A Conflict of the Soul

by EternalCullen

A Conflict of the Soul is the continuation story of Rose and Dimitri's relationship as it should have progressed had RM not turned him into a Strigoi. Told again entirely from DPOV, and set as a sequel to By the Baring of my Soul, the story will take you through the aftermath of the attack and caves, trials, graduation and beyond.

10. Chapter 10

The ownership of all characters related to and involving the novels of The Vampire Academy and Bloodlines Series remain the sole property of Richelle Mead, the Penguin Group and any affiliates.

No copyrights have been infringed on maliciously.

A/n: It was great to hear from so many of you. I'm really glad that you've stuck with me, and to those who are new reviewers, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate every one of them. I'm sorry about the problems with reviewing Chapter 9. Hopefully you won't have any issues with Chapter 10. Enjoy.

A Conflict of the Soul

Chapter Ten

Brushing aside the low hanging branch of a newly foliated fir, heavy drops of dew from the dense fog that had blanked the land shortly before dawn fell into my hand from the spiny needles. Cold to the touch, it matched the temperature of the murky air. Looking out beyond the edge of the thicket of trees just off the road leading the main gates, the small field I had chosen for our morning training was perfectly hidden from view by the murkiness that not even the sun had managed to break through yet.

"This is a good spot, Roza."

"For what?" She grouched, glaring at me through the fog as we left the copse and walked into the clearing. "I can barely see you."

"Don't exaggerate; you can see me fine."

Churlishly curling her lip at my gentle rebuke, Rose unzipped the light jacket she had worn during our run and tied the sleeves around her waist, revealing the pale purple t-shirt she wore. Swinging her arms around, she began to warm up her upper body in preparation, despite all her grumbling.

Pulling her out of bed earlier than we had agreed, to say that she had been grouchy was putting it lightly, but worry had kept me on edge most of the night, and the only thing that had settled it had been seeing with my own eyes that she was fine. Even now I watched her closely, and although there was nothing there that I could see to cause any alarm, Yeva's warning still continued to play on a relentless loop inside my head.

Where was the danger? What was the danger? How could I stop it, if I could stop it at all?

Physically, there didn't seem to be anything wrong with Rose. She was young…strong…healthy. Lissa was still on her meds, so the threat of the negative side effects from their bond didn't seem likely to be the issue. With the wards properly restored, the ghosts she had seen had been banished, so they posed no further threat to her wellbeing.

Every danger I already knew to look for didn't worry me…it was what I didn't know to look for that did. I could fight an enemy if I knew what it was, and where it was coming from, but I knew neither in this case. All I could do right now was keep a closer eye on her until I was able to give her the medallion for her birthday tomorrow. I wasn't foolish enough to think that the silver talisman could keep her from danger, but at least it would provide me some measure of comfort.

Copying her warm-up exercises, it was only when bending to stretch out the dorsi muscle in my lower back that I noticed one of my laces had come undone during the run. Crouching to tie it again, I heard Rose's voice ask quietly.

"Are you okay?"

Looking up whilst my fingers tied the laces, I kept my expression smooth. "Why do you ask?"

"You seem preoccupied during the run, not that you ever really talk much, but something about you seems…a little off this morning."

Smiling wryly to myself as I lowered my head again to finish with the shoelace, I should have known I couldn't fool her; she knew me too well to ignore the obvious. All night I had wrestled with the idea of telling Rose about Yeva's premonition. After all, it was about her; didn't she deserve to know? But ultimately I had decided against it. She wouldn't believe me, and I certainly couldn't give her proof of what Yeva's warning had meant.

For me, it was an act of faith to believe that Yeva's warning was to be taken seriously, but Rose wasn't going to be as easily convinced. I had seen her scepticism at Rhonda's reading, and after, when I had explained on the tarmac waiting for the plane that Yeva had a similar ability, so there wasn't much point, but I had made the promise with myself to be as honest with her as I could, so that's what I would do.

"I got a call from my family."

Straightening up from her stretch, there was a look of surprise on her face; her bad mood forgotten. "Oh. Well, that's great. You said before you hadn't talked to them in a long time, right? Are they okay?"

"They're all good."

"What was the call about?"

"They were looking for me. I hadn't told them where I had been assigned after leaving Europe, and were worried about me." It wasn't exactly a whole lie, but it also wasn't the whole truth. Frowning, Rose folded her arms over her chest and rubbed her hands up along her arms for warmth against the chill in the air.

"What do you mean you hadn't told them where you had been assigned?"

"Security protocols. Guardian assignments – especially when assigned to a Royal or in the academies – aren't made public information. We aren't allowed to reveal where we are, even to our own families. It's seen as a security risk." I felt a slow burn of anger singe the pit of my stomach as I thought of those protocols. Because of them, my family owed a favour to the last Moroi in the world I would have ever wanted them indebted to.

"That's just dumb," Rose condemned, her nose wrinkling in disgust. "That's the same line of thinking behind the wards couldn't be weakened and Strigoi don't join forces."

"My thoughts exactly. Many of the council's procedures still have relevance, but many of them are also outdated. It's part of the reason behind Tasha's push to change things. They need to accept that change is the only way forward. If the Strigoi can adapt, then so too, must we."

"Have you seen her?"

"Tasha?"At Rose's nod, I shook my head. "No. Not since dinner two nights ago. Why do you ask?"

Shrugging, Rose fiddled with the knot at her waist. "She knows all about your family, doesn't she?"

"She does." Not understanding at first why this would be an issue for her, I soon realized that despite my reassurances to Rose about the nature of my relationship with Tasha, there was still uncertainty and doubt because of our shared history. She was the one that I loved, yet she knew next to nothing about my family whilst Tasha knew everything. It was another mistake on my part, and one that I planned on fixing right now.

"Can I tell you about my family?"

Nodding, Rose crossed her arms behind her back and stretched out and up. "I know a little. I've heard about your father, who isn't in the picture any more. Your mother, who obviously misses you, that you have three sisters and that your grandmother might or might not be a witch."

"I didn't call her a witch, Rose." Although maybe that wasn't far off from the truth.

"Yeah, you called her a…what was that word again?"

"A vrajitoare."

"You said that was Romanian, right?"

"Right."

"What would you call her in Russian?"

"There are many words for it, but Predskazatel is probably the most accurate."

Repeating it, her pronunciation was a little off. Correcting her, she repeated it again and I grinned in approval because, despite all of her complaints, she did have a natural ear for the language. Grinning back, she raised a brow for me to continue. "I'm the third of four children. My two older sisters are Karolina and Sonja; the younger is Viktoria. I have a nephew, Paul, who is ten and Karolina's oldest. She just had another child, though I don't know what she had."

"Uncle Dimitri?" Rose teased.

"Yes, Uncle Dimitri." Returning her smile, it slowly faded with the realisation that I had been so preoccupied with my concerns for my family and then Rose, that I hadn't even stopped to ask my mother what my sister had had, or even what the child's name was.

"Do you look alike?"

"We do colouring wise, though that's where the resemblance ends. Our personalities are all very different."

"Who are you closest too?"

"Sonja is closer in age, but it's probably Karolina. She's very level headed, whilst Sonja is impetuous…impulsive. Like you," I grinned as Rose scowled. "Viktoria is quiet and was very young when I left home."

"Did you talk to them?"

"No. Just my mother and grandmother; Olena and Yeva."

"Do you have any cousins?"

"Not that I know of. My mother is an only child, and I don't have the faintest clue as to the family of the man she chose to father her children." Hearing the resentment in my voice, it surprised me. I had thought that I was beyond it by now, but obviously there was something still there; buried deep enough to have not recognized it until it reared its ugly head.

"Have you ever thought about looking for him? Just to find out if you have any other family?"

"No. I have my family. I don't need to look for someone who doesn't know the meaning of the word," Twisting a strand of hair trailing over her shoulder around my forefinger, I tugged gently. "Have you ever thought about looking for yours?"

Staring out into the fog, Rose was quiet for a long moment before answering. "When I was younger, but only because I thought that he couldn't possibly be any worse a parent than Janine." Shaking her head slowly, she gave a short laugh that had no real humour in it. "Your father might be a crappy parent, comrade, but at least you know his first name."

"True, but there are days when I wished that I didn't."

"I don't have any information about mine," she continued, sadness I didn't think she even realised was there, underlining every word. "Other than I inherited his dark hair colour, brown eyes and skin tone. He could be from anywhere…he could be anyone. He might not even know that my mother gave birth to me."

"And if he did, and it still made no difference?"

"Then I'm better off without him, aren't I?"

"You already have a family that loves you, Rose. Lissa, Eddie, Christian…and me. Never doubt or forget that." Kissing her forehead, the coil of her hair fell loose as I moved away a little. "Let's get started."

Shifting stance immediately to that of combat readiness; her melancholy gone, Rose grinned and curled her fingers at me. Laughing at her eagerness, I shook my head. "No, no fighting…not yet."

Disappointed, Rose rested her hands on her hips as she straightened up and narrowed her eyes at me. "Then what are you going to teach me?"

"Right now? Anatomy."

"Yeah, we've covered that already."

"Basic anatomy, yes, but this is advanced anatomy and far more complicated than anything you've ever done before."

"And the dummies?"

"You'll get to those later. Remember what Konrad said? Learn first, subdue next, then attack and kill last."

"Okay. How do we start?"

Resting my hands lightly over the delicate knitting of her collarbone, my thumbs rested together in the hollow of her throat as the rest of my fingers wrapped lightly around her neck. Feeling the pulse jump and the skin heat beneath my touch, I didn't allow myself to react to it. It was vital that she learnt this, and wasn't distracted.

"You've all been taught basic anatomy, so you know where arteries run, how bones connect, where the spinal cord lies, but you've also only ever been taught to aim for the heart when going in for the kill, so you don't know how to use anything else to your advantage…and you won't always have a fire-wielding Moroi close at hand to use."

"Pity…he was pretty kick-ass."

"Agreed. Now rest your hands over mine and feel their position against the spinal column. Can you feel how my fingers are lying over your cervical vertebrae…yes, like that? The cervical curve is the region of the vertebral column that you will be concentrating on during the training."

"Because it's the easiest place to break the neck?"

"Exactly." Twisting gently, my hands changed position; the right moved slightly lower to partially cover her clavicle whilst the left moved to her lower jaw. Holding her still with the right, the left tilted her chin up and outward, causing strain on the vertebrae by exerting the right amount of pressure without hurting her in anyway.

"Do you feel that? That's the angle that you need to break a neck and sever the spinal cord. That's the angle that you'll be taught. Now do the same to me." Allowing her to manipulate my head back, I resisted pushing back against the force she applied against the bones as she figured the angles and felt for herself how pivotal an area this was.

"Good. That's very good, Roza. Now obviously a Strigoi isn't simply going to allow you to walk up to it and snap its neck, so the next step is to attack and subdue in order to position yourself for the kill." Walking backwards a few paces, I curled my fingers at her. "Now…having learnt what I've just taught you, combine it with what you've already been taught, all your life, and attack me with the purpose of breaking my neck."

Not hesitating, Rose began to circle, calculating the best approach to attack from. Watching her, there was an almost a predatory grace to the way she moved…the way she hunted me. Preparing my counter-attack, I had barely positioned myself before Rose launched herself at me. As instructed, she utilized everything she had been taught; landing high against my chest to knock me to the ground whilst wrapping a hand around my neck before the other gripped my lower jaw.

Pinning my arms to the ground with her knees, Rose tightened her grip and began to wrench my neck with unerring accuracy, but as I grimaced from the spine-cracking pressure, her eyes widened and the pressure began to lessen for fear that she was hurting me. Frowning in disapproval, I jerked my arms out from beneath her legs, gripped her hips and threw her off.

Landing a few feet away, Rose rolled to her feet as I jumped to my own; pivoting on her heel to face me, her hands clenched. Raking back loose hair from my face, my eyes narrowed in anger; the first real anger I had felt towards her in a long time. "I taught you to never hesitate. Do you remember that, Rose? It was the very first lesson I ever gave you, and it's the one you need to remember above all. You can't let anything interfere with that…not doubt, not fear, not mercy. If you do, you'll be dead."

"Was I supposed to actually break your neck, comrade? What about the others when we're training? Am I supposed to break theirs too? "

Sighing at her sarcasm, I tried to reason with her. "Tell me honestly…if it was anyone else's neck that you had your fingers wrapped around, would you have reacted the same way?"

"Yes!" Quick to answer, Rose slung me a dirty look before honesty got the better of her. "No."

"And that's my point. It doesn't matter how you feel, or what you think is right or wrong. Survival is all that matters, Rose."

Openly glaring now, she sneered sweetly. "Fine. Let's try it again."

"You're angry now. Anger is emotion; emotion is dangerous."

"Oh, like you're not angry right now?"

"I can control it. You can't."

Closing her eyes for a moment, when she opened them again, her lack of control was clearly visible as she struggled to hold onto her temper. Not giving her the opportunity, I curled my fingers at her again. She had to learn to let only one instinct take over…the instinct to survive. "Now, attack me again, Rose. Only this time, do not hesitate when you've got your fingers wrapped around my neck."

Repeating the same manoeuvre she had used before, only with far more force and better execution, for the next half an hour, Rose attacked and I countered. Making her work far harder for the hypothetical kill than ever before, the sun had finally broken through the fog before she was able to successfully knock me to the ground again. Tired, wet and muddy, she looked a little bedraggled and very determined as she straddled me, but did not go for the throat.

Instead, she crossed her arms over my chest, and resting low against it, brought our faces together so that there was only an inch between us. "You let me win this time!"

My lips twitched at her scowl and accusation, even though it was true. "I didn't let you win…I surrendered."

"What the difference?"

"Time. We're running out of it, Roza." Pointing to my watch, she grimaced when she saw what I was talking about. We still had to bet back to housing, shower and change for breakfast before heading to gym for first period. If we stayed out here for much longer, we wouldn't make it.

"So if I'm late for an appointment whilst I'm strangling a Strigoi, I should just back off?"

"No, but you should learn to manage your time more efficiently."

Smacking my chest hard when she saw my smirk, Rose straightened up to glare. "You're such a dick."

"I love you, too."

Laughing at me; her ire forgotten, Rose poked at my chest. Catching at her hands playfully, we wrestled gently for a while for dominance. Expecting her to climb off me almost immediately, Rose didn't seem in any rush to move. Making no move myself, I lightly held her hips, waiting for what she would do next. Yesterday's rejection – and as much as I kept telling myself it wasn't, I couldn't deny that it had been anything but that – was still fresh in my mind, so I was cautious.

Flattening her hands high on my chest, her thumbs stroked over the damp material of my t-shirt until she found flat points of my nipples. Rubbing over them lightly, the flesh puckered and tingled, sending arrows of sensation and heat into my blood stream, but still, I lay motionless beneath her. I could hear the change in her breathing, I could feel the tension in her muscles, I could see the dilation of her pupils as the adrenaline pumping through her veins turned to a sexual high, but still, I lay motionless beneath her.

"I wanted to kiss you that day on the quad," Rose confessed, looking hungrily at my lips as I ordered myself to stay still. "During the field experience, when I had to defend Christian and Lissa against you, Jean and Yuri. It was all I could think about…and I know you were thinking the same, but we couldn't do anything about it then."

"We're all alone now."

"Yeah, but you just told me to manage my time more efficiently, and we're running out of it, remember?"

"I do." Though I was cursing myself for it now.

"So we should just…get to our feet, dust ourselves off and head back to housing?" Tangling her fingers in my t-shirt as she talked, Rose slowly inched it upwards past my navel, ribcage and pectorals, stopping as it bunched beneath my underarms. Shivering both from the cold grass beneath my back and the sensation of her hot touch at my hotter flesh, I waited to see what she wanted to do with me. Arching a brow when the shirt wouldn't move any further and I made no move to do anything, I let go of her hips and whipped it over my head.

Propping myself up on my elbows, every muscle in my torso rippled and tensed in anticipation. "If that's what you want, then that's what we should do."

"That isn't what I want."

"What do you want, Rose?"

Hooking her arms around my neck, she pulled me up to her before sealing her lips to mine, thrusting her tongue deeply into my mouth as I groaned and wrapped my arms around her waist, crushing her against my chest. Feeling the short edge of her nails dig into my back to pull me closer, Rose rocked against my pelvis; grinding greedily against my thickening cock.

Aching for her, I thrust back, catching her moan with my mouth as I found the edge of her t-shirt. Pulling it loose from the jacket tied at her waist, I worked it up and over her head, forcing our mouths to break contact for a moment, but that was too long for Rose. Once it was off, she sank her fingers into my hair and yanked me closer, biting down on my bottom lip hard enough to just break the skin before sucking on it soothingly.

Raising her head to look at me as I tried to reach her lips, her hands tightened on my hair, keeping me in place as she slowly began to grind and writhe on my lap. Nearly insane with lust, the deep growl torn from my chest made her smile slowly, but she wouldn't be smiling if she had even the faintest clue of what she was provoking.

Breaking free from her hold, I kissed her deeply again before anchoring her hips to mine. Carrying her to the ground and using our shirts to protect her back from the damp ground, our lips stayed locked as I peeled the tight straps of her sports-bra down her arms, before stripping it to her waist. Tightening her legs around my waist, I tore my mouth away to trail my lips down her cheek and chin. Arching up against me as I sucked on the skin of her throat, my hands moved to the full thrust of her breasts, kneading the supple flesh and pebbled nipples as she whimpered.

Biting gently on the flesh of her upper breasts, her nipples strained towards my mouth. Suckling strongly, I felt the nubbin rub against the roof of my mouth whilst Rose cried out softly beneath me, but I did not relent, even as I felt her nails dig into my scalp. Curling my fingers into the elasticated waist of her track pants, my thumbs traced over her hipbones before I began to work them down, but Rose dropped her hands from my head, and grabbed at them tightly.

"No, Dimitri…No!"

Breathy from need, the conviction of her words couldn't be ignored, even over the thundering of blood in my ears. Rubbing my face in the valley of her breasts, my lungs worked deeply to draw in air and calm the fire in my blood. Anchoring her against me again, I sat up with her in my lap, still straddling me. Ignoring the throb of my erection, I cuddled her closer when she buried her face in the crook of my neck and struggled for control.

"It's alright, Roza."

Trying not to fixate on the feel of her nipples stabbing into my chest, I routed around for her bra and fed her arms into it before gently pulling it over her head. Shuffling around, she adjusted it before raising her head so that I could pull her damp t-shirt over her head. Cupping her chin, I slowly forced her to look at me, even as I fought against the panic threatening to break me.

"You're pulling away from me; I felt it yesterday, and said nothing, and now I feel it again. Tell me what to do, Roza. Tell me how to fix this."

Closing her eyes, there was a long pause before she spoke. "There's nothing that you can fix, Dimitri. It's me, not you. It's my issues."

"Issues that I created, because I was stupid enough to listen to the last person on the planet I should have, and because of that…you still don't trust me, do you?" Pinning me to the spot with eyes thickly framed by long lashes and an expression of such guilt that I wanted to howl, Rose slowly shook her head.

Clenching my teeth, I exhaled roughly and rested my forehead against hers, closing my eyes at the feeling of crushing despair. Would she ever forgive me? Would she ever trust me completely again? There was some sense of trust between us, but not enough…not nearly enough. Her refusal to make love with me was proof of that, because sex was obviously still a step too far for her.

"I'm not trying to punish you, Dimitri…or at least, I don't think I am. I'm just…"

"I understand."

"You keep saying that, but how much longer are you going to be understanding?"

"This is my fault. I don't have any right to feel any other way, Roza."

"Yeah, but…" Stemming her words with a finger over her lips, I shook my head. "When you're ready, you're ready. I will wait for you for as long as you want…as long as you need."

Cupping my jaw, she kissed me very softly. "I love you." The words were simple; she didn't need to say anything else. As long as she loved me, I would wait patiently for whatever else she gave me, even if I had to wait a lifetime.

"That's all I want." Lifting her gently off my lap, I stood and pulled her to her feet, hugging her tightly for a moment longer. Pulling her jacket from around her waist, I held it out for her to put it on and then did the same to my own, though it did nothing to hide my erection. Grimacing at it, I gave her a wry look whilst brushing at strands of wet grass sticking to her cheek. Flicking it away, I tried to clean her up, but all I did was smudge more mud over skin that was clean.

Laughing at my expression, Rose caught at my hand, linked our fingers and began to pull me back to the road through the thinning fog. "Don't worry about it, comrade. The shower will take care of it. Besides, I don't mind being dirty, although I get looks from Lissa all the time that say I should."

"You're beautiful always; clean or dirty."

"You're very good for my ego, you know that right?"

"Did it need encouragement before you met me?"

"No…but you give it a different kind of encouragement. You give it the encouragement it needs." Smiling, she head-butted my arm lightly before releasing my hand. Moving a pace or two away from me, I could see the upper campus in the distance and knew why she was putting distance between us.

"Why did you wait?"

Frowning at the unexpectedness of my question, Rose asked. "Wait for what?"

"To lose your virginity." Grinning at her expression, I held out my hands. "I'm asking out of genuine curiosity, not to boost my ego."

Shaking her head, Rose laughed. "I don't know…maybe because it was what everyone expected of me, so I decided to rebel against their expectations."

"What do you mean everyone expected it of you?"

"I was the wild, impulsive dhampir who ran away with her Moroi best friend. I was reckless and irresponsible; so why wouldn't they have expected it of me?" Giving me a sideways glance, there was a sly look in her eyes that made me a little wary. "If I asked who you lost yours to, would you tell me?"

"Rose…"

"Dimitri…"

Cursing myself for starting this conversation, my reluctance was obvious as I answered. "Someone in Baia."

"A family friend?"

"Not exactly."

"Older or younger than you?"

"Older, by a few years."

"How old were you?" When all the answer she got was a grimace, Rose smacked at my arm. "How old, Dimitri?"

"Fifteen."

"Oh, my God…isn't that like statutory rape?"

Eyeing her warningly, Rose laughed loudly as we crossed into the campus and onto the walkways. Just after seven, the grounds were already busy and thankfully that would mean putting an end to a conversation that was a little uncomfortable. "Thank you for telling me. I know how private you are and it couldn't have been easy to tell me."

"You're welcome. I want you to feel comfortable enough to ask me anything, Rose, even if I'm not comfortable answering it. And you're right; I was – am – a very private person, so it's going to take a little while to fully open up about myself, so you might need to push me a little.

"Well then you're in luck, comrade; being pushy is something I'm very good at. See you in gym." Winking at me, I left her at the dhampir dorm and wondered around campus for a while, trying to organize the shambles of my thoughts, but they weren't co-operating, so I gave up and changed direction for housing. By the time I had showered, finished with breakfast and was once again on my way to gym to join the others, I wasn't any closer to figuring them out, but I had other things to concentrate on.

Almost an hour into the session, and after careful instruction from Konrad, Gregor, Alberta and I, the students had already begun to grasp the finer points of what I had already taught Rose and were using it against each other. Satisfied to see that Rose was using hers with ruthless efficiency against Dean, Kon gave me a look that said he pitied both him and anyone else she came up against.

By the end of the hour, every guardian in the gym was more than satisfied with the progress that had been made by the seniors, and had gathered near the door to talk. Glancing over at Rose to my right, she and Dean were going over the techniques whilst she corrected his hand placement and Eddie and Meredith watched closely. Looking over his shoulder, Dean called out to me.

"Guardian Belikov?"

Crossing the mats to him, he questioned what Rose had done and frowned when I confirmed it was right, whilst she smirked at him. Arguing amongst themselves, Eddie joined in and as usual, sided with Rose whilst they picked up their mats and gear, but they quietened when the gym doors were pushed open with enough force to send them swinging violently on their hinges.

Striding through them was a visibly agitated Dustin. His bushy eyebrows were folded so far down his nose his eyes were barley visible. Heading straight to where Alberta stood with Gregor and Konrad, he spoke in low tones that I couldn't hear, but judging by their reactions; especially Alberta's, it wasn't good news. She looked over to us and focused first on Rose, then myself before beckoning me over. Glancing over at Rose, she was watching them just as closely.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know, but something isn't right." Watching out for anyone who might hear, I murmured. "Stay in the gym for as long as you can without attracting attention – clean if you have to. I'll tell you if I can." Nodding quickly, Rose joined the others clearing away the equipment before I walked quickly to where they stood.

Watching my approach, the bleakness of their demeanours worried me and I couldn't help but asking. "What's happened?"

Looking at each other, Alberta and Gregor said nothing. It was Dustin who grimly replied. "I just got a call from my contact in Tarasov…Victor Dashkov's escaped."