The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of The Vampire Academy and Bloodlines Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

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A/n: Okay, okay, I hear you.

I love Dimitri as a character. He has strength, sensitivity and wisdom, but like all strong, sensitive and wise men, he has one fatal flaw….he thinks he knows what's best. And that is never more evident than with the judgement calls he makes about the girl he loves.

As always, thank you for your reviews and I'm sorry that I can't post the chapter's any faster.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter Five

Sombre choral music rose hauntingly throughout the candle-lit church as dusk settled over the academy grounds.

Rising to the pulpit to begin the memorial service for those we had lost, Father Andrew set down his Bible with a heavy sigh whilst the strains of the choir-strung melody faded. Pale and withdrawn, the resplendence of his robes couldn't disguise the tremendous stress he had been under since the attack as he dealt with so many dead, whilst also trying to reassure so many of the living.

It was with a heavy heart and weary soul that he now looked out over his congregation…or at least, what was left of his congregation.

As predicted, in the two days since the disposal of the Strigoi dead by the Alchemists , there had been a mass exodus of students by panicked parents. It had been the Royals who had been evacuated first, but the rest had followed quickly after. The Council had gone on the offensive almost immediately after the attack by reassuring the Moroi that the security glitch had been found, fixed and wouldn't be repeated, but they hadn't been interested in listening.

Damage control wasn't of much use after the damage had already been done.

Only a handful of students still remained. It wouldn't stay that way of course. Over time, faith in the academy's ability to protect would return, and so to would the students, but for now, not many of the parents were willing to take that risk, and so for once, the dhampir outnumbered the Moroi.

Most of the teachers had remained, loyal to their students and the Academy, but there were a few who had refused to remain, including Henry Ellsworth. Granted a leave of absence to recuperate from his ordeal in the cave, he and the other four had left midday yesterday, but with so few students, their absence was hardly noticeably.

Seated now on pews that were far from full and amongst visiting guardians, students and novices, there was no clear divide amongst anyone in the church as there might have been before. The collective sense of grief had broken all social boundaries and forced everyone together as they paid their final respects to those who had lost their lives.

Most of the dead had already been collected by family members and flown out for private burials. For those who had chosen through their last living request to remain within Academy grounds, they had been buried earlier in the small cemetery adjoining the church. Father Andrew had presided over the small funeral service as we said our final goodbyes before returning to our duties.

Regular classes hadn't begun yet for the students, but once the memorial was concluded, some sense of normalcy would settle over the school and the regular routine would begin again. Still on a day schedule, the curfew was still in place, and would likely remain that way for a while. The council would be the ones to decide on when it would change, but right now, they had bigger issues to deal with.

It was why there were senior members of the council in this church right now.

Seated amongst the mourners, they had arrived just after breakfast to begin the investigation into how the wards had been breached, the extent of the attack, and why the rescue had taken place without any authorisation. Hans Croft wasn't amongst them, which should have been good news, but the four he had sent in his stead looked no less intimidating.

The Moroi were demanding answers, and these four were going to get them one way or another.

Respecting at least that there was a time and place for everything, they hadn't begun what was going to be nothing short of an outright interrogation yet, but we had already been told that once the marking ceremony was complete, every guardian within the grounds was expected to sit before them and give a recorded testimony on the events leading up to the attack and what had happened after.

The witch hunt, as Dustin had so accurately called it this morning, would begin shortly.

As Captain of the Guard, Alberta was the one with the largest target on her back, but none of us were entirely safe. Every decision would be questioned. Every answer would be pulled apart and attacked as the blame game began. Those found guilty of any kind of dereliction of duty would in all likelihood be punished severely, but Alberta would want to shoulder the brunt of the responsibility to spare the rest of us from any backlash.

She was our leader, and as such, it was expected of her. She wanted to protect us, but that didn't mean that collectively, we didn't want to do the same for her.

Discussing amongst ourselves during the moments when our paths crossed during duty or meals, the general consensus of the guardians was that we would do everything we could to shield her. It wasn't just a matter of getting our stories to match – we couldn't, we all had different versions of the attack and the rescue – but what we all did agree to, was that every decision she had made was one that we would have made ourselves if we were in the same situation.

Looking for her shortly before dawn this morning to tell her this, she had been sitting alone in the glass-enclosed patio abutting our meeting room when I had eventually found her. Quiet and preoccupied, I had sat with her in silence for a long time before she had finally spoken about how the day would proceed in a toneless monologue.

The emotionless dialogue had bothered me at first because I had thought it was some sort of delayed shock, but I had quickly realised that I was an outlet that she desperately needed after everything that had happened after the past two days…and for everything that she knew was still to come.

In addition to having to deal with the logistics, her life hadn't been made any easier with having to face grieving parents and furious family members. As headmistress of the school, it should have been Kirova's job to handle PR, but she had buckled beneath the pressure early on and hid behind Alberta's strength ever since.

But as strong as Alberta was, she herself, would eventually buckle.

Sitting with her for as long as I could before my shift had begun, we hadn't spoken much once her monologue had ended, but I had managed to tell her about our decision. Nodding once, there hadn't been much reaction as she stood to leave, but I had hoped that it was enough to offer her some sense of solidarity, even long after she had left me siting there.

Gazing out through the long glass panes in the moments I had left, the first signs of spring had already begun to break through winter's icy grip. Far warmer, the wild grass was already beginning to bloom and bare-limbed trees were sprouting new shoots. It was still cold enough for light winter wear, but I didn't think it would last for too much longer.

The land was at last beginning to thaw, but Rose wasn't.

With the field experience suspended and training only resuming once class schedules had returned to normal, it had been suggested by Dustin that the senior novices with the most combat experience be paired with guardians until then. Those who protected Moroi would act as far guards, whilst the others would rotate into shift for boundary and campus control.

He had pointed out the practical experience of it would provide as good an opportunity as the field experience, and that right now the Academy needed the additional security. Once the replacements arrived, their involvement could be reassessed.

Already distracted by the organisational nightmare she was about to face, Alberta hadn't bothered to argue and had rostered the pairings without giving it much thought. Eddie was paired with Stan, the West twins were paired with Emil and Konrad, Meredith was with Stephen, Dean was with Mateo, and I was paired with…Rose.

Having deliberately stayed away from her during the afternoon and the evening that had followed our stand off in the forest, being paired with her now wasn't what I wanted. Under any other circumstance it would have been, but I knew that Rose was still angry…fuming actually, and wouldn't have calmed down enough to listen to me, let alone stand being partnered with me.

Wanting to argue against it, I had taken one look at Alberta's exhausted expression and instead kept my mouth shut. She couldn't have known what had happened between Rose and I the day before, and even if she did, she would say that it was only confirming her worst fears, so I accepted it without question and prepared myself for what I was about to face.

Finding her in the corridor outside the main dining hall just after breakfast, the determination to stand by my decision had been firm…until I had seen her.

Facing away from me, it had been Lissa who had spotted and pointed me out. Watching as every line in her body had gone rigid at the mention of my name, Rose had turned slowly towards me with careful control, but she couldn't hide the pain in her eyes quickly enough before it was masked by a glare that wasn't just angry, but full of disdain and betrayal.

Feeling the binding of emotion I had kept so tightly coiled within me unfurl at that look, the loathing I felt for myself for hurting her was strong enough in that moment to overpower any decision I had made…almost.

Having already spent a restless night questioning everything I had said and done, by dawn I had come to the conclusion that I had ultimately made the right decision. That didn't mean that I didn't have more regrets than I could in good conscious count. Causing Rose pain had been the greatest, but there were also others. Because of my decision, we would be apart emotionally, if not physically for a long time, and that in itself would be agony. I also could have handled her reaction better, but at the end of the day, the outcome would have been the same.

Despite what she had said about Janine manipulating me.

Thinking about it long and hard during that sleepless night, I had admitted to myself that Janine had used me to prove a point, but that wasn't the same thing as manipulating. Rose couldn't see that because of the complicated history with her mother, but she would eventually. That being said, Janine wasn't completely without fault, and still deserved her daughter's low opinion of her.

At the moment, it matched her low opinion of me.

There had been one other thing that had kept me up: Rose's angry accusation that if I wasn't prepared to stand up for our relationship now, to one person who hadn't really known anything for sure, then what was I going to do when the rest of our world knew later and was against us?

At the time, I hadn't answered because I couldn't, but as I stared up at a dark ceiling and thought about it, what I should have said was that right now, I couldn't stand up for us at all, no matter who it was that knew. Before she graduated, no one could know for sure, and if I defended our relationship to anyone for any reason, they would know for sure that there was one. I knew that she expected me to, and the expectation probably wasn't unreasonable, but to hear her voice her doubts about us still hurt.

Did she think I didn't want to? Did she think that our relationship meant less to me than it did to her? Did she think that I was doing this for my benefit when all that mattered to me was hers? I wasn't, which was why it didn't matter what I saw, or heard or felt right now. I couldn't change my mind on the decision I had made.

Joining them, Lissa had smiled in the kind of gentle, affectionate welcome I was accustomed to around her. Seeing no hint of reproach from her, it was obvious that Rose hadn't confided in her about our argument, but I hadn't really expected her to. If Rose hadn't been prepared to tell her about us when we hadn't been fighting, I shouldn't have expected her to when we were. Talking quietly to Lissa for a few minutes, Rose had kept quiet, but I could hear the irritation in the silence and decided to tell her about the field experience being suspended before she decided to voice it.

Surprised, but accepting the pairing easily enough, it was only sheer discipline that kept the surprise off my face. Cautiously optimistic that Rose was at least going to make an effort of being civil for the sake of a successful guarding partnership, I quickly realised that the effort was only an act for Lissa's benefit. As soon as we walked away to being our patrol of the upper campus, the person beside me…the girl I loved, turned into a coldly polite stranger.

Anger was what I had been expecting. Anger I was prepared for because I understood it and knew how to deal with it, but what I got was anything but, and it was far, far worse as it became clear that Rose had moved beyond anger to a place where I couldn't reach her. Rose was a creature of singular emotions. If she was angry, she plotted; if she was hurt, she retaliated, but once she had, she would return to normal and never bore a grudge.

That wasn't the case now.

As the day wore on into afternoon, it became more than clear that I had created a rift between us. Speaking to me only when it was absolutely necessary, the frigid animosity disguised as obedience was so out of character for her that I didn't know what to make of it or how to deal with her. She was punishing me of course, that much was obvious, and whilst it was understandable, her frosty, monosyllabic compliance was beginning to wear away at nerves that were already so tautly strung they were about to snap.

By the time dinner had been served, I had been ready to strangle anyone who got close enough to annoy me and was actually glad when the first warning bell of curfew rang, and the seniors on duty left with the other students for their dorms. Spending another restless night trying to sleep and failing miserably as I was tormented not by my actions this time, but now by their consequences, I had hoped that it would be better in the morning.

It was a hope that I shouldn't have wasted my time on.

Meeting again after breakfast, if at all possible, Rose with even more hostile than the day before, except now there was an added element of disdainful mockery every time she opened her mouth. Having reached the end of my patience just after lunch, I had pulled her aside in a shadowed alcove and demanded that she stopped behaving like a child.

Smiling in a way that seemed more like a snarl, Rose had sweetly informed me that as I had made a decision that affected both of us without bothering to ask her about it first, then she was going to return the favour by not giving me a say in how long she was going to behave like a child.

Having no answer to her sarcasm that wouldn't end in another fight, the rest of the afternoon's patrol had been conducted in stony silence until we had parted. It wasn't until just over an hour ago as we met walking into the church that the antagonism had been broken, and that was only because she had been with Lissa, Christian and Eddie.

Finding her easily from the back of the church now, she sat with Lissa on a pew to the left and three rows from the front. Hair tightly braided into a tucked fishtail, the nape of her neck was exposed for the Zvezda she would receive after the memorial ceremony.

Leaning towards her now, Lissa's hair matched, but wasn't as severely restrained as she rested her head in the crook of Rose's neck. Turning towards her slightly, Rose rested her ear on the blonde hair in a show of comfort. More subdued than yesterday, it was more than just the memorial that had exhausted her. The strain of healing so many seemed to have prematurely aged Lissa. There were no physical sign of it, but it had notably affected her usual effervescence.

Surreptitiously watching Rose since our partnering, I had been looking for any side-effects from Lissa's Spirit healing, but there been none that I could find. It seemed as though when she was using it for something positive, the side-effects were negligible, whilst the opposite could be said when using it for something darker. Rose seemed fully aware of this, but was still concerned about her and had asked that Christian keep a closer eye on her than normal.

Sitting at Lissa's right, he kept a protective arm around her slender shoulders; his fingers flexing ever so slightly every now and then to apply gentle pressure to her arm before he would glance at her with a small frown pulling between his black eyebrows. Equally concerned was Eddie, who sat at Christian's right. Fully recovered, he had been eager to return to any kind of duty once Dr. Olendzki had cleared him, even if it meant that he was placed with Stan and no longer with Lissa.

The other seniors weren't as enthusiastic as Eddie, but they were more willing to do their duty as the gravity of what it truly meant to be a guardian now sunk in. Mostly sitting in the pew behind, some of them had crammed in to the left of Rose. Samantha and Nathan, Dean and Meredith, but none of them sat directly beside her. That place had already been taken by someone who understood nothing of duty, but wasn't one to waste an opportunity when he saw it.

Adrian Ivashkov.

I had warned Rose days ago that if I was careless enough to hand him any advantage he would use it…and he hadn't disappointed. Somehow knowing that there was strife between us, he had capitalized on my absences between patrols without hesitation and with such ruthless dedication that had it been anyone else he had focused on, I might have congratulated him.

But it wasn't anyone; it was Rose…my Rose.

Part of me had been worried at first that she would use him as a way to punish me. That she would make good on the threat she had made in the forest, but almost as quickly I had dismissed it. No matter how angry she was, she wouldn't do that to me...that didn't mean that I liked him whispering to her or that he was leaning towards her to do it, but I trusted her.

Refocusing on Father Andrew with difficulty, I listened with only half an ear to him as he eulogised the dead, but it was a whisper at my side that caught at my attention.

"Did you know her twin was identical?"

Turning to Stan, his pugnacious face was set in a deep frown; his gaze fixed on a woman sitting to the right of the church. With her head slightly bowed, the candlelight flickered over her features…features that were eerily familiar.

When we had been told that Cybil, Celeste's only living relative, would be the one arriving to take back what little we could salvage of her remains in order to return it to the family burial plot in Europe, we had been known she was a twin, but what we hadn't known was that she was an identical twin. To say that seeing Cybil walking into housing this morning had been a shock was something of an understatement.

"No. She mentioned that Cybil had been a twin, but nothing more. I suppose none of us bothered to ask if she was an identical twin."

"We should have. Maybe it would have helped when we saw her."

"Do you really think it would have?"

Twisting his mouth wryly at my question, Stan didn't answer as the priest closed the ceremony with a prayer that was solemnly echoed throughout the church and followed by a moment of silence. Leaving the pulpit, he mingled with those at the front whilst the general murmur of conversation grew louder as people began to rise.

Many of the mourners would stay the night in guest housing, but a few would leave immediately. One of those staying was Janine Hathaway.

Having learnt yesterday that she had requested additional leave to stay for not only the memorial, but also the marking ceremony, the news hadn't helped to improve my mood. Giving her as wide a birth as I could, it had worked for the most part but she couldn't be avoided altogether. As if knowing that I was thinking about her, Janine turned from the group of guardians she stood with to find me across the room. Pinning me with a look of pure spite, her eyes flickered briefly to her daughter before they swung harshly back to me.

I had wondered if Rose would have confronted her mother, and judging by the look of accusation on Janine's face, she obviously had.

Breaking eye-contact dismissively, I moved around the chapel with Stan and wove through the sparse crowed as they began to disperse, talking to those who we knew. Walking towards us as the chapel began to empty, Stephen had Cybil with him. Thanking us for her sister's remains, we tried to persuade her to stay for dinner, but she refused, anxious to return to Croatia.

Walking her out of the church, she, Stan and Stephen spoke quietly amongst themselves on the steps whilst I stood on the fringe and made a few non-committal sounds, but my attention was focused on Rose. Still within the hallowed sanctity, she and the Lissa spoke to Father Andrew whilst Christian and Eddie spoke to an elderly Moroi man I didn't recognise and Adrian hovered between the two groups.

Not exactly crowding her, he was still standing close enough to make my blood boil. Slinging a casual arm over her shoulder, she stiffened under it, sent him a side glance, but didn't shrug it off as I had expected her to. Grinding my teeth together as Father Andrew looked at them curiously, Rose side-stepped him deliberately and looped her arm through Lissa's as the others joined.

"Thank you, Dimitri…again."

Bringing myself back into focus, I took Cybil's hand and shook it gently. "Of course, Cybil. And again, my sincerest condolences on your loss. Celeste was an amazingly dedicated guardian. She'll be missed by everyone." Murmuring their agreement, Stan and Stephen passed on their sympathies again as the priest and walked towards us. Gently clasping her hands, they two of them spoke quietly on the side for a few moments whilst mourners moved past them.

Grabbing the seniors as they left the chapel, Stephen started to collect them on the path leading to guardian housing. Eddie joined the growing group whilst Lissa hugged Rose tightly before whispering something in her ear. Grinning and nodding quickly, she jogged down the stairs, but was blocked by Adrian who also hugged her.

Lissa's hug had been affectionate; Adrian's was anything but, and the comparison set my teeth on edge.

Extricating herself from his clinging arms, she arched a brow before pulling away. Grinning at her, his dark green eyes twinkled mischievously as he winked and sunk his hands the pockets of his dark denims as he watched her join the others before they started their walk towards housing through. Turning to face me as Lissa quietly called his name; the grin he still wore turned into a smug smirk before he turned away and followed after her and Christian.

Grinding my teeth together, the look on my face gave Stan reason to pause, take a step back and frown in concern. Shaking off the avid bloodlust, I forced a lighter look as we trailed after the seniors traveling along the illuminated footpath. Night had settled fully over the grounds by the time the memorial had ended, and as we heard the first bell of curfew sound shrilly through the speakers, those who were still milling around scattered as we opened the lobby doors of housing.

Like the marking ceremony held earlier in the year, the meeting room was used again and had been converted with chairs circling the room and a single chair in the centre. Leon had already prepared the ink by the time we had walked in. Seating the novices to the right, it would be the guardians who would have their marks made first.

One after another we had our marks indelibly etched into our skin; some with Molnija and others with a Zvezda. When Leon had finished with the last, he called up the first of the seniors. Starting with the West twins, he moved onto Dean, then Meredith, Ryan and then Eddie. All receiving Molnija marks for the first time, it was Rose that was the odd one out and who waited silently on the side-lines.

Already marked with two, she wouldn't receive another Molnija today, but would receive her first Zvezda. Resembling a multi-crossed star, the mark was a representation of too many kills to ink by using the Molnija and was very rarely given to any dhampir this young, let alone one that hadn't yet graduated and didn't have the Promise mark.

Called up by Alberta, Rose sat and bowed her head as Leon began the etching into the nape of her neck. As with the earlier ceremony, it felt as though every needle-prick of pain was on my own skin and amplified the misery I felt at not being able to share this with her. When she had been marked after Spokane, I had kept myself mostly apart from her for an obvious reason, but that reason no longer applied now. I should have been able to congratulate her properly…to tell her proud I was of her, but I couldn't now because celebrating with me would be the last thing she wanted.

Completing the last intricate inscription of the tattoo, Leon checked his work before smiling and patting Rose gently on the shoulder. "You're all done, Rose. Congratulations."

Smiling in thanks over her shoulder, Rose stood and returned to her seat. Smiling at their congratulations, it was Eddie who made the most fuss over her as he hugged her tightly. Peering over his shoulder at his mark, she teased him that it was about time, and he flushed a little before laughing with her.

Closing the ceremony, Alberta stood and motioned for Gregor to join her as he prepared to say a short prayer. Our private service earlier had included this, but Alberta had felt that it was appropriate for the seniors to be included in one as part of the marking ceremony. It was a nice gesture, and one that she didn't actually need to do.

Leading the tribute, Gregor's deep baritone was smooth and detached, but as he began to mention by name each of those we had lost, the even timber shook more than once as emotion caught at it. For a man not known for any emotional displays, the grief he was expressing was raw and powerful, and affected everyone in the room.

Watching Rose carefully as she stood beside Eddie, the tremble of emotion she could usually so easily control was in plain sight of any and all who wanted to see it. I knew better than the others that it wasn't just that she was caught up in the moment of sorrow, but because of the pain I was causing her. As she looked up and found my eye, the open vulnerability of that hurt me more than I could stomach.

Forgetting in that moment that I was irritated by her behaviour, I promised myself that I would speak to her before she left. I couldn't change how things were between us, and I couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't still be angry afterwards, but I couldn't leave her alone in this, not when my love for her demanded that I do everything I could to give her comfort.

Ending the prayer sombrely with a murmured Amen that was echoed around the room, Gregor made way for Alberta who seemed to make an effort in lightening the mood. "Okay, everyone. I think we've all had enough of dealing with the dead, so let's celebrate a little with the living." Smiling warmly at the seniors, she held out her hand. "Let's celebrate with our novices, who have earned their marks and our respect for having the strength to survive, and the forethought to remember everything that we've taught them so far… to our novices."

Clapping them on, we all joined in the applause as the stunned seniors looked on. Moving forward to congratulate them, the guardians and the novices mingled as tentative hugs and warm praise was handed out. Caught on the outside with Eddie and Dean, they were almost high on the euphoria of the admiration they were receiving, and whilst I wanted to continue it, I wanted to get to Rose more.

Standing next to Stan, his hug was awkward, but Rose seemed to recovery quickly and thanked him sincerely as he let her go. Immediately swept into another embrace by Alberta, this one was more natural as she was affectionately teased. Passing her onto Emil next, Rose hugged him for a second longer. Surprised by it, he laughed it off, but I knew why she had done it. Even in the midst of her own gloom, she had still remembered what I had told her about Maia.

Feeling almost desperate now to get to her, there was one more obstacle in my way: Janine Hathaway.

Stiffening as her mother swept past everyone, her low murmur of congratulations and the hug that followed was allowed by Rose, but it was another act. Detangling herself from her mother, she nodded once before moving off and didn't see the look of rejection on her mother's weathered features. Hardening myself against her pain, I skirted the others until I had a clear path to Rose, but as I crossed over the open doorway, a soft voice called out to me.

"Dimitri?"

Turning towards it, all I had time to see was the tall, slender length of a woman with billowing black curls fly towards me before she launched herself and I was forced to catch her. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she pressed herself closely to me and breathed anxiously into my ear. "I was so worried, Dimitri."

Pulling away slightly, though I knew already who it was, I found the bright blue eyes of an Ozera staring moistly back into my own.

"Tasha?"

Smiling tremulously, she nodded before tightening her arms around my neck and burying her head against my neck as I felt the anxiety leave her body…and flow straight into mine. Finding Rose over the top of her head, any vulnerability that might have been there was gone in an instant. In its place was jealous outrage, and it made me realise that whatever hell Rose might have given me over the past two days was nothing in comparison to what I was going to get from her for this.