'll get you through it one way or another."
"What way is there to get me through it if I don't understand," Severus asked.
Raislen grinned. "Trust me, there are ways."