Chapter 8: Mindfulness
"Where there is life, there is hope…and need of vittles."
-J.R.R. Tolkien
000
Never in her life did Tabi ever think that she would regret her lifeguard training. In fact, it had helped her on more than one occasion: it had put her through a few semesters at community college, got her a nannying job in her late teens and early twenties, and her CPR knowledge looked good on a resume. But as she stood in Brandy Hall's infirmary, wrapped in a towel and dripping on the floor, she felt she had made a big mistake in going in after Twig.
Now that the adrenaline had worn off and she had considered it, she wondered if CPR was even a healing technique in Middle-earth. Whether it was or not, she had drawn all sorts of attention to herself, something she had told herself to avoid: remain unassuming and, most importantly, play dumb about everything.
Berilac had carried the still coughing Twig quickly back to the Hall while she and Merry followed more slowly and in dead silence. Said Brandybuck was currently leaning against the wall, arms crossed, and his eyes periodically looked her over before quickly finding something else to look at.
The infirmary was nearly an entire wing by itself, with several bays and even more sickrooms. They had passed the hospice and maternity bays on their way in (mostly empty except for a few elders), but the waiting room they stood in was on the inside of the hall, leaving it rather cold with no windows to warm it and the hearth sat empty. It held a few odds and ends, such as a pewter basin for washing up, a few bandages and small first aid kits, and a cauldron for boiling water.
"You needn't look so wretched," Merry said after a good thirty minutes of this silence. Tabi glanced towards him, noting the look of distrust in his eye. "You saved Twig Bounder's life."
Tabi could not help the shudder that ran through her as he spoke. There was a distinct coolness in his voice, one that she felt she brought out of him more than she meant to. "I-I am not f-feeling wretched about that," she managed before letting out a shuddering breath. She tightened her hold on the damp towel, her skin prickling with the cool dampness of her pinafore.
Merry sighed and dropped his icy demeanor. "You could have said you were cold," he said, stepping forward and nudging her toward the unlit hearth as he passed.
Sitting in a wooden chair, mindful of her still-damp clothes, she watched Merry quickly stack a few logs and light a fire in the grate with a long match.
"Sorry, I had my mind on other things," she said belatedly.
With a hum, Merry resumed his stance in holding up a wall. "You're thinking you might have drawn attention to yourself from outside of the Hall?"
Tabi shuddered at his shrewd guess and nodded, huddling closer to the fire's slowly seeping warmth. Those men were still out there and had not been seen or heard of since she was found. There had been plenty of false sightings with traders passing back through the Eastmarch on their way towards Bree, but nothing had been particularly fruitful.
"My father will not let word get out," Merry said, crossing his arms and narrowing his eyes. "But I would like to know how you know the Kiss of Life."
"That is something I would like to know as well, young miss," Hugo Grubb's voice came from the far end of the waiting room.
Tabi winced. She hadn't bothered to come up with a good enough excuse for her knowledge; she had been too busy feeling sorry for herself. Suddenly, the crackling of the fire was no longer warming. Opening and closing her mouth several times, Tabi found that nothing worthy of an explanation was coming.
The large hobbit walked further into the room from the surgery door he had exited. He carried himself sternly, but his eyes showed no anger or suspicion. "You were correct: Twig's ribs are cracked, but it's nothing a few weeks of rest and tight wrap won't heal. And perhaps this will teach the lad to listen to his minders."
"I'm sorry. Is he in a lot of pain?" Tabi asked, her expression pained.
Hugo Grubb looked her over for a moment and then proceeded toward her once again. "I gave him some nettle tea for it. He will sleep for some time yet, but it is better than the alternative, and his parents would agree. They would very much like to meet you."
Tabi gulped, aware that her eyes grew in horror at the implication. Hugo held up a hand. "That will happen later. They were summoned by the Master, who, I believe, would like to discuss this with not only you but Mister Merry as well."
Grubb looked over at Merry. The hobbit was watching Tabi with an almost annoyed expression. She had yet to acknowledge the elephant in the room: how did she know what to do?
She cleared her throat and wracked her brain for a believable explanation. "Were you trained as a healer in Bree?" Grubb asked, crossing his arms.
"No. But I was what we call a lifeguard," she answered, deciding to tell the truth if fixed up a bit. "At the lake, I would watch for anyone who may be drowning, and I was trained to go in after them."
The two hobbits before her exchanged looks with impressed looks, if in varying degrees. "Do you think you could teach others?" Grubb asked.
Tabi gave a slight shrug. "I could try to," she temporized.
Healer Grubb nodded and gave a harrumph. "Well, since you're here, and my schedule has quite cleared," he said, reaching into his pocket. He pulled out a small wooden case and opened it, pulling out a pair of very small but very sharp scissors. "Let's get these stitches removed."
Feeling as if she had been slapped at the abrupt change in subject matter, Tabi sat very still and let Master Grubb position her head towards the light of the fire. Gently and skillfully, he snipped at the three knots along her hairline and pulled the stitches free. "Done and done," he said, giving the scar a quick once over. "It'll scar, but you can purchase a salve from Mrs. Maggot if you have a mind otherwise you may use pot marigold. But your hair should hide it well."
Master Grubb then patted her shoulder and turned to Merry. "I must return to the invalid, but I will send word when the Master arrives."
It wasn't much of an arrival as it was a summons, and it came another thirty minutes after Grubb left the room. Tabi followed Merry down the long hallway to the Master's office. Her hair and clothes had dried considerably, but she smelled like the river. She had left the towel at Master Grubb's insistence but regretted it. Either the hallway grew colder as they walked, or she felt her nerves that much more; she wasn't sure which it was.
The door was already opened when they stepped up, and Merry did not knock. His father called an 'enter' as soon as he saw them step up to the door. Inside were two hobbits Tabi had yet to meet, and they sat on the floral cushion chairs before the Master. The man clutched a black hat between his legs that matched his coat, while the woman was in a bright assortment of yellows and oranges.
The Master and Mistress had each taken their previous stances across the desk. Merry and Tabi both stepped up between the sitting guests; Merry placed his hands behind his back as Tabi dipped into a small curtsey before clasping her clammy hands before her.
"Chet, Meadow, this is Miss Underhill," Saradoc said, gesturing to Tabi.
"At your service," Tabi greeted, dipping into her curtsey once more.
"No, it is us who are at your service, Miss Underhill," Chet said, standing and taking her hand. "You saved our son's life."
At his words, his wife let out a small sob, launched out of her chair, and wrapped Tabi in a tight hug. "We owe you so much," she managed as she cried into Tabi's shoulder.
Glancing about the room to find that everyone was watching her, Tabi returned the embrace, if unsurely, and patted the woman's shoulder. "I just did what anyone would have done."
"And we owe you for it," Chet said as his wife released her embrace.
At the jingling of a coin purse, Tabi felt like ice water had been poured down her back. From her week in the nursery, she knew that the Bounders were among the poorer families who sent their child to the Hall for lessons. Chet did not make much as an upstart bounder, and Meadow worked in the Hall's apple orchard, bringing in slightly more than her husband (though it did not seem to be a point of contention).
Chet reached in and pulled out a handful of silver coins. "No, no. I-I couldn't take anything," Tabi said quickly, putting up her hands to ward him away.
"Oh, please, Miss Underhill, we owe you something for our son's life," Chet said, pausing to look towards the Master.
Tabi glanced at Saradoc and saw that a dark look of questioning had come over his face. Hobbits always pay what they owe. Tabi set her jaw; this went against everything in her, and she looked back towards Chet Bounder and nodded.
"Alright," she managed. Chet grinned and shoved the coins into her hands. "Th-thank you."
"No, thank you," he replied, pulling her into a tight hug that his wife quickly joined. Tabi could not return either embrace with her hands full, but it was over just as quickly.
"If you don't mind, Master," Chet began, "perhaps Meadow and I could return to our son? He must be close to waking from the pain medicine."
Saradoc nodded to them both. "Yes, of course. We've kept you apart from him for too long."
"Thank you again, Miss Underhill," Meadow said as the Bounders walked past her, each clapping her on the back.
"You're welcome," she said, though this did not seem to express their gratitude.
As the two left the room, Tabi quickly put the reward money into her pockets, making her stiff dress feel quite heavy in the front. Saradoc offered for both her and Merry to take the seats that had been recently vacated. The four sat down in near unison in their respective chairs, and the Master turned towards her.
"I've just had a lively conversation with Healer Grubb," Saradoc began.
Tabi thinned her lips and wrung her hands in her lap. Whatever they had spoken of felt like it would certainly decide her fate. Lively? What could that possibly mean? Was Mister Grubb advocating for her or against her?
"You seem to have grown in high esteem with our master healer, and that is very difficult to do," Saradoc said. The praise did nothing to assuage her fear, in fact it made it worse. "He would like to take you under his wing and has the idea that you could teach the Kiss of Life to many of his apprentices."
Tabi swallowed hard and nodded. "I told him I could certainly try to teach," she said. It is very difficult, and I must say I was lucky; it does not always work."
The Master nodded. "Have you had patients die under your care then?"
"N-no! It is just how we were taught. It is not a fail-safe way to save someone, and it certainly leads to other injuries, such as Twig's broken ribs."
Saradoc nodded. "I do not go in for healing much; I don't have a strong stomach, so I respect your knowledge. Now what have you to say about Master Grubb's offer? A healer's apprentice will see your wages increase, but it is harder work."
Tabi swallowed again. Her mouth was beginning to feel dry. Her mind was racing now. An increase in money coming in meant she could possibly leave sooner than she had planned but working with patients directly meant customer service. And she was good at it, that's why she was a restaurant manager, but it also meant getting to know the patients. That could make it harder to leave, not to mention she wasn't sure she could manage training as a healer. She could do basic first aid well enough on top of her CPR knowledge, but anything more serious than that, and she questioned her ability. She tended to get lightheaded if she watched a medical drama on TV and fainted more than once in health classes.
But she needed the extra money, and another voice in her head told her that she would likely leave before she would be taught anything more serious than cuts and scrapes and an occasional sprained joint. If anything, it would all come in handy to know Middle-earth's standards for medical care once she left Buckland and made for Bree.
Tabi finally nodded. "I would like to take the offer."
Saradoc returned the nod. "Very well, I am glad to hear it, and we will have you start in two days' time, on Sterday next. But that leads me to another point, lass: your memory."
Shit.
"I would like Meriadoc and Berilac to take you to where you were found. To see if anything will jog your memory," the Master went on.
Tabi breathed a sigh of relief; that much she could do. Maybe it would help her understand her predicament. She nodded again. "Alright."
Saradoc then nodded towards his wife, who stood. "Now, come lass, you and I shall discuss anything you need for your classes, and we will prepare a bath."
At the Mistress's nod, Tabi stood and followed Esmeralda from the office.
000
Merry waited for the door to click close after his mother and Miss Underhill before he looked toward his father. "She was quicker than you, Merry, in going after Twig," his father said with a slightly raised eyebrow.
"While she was closer, I think she may favor Twig. She helps him with his math and reading," Merry answered, reflecting on his days this past week of watching her tutoring the boy. The lad had fewer outbursts and was quickly understanding more under her instruction. "She claims he just needs more attention than what his tutors can give him."
"Aye, he is from a poorer family," Saradoc nodded. The poorer students tended not to get as much attention, which sorely needed to be fixed. "She's a born teacher, you think?"
Merry let a ghost of a smile play on his lips. "I simply think she is good with children. She is stern when she needs to be, kind to all the children, and she listens to all their grievances whether she can do anything about it or not."
Saradoc quirked an eyebrow. "While I am glad to hear it, I fear her time will now be taken up with Master Grubb. This leads me to this point: I want you, Berilac, Doderic, and Ilberic to attend one of her lessons on the Kiss of Life. I may even go so far as to join in, and your mother has expressed interest already."
It was Merry's turn to raise an eyebrow. "You feel it's that important, father?"
"Aye, I do. We will learn all we can from this lass. With her actions today, I think I will release you from following her. She knows her way around now, and, with her acceptance of Master Grubb's offer, she will be kept very busy and under his supervision when not in our home."
"Do you still mean to send a letter to Bree?"
"I will send it with a post pony early tomorrow morning. I already have it penned."
"Who are you sending it to?"
"One Barliman Butterbur," he answered. "Landlord of the Prancing Pony. I am just asking if there have been any attacks or missing hobbits in the lands. I will not say more to him; least word gets out further about her."
Merry nodded. "Do you think you will get a truthful answer?"
"I would hope so."
Merry felt a pang of guilt as his father spoke and rubbed the back of his head. He had stopped giving his father information on Miss Underhill. He would hardly have noticed her if she had been a maid at the Hall, to begin with, and today was the most exciting thing that had surrounded her since her arrival near the Ferry. Of course, that didn't count his own suspicions about her.
"And in speaking of the post, I have received a reply from Fatty. He and the rest of the Bolgers will be out before the week's end."
"Very good, I will tell your mother," Saradoc said with a nod of dismissal.
The following morning, Merry woke up bright and early, packing a lunch of cheese, bread, apples, and a few boiled eggs. Berilac would pack his own food, but Merry thought it best to pack for the only lass on the trip. They would eat their breakfast before they left and snack on the way to the place Miss Underhill had been found. They would take a picnic lunch near the area and then return in time for tea.
Miss Underhill entered the small dining room with a yawn. She was again dressed in the gown Mrs. Maggot and Milly had given her. The forelocks of her hair were tied back in a throng, and she looked ready for a journey to the Marish. "Good morning," he greeted.
"Good morning," was her quiet reply as she took her usual seat at the far corner of the table.
"Are you ready for another ride to the Marish?" he asked, glancing toward her for her reaction.
Her look of discomfort was passing. "As I'll ever be," she answered, rubbing her arms.
"We will be careful. Berilac and I have discussed our ride at length, and we will be under cover more often than not," he said, finishing his packing. The kettle on the hearth began to sing. "Coffee?"
"Please." Miss Underhill seemed to calm at his words. He poured two cups of coffee and set a plate of honeyed seedcakes on the table as he took the seat across from her. "How long will it take to get to the spot?"
Merry looked up at her as he took a seedcake. "About an hour and a half," he responded, taking a bite. "Eat." He nudged the plate of cakes towards her, and she reluctantly took one.
She took a small bite and looked into the depths of her coffee. Merry thought he saw a scared young girl before him, someone afraid to remember her time with the Men or, perhaps, afraid her truth might come out.
000
Tabi soon found herself behind Merry once again on a pony, trotting through the wooded banks of the Brandywine. Holding onto the young Master of Buckland was just as painfully awkward as it was the first time, and crossing the Ferry was just as strange with the two ponies. Mercifully, the two hobbits that rode with her seemed content to ignore her, instead discussing plans for the harvest, which was approaching faster than she could put her plans into action.
Tabi had made of list of things she needed to procure in the journal she had bought: male travel clothes (she already had the hat), flint or matches, rope, a thick blanket, a pocket knife, a water pouch, nonperishable food, and she needed savings for a night or two in Bree. She had yet to return to the market without Merry on her tail, and she figured anything that she bought would be scrutinized by him. Especially if it looked like she would be leaving.
So, she had spent some time alone in the library studying the maps in the books she could find (that were not in use by Merry himself.) She knew well enough that the Shire had few maps that showed beyond the borders and even fewer still that Merry had not got his hands on. But she also knew if she took the road straight out of Buckland and followed it, it would eventually lead her straight to Bree. After thinking about it, she had settled on walking as mush as she could slightly off the road and in the thickets and such that would likely be lining said road.
Tabi had also been waking up earlier than necessary and doing a small workout routine. She hiked enough with her cousins in the summer that she wasn't overly worried about her stamina. She was worried about hiding and pulling herself into trees if the need called for it. So she practiced balance, did as many pushups as she could, and did full sit-ups and squats to strengthen her legs. If she could have, she would have practiced running, but that definitely was something that would draw attention to her.
Not only had she decided to do some quiet strengthening exercises after waking up and before going to bed, but Tabi had also decided that if she made herself look enough like a lad from a distance, she would be left well enough alone on the trek to Bree. But she still needed to get those male clothes without drawing too much attention.
The reward the Bounders had given her was immediately wrapped in burlap and stowed away as part of her savings to the Prancing Pony, though she had no idea how much a room would cost, let alone how long she would need to stay until she ran into Aragorn or even Gandalf at the worst, as she knew he would eventually pass back through on his way to Rivendell.
"Miss Underhill?" came a stern voice into her thoughts.
"Hmm?" she said, coming out of her plan to find that Berliac was watching her with a curious expression.
"Did you hear what I said?"
She looked him over and decided the hobbits had been trying to get her attention. Hiding her blush of embarrassment, she shook her head. "I'm sorry, I was deep in thought."
"I asked if you would be willing to work the harvest in the barn with the other maids and children," he said. "Healers can't stray far from the Hall, but with you being so new to it, I thought we could place you with the other maids."
"Oh, yes, that would be fine," she managed with a thin smile.
Berliac returned the smile, if with a bit of uncertainty about her. "We will be there in another ten minutes," Merry said into the dead air.
True to his word, Merry reigned in the pony from its gentle trot and slid out of the saddle in ten minutes. He held up a polite hand to her, and she took it, sliding out of the saddle with more grace than she had the first time she had dismounted.
Looking around, she found they were probably six miles from the ferry. They had passed by Bamfurlong about a mile back, and they stood in the road between two groves of trees. Birches surrounded them on either side, accompanied by many bushes with and without thorns.
A strange feeling came over Tabi as if her entire being was buzzing. Her skin tingled as if she was covered with thousands of crawling insects, and she walked forward as if drawn towards the bushes that separated them from the Brandywine.
"That's about the place we found you," Merry said, handing the pony's reigns off to Berilac.
Tabi only looked up into the branches of full trees and made no answer. Tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear, she trudged through the bushes, followed closely by Merry. Tabi found about two yards between the bushes and the tall tussocks that grew down the banks along the small strip of land before the steep bank.
Before her stood a large birch tree that she approached and placed her hand flat against the bark. She had thought she couldn't tell the tree she had fallen out of, or through, rather. She thought it could have been any tree's branches, but now, she felt this strange pull as she looked up the trunk. She felt like her skin was vibrating, and absurdly, she pictured her sneakers hanging from a high branch, tied together like some distress signal.
000
Merry watched as Miss Underhill wandered over to the tree, her brown hair falling around her mid back as she looked up the stem. There was a strangeness in the air that Merry hadn't felt since the day he and the Maggots had found her.
The tenseness grew until he felt a sudden urge to pull her away from the tree lest she be jerked away just as suddenly as she had appeared. He took a step towards her, intending to pull her away from the tree, when she stepped back and looked back at him. The tenseness lessened in the air as she backed away.
"Do you remember anything?" Merry asked in a quiet voice.
She shook her head, backing up a few more steps. "I have the strangest memory of flying through the air, not falling," Miss Underhill answered softly. "That—that can't be right, can it?"
Merry heard the truth in her words as their eyes met, but it sounded downright impossible. "No, it can't be," he agreed. Merry felt a wrenching in his heart as the two looked at each other. Her blue eyes were watery and held a look of dejected confusion.
"How will I get home?" she murmured, looking back up into the limbs of the tree.
"Where is home?" Merry asked just as quietly.
Miss Underhill turned to look at him, another strange look coming over her face. Something was on the tip of her tongue. "I—" she began but was cut off by a warbling sound coming from the direction that Berilac sat in the road.
Merry froze and held up a finger to his lips. Miss Underhill stood still, though her eyes darted around the small clearing. A series of rhythmic warbling followed, and Merry understood. Part of his long talk with his cousin was about what to do if Men were seen on the road, even simple traders. They would separate and either meet each other on the Marish Road or they would meet up at the ferry.
Merry closed the distance between them. "I don't want to alarm you, but Berilac and I are taking all precautions," he began in a quiet voice as he lightly took Miss Underhill's elbow and steered her towards a thicket of blackberry bushes. "We will get under cover until whoever is on the road has passed. We will meet with Berilac on the road after."
With a quick nod from the lass, Merry pushed aside brambles and thorns until she could slide down into the heart of the blackberry bush. Once she was nestled against the bush trunk, Merry heard the loud footfalls of two Big Folk. There was no time to find another, better spot than behind a tree's roots. Mentally cursing, Merry slid down into the heart of the bush next to his ward and slowly let the brambles return to their places in silent movement.
The footsteps grew louder then. "Do you think that fellow up the road could give us directions?" asked one voice from the road.
"I'm not asking anything more of these descendants of rats," came the snarl of a second. "It's bad enough you've taken up with the Chief, or whatever it is he calls himself."
Next to him, Miss Underhill released an audible gasp and quickly placed her hands over her mouth. Is it them? Merry mouthed to her as their eyes met.
With blue eyes as wide as dinner plates, Miss Underhill nodded, lowering her hands. Merry felt a pang of anxiety but squared his shoulders and listened intently. "Did you hear that?" asked the second voice.
"Hear what?"
"I heard a gasp."
"You're hearing things."
"Shut up," came a snarl as the footsteps stepped off the road and grew closer to the small strip of meadow. "This is where she fell."
Next to him, Miss Underhill's breath was ragged and loud in Merry's ear. He was so certain that the Men would hear her that he reached over and covered her mouth with a hand, only allowing her to breathe through her nose.
"Slow your breath," he said on the edges of his own hearing.
Miss Underhill nodded, but her chest rose and fell heavily still, and her whole body began to tremble. Merry wrapped his other arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him lest her trembling move a branch and give them away.
"How can you tell?" came the first voice.
"Because this is where I threw my knife," was the answer. "That little wench is going to wish she was never born when I get my hands on her. The same goes for those rats that are protecting her."
"Let's trust this Chief; he was right; we need someone on the inside. We need to exercise patience, whether you heard something or not. Come, let's see if that inn up the road has decided to house two Big Folk."
There was a grunt of agreement, and Merry waited for the footsteps to disappear on the road before he let go of Miss Underhill. It was another ten minutes before he allowed them to leave the hiding place. It was a silent ten minutes that Merry spent with a comforting hand on the lass's shoulder as she cried into her hands from fright and relief.
"I thought they had left Buckland," she whispered with a sniffle.
"So did I, now come on," Merry urged as he slowly climbed out of the brambles, holding the branches for the girl. "Follow me. We won't use the road until I hear Berilac or get to the ferry."
It was a good mile and a half before Merry and Miss Underhill heard the clip-clop of pony hooves on the road. Merry let out a low warble of a crested finch. In seconds, there came the familiar answer from his cousin. With a nod, he beckoned Miss Underhill to follow him onto the road. With practiced ease, Merry took the reigns from his cousin and swung onto the pony's back. Miss Underhill wasted no time and quickly followed suit, hiking her skirts up as she did so.
"Hold on, we will be galloping the way back," Merry warned. Miss Underhill let her fingertips dig into his sides a little harder, and with a click of his tongue, they were off in a gallop.
They made good time to the Ferry, and luck was on their side. They saw no sign of another traveler, and within thirty minutes, they were off across the water. It was only when Berilac was tying up the Ferry and Merry was leading the way up the bank that any of them uttered a sound.
"Oh, lord," came Miss Underhill's voice.
Merry snapped his attention to her, ignoring the strange curse she had uttered. She stood halfway up the bank with a stricken expression as she looked back. Following her eyes, Merry saw on the landing stage a tall man with dark hair dressed in brown clothing. He tossed an unsheathed knife into the air and caught the hilt as he watched them.
"Berilac," Merry said in a low voice. "Leave the ferry."
First looking at him, then across the bank, Berilac let go of the ropes and hurried up the bank just as the Man across the river stopped tossing his knife. "You think he can swim?" Berliac asked as he took the reigns from Merry.
"Let's not find out," he answered as the lads swung onto the ponies. Merry watched with his heartbeat in his ears as he helped Miss Underhill into the saddle.
As another Man appeared at the top of the bank, the first dark-haired man took aim with his knife. Before Miss Underhill was settled in the saddle, Merry clicked his tongue urgently, and both ponies sped off in a gallop.
With a whimper, Miss Underhill clutched Merry's sides as they galloped faster than they had before. It was only a mile following the path back to the Hall, which would be covered in moments. But as they dashed along the path, Merry and Berilac exchanged heavy looks, and his cousin nodded.
With a mutter to his pony and a few clicks of his tongue, the black and white pony ran on faster before veering off to the left-hand side, making for the eastern border of Bucklebury.
It was several moments before he heard Miss Underhill's voice. "Where's Mister Berilac going?" she managed.
But it was at that moment her question was answered, just as Brandy Hall came into view.
Awake! Fear! Fire! Foes! Awake!
Berliac was blowing the horn call of Buckland.