"And that completes the tour." The guidance counselor told Joanne. "Do you have any questions?"

Joanne could hardly believe she was here, doing this. She hadn't set foot on a college campus in so long, and here she was, about to take that leap again. "When do classes start?"

The guidance counselor laughed softly. "First week of September. You'll have time to get everything squared away before you start, and of course, we'll help you every step of the way."

Joanne was excited, but she couldn't help worrying, too. Wasn't she too old for this? And what about the kids? Sure, Chris was old enough to stay home alone for a while should that be necessary, but what about Jenny?

No, she would manage somehow. She had wanted to do this since before she married Roy, now was her chance. "I think I'm ready to register."

"Wonderful!" The guidance counselor beamed. "Why don't we get started?"

Joanne followed her into the office, where she pulled together what seemed like a thousand forms. Registration form, financial aid forms, forms for choosing her classes. It seemed endless.

By the time she left the office, she felt somewhat better about the whole process. They had gone over the programs Joanne was interested in, including a program that would allow her to transfer to a university if she wanted to get a bachelors' degree.

That felt so far away right now, but Joanne couldn't help thinking about it. When she was younger, she had wanted to be a teacher. Maybe she still could.

Maybe, maybe, maybe. There were so many maybes, along with the what-ifs. What if it turned out she couldn't do it? What else would she do? Alan had been dropping hints here and there about possibly thinking about marriage again, but it felt so soon to talk about such things.

Besides, Joanne wasn't entirely sure she ever wanted to be married again.

Not that she hadn't loved Roy to pieces, of course. If things had turned out differently, she would have happily been Roy's wife forever. In a strange way, Roy's death had granted her the freedom she didn't know she wanted.

The thought pained her a little. Of course, that freedom had come at a terrible cost, and if she'd had any say in the matter, she would have preferred to still have Roy with her.

But life had taken a different direction. She couldn't stay stuck forever, could she? Roy wouldn't have wanted that for her. At least, she didn't think he would.

She found herself driving toward the cemetery when she was done at the college, something she still did when she found herself in need of someone to talk to. Johnny was busy with his new girlfriend, and she didn't want to bother Alan or Eileen with these things.

It was good to see Johnny move forward. Vanessa was a lovely girl and seemed to like Johnny a good deal. For his part, Johnny seemed equally enamored with her, and any time they visited the house or met up at one of the children's games, he had an arm around her or her hand in his, just as he had done with Joanne in those early days after Roy died.

And of course, even more intimate than that, in a way she hadn't quite managed with Alan just yet. Not that she wasn't attracted to Alan, that wasn't the problem. He was a wonderful man, kind and caring, good with the children. She didn't want to rush in the way she had with Johnny. It could only end badly, Joanne was sure of that.

She sighed heavily as she pulled up near Roy's gravesite and shut off the car. There was no point in tying herself up in knots over any of this. She and Johnny were family, and that was that. Whatever had transpired between them had been temporary, simply a way to get through an extraordinarily challenging time when they were both grieving the man they cared so deeply for. Now that family had been extended to include Alan, his daughter, and Vanessa.

Everything was as it should be. Wasn't it?

"Of course it is." Joanne told herself as she walked up to the gravesite. She kneeled down and plucked away a few weeds before brushing her hand across the marker. Even after all this time it still made her emotional.

"It looks like someone's been taking good care of you." Joanne spoke quietly before taking a deep breath and exhaling. "I've made a decision. I'm going to college. Remember when I wanted to be a teacher, back when we were in high school? Well, I think I'm going to do it. You should see all the forms I have to fill out. It makes filling out all the kids' school forms look like child's play. I haven't told anyone else yet. I'll tell Alan the next time I see him. I don't know what he's going to think about that. He keeps talking about marriage…well, not outright. He hasn't actually asked me. I don't know if I would marry him if he asked. He's a good man, almost as good as you were. He's good with the kids, and he's kind and thoughtful and, well, everything a man should be."

She paused for a moment. "I suppose now that I've managed to live without you for so long, perhaps I'd rather do it on my own. Isn't that strange? Of course, Mom adores him. She thinks he all but hung the moon. And everyone else seems to like him. I don't know, honey. Maybe there's something wrong with me."

The sound of footsteps behind her made her pause, and she turned to see Chet stopped a few steps away. "Sorry, Joanne. Didn't mean to interrupt."

"It's okay, Chet." Joanne rose to her feet. "It's nice to see you."

Chet smiled ever so slightly. "Nice to see you too. Just came to pay my respects, maybe talk to him a little. Is that weird?"

"Not at all." Joanne assured him. "He was always a good listener."

"Yeah, he was." Chet nodded. "Anyway, I can come back. It's no problem."

"I was almost done anyway." Joanne replied. "I suppose I needed to talk to him, too."

Chet stepped forward, pausing briefly. "Is everything okay between you and Johnny?"

"Of course." Joanne answered, a bit surprised at the question. "Why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know." Chet replied, his eyes focused on Roy's marker. "Probably none of my business anyway. I know you guys got kind of close after Roy died and…nah, I guess everything would be okay, right? He's seeing someone, you're seeing someone, everything's fine. You guys are just one big happy family."

"I suppose that's one way to look at it." Joanne was a bit baffled by the whole conversation.

"I mean, he seems really into that Vanessa chick, you know?" Chet continued. "Not like he has been with other chicks. You know how he is. Gets all hung up on some girl and then gets all down in the dumps when it goes south. I don't know. I'm probably reading too much into it."

"Yes, Vanessa's a lovely girl." Joanne answered. "They do seem to like each other very much."

"Yeah." Chet sounded thoughtful. "It's just weird. He's acting different with her."

"Maybe Johnny's finally growing up a little." Joanne suggested.

Chet laughed a little at that. "Now that would be something, wouldn't it? Can you imagine Johnny growing up and getting hitched? World might end if that happened."

Joanne couldn't help laughing herself, even as something clutched at her, some feeling she couldn't quite identify. "Well, I should go. And thank you. It means a lot, that you guys haven't forgotten him."

"Never, Joanne." Chet's expression sobered. "Never."

Joanne left Chet behind her and returned to the car, turning over the whole conversation over in her mind. Why wouldn't everything be just fine between her and Johnny?

She pushed the thought aside in favor of continuing on with her other errands. Alan and Michelle were coming over for dinner tonight and she planned on making one of her usual simple meals, but one Alan always seemed to appreciate.

After a trip to the grocery store, she pulled into the driveway and climbed out, opening the trunk and grabbing the grocery bags. Chris soon appeared, seemingly out of nowhere and taking her slightly by surprise. "I didn't think you'd be home." She told him.

Chris shrugged and took one of the bags from Joanne. "No one was around, so I stayed home."

"Did you clean your room, at least?"

"Sort of."

"So, that's a no." Joanne gently scolded him.

Chris let out a sigh that sounded so much like Roy that Joanne wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. As she followed him into the house, she marveled at how much he had grown over the summer. It was as if he had grown up overnight, even though in her mind he was still very much a little boy.

"What's for dinner?" Chris asked.

"Well, since Alan and Michelle are coming over, I thought I'd make meat loaf and scalloped potatoes."

Chris's face seemed to fall a little. "Oh."

Joanne immediately recognized the tone of his voice. "What's the matter?"

"Nothing." Chris replied quietly.

Joanne finished putting away the groceries and folded up the paper bag. "If something's bothering you—"

"I said nothing's wrong." Chris's tone turned sharp. "I'm going to clean up my room, just like you told me to."

Joanne let out a heavy sigh as Chris all but stalked out of the kitchen. Knowing him, she wouldn't see him again until it was nearly time for dinner. He'd never been exactly been one to say what was on his mind, especially since Roy's death, but now that he was on the verge of his teenage years, he was becoming even more withdrawn.

"What am I going to do with him?" She asked no one in particular.

No answer was forthcoming, so Joanne decided to start filling out the pile of forms for school. Maybe if she started them now, she would have them done by the time school started.

"Mom!" Jenny's voice rang out as she came flying into the house, Eileen and her two girls right behind.

"Hi." Joanne caught her in a quick hug. "Did you have a good time today?"

"Yep!" Jenny immediately launched into a detailed description of the day spent with Eileen and the girls. "We went to the mall, and we got lunch, and I even got my nails painted. See?"

"I do see." Joanne inspected the bright pink on Jenny's nails. "That's a very pretty color."

Jenny beamed as Eileen stroked the top of her head. "We had quite a day. You know, maybe one of these times Alan's daughter could come with us. We'd love to have her along."

"Mom, can she?" Jenny was obviously excited at the idea.

"I'll have to talk to Alan, honey." Joanne told her. She couldn't help worrying at the thought of their families becoming so intertwined.

"Well, they're coming over tonight, right?" Jenny asked. "Can you ask him then?"

"We'll see." Joanne told her firmly.

Jenny sighed and started off toward her room, stopping to hug Eileen tightly. "Thank you, Aunt Eileen. I had a lot of fun."

"I'm so glad, sweetie." Eileen replied, hugging her tightly in return. "We had fun, too."

With that, Jenny returned to the living room with her cousins, and Joanne let out yet another sigh.

"Did I say something I shouldn't have?" Eileen took a seat at the dining room table. "Jenny made it sound as if they were quite close."

"Well, you know how Jenny is." Joanne answered with a soft laugh. "I don't think she's ever met a stranger. She and Michelle get along very well."

"Sounds like you all do." Eileen commented.

"Well, mostly." Joanne replied. "I'm not sure how Chris feels about it all. Of course he probably feel a little left out because of the girls, but Alan does his best with him."

"And Chris is at a hard age." Eileen told her. "I'm sure he still misses Roy badly, and no one is ever really going to take his place."

"I know that." Joanne answered a little more sharply than she intended. "I'm sorry. It's just…complicated."

"I don't envy you." Eileen replied, reaching across to cover Joanne's hand. "I swear, if anything happens to Jack, I'm staying single forever."

Joanne couldn't help laughing ever so slightly. "It's not that I don't like Alan. I do. He's a wonderful man in so many ways, and he's good with the kids. We have such a lovely time together. It's just…oh, I don't know. I'm being silly again."

"Well, you know there's no need to rush into anything." Eileen told her firmly.

"Oh, I know that." Joanne gestured to the pile of forms. "Besides, with me starting school in the fall, I don't know if I'll have as much time for him."

"You are?" Eileen's face lit up. "That's fantastic! I remember when you wanted to be a teacher."

"Well, that was a long time ago, but…I think I still do." Joanne told her. "There's so much paperwork, my goodness."

"Oh, it's going to be worth it." Eileen rose from her chair and hugged her tightly. "You're going to be amazing at it."

"I'll settle for just passing." Joanne laughed. "It's been so long since I've been in school. I'll probably be the oldest student there."

"So what?" Eileen waved a hand dismissively. "Maybe you can show those kids a thing or two."

"Maybe."

Eileen squeezed Joanne's shoulder. "I'm so proud of you. And if you need a helping hand, you know I'm only a phone call away."

"I know, and I appreciate it." Joanne told her as she rose from her own chair to follow Eileen out to the living room. "Thank you."

Eileen smiled broadly before calling to the girls. "Okay, time to head home."

The girls hugged Joanne and Jenny before heading out with Eileen, and as soon as they left, Joanne returned to her pile of paperwork. Jenny wasn't far behind, settling in on her knees on one of the dining room chairs.

"What's that?" She asked.

"I'm going back to school this fall." Joanne explained.

Jenny wrinkled her nose. "Why? School's boring."

"It isn't so boring when it's something you want to study." Joanne managed to hold back a laugh.

"What are you gonna be?"

"I'm planning on becoming a teacher."

Jenny frowned. "Do you have to go to school a long time for that?"

"I suppose." Joanne answered as she started filling out the forms. "Usually four years, but it might take me longer."

"No way, Mom." Jenny immediately replied. "You're really smart."

"I appreciate that." Joanne did laugh a little at that.

Jenny was quiet for a long moment before she spoke again. "Did Dad have to go to school?"

"Well, yes." Joanne answered. "He went to a special school. So did Uncle Johnny. And then they had to do it again to become paramedics."

"What about Alan?"

"Lawyers have to go to school for a long time." Joanne told her.

"Hmm." Jenny's frown turned to a more thoughtful expression. "I think maybe I'd rather go to the same school Dad and Uncle Johnny did."

"Oh, honey, they don't let girls go there." Joanne replied.

"That's dumb." Jenny scowled.

"Well, maybe you can be the first." Joanne suggested.

"Yeah." Jenny's expression brightened. "Dad and Uncle Johnny would be real proud, wouldn't they?"

Something squeezed in Joanne's chest at that. "Yes, I believe they would."

Joanne filled out most of the forms except for the ones that she had to fill out to choose her classes. That could wait for another time, when she didn't have Jenny talking her ear off.

The day was getting away from her, and she set the forms aside to start toward the kitchen, with Jenny close behind. "What's for dinner?"

"Meat loaf and scalloped potatoes." Joanne answered as she started pulling items together. "Do you want to help?"

Jenny's nose immediately wrinkled up. "No."

Joanne had a good laugh at that. "Well, that's fine. I'm sure you can keep yourself busy until dinner's ready."

Jenny disappeared, and Joanne got to work. Before long everything was in the oven, and she decided to at least take a look at the classes she needed to sign up for, even if she wasn't quite ready to do so. She'd need to wait until all her other paperwork was processed before she knew what she could afford to take.

Goodness, what had she been thinking? She'd been so confident after taking the tour of the community college, but now she was questioning herself. It was too late, she was too old, she still had the children to think of.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sudden outburst coming from down the hall. It sounded as if Jenny had once again pushed Chris's buttons one too many times, and he'd had enough of her. It certainly wasn't the first time, and surely wouldn't be the last.

"Mom!" Jenny howled. "I didn't do anything, I swear!"

"Go to your room." Joanne told her firmly. "I'll go talk to him."

The door slammed shut as Joanne headed to Chris's room, knocking gently on the door. "Chris?"

Silence was the only response, and so she knocked again, this time a little more firmly. "Chris, open up."

It took a moment, but the door swung open, revealing Chris's thunderous expression. "I didn't mean it."

"I'm sure you didn't." Joanne knew she had to tread carefully. "So, why don't you tell me what happened?"

Chris sat down on the bed and crossed his legs, while Joanne closed the door and joined him. "She's just really excited that Alan and Michelle are coming over, and she wouldn't shut up…I mean, quit talking about it. I guess I got mad at her."

Joanne smoothed a hand over the top of Chris's head, even as he tried to duck away. "And you're just not as excited, are you?"

Chris shrugged, though his expression revealed his true feelings. Her heart ached for her boy, who was missing his father so much.

She took in a deep breath and pulled back. "I know things have changed a lot since your father died. And no one can replace him. It's foolish to think that."

Chris managed a rueful smile. "Tell Jenny that."

Joanne's thoughts flashed back to that time, not so long ago, she supposed, when Jenny had chattered excitedly at the idea of Johnny being here all the time. "Well, Jenny misses him, too. She just shows it differently than you do."

Chris was silent for a long moment. Finally, he let out a huff. "I don't want another dad. Maybe Jenny does, but I don't."

"I don't think you have to worry about that just yet." Joanne assured him.

"He wants to get married." Chris answered matter-of-factly. "He says so."

"Well, he hasn't asked me to marry him." Joanne replied. "We've become quite close, and I like him a lot. That's all."

"You liked Uncle Johnny, too."

"I still do." Joanne told him firmly. "He's still very much part of this family, and always will be. And maybe someday Vanessa will be, too."

Chris eyed her skeptically before he nodded. "Maybe."

Joanne breathed out a quiet sigh of relief. "I should go check on dinner. And Alan and Michelle will be here before long. I'll have a word with Jenny before they get here."

Chris tilted his chin upward before taking in a deep breath and exhaling. "I'll go apologize to her. I didn't mean what I said."

"I'm sure she'll appreciate that." Joanne was surprised, but pleasantly so. It seemed that Chris was growing up more quickly than she thought.

She gently squeezed Chris's shoulder before leaving his room and starting down the hallway. Jenny's door was cracked open, and she peeked in to see her reading one of the books Johnny had given her for Christmas. Better not to disturb her and let Chris handle this.

Just as she pulled the meat loaf and the potatoes out of the oven, there was a knock on the door. Before she could answer, Jenny let out a squeal of joy. "Michelle!"

Michelle smiled before returning Jenny's hug. "Hi Jenny. Hi Joanne."

"Hello." Joanne answered warmly before turning her attention to Alan. "Hi. Dinner's almost ready. It's been a bit of a busy day, I'm afraid."

"That's not a problem, Joanne." Alan replied smoothly, kissing her cheek. "I'm looking forward to whatever you've put together."

Joanne took a deep breath and exhaled. "Alan, would you please clear the table? The children can set the table. Chris, Jenny, please help Michelle, would you?"

Soon everyone was working to get the meal set, and they were soon seated at the table and passing plates around. Everyone fell silent as they started their meals.

"Joanne, this is wonderful." Alan smiled at her, gently laying a hand over hers. "I must admit that I do miss genuine home cooking."

Michelle looked puzzled. "Mrs. Archer is a good cook."

"Of course she is, dear, but there's nothing quite like this." Alan countered. "A real family meal."

Joanne glanced over at Chris to see his reaction, but it was imperceptible. She was baffled at her own reaction. This should be a compliment.

So why didn't it feel like one?

Instead, she gave Alan what she hoped was a smile in response. "I appreciate it, thank you. It did turn out good."

"It always does." Jenny piped up. "Mom's a really good cook. Her spaghetti's the best."

Alan laughed softly. "Well, if it's not too much trouble, perhaps your mother would like to make that for our next family meal."

"I vote yes." Jenny announced. "And someday, when we're all a real family, we'll get to do this all the time."

"Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves." Joanne told her.

Alan tilted his head, a curious expression on his face, but he didn't say anything. Maybe he just didn't want to say anything in front of the children. That would be logical.

They talked all through the meal, and even Chris seemed to relax a bit, responding when Alan asked him a few direct questions. It was going better than Joanne had thought it might, and she was grateful for that, at least.

If only the feeling in the pit of her stomach would go away.

After dinner, once the table was cleared and the girls went off to Jenny's room, Joanne started putting away leftovers and running dish water. Alan brought in his water glass and set it next to the sink, giving Joanne a gentle kiss on her cheek. "Dinner was wonderful."

"Thank you." Joanne murmured. "And I'm sorry about Jenny. She gets so carried away."

"I'm not the least bit bothered." Alan told her. "She is only speaking her mind. More people should do so."

Something clutched at Joanne at that, and she started scrubbing at the dish in her hand to distract herself.

"Joanne, please relax." Alan laughed softly. "Yes, I would one day like to marry again. If I were to do so, you are the woman I would want to ask. But as you said, let's not get ahead of ourselves."

"Agreed." Joanne breathed a sigh of relief that she hoped wasn't obvious. "I…well, I have other things I'd like to do before I consider that again."

"Really." Alan sounded interested.

"Really." Joanne nodded. "I'm registering for community college in the fall. At first, I thought I wanted to go into early childhood education. You know, preschool, that sort of thing. But then I got to thinking…when I was younger, before Roy and I got married, I wanted to be a teacher."

"But you never got the chance."

"Right." Joanne answered as she rinsed and stacked the dishes in the rack. "And maybe if Roy was still here, I wouldn't pursue it. But, well, I suppose now I have a chance."

"I suppose you do." Alan sounded thoughtful. "Well, there is nothing that says you can't be a teacher and a wife and mother."

"That's true." Joanne answered carefully. "But…well, maybe I'm not in such a hurry to get married again."

"I can certainly understand that." Alan replied quietly. "If you ever change your mind, I would be most honored if I were the man you married."

And there was that feeling again, that awful feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Mom?" Chris's voice snapped her out of her thoughts. "I'm going to go out back and set up the net so I can start practicing my passes."

"Your passes?" Joanne was momentarily puzzled.

"For football?" Chris looked at her as if she had lost her mind.

"Oh, right." Joanne mentally kicked herself. "Of course."

"You know, I used to play a bit of football." Alan ventured. "Of course, it's been a very long time, but if you'd rather have a person instead of a net to throw at, I'd be glad to oblige."

Chris seemed to consider that a moment before nodding. "Sure. I throw pretty hard though."

"I appreciate the warning." Alan smiled, lightly squeezing Joanne's shoulder before following Chris outside.

Joanne could hear the two of them talking as they threw the football back and forth. It seemed that Chris was going to give Alan a chance after all. Perhaps Joanne should do the same. There was little reason not to. Alan was good, kind, stable. He could give her and her children the kind of life she would never be able to give them on her own.

But if that meant putting her own dreams on hold again, she wasn't so sure she was willing to do that. It was different when she was young and so in love with Roy. She was older and wiser, and more determined.

And much more willing to say no to something that didn't suit her.

But of course, nothing was set in stone. Things were going well enough right now. There was no reason to worry. If there came a time that Alan asked her to marry him, she would deal with it then.

In the meantime, she had her own future to look towards, and nothing was going to stand in her way.