Ok, so, I know it's been a while but guys…it's been an extremely hard past few weeks. For starters, my dad has been having some health issues, in fact, he is going to need open-heart surgery. This fact terrified me and the emotion and anxiety in this chapter is how I am currently feeling. I also quit my job, which was relieving but hard at the same time. A whole lot of other stuff also happened.

Sorry for ranting, I promise none of these are excuses, but as readers, I think you all deserve a reason for my absence. I can't begin to express my gratitude for everyone who is currently supporting me, thank you so much. You guys are getting me through this hard time.

Now for the story :), hopefully you love it. It is a little deeper than the rest of my chapters. It's starting to get real. Formatting might seem a bit weird due to it being transferred from another computer.

*I own nothing*

WARNING: Eating disorders will be mentioned (not in this chapter though). Also, something new…self-harm will be mentioned and played out (though it isn't very deep and will not be mentioned very often). Please do NOT read if this makes or triggers you in ANY way.

TMNT

Raph knew pain.

As a car mechanic, there were plenty of times where he had happened to get hurt. But Raph had never known this kind of pain.

He hated it.

He hated how it made him cry, and sob with gut retching aches. He hated how his brothers had a new-found kind of anxiety every day. Like Mikey would somehow take his last breath and their family wouldn't be whole.

If Raph was being honest, they wouldn't ever be whole again without their youngest brother bringing his ray of sunshine into their lives. Mikey had always been their rock, their foundation. But what does one do when their foundation cracks?

This isn't some situation that he can fix with a wretch, ratchet, or new engine. The whole thing was out of their hands now, which felt heart-wrenching. At any moment, their sweet angel could take its last blissful breath and they wouldn't be able to say goodbye.

It wasn't even the fear that plagued the older teen, it was the fact that he might have to say goodbye. Raph sucked at goodbyes. To put it frankly, his whole family did. That was a reason why their father's death had been harder than it should've been.

But at least Leo and Donnie had each other.

Raph had never truly connected with those two, only the youngest, who seemed to intrude when he was the most angry at something or someone. Though, Raph was never mad. How could he be? His innocent brother was only trying to help to his best ability. And for that, Mikey was Raph's rock.

Or used to be his rock.

If Mikey passed, Raph might just kill himself as well. Because a world without a sun simply didn't survive, and in his terms, he lived in his younger brother's world. He would die without a sun.

The doctors did try, and still were. But Raph didn't want to get involved, he just wanted to lay in bed all day and dream about the days that seemed the simplest. Because at that moment, those memories brought joy.

Nothing else did.

Leo would say that he was depressed, and Raph would be a fool if he said he wasn't. But it didn't matter if he was experiencing a mental illness because that didn't stop the fear. The fear that coursed through his veins, making him shake with the feeling of being extremely uncomfortable even though he was. Tears were often frequent, his pillowcase often had to be dried out due to the abundant amount.

But Raph wasn't sorry about that.

He was hurting, and not in the same way Donnie and Leo were. Again, they had each other. Raph had no one. He had every right to cry, to sob, and continually dwell on the idea of the worst-case scenario. That never helped though, simply, Raph couldn't be helped.

He laid in his bed, sobbing as he rubbed his hands on the bed sheet repeatedly. Hyperventilating, Raph enclosed himself in his own depressive realm, and somehow imagined a world without anyone who cared about him in it.

TMNT

It had been almost a week since Mikey had slipped into his everlasting coma. His brothers were a wreck, Leo hadn't left the hospital in days, Donnie tried to distract himself with little trinkets, but there simply wasn't any joy coming from it.

Raph…he was very depressed. Rarely came out of his room, and if he did, it was usually to go to the bathroom, or…sadly, make a new mark on his skin. He was taking it hard, barely eating, or drinking, and slipping into an even deeper depression.

Autumn tried to the best she could, but Mikey never responded to her exercise.

Life wasn't going very well. And the chances of Mikey waking up ever again decreased with every passing day.

It wasn't until Saturday that Leo decided to come home for a few days. His brothers needed him, especially now. He walked up to his car and started to drive home. Memories filled his head about the last time he had used his car.

It was the day Mikey had collapsed.

Leo shook his head, trying to clear out his noggin. Now wasn't the time to panic, Mikey would be ok, Donnie and Raph would be ok.

Everything would be ok

It wasn't long before Leo pulled up to their apartment. He got out of his car and walked up the steps. Opening the door, he saw that there wasn't anyone at home. Which was weird considering that it wasn't a school day, and none of them had the guts to come back to one.

"Raph? Donnie?" Leo yelled.

Silence came back in full. The eldest just shrugged and walked up the stairs towards the bathroom. He hadn't gone at the hospital and was bursting. Reaching the bathroom, Leo turned the door handle and opened the door.

He looked up and gasped. Sitting on the toilet seat was Raph…with a razor in one hand and a bleeding wrist on the other. (A/N Raph's wrist is bloody, he is not holding a bloody wrist. Sorry for the confusion.) Raph looked up and dropped the bloody razor on the ground, his face was twisted into more of a shocked/petrified look.

Except in Leo's eyes, he looked more depressed and alone.

"Raph?" Leo whispered; he took a small step forward.

Leo went slow, approaching Raph like he was a scared animal that could run at any second. But to his luck, Raph didn't run. Instead, the red-masked teen cried, holding his head in his hands.

"Raph…why?" Leo asked softly. He had reached his younger brother and sat down on the ground next to him.

"Because…" Raph looked up with a tear-stained face, "I'm scared Leo, really scared."

Leo sighed. "We all are."

"But it's different for you Leo! You have Donnie, you two are practically inseparable. But me? I have no one. Mikey was the only person who valued me for who I was."

"We all know that you are loved Raph," Leo got up and hugged his younger brother, "I love you so much, and I'm sorry you felt this way. But I promise you that Mikey wouldn't give up. He's to arrogant."

Raph sobbed as he clung unto his brother. Truthfully, he needed help. But he wasn't just about to let all the spotlight fall on him. His condition could be pushed back.

"Raph?"

Leo brought his younger brothers chin up. "I know this is scary, but it's something that we can't control. We can't let it control us."

"Together?" Raph asked, his voice sounding way to scratchy for anyone's liking.

Leo smiled and hugged his brother tightly. "Together."

He let go of the hug and walked over the cabinet, he opened it and found some bandages. Tossing it to Raph, the younger teen undid the roll and wrapped his wrists.

"Thank you for not freaking out Leo. It really mean's a lot."

"You're welcome Otouto. I know that you're scared, and frankly, I am to. But promise me you'll never do this to yourself again." Leo said sternly.

His younger brother nodded.

"Ok, great. Now that we have got that out of the way, I need you to pack clothes for Sunday. You're staying with me at the hospital tonight and tomorrow."

"Just Sunday? What about next week?"

Leo sighed. "I have to go back to work on Monday."

Raph looked over sadly, knowing that Leo wanted to do anything than go back to work. He looked up at his eldest brother. "Are you sure you're ok with that?"

The blue-masked brother shook his head. "I'm not but my patients need me."

With Leo being a nurse, it would hopefully keep his mind off his brother all day. Plus, he didn't work to late every night.

"They are lucky, you know that, Leo?" Raph said softly.

Leo looked over. "I don't know about that. I'll be in a mood for these next few weeks."

"Leo…our own little brother is in a coma right now. You have every right to be in a "mood". But if you don't give up on me, or Donnie, or Mikey, you're not doing anything wrong. I need you Leo, please don't give up on me or our family."

"I won't" Leo whispered bowing his head down.

Raph gave a small smile and stood up. He walked over and gave his older brother a tight embrace. Luckily, Leo returned it in full.

"Don't forget about yourself Leo, we don't need you collapsing as well."

The eldest chuckled. "How can I possibly collapse when I'm surrounded by my amazing two brothers?"

Their embrace lasted for as long as they could count. It wasn't too short or long, but rather the perfect span of time.

After they pulled away, Leo looked around.

"Where's Donnie" he asked.

Raph smiled sadly. "He went to Jack in the box and got him and Mikey's usual and took it to the hospital for dinner."

"But Mikey can't eat it."

"I know, but it makes him feel better."

Jack in the box had always been Donnie's and Mikey's favorite. For as long as Leo could remember, those two always got it when they hung out with each other. It was very sentimental.

"Well, let's go in the morning. I'll stay here tonight, let Donnie have his moment."

Raph smiled and nodded, knowing that Leo was finally allowing himself time to rest and relax.

"Sounds good. I'll make dinner."