I'd been patrolling around the wood that surrounded Police Chief Swan's house, my ears still ringing from the absolute dressing down Emily had given me when I had gotten home from work. I had just gotten out of the shower and was getting ready to start my patrol duties when she banged on my door, demanding I open up so she could give me a piece of her mind. I cringed remembering it, Emily was a sweetheart, and it was really hard to anger her, but once you did she made sure you regretted it.
Like I needed to be told, I can feel the effects of my ass-ery.
I hated to admit it, but guilt plagued my consciousness for most of the day. I could hardly focus on anything other than the sadness and humiliation, even a touch of anger, that I could feel coming from Bella. Finally the emotions had tapered off, and it seemed that she had managed to find a way to calm herself, and calmed me as a result. I hated that. I hated that my damn emotions were tethered to a stranger. I shook my head.
I'd been patrolling for hours, after I traded off with Embry, who also had no problem showing me exactly what he thought about my situation.
I get it, I was an ass. Doesn't change anything.
I was only patrolling her house myself because I felt compelled to, and once I found a way to cut this stupid goddamn tie with her, I had absolutely no intention of doing so ever again. I didn't give a damn what anyone else said about it, I'm not going to be tied to someone I don't want to be tied with. I didn't care if the woman was a blood sucker loving Mother Teresa, there was no way in hell I was going to let this stand.
The hours passed by mostly uneventfully, until close to one in the morning, when Bella's usual well of negative emotions took a strange and drastic turn into straight up terror. My mind immediately blanked and I turned back around, making my way to her actual house. I couldn't imagine what could have happened so suddenly, who could have gotten past me. But I was pissed that they did. As I made my way I could hear her running, her bare feet sinking into the dewy grass as she did so, her heart hammering, her breath ragged.
When I had reached her she had fallen flat on her stomach, and had begun to raise herself up as sobs broke from her chest, when she looked up and saw me, and froze. I ran up to her without even thinking, only two thoughts consumed my mind: making sure she was okay, then killing whoever it was who had hurt her. As I approached her she scrambled backwards trying to quickly scoot away from me. She trembled, goose flesh trickled up her bare arms in the cold air of the night, she was barely dressed in a tank top and pajama shorts. She was covered in midnight dew and wet dirt, but I couldn't find any wounds on her. She just seemed absolutely terrified.
I stopped for a moment and realized that she was probably scared of me after the absolute fool I'd made of myself today. She hadn't seen me in my wolf form since that day at the meadow, and when she did it was when I was trying to kill Jacob. Goddamn it, you dumb ass. I didn't want to be bonded to her, that didn't mean I wanted to frighten her.
I racked my brain for some way to calm her down, I didn't want to leave her long enough to find my clothes and phase back when in a quiet, shaky voice, She whispered,
"Don't hurt me. Don't hurt me anymore." She wrapped her arms around her knees, tears fell down her cheeks as she trembled. I stared at her in disbelief.
"I'll- I'll behave- I- I promise-"
What the hell did she think I did to her?
I tried to look into her eyes but they were glazed over, as if she were far away, somewhere else. She kept repeating herself over and over. I strained my ears to listen to the sounds of the house, the sounds surrounding us. All I could hear was her heart beat, her father's snoring, and the sound of various cars as they drove by far away in the distance. I lifted my head and sniffed the air, focusing on every scent I picked up. I smelled nothing unusual, no intruders. Just Bella and her normal sweet, floral scent.
What the hell happened?
She didn't seem to be in any condition to be on her own at the moment, and I sure as hell wasn't going to allow her to reenter the house yet. Resolved I approached her and shoved my way underneath her, forcing her trembling frame onto my back. I took off running with her back to the reservation, to familiar territory. She trembled and mumbled the whole way, at times incoherently. I was scared to death that I had broken her.
After I finally reentered La Push, I quickly made my way to Sam and Emily's house, being mindful not to let anyone see us. I knew Sam was probably trying to get some sleep before his own patrol was scheduled to start, but I didn't care. I didn't know what to do, and I felt like he was the only one who could help her. Once we arrived I gently lowered Bella to the ground in Sam's yard and stepped behind Emily's car to phase back, then returned and scooped Bella up into my arms, carrying her to the door and banging loudly. She never stopped muttering and shaking, I couldn't figure out what the hell I did to her, but I was terrified I broke her.
After my insistent banging and yelling, Sam came to the door and yanked it open, forgetting whatever it was he was about to say when he saw us.
"What the hell did you do? Why are you naked?" He demanded.
"I don't know, I broke her, Sam." I felt tears in the back of my own throat. Goddamn it, I'm supposed to be a man.
"Well, come on, get her inside!" He stepped aside so I could walk through with Bella.
Emily had come down the stairs, wrapped in a robe when she took the sight of us in.
"What happened? Is she okay?!"
"I- I don't know! I don't know what happened!"
Bella's dissociated mumbling continued, the same things she'd been saying on the way over, on repeat. Sam told me to lay her down on the couch and I did. Emily came over and knelt beside her.
"What happened?!" Sam demanded again.
I gave him the short version, afterwards he asked,
"And you're sure no one else was there?"
"Damn it, Sam, of course I am-!"
"I don't think it's anything you did, Paul." Emily spoke up as she pressed a gentle hand to Bella's cheek.
"It had to be! I-!"
"Give me some time alone with her." Emily said calmly.
"What-?! Why-?"
"I used to do therapy work, before I got engaged to Sam. I was a counselor for a while. Now give us some space."
I started to protest, but Sam grabbed me by the arm.
"Trust her, Paul. She knows what she's doing."
I glanced back down towards Bella. Everything in me wanted to stay, demanded to stay, but I didn't want to make her worse. Sam guided me back out of the house, then left me on the porch as he went back in and then returned a few moments later with clothes for me.
"Might freak her out a little less if you're dressed."
"I- yeah, you're right. Thanks, Sam."
Sam turned his back as I quickly dressed in his borrowed clothes.
I could feel full on tremors taking over, I was completely overwhelmed with everything Bella was feeling. Terror, sorrow, anger, hurt, almost everything I was used to her feeling but on freaking steroids.
Finally I sat down on the step of the porch and held my head in my hands.
"What if I broke her, Sam?"
"You didn't Paul, whatever happened, I don't think it was you."
He sat down beside me.
"I can only imagine how you're feeling right now."
"I feel as broken as she feels." I raised my head and took a deep breath, trying not to drown in the emotions radiating through our bond. "Her emotions- they're drowning me, I don't see how the hell she's even still alive." I hung my head. "Some protector I am."
"You got her here in one piece, Paul."
"Barely."
"You did, whatever happened, we'll deal with it." He laid a hand on my shoulder. "Give Emily some time, she'll calm Bella down, and probably even get her to talk."
"It's not going to change how broken the woman is, I know, I get a taste of her pain every damn day."
"Maybe that's because you're meant to be the one who fixes her."
I scoffed. "I can't even fix my damn self, Sam. I never signed up for this. Any of this."
"Did any of us?"
Emily gently cracked the door open, and quietly slipped through it. I stood and immediately grabbed her hand.
"Is she going to be okay? What happened?"
Emily gave me a sympathetic look.
"Okay is… a little… relative at the moment. I got her calmed down, and she came back to her senses, for the most part. She doesn't remember much of how she got here. That can be normal for someone having a ptsd flashback."
"A… what?"
"A… intensely bad memory. Like you're… reliving the experience, in simple terms. She won't talk about it, but she's very apologetic."
"So how do I fix her?"
"Well, again, that's a bit… relative… there is no 'cure', only treatment. Therapy, usually. Some medication can help."
How the hell do you get a stranger to get therapy?
"She can stay here for the night, Paul." Sam interjected.
"I'll keep an eye on her." Emily added.
"Shouldn't we ask her how she feels about that?" I asked.
"She should just get some rest tonight." Emily answered. "I want to see how she does in the morning."
Sam turned towards me. "It's still dark, you should investigate her home, make sure it's safe for her to return tomorrow."
"I should 'break and enter' her damn house? Shouldn't I- I don't know- ask her first?"
"It's just a quick once over, to make sure that no uninvited guests came by. You were the one worried about rogue mosquitoes."
"I- uh, damn it. Fine. But I'm not making this a habit." I turned to leave and make my way back to her house, preferably before daylight. God I feel like such a creep. I mentally apologized to the woman before I left. Vaguely, I wondered if the damn imprint had ruined her life almost as much as it had ruined mine.
I undressed and left the clothes by the car for Sam, and gave into the full body tremors. I turned back towards the house, and silently prayed to whatever god was out there that Bella would be alright, before I headed back out into the dark.