I laughed with Joyce as we watched a home video of Chloe and I.
"You two were so cute together," she said.
"Yeah we were," I said.
"I'm gonna grab a snack, I'll be right back," said Joyce as she left the couch and went into the kitchen. I stayed watching the video of Chloe and I sword fighting in the back yard of her house.
"Arrr," said Chloe. "Ye be bested."
"Not on your life," my younger self retorted.
A voice behind the camera spoke. "So adorable. So wonderful. So…"
My eyes widened as I recognized the voice.
"…innocent."
The screen turned to white noise as I got up from the couch.
"Joyce?" I called out. There was silence, with only the static sound of the tv emanating into the room. I peered round to look in the kitchen. Joyce was gone. Suddenly there was a rattling in the garage. I spun round to look at the door.
"Joyce? David?" I called out. Still no response. I approached the garage door slowly. There was another sound I could hear. As I got closer, it became louder and louder. I put my hands on my ears as it became overwhelmingly loud, and I realised it was the sound of…
…duct tape.
I turned around…and immediately felt the sting of a needle in my neck. I tried to scream as my body went limp and I fell to the ground.
I screamed as I felt a thump. I opened my eyes as I thrashed around in the darkness. I stopped and looked around. I could see an outline of everything and realized I had fallen out of bed. I put my hand on my stomach.
Oh shit.
I got to my feet and made my way to the door. I flicked on the light, which poured out into the hall when I opened the bedroom door. I made my way into the bathroom. I got on my knees as I hunched over the toilet. I stared into the toilet bowl as my stomach churned. I heard a door open.
"Max?" I heard Joyce call out.
Damn it.
"It's okay, Joyce. Go back to sleep," I said. I heard her footsteps approach and saw her in the corner of my eye in a bath robe. She flicked the bathroom light on.
"Doesn't look okay," she said.
"Just a nightmare," I said. "It'll pass. You don't need to stand there; you can go back to bed."
"Are you sure, Max? Can I get you a glass of water first?"
I didn't want one, but I knew Joyce wouldn't take no for an answer.
"Sure, thanks," I said. Joyce nodded and went downstairs. I folded my arms across the toilet seat and rested my forehead on them. I scrunched my hands into fists as I felt them tremble.
The tapes I watched last night used to work. Not this time though. They just became another tool for nightmare Jefferson to use against me. I'm starting to tell people about it all, I just have to hope that's enough to help me get better.
After staring into the toilet bowl for a good half hour, the nausea subsided. I took the glass of water and went back to my room. I laid back down in bed. I fell asleep for another couple of hours and woke up at about 8am. I rolled over in bed and covered my face with the bed comforter.
This is going to be a long road to recovery. But I took the biggest step I could just a couple days ago. I'll just have to take a few more before I can get back to how I used to be.
I went downstairs still in bed shirt and shorts. Joyce, in her Two Whales uniform, was sat with David at the table eating some toast.
"Morning," I said as I walked into the kitchen.
"Oh, good morning, Max," said Joyce. David gave a quick wave to me as his mouth was full. "How are you doing after last night?"
"I'm okay, Joyce. Just another bump in the road," I said. "I'm going to have breakfast and then head back to school."
"Are you sure, Max? You know you can still stay here until tonight?"
"I know, but I think it's best I get used to being back at the dorm again."
"Well, you know you can always move some stuff here if you need to stay here more permanently. If it's best for you, not for me," she added.
"I know, Joyce and I appreciate it. I just want things to be business as usual as much as they can be. So, I'm going to go back to my dorm for now and just go from there."
Joyce nodded. "Okay, Max. Before you go though you need to breakfast in the belly. What do you want, maybe some world famous pancakes?"
"I'll just take cereal, Joyce. My stomach's still a little…from last night."
Joyce got up.
"Well then sit yourself down and I'll-"
"Joyce," David said with a chuckle. "The girl can pour herself a bowl of cereal."
Joyce slapped a dish cloth on the top of his head. David put his hand up to protect himself as I laughed.
"I know, I know" she said. "I'm sorry, Max. I'll try not to hover over you."
"It's okay, Joyce. If I need help you know I'll ask," I said as I opened up the packet of cornflakes.
"Well when you're ready I'll give you a ride back to Blackwell, Max," said David.
"Oh it's okay, David. I can bike back."
"He's already taking me in to work," said Joyce. "Gotta get back to it after the holiday's over."
"And my counselling session was moved to today," said David.
"Okay, well if you're going out already then that would be great, thanks," I said. David and Joyce smiled and nodded at me.
David helped take my bike out the back of his car. I put it down on the ground as Joyce handed me my bag.
"Well I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow, Max," said David.
"I guess so. I hope it doesn't feel weird getting back to work," I said.
"It'll do me good to be back in a routine," he said. "Personally I can't wait."
"You take care, Max. We're always here if you need us," said Joyce.
"Thank you for everything," I said to both of them. I leaned over my bike and gave Joyce a quick hug. "I'll see you both soon."
David and Joyce got back in the car. I waved as they left the Blackwell parking lot. I moved my bike to the rack and locked it in place. I walked up the steps to the school grounds and briefly sat down on the edge of the fountain. I looked up at the school building.
I don't need to tell the entire student body about what happened. But I need to have more people I can talk to besides my parents and Joyce and David. I just hope other people believe me too.
I stood up and made my way to the dorm building. When I reached the yard, I could see Samuel raking up leaves in the grass. He had his back to me but stopped suddenly before turning around.
"I thought it was you, young Max," he said.
"Really?" I said. "Are you psychic or something?"
He shook his head. "I felt the change in the air. Nature reacts to everyone, and I've come to recognize the aura a person gives off."
I approached Samuel. "I see, and what's my aura telling you?"
"That something very bad happened, am I correct?"
I rubbed my arm as I thought about how to answer.
"Yeah, I kinda spent Thanksgiving in hospital," I admitted. Samuel clutched his rake tightly.
"Samuel is sorry to hear this. It is difficult to feel thankful for our blessings when we are suffering," he said.
"Maybe, but if you learn a valuable lesson then it's not totally a bad thing, right?"
"Very wise, young Max," he said.
"Sorry, I didn't even ask, how was your Thanksgiving, Samuel?"
"Samuel spent it with his parents. They cannot cook like they used to, so it was up to me to take care of the food."
"And how was it?"
"A lot of it burnt."
"Ouch. Well, I'm sure your parents appreciated you trying for them."
The wind picked up and some of the leaves began to blow around.
"I'll let you get back to it," I said. "Besides, probably me causing this, right."
"Oh no, Max. There is another troubled young woman up in the dorm. She too is making nature stir."
"I guess I'll go see for myself. Bye, Samuel."
"Good luck, young Max."
As I reached the top of the stairs and walked into the girls dorm, I found it hard to believe I was last here only three days ago. I could hear music coming from one of the rooms...Stella's.
So much has gone down in such a short space of time. I have a feeling it's not gonna stop there…
I went back to my room. After days of being in hospital and being fussed over, it was nice to be back in a room that was totally mine. I put my bag down and sat on the edge of my bed. I thought about what to say to Stella.
You don't have to tell her everything, Max. But you so owe her an apology. Just start with that. When you're ready.
I went and sat at my desk. On the floor next to it, were the photos I had taken out of the album.
Fuck. I totally ruined that album. Another thing I'll deal with+ later.
I opened up my laptop to get caught up. I clicked away from the news update sites and checked my emails. There was a bunch of stuff there. Mostly junk, but there was an email from Blackwell with the subject A message from Blackwell's new Principal. I had almost forgotten about school altogether. Principal Wells was out of it for now.
I wasn't…wrong about the things I said to him, but I probably didn't need to scream and curse at him. I seriously hope he's getting the help he needs. He's not a bad person, but he really needs to stop his addiction. If I hadn't found him, who knows what could have happened. I guess for now, let's see who's in charge…
I opened the email…
To all students and faculty of Blackwell Academy,
It is with great honor I take on the temporary position of Blackwell Academy School Principal. I have been with this organization for over twenty years primarily leading the theatrical side and helping talented performers flourish. I very much hope to extend this aspect to every student in school and help you to be the best you can be.
In addition, it is my pleasure to welcome back two faculty members back into the spotlight. First, one of the brightest minds at Blackwell, Mrs Hoida. Her passion for literature is unmatched, and we are pleased to see her resume her duties from Monday.
No way! Mrs Hoida is back tomorrow. As much as I won't like the work load that will come with it, I'm so glad she's back.
Likewise, our ever-vigilant head of security David Madsen will be back on duty next week.
Ouch, not quite the glowing endorsement that Mrs. Hoida got.
I will be working closely with the Blackwell school board to ensure the school itself runs like a perfectly performed play. I understand that the storm this school has weathered is still ongoing for some of you. I would like to remind you of the outstanding counsellors available to speak to, in confidence if desired. The show will go on, and Blackwell will shine bright once again.
Regards,
Travis Keaton.
The head of the drama club? I wouldn't be seen dead on a stage, so I don't know him too well. Hopefully his years of experience translates to competence.
KNOCK. KNOCK.
"Who is it?" came Stella's voice.
"It's er…It's Max," I said. There was a pause. I heard footsteps approach the door. It opened and I saw Stella looking at me nervously.
"Max, sorry I'm kinda in a rush-"
"I'm sorry, Stella."
She went quiet.
"I was going through a tough time, and I took it out on you. I know that's a bullshit reason and it's not an excuse. I was wrong to talk to you the way I did and I'm…I'm sorry."
Stella smiled and stepped to the side, holding the door open. I tentatively stepped inside and waited. Stella sat down on her desk chair and faced me. I sat down on the edge of her bed and looked at her.
"You were right, Max. About everything," she said.
"No, Stella…"
"I was being stupid. I know taking all that stuff wasn't worth it. I never needed it. I just wanted to be sure that I was working the best I could. But it didn't even help that much, I just got so…addicted to them and I was so scared to stop buying from the guy I just kept taking it all."
Stella wiped her eyes. I stood up and put my hand on her shoulder.
"Hey, it's okay," I said. She wiped her eyes some more.
"I told my foster parents everything," she said. I stopped rubbing her shoulder in surprise. Stella looked up at me.
"I thought they would be angry with me. If I had done something like this with my real parents, they would have…but my foster parents were really understanding. They just wanted to help me."
"I'm glad, Stella."
"Though it was a tough Thanksgiving. I had withdrawal from all the crap I took. It messed me up a bit."
"Oh man. I'm sorry."
"I'm doing better. I stopped taking anything on Wednesday and the first 72 hours are the hardest. But I got through them."
"That's awesome."
"I'm not past it all yet. My foster parents are waiting in the parking lot of me. I've got a spot in a drug program at the Arcadia Centre in an hour."
"That's amazing, Stella. I'm proud of you. And I am sorry I took out my anger on you."
"It's water under the bridge, Max. I needed someone to kick me in the ass and you did that. Look, I know you said you hated keeping people's secrets but…"
"I won't say a word, Stella. Not if it means you're getting better. And you can talk to me, I promise. Like I said, things were on top of me at the time but I'm doing better too. Hopefully it's all behind you some day."
Stella looked down.
"Stella?"
"I fucked up, Max."
"What do you mean?"
"I flushed the stuff I had away."
"Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?"
Stella shook her head. "I hadn't paid for them, and I owe money to the guy."
"What?"
"I didn't make enough money at my job to cover everything I bought. I was always a couple transactions behind. And now I just literally flushed away money I can't give back."
"Well how much do you owe this guy in total?"
"About $600."
"Holy shit, Stella."
She buried her head in her hands.
"I know. I don't know what to do. Even if I could pay it back he's already so mad I'm late. I'm worried it still wouldn't be enough…"
"The guy…he's Frank Bowers, right?"
"Yeah, how do you know?"
"I've just heard about him is all. Look, I'll pay him back."
"What? No, Max I'm not dragging you into this. And I'm not making you use your own money to bail me out."
"I've got plenty, Stella. I'm not rich but it won't affect me too much right now to lose $600, especially if it helps you out."
"Max, it's still dangerous. This guy is scary."
"I know, but I'm not just leaving you to go through this alone. I'll be careful, just go to your rehab and leave this to me."
"Max…if something happened to you I would never-"
"It won't. I promise you, Stella. I'll text you when it's over and I'll see you again later."
Stella looked at me. She stood up and hugged me.
"Thank you," she said. "Please be safe, Max. Please."
After cycling into town and getting money out of my bank. I went to the location Frank had texted to Stella. It was his common spot by the beach, where Chloe and I once came to ask for his help in finding Rachel. As I cycled up and leaned my bike against the wooden fence, it suddenly hit me how dangerous this could be.
This isn't the Frank I knew by the end of "that week." He's lost Rachel, he knows she's dead this time. Who knows what could set his temper off?
I walked round to the door side of the vehicle. He had his table and two chairs set up outside. I approached the door. I raised my fist to knock before backing away and pacing. I took several deep breaths to try and psych myself up. Eventually I went to the door and knocked loudly. I jumped back slightly as I heard Pompidou bark on the other side of the door.
"Hey, Pompidou!" I heard Frank yell. "Come on, on your bed." I could hear him drag Pompidou away from the door. After a few seconds, the door opened and Frank Bowers peered out at me.
"Can I help you?" he said.
"Er, hi…I'm Max," I said.
Frank just shrugged. "Okay? Can I help you?"
"I- I'm here on behalf of Stella Hill? She owes you money?"
"No shit she does. And she sent you?"
"Yeah."
Frank eyeballed me. "You a cop?"
I looked down at my feet and back up at Frank.
"Do I look like a cop?"
Frank stepped out of the RV and slammed the door behind him.
"Ya got the fuckin' attitude of one."
I backed up as he squared up to me.
"I-I'm sorry. Look..." I quickly opened my bag and took the $600 out. "Here," I said thrusting it towards him. Frank snatched it from my hand and counted it.
"Why'd she send you?"
"She was…busy."
"So's everybody, don't give her an excuse to go radio silent."
"Well, you've got your money so that's what matters, right? Is she in the clear?"
"Whatever," said Frank as he turned around.
"Wait," I said. Frank sighed and turned back.
"What now?" he said.
"I also know that…Chloe Price owed you a lot of money too." I reached back into my bag and took out an envelope containing another $3,000 I took out of the bank. I held it out for Frank to take.
"It's all there," I said.
Frank peered at me suspiciously. He took the money less aggressively this time and peered inside the envelope. He thumbed through quickly before looking at me again.
"You knew Chloe?" he said.
"Yeah, we were friends. We met up again just before she…Anyway she had this money ready," I said. "She just never got the chance to give it to you."
"I thought I recognized you," he said. "You were at her funeral, right?"
"Yeah, how did you know?"
Frank sat down at his table and put the envelope down.
"I was watching from afar," he said. "I didn't think people would wanna see me there, so I just stayed out of it."
"Did you know her well?" I asked.
"She was just a customer," he said. "A fucking pain in the ass to boot." He looked out at the trees surrounding us. "But she didn't deserve to go out like that. Nor did…" He cut himself off as he clenched his fist.
I tentatively went to sit down in the other chair.
"Are you talking about-"
"Did I say you could sit?" he said.
"Oh, sorry." I quickly stood upright. "Are you talking about that other girl who was found dead? Rachel Amber? Did you know her?"
"No," he said quickly.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm fucking sure!" He said leaning forward. "What's with the-"
The door came open and Pompidou ran out.
"Pompidou, I swear to-" Frank went silent as Pompidou sat and looked at Frank while wagging his tail. "Goddamnit," said Frank as he stroked his head. Pompidou then got up and moved over to me. I initially recoiled until he sat down and stared up at me. I tentatively started petting him, which made him pant. Frank looked at me in surprise.
"So…did you know Rachel?" I said.
Frank scowled. Then he looked down at Pompidou, who was looking up at me.
"We were…together," he said. "I cared a whole lot about her."
"How long were you together?"
Pompidou moved back over to Frank and put his paws on his lap. Frank stroked his head as he talked.
"About a year. Something like that. She and Chloe used to get drugs from me. Then with Rachel it became something deeper. But I…I sold the shit that punk Prescott used to…"
Pompidou put his paws back on the ground as Frank stood up quickly. He moved away from the table and punched the side of his RV as Pompidou gave a bark. I stepped back quickly.
"Fuck!" he groaned as he pulled his hand back and shook it.
"Are you okay?" I said.
"What the fuck do you care? Why the fuck am I even telling you this?" he yelled. He stormed towards the RV door. I hurried after him.
"I don't know why either! But I'm willing to listen."
Frank stopped.
"Why?"
"I don't know. I guess because you don't look like you have someone to talk to. Except Pompidou, but he can't talk back."
Pompidou let out a small woof.
"I guess I just want to help you. If I even can," I said.
"Why the fuck would you want to help someone like me?" He advanced on me. "I'm thanking the Lord those drugs in that freakshow's room weren't traced back to me. Is that…Is that why you're here? Are you wearing a fucking wire?"
"No, Frank. Please calm down-"
"Don't tell me to calm down!"
Frank pulled out his switch blade.
"Why the fuck are you really here, huh? Answer me bitch!"
My voice shook as I yelled back in response. "I was one of the victims!"
Frank froze and lowered the knife.
"Mark Jefferson drugged me along with a lot of other girls and took photos of us. I don't give a shit where the drugs came from. I only care what he did to me. You've got your money now just leave me alone."
I stormed past him shaking and made my way round the RV to my bike.
"Wait!" I heard Frank yell. I just grabbed the handlebars of my bike and turned my bike around. I saw Frank approaching me, without the knife in his hand.
"Wait! I'm sorry."
"Just leave me alone!"
"I'm sorry for being any part in all that shit!"
I stopped moving.
"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I've done like, two good things in my life and a million fucking bad things. Selling that stuff to that Prescott prick, getting Rachel killed, letting you and all those other girls go through that, those are just the worst of all. I'm sorry."
I stood shuddering as I looked at him.
"What are the two good things?" I asked. Frank looked confused for a moment. "I want to know."
"First was convincing someone to stop running dog fights. Even got Pompidou out of it," he said.
"And the second?"
Frank looked away.
"I saved Chloe's life."
He turned around and wandered back round the RV. I stood motionless as I processed what he just said.
I've seen this guy threaten Chloe with a knife. Now he's telling me he saved her?
I let go of my bike and let it fall to the ground. I walked round to see Frank sat at the table again, stroking Pompidou's head. I went and stood over him.
"What are you talking about?" I asked. Frank carried on stroking Pompidou's head as he looked at me.
"A few years ago. Chloe and Rachel were mixed up with me and…another guy. The other guy was looking to hurt Chloe, but I stopped him."
"What did you do?"
Frank looked out to the forest.
"I stopped him," he repeated. "From hurting anyone ever again."
I took a step back as I realised what he meant. He looked back at me.
"Even when I do a good thing…I do a bad thing too. This is why I deserve what I get. I lost Rachel, couldn't even attend her funeral the way I wanted. Her family cremated her so I can't even visit her now. This is the big man upstairs telling me I fucked up."
"Then why not change, Frank? If you really believe losing Rachel was payback…why not walk a different path?" I said.
Frank chuckled morbidly. "Good question. Guess it's just too late."
"Bullshit," I said bluntly. Frank scowled at me. "Don't give me that look," I said. "You know I'm right. There's no such thing as too late to change. The past has happened, but you can make your future a whole lot better."
His expression softened. "Maybe I just don't feel like I deserve better."
"Again, bullshit," I said. "If you really believe in a higher power, aren't they the one to decide that?"
Frank stared back at me, like a light bulb went off in his head.
"You know I never had someone to talk to about this stuff. Except Rachel. I knew deep down…we were never gonna last. I know she never saw me the same as I saw her. She was young, had the world at her feet and could do whatever she wanted. I would never have stopped her, even if it meant I was left behind. I just wanted her to be happy."
"And she'd want the same for you, I'm sure," I said. "So, what does being happy mean for you? I find it hard to believe this…" I tipped my head toward the RV. "…is your calling in life. What do you want to do more than anything?"
Frank looked down at Pompidou, who had stayed staring up at Frank the entire time. "I love animals more than people. I wanted to be a vet since I can remember. Just not how my life panned out."
"Well then that's what you should do."
Frank scoffed. "What, just go out there and be a vet?"
"You go out there and try," I said. "I mean come on. You've got a home you can drive anywhere. Why stick around if there's nothing for you here?"
"It was for my customers. But they've dried up since everything that happened. Stella and Chloe's debts were my last."
"Then there's nothing stopping you," I said. "It's a big country. You can find some college somewhere where you can study and be what you want to be. Maybe."
"You make it sound easy, kid."
"I don't mean to," I said. "But you're never going to be happy if you don't try to move on. Trust me, I know."
I walked back around the RV and picked my bike up off the ground. I got on and started riding away. I stopped at the edge of the road and put one foot on the ground.
Damn, that could have gone wrong very quickly. At least it's over.
I texted Stella that everything was okay. I waited a couple minutes, thinking what to do next. I was shaking a little from the adrenaline.
I know I can't photo jump. But I can do something better.
I heard a horn honk behind me. I looked back to see Frank slowly driving his RV up the beach toward the road. I moved to the left. He stopped as he reached the edge of the road and looked out of the window. He'd taken down the cardboard that was blocking it.
"Thought I'd say goodbye. This is the last time you'll see me in Arcadia Bay," he said.
"Wait, you're leaving already?"
"Yeah, nothing keeping me here like you said."
"Where are you gonna go?"
"Not sure yet. But I got plenty of gas money. I'll end up somewhere. For now it'll just be me and Pompidou on the road."
"I hope it works out for you, Frank. Good luck."
Frank looked at me, then looked at something next to him.
"Wait there a sec."
He moved back through the RV and I heard the door swing open. He walked round the front of the RV with something in his hand. He held it out to me. It was the envelope of Chloe's money.
"What's this?" I said.
"It's your money," he said.
"It's not mine, it was Chloe's…"
"I don't believe for one second she had this money. Which can only mean it's yours. Take it before I change my mind."
I took the envelope and held it.
"I see why Chloe would dig you," said Frank. "You're a good friend."
I just nodded as I put the envelope back in my bag.
"So long, kid."
Frank turned around.
"Frank…"
He looked over his shoulder at me.
"Thank you for saving Chloe. If you hadn't, I'd never have seen her again."
Frank nodded and then got back in his RV. He gave me a quick wave before driving onto the road and off out of sight.
After depositing the cash back in my bank account again (and getting a weird look from the clerk) I made my way up towards the forest to visit somewhere familiar. The forest ground was very uneven, so I pushed my bike along. I kept going until I could see the spot I was looking for in the distance. Mine and Chloe's tree fort. I kept walking until I got close. I stopped when I saw branches piled up between the centre tree and the two outer trees.
Just like how Chloe and I made it…but we haven't been here in years…
I leaned my bike up against a different tree and got closer. I went to lean over the branches to see-
"BOO!"
I screamed and stumbled back. Two screams came from inside the fort. I landed on my back as I heard yet another voice approaching me.
"Girls!" came a man's voice. "Are you alright?" I got to my feet to see a bearded man in a thick jacket approaching. I looked back at the fort and saw two young girls poking their heads up over the branches and looking at me.
"Sorry," I said as I brushed myself off. "They scared me." The man slowed to a walk and rolled his eyes.
"Prob'ly thought you were me," he said. "That about right, girls?"
The two girls nodded and laughed.
"Sorry about them," said the man. "My daughters can be real terrors sometimes."
"Oh no, it's okay. The got me pretty good," I said with a laugh.
"You're not lost are ya? You're awfully out of the way," the father said as he looked around.
"Oh no. I was just passing through to visit…this exact spot actually. I used to hide out here when I was younger."
"No kidding. Ya hear that girls, you've inherited your little fort from this young lady here."
The girls both looked at me.
"Is this yours?" the taller girl said.
"Well, it was. My friend and I used it as our base of operations."
"Where's your friend?" the shorter girl asked.
"Oh, I don't see her anymore."
"Why?"
"I er…just can't."
"Why?" she repeated. I glanced at the father who caught my uncomfortable look.
"Samantha," he said. "It's awful rude to ask so many questions. Look, how about we give this nice girl a couple minutes alone, while you two can see who find the biggest pinecone in the whole forest?"
Samantha and her sister cheered and came out of the tree fort. The father led them away, he looked over his shoulder at me and offered me a look of sympathy. I smiled back at him and looked back at the fort. I moved round to the fort "entrance." I went and sat down with my back against the tree.
Wowser, there's no way Chloe and I would both fit here now…Well, maybe we could, it would be snug though.
I looked up at the trees as the branches swayed in the breeze.
It's funny that the spot Chloe and I loved to hide in couldn't possibly be more exposed. I guess it was never really about being hidden. It was just the feeling it gave us, like we were the only two people left in the world. Like there was no-one who could find us.
I heard footsteps approaching the fort. I got to my feet and saw the father.
"Sorry," he said. "Didn't mean to disturb you."
"It's okay," I said. "It was nice to be back here again."
He nodded. "It's none of my business and I don't mean to pry, but am I right in assuming your friend is no longer…"
"Yeah. She died nearly two months ago," I said.
"Damn. I'm sorry to hear that. And I'm sorry if my daughter was being intrusive."
"Oh no, she's just a kid. It's not her fault. How old are they?"
"Samantha's just turned five, Holly is six."
"Daddy!" yelled Samantha. We both turned to see her holding up a pinecone while Holly was frantically searching on the ground nearby. "I've got the biggest one!"
"Still two minutes on the clock!" The father said with a chuckle. "I'm sure they won't stay this cute forever so I'm enjoying it while they can."
I laughed. "Yeah, kinda feel like I took my whole childhood for granted. Adulthood can really hit you like a train."
"It sure can, it's easy to wish you could go back in time and be young again. But ya always gotta appreciate the now too."
"Even the crappy bits?"
"Maybe not, but you do need to appreciate the good things to help you get through the crappy bits. You lost a friend but I'm hoping you got plenty more around you?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Well my advice, and you can take it or leave it, but enjoy your time with them now. Enjoy the good times you got. Nostalgia is a great thing, but not if it's all ya have. Ya understand?"
I looked at the tree fort.
"I think I do. If you rely on old memories, you're not gonna create any new ones, right?"
"That's the ticket. You said you're worried you took your childhood for granted? Don't make the same mistake with adulthood. As a man with grey hair, I know what I'm talking about."
I laughed as Samantha and Holly came bounding up, holding pinecones in their hands.
"I got the biggest!" said Holly.
"No, I did!" said Samantha.
"Alright, alright girls settle down," the dad said.
"I'd better leave you to it, gotta get back to school." I turned to the girls. "Thanks for keeping the fort in good shape." I turned to the father. "And thank you for the talk. It really helped."
"You're welcome," he said. "You okay getting back out of this wilderness?"
"Yeah, I'm good."
"Well, you take care of yourself, young lady. Keep your chin up and I hope the universe is kind to you."
"You too, sir. Take care."
I waved goodbye to them all as I got my bike. I pushed it out of the woods and cycled back to Blackwell.
I entered the girls dorm. There was no-one in the hall and I couldn't hear any noise coming from any of the rooms, so I assumed Stella wasn't back yet and that I was still the only one here. I went into the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. I looked at myself in the mirror. I knew later tonight the dorm would be busier, so I just wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet for now.
I left the bathroom and walked to my room. As I got to my door, I looked at the blank board on the wall.
Gotta at least learn to laugh at the bad stuff.
I wrote at the top:
Days without incident:
Then underneath a I wrote a big, fat…
0.
I put the pen back and stepped inside my room. With all the stuff with Stella, I didn't really get a chance to enjoy being back in my own room with my own stuff. I picked up my bear and held him in front of me as I sat down. I smiled as I looked at him and thought back to holding him as a kid.
I shut my eyes and sighed. I looked over at the pile of photographs on the floor. I got off my bed and scooped them up. I put them on my desk and spread the pile out a little. Pictures of Joyce, William, Chloe, even Bongo the Kitty. I wasn't in any of them, which is why I had tore them out from the album. Luckily, the photos themselves were okay, if a little worn.
I swept the pile to the side and got the photo album out of my bag. I sat down and opened it up on my desk. There were tears in the pages in the spots where I had taken the photos out, but otherwise it was still usable.
I wish I knew the exact order these should go in. I guess it's not the biggest deal, but I feel like I'm almost desecrating the Price family memories here. Guess it's a little late to worry about that.
I reached into my draw to find some glue. I felt something small and thin. I took out an envelope.
What is this?
I turned it over puzzled and saw a name written on the front...Nathan
Wowser. I remember now. I wrote this spur of the moment weeks and weeks ago. I wanted Nathan to know I forgave him. I guess I should get this to him somehow. But that's to worry about later.
I put the envelope back in the drawer and pulled out some glue. I grabbed a photo and glued it back in place.
A while later and the photo pile had vanished. I looked through the album quickly checking there were no gaps.
Done. I'll get this back to Joyce when I see her again.
I put the album on the floor next to Lisa, who I gave a little water top up to. I knew I had homework to do. I hadn't done one bit of it with everything going on. I was desperate to be caught up on everything before Christmas vacation so I would be ready for Winter finals right after.
Ugh. Look, Max you've been doing good. There's still some other stuff but you're almost on top of everything. You can do it.
KNOCK KNOCK.
I looked over my shoulder at the door. I got up and opened it up to see Stella stood there.
"Oh, Stella. Hey," I said.
"Max, are you okay? Is everything okay?" she said frantically.
"Yes, I'm fine Stella. Don't worry. Frank Bowers won't be bothering you again."
"Oh, thank God. I was really worried even after getting your text. How the hell did you talk to him? He can be so scary."
"Yeah, he was. But I tamed him, plus his dog seemed to trust me which helped."
"Okay, that's good. I'm just glad you're alright. And I can't thank you enough for lending me that money. I will pay you back, I promise."
"There's no rush, Stella. Lump sum, instalments…I don't care either way. Though if you want to sweeten the deal with some free tuition…"
Stella laughed. "Absolutely, it's the least I can do. Though you've been doing really well, I don't know if you need that much more help."
"I just want to make sure, I guess. Especially with Winter Finals in the new year."
"Shit, you're right. I know we share a few classes. If you want to work on stuff together and keep each other motivated…"
"That would be amazing, Stella. I'm almost caught up so any help would be great. I might talk to Warren and ask for his science wisdom while I'm at it. Sorry, I'm so distracted I didn't even ask you how the stuff at Arcadia Centre went?"
"That's okay, Max. It was a little weird to start. I ran into David Madsen on my way in. I was kinda worried 'cos I don't want everyone knowing about what's going on."
"Did he say anything?"
"He just said whatever I was there for, he hopes the centre helps. Which was…weirdly nice of him. I always thought he was an asshole."
"You're weren't wrong, Stella. But he is trying to be better. I've seen it myself."
"Well, I'll see for sure tomorrow, I guess. I'd better get back to my room for now. But we'll organise some study sessions and that payment plan."
"Sounds good. I'll talk to you later, Stella."
She waved goodbye as I closed the door.
Later that day, after doing my laundry I had decided to forgo any homework that night. I'd gotten Stella on my side which would be a huge help in the next few weeks. I had heard people outside in the hall as the evening progressed. I wasn't in much of a socialising mood, but I knew there was someone I had to see. I waited until later when everyone seemed to have settled in their rooms. I opened my door and peered down the hall. No-one was there. I left my room and shut the door. I approached Kate's room and knocked on the door. After a few moments, Kate opened it. She smiled when she saw me.
"Max! It's good to see you. How are you?" she said.
Has she forgotten how I acted towards her before the holiday?
"I'm...okay, Kate. Can I come in?" I said. Kate nodded and stepped aside. I smiled at Alice the Rabbit sat in her cage as I sat down on Kate's couch. She sat down beside me.
"Do you want some water?" she said, gesturing to the jug of water on the desk.
"I'm good. How was your Thanksgiving?"
"It was wonderful. My whole family came to visit. There was so much food and it was great to see everyone again. How about you?"
"Well…I was going to just be with Joyce and David, but my parents ended up visiting."
"Oh that's great…isn't it?" She added noticing my expression.
"They visited me in the hospital."
"What? Are you okay, what happened?"
"I'm okay, Kate. I just…I had a seizure of some kind. It was inevitable I think with everything that's happening."
"Oh my goodness, Max. I'm so sorry."
"The doctor said it might be because of…what happened with Chloe and…and I'm the one that needs to be sorry Kate. You've been nothing but kind to me and I was pushing you away. I'm so sorry."
"I understand. I don't hold it against you. I know how difficult things have been."
"It's not an excuse, Kate. And I'm sorry for being the way I was. I promise I'll do better from now on. You only deserve kindness in return."
"Max, I told you I'm not mad. You're forgiven. You don't need to hold it over yourself, I promise."
"There's…something else that's been causing me to act the way I did. I haven't told anyone else at Blackwell, but I thought you of all people deserve to know. And would maybe understand."
"I'm listening."
I looked down at the floor again. Kate put her hand on top of mine.
"It will stay in this room, I promise," said Kate. "It's between you, me…and Alice."
I smiled slightly as I looked back at Kate. I smile disappeared quickly as I began speaking.
"What happened to you with…Jefferson…." I started. I saw Kate shuffle slightly in discomfort. "…It…it happened to me too."
Kate's mouth fell open slightly. She gripped my hand even tighter.
"I swear to you, Kate. I'm not making this up. I swear I-"
"I believe you, Max," she said. She pulled me in and hugged me. I put my arms around her and sobbed onto her shoulder. My shoulders shook as I soaked Kate's poor cardigan in tears.
"Y-You really believe me?" I said as I pulled back.
"Max, of course I do," she said with tears in her own eyes. "I know you would never make this up. I know how difficult it is to process something like this. To not blame yourself. I'm sorry-"
"It's okay, Kate. I know I should have talked about it sooner. I just…felt like no-one would believe me. But I found a way to talk about now. I had no choice…my seizure was caused by all the stress and the memories of…everything. I feel sick every time I even think about going in the classroom."
There was a pause.
"Max," she said. "Is this why you wanted to be with me during the study periods?"
I nodded and avoided Kate's eyes.
"I even tried to stop you from going back into the classroom when you wanted to be ready for the trial. I'm sorry for being selfish, Kate."
"Max, whatever you think you need to blame yourself for, or whatever you think you did that was wrong, I forgive you. It doesn't matter. I just want you to get better. Okay?"
Kate hugged me again as I wiped my eyes. Kate quickly got up and went to the desk to grab me a tissue. She handed it to me and I wiped my eyes and nose.
"Who else knows?" said Kate as she knelt down in front of me.
"You, my parents, Joyce and David," I said.
"I know it's difficult, Max. But you need to tell Principal Keaton so the teachers know."
I looked away from Kate again.
"I know it's not easy, Max. Trust me. You don't want to feel like you're causing trouble or problems for people. But if you need help, then no good person will see you as trouble. If they do…they'll have me to deal with."
I chuckled. "Can't imagine you getting in a fight, Kate."
She laughed. "I'd never hit anyone. But I can be pretty loud when I'm angry." I laughed again. "I'll go with you tomorrow first thing," she said. "Like you did for me and we'll tell Principal Keaton."
"I don't really know him well, do you think he'll do a good job while Principal Wells is off?"
"I know he's a very passionate person. Hopefully it translates from the theatre to the Principal's office. We'll find out tomorrow. Together."
"Thank you, Kate. I appreciate you being in my life, you know that right?"
"I do, Max. And I appreciate you too," she said with a smile. "Do you want to hold Alice for a moment? She always helps calm me down after a stressful day."
I nodded and Kate went to open Alice's cage. She carefully picked her up and brought her over to me. I pocketed the tissue as Kate placed Alice onto my lap. Alice stayed still and scrunched her nose as I gently petted her.
"She's so soft," I said as the fur tickled my fingers.
"Yeah, she's a real cutie pie, even in her old age. She turned 10 recently."
I petted Alice some more as she sat calmly on my lap.
"Max," said Kate. "Did you hears the news today about Jefferson?"
"What? No, what happened?"
She put her hand on mine.
"He was found guilty."
My mouth fell open as I petted Alice again.
"What was the sentence?"
"35 years," said Kate.
"Good," I said as I continued to stroke Alice. "He deserved even more."
Later that night I had changed into my bed clothes and was getting ready to go to bed. I was nervous about going to sleep, not knowing if another nightmare was going to hit me. I opened up the Price family photo album and began looking through all the photos. I looked at the photos and thought back to the memories I had of them. I shut the album and opened up Facebook on my laptop. I sent a message to Kristen saying I hoped she had a nice Thanksgiving and that we'd have to make plans to meet up at Christmas. I didn't mention how my Thanksgiving went…
I scrolled through my feed and saw a photo from Dana taking a photo of her and her family after eating their Thanksgiving dinner. I smiled at it before clicking on Dana's other photos. I'd forgotten how many she took at the Halloween party. I scrolled through them, forgetting just how many I was in. I could remember that whole night being such a blast.
Well, except when things got a little awkward with Daniel but we've moved past it.
I looked at the photo of Trevor and Dana that I had taken. I still couldn't believe it was me who took it, given how damn hard it was for me to even hold a camera. I moved my laptop to the side and opened up my journal to the last page I had written on dated Friday, November 22nd 2013. I read the final two words I had written to Chloe at the time…
Fuck this.
Well that attitude sure got me places…
Sunday December 1st 2013
Dear Chloe,
Yep, long time no see. Just to get you caught up, I spent a nice vacation in the hospital after all my shitty decisions finally came back to bite me in the ass. I don't know if I want to say I almost died, I left the hospital without issues, but if David and Joyce hadn't found me…
Well they did, which is all that matters. The doctor and nurse were super nice and made my stay as good as it could have been. And I at least got to see my parents again, even if the circumstances weren't great. But I guess the biggest development in my life is obvious…
…I've been telling people about what Jefferson did to me.
It feels almost alien to be saying that. Just a week ago I would never have dared even think it. But my mind and body reached their limits. I'm just grateful to everyone I've told so far for not questioning me at all, and just believing me. I don't know who else I'll tell (besides Principal Keaton tomorrow), but just knowing that I can tell people, makes me feel less alone in all this. I really wish I'd done it sooner, but I guess it's better late than never.
It took me a while, but I think I've realised (for about the tenth time) what else I really need to do to truly move forward from everything that has happened to me.
I need to stop relying so much on the past to get me through the present. I've been so obsessed with remembering you and I when we were kids. Obsessed with remembering times when things were different and "better." I know being an "adult" can suck sometimes, especially with my…experiences over the past couple of months. But there's also been moments when I've done things I would never have dreamed of when I was younger.
The funny thing is, I'm not even talking about rewinding time, looking into the eyes of a psychopath or getting visions of a tornado about to destroy my home town. I'm talking about doing things like talking to a guy about his feelings for me, getting a school bully to stop her bitchy ways and going to a damn Halloween party.
I know it's crazy that I'm proud of such trivial shit but that's kinda the point, it's trivial. It's such ordinary stuff. Dancing at that party still might be the most normal moment for me, where for just a few moments I didn't care about anything. Not Jefferson, not losing you, not looking like a weirdo dancing. I felt normal.
And I think that's why I've been so obsessed with nostalgia. I thought it was because of my memories of you, and I'm sure that was part of it, but I think more than anything I just wanted to feel normal.
And like a dumbass, I've been ignoring that I can do that here...now...in the present it I want to. I can go to parties. I can hang out with friends. I can have a disastrous love life. I can do it all now.
That guy in the woods was right (whoever he was).There's nothing wrong with being nostalgic, but not at the expense of living in the moment. Or to put it another way, life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. Ugh, one day I'm hoping I can say that phrase and not feel ill.
So I'm going to try. And Chloe…I'm pretty sure what happened when I was unconscious was just a dream. All in my head. But…if it was you talking to me. Thank you for still being there for me when I needed you.
Goodnight,
Love Max xx
I closed my Journal and looked back at my laptop at the photos from Dana's Facebook. Before I could even think, I found myself getting up and leaving my room. I walked towards Dana's door. I knocked lightly as it was open just a crack.
"Come in!" came Dana's voice. I pushed opened the door and stepped inside. Dana was sat on her couch with her laptop.
"Max! So good to see you! How have you been? How was Thanksgiving? Is this enough questions?"
I laughed.
"Mine was okay, thanks Dana. I saw you all had a nice dinner?"
"Oh my God, Max. I've never eaten so much in my life. Probably gonna have to live with a few extra pounds but totally worth it."
"You look great no matter what, Dana. Don't sweat it."
"Aw, thanks Max. Even a cheerleader needs a cheerleader," she said with a wink.
"Sorry to bother you so late, I was just wondering if you still need an extra pair of hands with the decorating next week?"
"Blackwell's a big place, Max. Need all the help we can get! It'll have to be done during the lunch breaks unfortunately. Apparently Christmas spirit comes secondary to education." I laughed as Dana rolled her eyes.
"That's cool, Dana. I'll go make something to bring tomorrow."
"Awesome. It'll be fun. Get some sleep okay?"
"I will. And er, Dana?"
"Yeah, Max?"
"I want to…live in the moment more. And you're the best person I know to drag me to things I don't think I'd enjoy but somehow do end up enjoying…" Dana chuckled. "So I guess what I'm saying is if there's anything you think could be good?"
Dana thought for a moment.
"Next Friday," said Dana. Last football game of the year. Blackwell Bigfoots against the Coptown Cowboys."
"Never actually been to a football game at Blackwell," I said.
"Well then, first time for everything. I'd better get to sleep," said Dana as she closed her laptop. "Have a good night, Max."
"You too, Dana. I'll see you tomorrow."