(Bella)
The week went by slowly and painfully. Class was a welcome distraction from most of what I was feeling, but it didn't change the emptiness I felt from Jacob's absence. I had decided to wait a week before confronting Jacob and forcing him to acknowledge me. I still didn't know the status of Alice, much less her family, and I wasn't willing to put Jacob at risk.
But I couldn't take his silence for much longer.
Finally, Saturday came. Eagerly I rushed through my morning routine, choked down a bowl of cereal and rushed out to my truck as soon as the kitchen clock struck ten. I intended to take both Billy and Jacob by surprise, I wasn't giving Billy the chance to make any more excuses for him. He was going to tell me he was okay, that we were okay, that he wasn't brainwashed by Sam Uley. And if he could convince me of all those points, then I would leave him alone, and nurse my broken heart on my own.
The drive to the reservation was solemn. Rain hammered down hard around my truck cab, reflecting my mood. I welcomed it.
Finally, I pulled up in front of the Black's residence. I shut off my thunderous engine and climbed down from the cab, slamming the driver's door behind me. I stalked to the small house and up the porch, and knocked on the door. A few moments passed. Then a few more, and I decided I was not going to be ignored, not this time. I knocked again, banging louder, making my intention clear. I was going to be acknowledged. At last, Billy cracked the door open.
"He's not home, Bella."
"Bullshit, Billy."
A sigh of aggravation. "Bella-"
"No, I'm not taking any more excuses, Billy. I know he's home, we need to talk."
"You're not acting very ladylike-"
"I'm not trying to. Send out Jacob."
"He doesn't want to see you."
"I don't care- send him out. I'm not leaving until he does."
"Bella-"
"It's okay, dad." Jacob appeared behind Billy. "She's right, we do need to talk."
"Jacob-" Billy began to protest, but Jacob pushed past him and through the front door.
I stepped back to make more room for Jacob as he walked past me and further out into the muddy yard. I followed.
"What do you want?" He demanded.
"You know what I want, I want to know why the hell you're avoiding me."
"I- I don't want to see you anymore, Bella. Isn't that enough?"
I flinched, then steeled my resolve. "No, it's not."
"What does it take, then?"
I stepped forward, closer to him. He backed away. "The truth."
"That is the truth."
"It's not, and you know it's not! You haven't been acting like yourself since…." I didn't want to rehash it. "I want to know that you're okay, Jacob. I want to know that this is what you want."
"I'm telling you that it is." His face was pure stone, none of my Jacob's warmth was there now. It was the face of a stranger, but his eyes would never be. I knew him well enough, I could see the pain in them.
"Is it? Or is it what Sam Uley wants?"
Jacob's eyes raised to the house behind me, and I turned around to find we had an audience. Sam Uley stood on the porch beside two other men I didn't recognize, and beside Embry. I stomped over to him.
"What have you done to him!?"
"I haven't done anything to him."
I jabbed a finger at him. "You goddamn liar! He was afraid of you! Now you're bosom buddies? Bullshit, Sam!"
"Bella, stop. Sam's telling the truth, he hasn't done anything to me." Jacob called from behind me. I spun back around.
"The hell he hasn't! You were against his weird cult, Jacob! Now you want to be part of it? I don't buy it, Jake. Not for a second."
"You don't know anything, Bella." Sam called out, irritatingly calm.
"I know enough, enough to know that Jacob never wanted this."
"This is what I want, Bella." Jacob said quietly, resolutely.
"So this is it then. We're done?" I tried to keep my voice even and steady, to keep my stupid stutter that sprouted when I was nervous at bay. I wanted to hold on to what little dignity I had left.
"We're done." He answered.
My broken heart shattered.
I fought to keep my expression blank, my voice even. As I walked back towards him, both of us soaked from the torrent.
"When you decide you want out, come find me." I whispered to him as I passed him, opening my cab door and climbing into the truck, revving the engine and driving away, ignoring the multiple stares I could feel on me as I did so.
I drove until I was about half way back to town and pulled over on the side of the road. Alone, I submitted to the strong, heavy sobs that fought to break free from my chest.
I'd lost Jacob. The one and only positive in my life, the one person who made my doomed fate tolerable. He made my pain bearable, he made me feel like maybe what little bit of life or freedom I had left was actually worth living. Losing Jacob, Alice's return, the threat of the Cullens, I didn't know how much more I could possibly take.
I was only a woman.
After what seemed like an eternity of uncontrollable sobbing and self pity, I took a few deep, cleansing breaths, and wiped away my fallen tears. I didn't have much time left, I couldn't afford to spend it wallowing. Jacob made his choice, and now, I had to make mine.
I would leave him alone.
Maybe it was better this way, maybe it wouldn't hurt him so bad when… when the monster did come back. When I would meet my fate. In the meantime, I would try to go on as normally as I could, put on a brave face for him, and for Charlie. They didn't need to know.
Resolved but still broken, I restarted the decrepit engine and after a moment or two I resumed my drive back home.
The house was deafeningly silent with Charlie at work. I could feel its emptiness deep in my bones. I tried to throw myself into normalcy by cleaning, doing homework, and eventually cooking dinner. It helped to busy myself, but only marginally.
Charlie got home as I was setting the table. I tried to hide my heartbreak and fake an upbeat tone, but he saw right through me. As we sat down to eat, he took one look at my face.
"You've been crying. A lot."
"I–I, uh- I'm fine dad, r-really."
"No you're not. I know my kid. What happened, honey?"
I took a deep breath and began to stir the pan of homemade macaroni and cheese I'd made with the serving spoon, serving some onto his plate then mine.
"It-it's nothing, dad. Really. I- I just went to see Jacob today."
"Aw, honey. Tell me what happened?"
"Nothing, just that h-he doesn't want to see me anymore." It hurt to say out loud.
"I'm so sorry, Bella." Before I knew it, he stood and walked around the table, wrapping me in a big hug.
Tears began to spill over my cheeks.
He let go and turned to the coat hanger by the door, grabbing his jacket and putting it back on.
"W-what are you doing?"
"I'm going to have a talk with my best friend about his son."
"Dad, wait-"
"Stay in the house, and keep the doors locked until I get back."
"Dad!"
"It'll be fine, honey. Billy and I have been best friends for decades. I'm not going to wheel him into the river, I'm just going to talk to him."
"But-!"
"Don't wait up for me." He turned and walked out of the front entrance, leaving me alone.
Dread filled me to the core. There was no way this was going to end well, and I couldn't bear the thought of being the reason my dad could lose his lifelong friendship with Billy Black.
Time on the kitchen clock ticked slowly by, eventually I began to pick at my dinner. Before long I had enough of waiting around and decided to go to my room for the night. I wiped a few more fallen tears before I cleaned my dishes. I had no sooner than made the slow ascent up our creaky stairs and turned on my bedroom light when I heard the sound of something small and hard hitting my window. Then another. And another. At first anxiety soared through me, my imagination running wild, but then I remembered the monster never announced himself before he invited himself in, he wouldn't start now. Slowly I crept over to the window and peaked out of it and to my surprise I saw Jacob standing in our yard, he smiled and waved when he caught me.
What the fuck?
After everything that happened between us today, I couldn't imagine what could possibly have changed in the short time that had passed. My anxiety and heartbreak gave way to curiosity, was he ready to break Sam's stronghold on him? I slung open the window and leaned out.
"Jacob?!"
"Can I come in?" He called back, the sound of adrenaline in his voice. I called out my consent and stepped back, intending to go back downstairs to unlock the door, when I heard him climbing his way up. Shocked, I'd no sooner turned back around to find he'd made quick work of his ascent and had already begun climbing through the window.
"Jake-? I don't understand-?"
"I know, Bell's, I know. I'm sorry, I really am! I- this has been killing me, Bella!"
"What's going on, Jacob? Why did-?" I began to choke up just thinking of it.
Jacob cringed seeing me on the verge of tears. "Bella, please, I'm so sorry. I know I've been an ass. A complete ass. But- I had no choice. Believe me, I wish it were different."
"Maybe you could start from the beginning?"
He flinched. "That's the thing, Bell's. I can't. I'm literally not able to."
"I don't follow, what do you mean? What's stopping you?"
"I- I can't answer that either." He took my hand and led me to the bed where we both sat down on the edge.
"A lot of things… changed. And you're involved in a way that… I'm forbidden from telling you about."
"You can't just break the rule?"
"It's… not as simple as that. I literally can't. It took all my strength to even come see you, to even talk to you now."
"I'm still not following."
"I know, I know. But listen, you figured things out on your own once, a long time ago, when I told you a legend, remember?"
Confused, I nodded.
"I need you to do that again."
"I'm not sure I can."
"You can, Bell's. You're the smartest person I know. You have all the clues you need now, I know you can."
"I'm more interested in helping you, Jake."
"It's a bit more… complicated than that, Bell's. I can only tell you that there are two people keeping me from explaining everything to you right now- but if you come to the conclusion on your own… then I'll be able to."
"So, I have to… figure out your secret, and that somehow is going to… release you from…?"
He breathed out in relief. "Yes! That's exactly what I need you to do!"
"And I don't get any more hints?"
"I'm sorry, Bell's. But this is literally physically hurting me to be here now, telling you as much as I have."
"Okay, let's do this." I clenched my fists at my chest in determination.
"Good! Okay, talk it out, don't be afraid to bounce a theory off of me."
I held my chin as I pondered over everything. I thought about the legend of the cold ones, Jacob had specifically reminded me of it, so it had to be connected. I thought back further to the basic history of the tribe me and Charlie had learned over the years of being invited to social functions and powwows with the Black's on the reservation.
"I remember… that Billy used to talk about how connected your tribe was with wolves…"
Jacob eagerly nodded, I continued.
"Charlie… mentioned something about… animal attacks…?"
He vehemently shook his head 'no'.
"I think I saw one of them recently, actually a whole bunch of them…"
A vigorous nod.
"They were ungodly huge… uhm… were they… spirit animals?"
"N-n-not q-uit-e…" Jacob struggled to spit out.
"Okay…"
Jacob raised his arm and tried to gesture towards himself, it looked like he was being obstructed by some kind of strong, invisible force. Like his arm suddenly weighed a hundred pounds. I stared at him incredulously.
"Wolves…? Werewolves…?"
He leaned his head back and sighed loudly with relief.
"Yes! Yes, you got it!"
"Werewolves?"
"Th-there's something else I-I can't g-get out."
"More?"
"T-this o-one i-is t-the hardest, believe it or-or not."
"What's stopping you from just telling me, Jake?"
Silence. He stared at me. Whatever force was preventing him from explaining, was doing a frustratingly good job.
A few strained moments passed, it felt almost as if Jacob was willing me to just… figure it out. I hated having to disappoint him.
"Come back to the reservation tomorrow."
I was taken back.
"Isn't your… cult-"
"Pack." He corrected me.
"-pack, going to be… upset?"
"They're going to be upset anyway, so you might as well come."
I sighed. "Okay, Jake. I'll be there."
"Meet me at the beach."
"Okay." I agreed, deep down, my heart soared.
"Promise, Bella!"
"Okay, okay, I promise."
Jacob and I stood. I wrapped my arms around him in a big bear hug, just like we used to, but he didn't return my embrace. I was afraid he was still upset with me.
"Jake?"
"I'm sorry, Bell's. I literally can't."
I bent my head back to look into his eyes, trying to figure out what else he could possibly be forced to keep from me.
"I- I have to go now. Remember, meet me at the beach tomorrow!" I nodded and Jacob smiled brightly, and then climbed out of the window and began his descent.
"You could have just taken the stairs." I called out.
"No, I really couldn't have." He answered back as he finished climbing down.
I closed the window back. Tomorrow can't come fast enough.